Emergency situation

[Soxfan27]

(Note: I couldn't think of a better thread title for this, except that it's pressing.)

I met this girl on OkCupid about a month ago, messaged back and forth for a few days, then met up with her.

We went out twice and after the second "date" (after roughly two weeks of knowing her), I asked her to be my girlfriend. She hesitated and told me she'd think about it (which I never take as a good sign, but I try to remain optimistic).

The next time I saw her, she accepted and everything was great. The one "problem" was that she's old-fashioned (i.e. no sex before marriage; even kissing was off-limits). It's something I was prepared and willing to deal with.

Fast-forward to this past Saturday, I took her out to celebrate our one-week anniversary and everything went great. The problem came when I felt like there was the perfect moment to kiss her, even though I kind of expected her to turn away. She didn't turn away; in fact, we locked lips for a good ten seconds.

She stayed over at my place that night. We watched a movie and I gave her a massage (she likes that kind of thing). Even though we were both a little intoxicated, I made sure that nothing got out of hand, because I knew what she believed in.

Yesterday morning, we went to breakfast near my apartment and then we parted ways.

To back up a second, she said on Saturday afternoon that she wanted to spend all (or most--she has class on Monday) of Sunday together.

I could tell something was wrong when she didn't respond to the two texts I sent late Sunday (late, but not so late that she'd be sleeping). Early this morning, I got a text from her telling me she needed time to think.

After again not hearing from her for the rest of the day, I text her again, commenting on how it felt like she was in a hurry to leave yesterday. She responded by saying that she was, in fact, in a hurry to leave and that she wasn't sure if our relationship would work out. I responded by asking her if it was over between us. And her response was that she's still thinking about it.

I guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle this. Should I just tell her I'm through with the relationship? I mean, if she's going to act like this when I didn't really do anything wrong, I'm not sure that I want to be around her anyways, especially after she told me that if something did happen, she wouldn't be mad at me. She also commented how she's not like my ex (who went silent after the relationship went to the next level) and that I shouldn't worry about losing her.

Or should I just wait for her to "think about" it? I don't know how long that will be and it ultimately may not be worth the wait. However, if I do wait, there's the chance that she tells me she wants to continue our relationship.

Sorry for the long post...if I didn't go into the background stuff, it would be impossible for the situation to be assessed.

Thanks.

 

[Night-hawk]

We went out twice and after the second "date" (after roughly two weeks of knowing her), I asked her to be my girlfriend. She hesitated and told me she'd think about it (which I never take as a good sign, but I try to remain optimistic).

Fast-forward to this past Saturday, I took her out to celebrate our one-week anniversary and everything went great.

One weeky anniversary...dude your relationSHIP hadn't even left the harbor yet, nor have you even boarded her yet, and you wonder why she isn't anchored on you...

Face palm :crazy:

 

[Soxfan27]

One weeky anniversary...dude your relationSHIP hadn't even left the harbor yet, nor have you even boarded her yet, and you wonder why she isn't anchored on you...

Face palm :crazy:

Okay...I deserved that. I still need advice on whether to end things myself or hope for the best by leaving it up to her.

 

[Tictac]

Back off.

You don't need to say or do anything.

The whole asking her to be your girlfriend was way over the top.

Let her come to you. If she doesn't, you know what you need to know.

You need to be in control of you. So do that.

 

[Tictac]

Back off.

You don't need to say or do anything.

The whole asking her to be your girlfriend was way over the top.

Let her come to you. If she doesn't, you know what you need to know.

You need to be in control of you. So do that.

 

[Skyline]

A girls actions speak louder than words. You should have had sex with her that night. Her beliefs = anti slvt defense for "I want it now." Which is probably why shes being unresponsive now because you did not make a move.

If you asked her to be your girl then you aren't spinning plates. Which explains the "1 week" anniversary. Dont do that 1 week/month/year sh*t again dude. I can already tell you're needy and or desperate. Be the man.

My advice? Go Ghost on her and anyone else you're talking to and READ the DJ Bible. Focus on yourself first. Being a late bloomer is better than not blooming at all.

 

[Soxfan27]

A girls actions speak louder than words. You should have had sex with her that night. Her beliefs = anti slvt defense for "I want it now." Which is probably why shes being unresponsive now because you did not make a move.

If you asked her to be your girl then you aren't spinning plates. Which explains the "1 week" anniversary. Dont do that 1 week/month/year sh*t again dude. I can already tell you're needy and or desperate. Be the man.

