Embrace's Journal: The Road to Self-Possession

[Embrace]

Goals:

• Life of the party

- I want to become the guy that everyone loves to be around, the one everyone has something positive to say about, and I want to be the center of attention a majority of the time. When I'm around I want to be such a happy person with so much energy that it gives off positive vibes to everyone and litterally brings them up. People will feel happy when around me at all times and when they do something that I don't like they will know it because of my drastic change in my mood. I want to be in the habbit of always smiling so when im not happy people know it and will take me seriously when I'm pissed.

• Attraction

- I want to get to the point where I can control whether or not a girl is attracted to me based on how I treat them. I am going to master attraction by practicing so that I can litterly get a girl attracted to me even if I have no interest in them.
- I want to learn to differeinciate between someone who is interested and someone who has no interest. I will try different techniques and see different reactions from different girls and find out what works and what doesnt.
- I will not hesitate to advance in flirting and kino so that I can find out if the girl is actually attracted to me or if she's just a flirt.
- If a girl is not attracted to me I will not blame her, it is not her fault. It is MY fault because I did something wrong. I will review what I did wrong and try to improve.

• Failure

- I will embrace failure and realize that I did something wrong and it is completley my fault and that means that I need to review what I did and try something different next time. Eventually failure will be less and less because I will be able to narrow down what works and what doesnt.

• Self/Image

- I know what I am worth and no one will treat me less than what I'm worth.
- I'm scrawny so I will treat my body better and do what I can to make myself look good. I will essentially give a ****. I know that I am born how I am and there is only a little that I can change.

*I'll add on/add more goals when I think of them. Suggestions welcome.


Hobbies


- My main hobby is Improvisational Theatre, that's pretty much my life.
Improv doesn't take up enough time so I am going to need to come up with new hobbies so that I am busy between school, work, and Improv.
A man a busy with his life and deals with women in his spare time, not the other way around.

Dreams

- One day I hope to be a successful actor after becoming successful in Improv. I hope to have a beautiful girlfriend/wife before becoming successful so I know she ain't a gold digger :trouble:

About me

- I'm a 17 year old, 5'6", 115 lb, senior in high school. I started puberty extremley late due to some kind of syndrome that makes it so I didn't produce enough testosterone. I probaby started it a year ago.Thats all fixed now and puberty is doing it's thing. Voice is deep and all that stuff.
- I used to be a very self concious awkward little *****. I would be the one my friends teased the most. Not anymore though, I have so much confidence thanks to sosuave that its ridiculous. A lot of it has to do with my treatment for the syndrome and the anti-depressents im on. I'm just a happy person.
- I have been able to differenciate between girls who have interest in me and ones who absolutley dont. For example, I find when a girl says: "Youre an *******!" while laughign and playfully hitting is good where if a girl actually acts pissed while calling you an ******* its not so good.
- Recently I have had a few successes with flirting and getting some positive vibes/IOI's from girls. I'm narrowing down what works and what doesnt and I am always changing.


I will add more/ add on to everything as stuff comes to mind. Please give suggestions, feed back, questions, anything. I appreciate you guys reading this.

 

[Obie]

Alright then.

 

[Embrace]

Day One
8/20/06

Note: This has been in the past couple weeks.

So a couple weeks ago decided to tease the crap out of a HB8 so that I can see responses and stuff. I would imitate her and playfully make fun. She eventually started to playfully hit me, laugh and say "Oh my god youre so mean!" So since she initated kino and I was getting good vibes I decided to kino back and advance a little.
It was me, HB8, and two of my guy friends. one of which she's sort of seeing. We'll call him BF. They aren't going out as far as I know and I had no idea they had any interest in eachother because they didnt act like it. I didnt know anythign was between them untill someone told me later. This worried me because I thought I was getting IOI's then I thought maybe she was trying to make BF jealous or something. I was pretty confused. I decided that next time I see her all I can do is advance a little so that I know how she reacts.
So the other night I went to a party that HB8 was at. BF was not there. I got a little more drunk then I would of liked to but I dont think it made a difference.
Anyway we decided to go for a walk because it was better than sitting at the house. It was me, HB8, her friend HB7, and 4 or 5 other dudes. So we were walking down trails and trhough the woods and its really dark. HB8 and HB7 were holding hands for some reason.. whatever girls do. Then HB8 asks me to hold her hand. I think she said because she needs to have someone on both sides. I laughhed and teasingly said are you kidding me? and she said some bull**** that I dont remember and I acted like I didnt want to and I was like fine, and linked arms. I linked arms instead of holding hands for some reason... I just felt like it was the right thing to do to not do exactly what she requested.
Anyway we're walking and we broke apart at some point and I went up fuirther to talk to some friends and crap... I didnt want to be around her too often so she'd want me around more. (Keep in mind im drunk so I dont rememember everything) So I ended up back next to her and I think we kept rubbing hips n **** because im not walkin straight, im sort of walking sideways n ****. Anyway she didnt seem weirded out by touching so much. I then said "hold this" and gestured my hand out for her to hold. She locked her fingers between mine. At some point we ended up breaking apart again.. its all a blurr really. But I ended up playfully biting her neck.. sort of making a chomp sound... I think she liked it because if I remember right she did this kind of "ooh" squeel. I didnt realize at the time.. but I think it was good.