My advice? Go Ghost on her and anyone else you're talking to and READ the DJ Bible. Focus on yourself first. Being a late bloomer is better than not blooming at all.

Normally, I'd agree that it's usually an "anti-slvt" defense, but just in talking to and getting to know this girl, she's for real with those beliefs. She's a virgin at 22 and has had boyfriends in the past. And she's good-looking; not a 10, but pretty solid nonetheless.

Yeah, I suppose backing off is the best thing to do. It sucks, but I'm not going to force the issue.

 

[Soxfan27]

If you live to follow other people's rules, you're gonna live a life of unhappiness.

Especially when it comes to women's rules.

You seem to be trying really hard to do everything right by her. I say, fvuck things up a bit and look out for your OWN desires.

Fvuck her morals and beliefs. If you want to fvuck, then tell her that--and if she wants to be "old fashioned" and have you chase her around like a little puppy dog, then fvuck her anyway. SHOW HER THAT YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!!!

I would go ghost on her. No contact until Thursday night. She may never contact you again anyway--for you are challenge-less to her. NOTHING repels women more than a guy who deprives his own desires in order to gain approval.

In contrast, nothing attracts women more than a guy who is willing to RISK losing approval. It's called CONFIDENCE.

Which guy do you choose to be? Nice guy who follows the rules? Or confident guy who lives according to his OWN rules and doesn't mid fvucking up at times in order to reach his own destiny?

Text her Thursday night: "Hi I want you to come over because I want a message. My legs are sore." If she agrees to come over, go for the fvuck. Be aggressive. Make her say, "No." And ask her to leave until she's ready to say "yes."

This is awesome. Greatly appreciated. I've already committed to back off and let her come to me, but I will heed your advice with the text on Thursday if I don't hear from her sooner.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You should never, ever ask a girl to be your girlfriend. That's Hollywood stuff that only works against you in real life.

A man must always keep a woman guessing. It's part of the game that she wants to play. They enjoy guessing "does he really like me?". It should always be left up to the girl to start pushing for a relationship. If she doesn't have to work for it she devalues it.

You definitely need to back way off. I doubt that this one can be saved, but there might be a small chance. Don't verbalize or explain anything. Be mysterious and "busy". If she pursues you, great (that's the way it should be). If not, move on.

 

[Soxfan27]

I understand exactly what you're saying. And to be clear, I know that it's NOT "get-laid-quick" scheme. In reality, if she wants to be with me, she wouldn't be acting the way she is right now.

 

[Night-hawk]

Seriously Soxfan, you do what Espi laid out and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Don't take serious everything girls say man. Some of these turds' **** tests are to just see whether a guy will actually do what they say. The nice guy in you has good intentions, but those good intentions don't necessarily tingle a girl's fancy.

 

[VladPatton]

Playing by someone else's rules will never work out for you, because they are, someone ELSE'S ways. You played by her rules. You got her to stay over. You got her buzzed, but were playing by her rules and you didn't fück her. And she STILL isn't 100% sold on you! WTF, man!? How did that work out for ya? It was a fückin disaster!

Next time, be a man, bang your girl, have some fun, play by YOUR rules and see what happens. She probably expected you to ravage her, but you didn't, so she lost interest big time. All because you were nice and listened. Big lesson learned.

Drop this chick and go on with your life and get a girl that likes having some fun, respects you, and is actually into you.

 

[Soxfan27]

UPDATE: She texted me this morning and wants to meet for dinner tomorrow night (Wednesday). I view this as a good sign, but I'm proceeding cautiously. Thoughts?

 

[El Suave]

Tell her you're busy tomorrow night but you want to see her Friday night.

 

[Soxfan27]

Went to dinner with her tonight and was also supposed to see a movie. She "wasn't feeling well" after dinner, so we parted ways (which is unusual, because I always walk her home).

She was mad at me for what happened Saturday night, though I did nothing wrong. After we had a lengthy "serious" discussion, there was a deafening/awkward silence and then seemingly forced smalltalk.

After we parted ways, I decided to go no-contact. While she didn't break up with me--and I'm considering doing so--I want her to think about what she's saying/doing before she attacks me, which is what happened tonight. I should have gotten up and left, but I was hoping things would be productive after the initial conversation--and I was wrong.

Thoughts?

 

[NewJack]

You guys aren't connecting.

Whether you or she ends it doesn't matter. The main fact is the lack of connection.

 

[Soxfan27]

You guys aren't connecting.

Whether you or she ends it doesn't matter. The main fact is the lack of connection.

The thing is...we do have that connection. The conversation today made things another kind of awkward. It was the first time I felt like I had nothing to say or contribute.

Also, I kind of felt like she was trying to shift unnecessary blame on me to make herself feel better.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She stayed over at my place that night. We watched a movie and I gave her a massage (she likes that kind of thing). Even though we were both a little intoxicated, I made sure that nothing got out of hand, because I knew what she believed in.


She was mad at me for what happened Saturday night, though I did nothing wrong.

You believed a woman's words, instead of believing in her actions. That is what you did wrong.

 

[Masculinity]

:nervous: This girl and you do NOT have a connection. This may sound harsh, but there is no harm intended...in fact, this is one of the best ways to learn:

-You are bending over backwards for this girl
-She has you wrapped around her finger
-You have her on a pedestal
-You care about the outcome of the interaction between you two
-She's wearing the pants in the relationship
-You are her puppy
-She's shit testing the crap out of you
-She knows all of the above and treats you like crap

First, I have a friend who is seeing a "religious girl." Yes, not an "old fashioned" girl, but one who has made a commitment to God and stuff. Long story short, her faith dictates she should stay a virgin until marriage and all that propaganda. You know what she did? She banged my friend and is suuuper aggressive and freaky in bed--he brought out her sexual side, which exists in all females, regardless of what lies they tell you.

Second, I had a girl giving me very bitchy attitude lately. As soon as I noticed the behavior, I told her to stop being a bitch. According to her, work, stress, and financial concerns are causing her work a lot. I understand her position and acknowledged the situation. However, it does not justify her behavior. She began giving me more attitude saying I shouldn't have called her what I did. My response? "Your behavior elicited a response in me. Had you been affectionate, calm, and respectful, you would have enjoyed the other side of Robyn." She responded with more BS, demanding me to apologize. I responded with "I will not apologize for standing up for myself. Take all the the time you need. If I'm still single by the time you come back, maybe we can pick up where we left off." Ten days later, I texted her and got an immediate response...she now treats me ten times better than before. Not to mention, she's coming over to my apartment this week.

-Do not allow anyone, especially women to step all over you.
-Do not be afraid to lose a woman.

Espi is giving you good advice--listen to him.

-R

 

[cordoncordon]

Let me count the ways that she is the man in this relationship and you are the woman.

1. You asked her to be your gf, instead of her asking you to be her bf.
2. You did this after two weeks. Two weeks! Not only that, you let her 'think about and decide on it'. As if she was doing you some big favor. Cmon man, she should be worried to death that you won't want to be her boyfriend, not the other way around. And then you celebrate a one week anniversary? My God man, that is about as AFC and wussy as you can get. Just bad.
3. You are accepting of and willing to not only deal with her saying no to sex, but to kissing as well. Tell me, if this is the case, what is the point of you even having a gf? The odds of you ever marrying her are 1 in a 1000. So basically you might as well go out with your buddies, because you are going to get the same amount of action....maybe less. Maybe you can even kiss one of them? The point is you are a sexual creature, why limit yourself to someone like this with such over the top rules to dating? Makes no sense.
4. She gets all bent out of shape over a kiss. One simple kiss. What is she, a member of Al-qaeda? A full blown muslim? Who the hell is afraid of a kiss at age 22? This is not normal. This is not healthy. This is......psycho.
5. So she gets all upset and once again, has to think about things. Really? I will tell you what she can think about, you telling her you don't think it will work out between you two and you wish her the best of luck in her non kissing life.


Serious, call this girl up and tell her you feel as though your lifestyles and what you want are too different and you think its best that you part ways. She will either come running and that will most likely lead to sex, or you never have to deal with this psycho beooootch again. Either way, you win.

And as a sidenote, please for the love of all MAN kind, never ask a girl to be your gf again after only two weeks. And never celebrate a ONE WEEK anniversary as well. Start making these girls chase YOU, and your luck will run 100 X better with women that it is now. I am continually amazed at men who think that treating women like they are in some sort of Hollywood B flick love story is the way to a women's heart (vagina). Nothing could be further from the truth. Treat your gf, fiance, or wife with respect. Love them. But only after they have done enough to deserve it. Don't do it because you think that is the way to win a woman over. It isn't.