Anyway I ended up leaving acting like I could care less about her.. didnt give a hug, I just said peace and bounced. She asked if I was ok to drive, I said I'd be alright, and I left. I almost fell asleep at the house so when I realized that I got up and left.

Questions:

She said that she wasnt going to get "drunk" anymore before to me. She was drinking some beer and I called her on it calling her a liar jokingly.

Do you think that the flirtation on her part was alcohol endused? Does alcohol bring out what you really want to do or does it just make you do what you would never want to do sober?
I just wonder if she would of asked me to hold her hand if she had not been drinking and stuff. I dont even know if she was drunk though.. she could of just been sippin on beer.

Give me some feedback if you could :yes:

 

[Embrace]

Day Three
8/22/06

Not much is new, been extremley busy with work and road side clean up early in the mornings and i've been to tired to go out and do anything.

I've realized that a couple chick's from work are complete attention *****s. When I was friendly to them they were b!tches to me so I've decided to not go out of my way to be nice to them unless theyre nice back. At one point HB8 told me she doesnt like my attitude - she was smiling while saying it. I asked her why she didn't like my attitude and she responded saying that I should worhip her. She was sort of giggling, she was half kidding half serious as far as I take it. I bet she's used to people worshiping her because she's pretty and attractive girls aren't going to get anything special out of me untill they earn it. Just because theyre lucky in the gene pool doesnt mean Im going to worship them.
HB7.5 needed my assistance at work and I was busy so I didnt respond right away. I was dealing with a shoplifter. I came up front and she gave me attitude "Embrace, I called you like five times!!". She expected a bunch of apologies or something im guessing because when I responded with attitude back, "Well I was busy, what do you want??" with an annoyed look on my face, she gave me the I cant believe you just spoke to me that way look. Not too sure if I was serious.

The funny thing is I'm not even trying to hook up with these chicks. She wanted to hang out and when I texted her saying I'd stop by she acted weirded out. So they must think theyre giving me some kind of hope and shutting me down. They get off on that. It wasnt my intentions


sluts

And I've decided that I will see how close I can get with the HB8 that flirted with me a whole bunch next time I see her. I'll try to make sure she's sober. If for a 3rd time that we happen to see eachother she's giving good vibes i'll set up a date

 

[Rocko]

Do you think that the flirtation on her part was alcohol endused? Does alcohol bring out what you really want to do or does it just make you do what you would never want to do sober?

First off, good job.

Second, alcohol has never made anyone do things they didn't want to do in the first place, it merely gives them the strength to go thru with it. Sounds like she is into you man, and the next time you guys are drinking together I suggest you isolate her and go in for the kiss, unless you don't wanna ****block your friend.

On another note, unless you have an extremely weak tolerance, one beer won't make you get drunk, unless she was on an empty stomach, taking medication, and the beer was high in liquor content.

 

[Embrace]

First off, good job.

Second, alcohol has never made anyone do things they didn't want to do in the first place, it merely gives them the strength to go thru with it. Sounds like she is into you man, and the next time you guys are drinking together I suggest you isolate her and go in for the kiss, unless you don't wanna ****block your friend.

On another note, unless you have an extremely weak tolerance, one beer won't make you get drunk, unless she was on an empty stomach, taking medication, and the beer was high in liquor content.

If I remember right she was drinking out of a 40 oz that was 7.5%.

Whatever it doesnt matter. Hell, I'll go for it. I dont have anything to lose. He's not really my friend... more like friend through friends. And they arent official so I dont care.

I told her when she gets back from cali we'll hang out and she was down. We'll see

 

[Rocko]

For sure man, sounds good. While she's here tell her to hit me up...I can show her a good time haha. But seriously, don't tell her you like her until later, after you hooked up with her, because that might just ruin your chances.

 

[Embrace]

Day Four
8/23/06


Still busy with work at the crack of ****in dawn and very tired afterwords. Not any progress as of yet but I've realized I should have an idea of how I should go about dating/ I'm gunna have to read up on the bible I guess

 

[Embrace]

I thought I was done for the night.


Just got home from hanging out with a few friends and HB7 and HB7.5. We we're lying in the woods with blankets so this was a good opportunity for kino. No one was sober, people were either drunk or on shrooms. I was sober however. I would playfully bite HB7.5 and nudge her since we were all lying next to eachother for warmth. I whispered in her ear to tickle her.

I was just trying stuff and getting reactions.

Some how the fact that this asian chick hates me came up. I'd make fun of her a lot... asking her if she had some "Poke Fry Rih'" and stuff like that. Anyway she doesnt like me at all because im always teasing her for being asian.
This lead into the idea that I'm an ass. Then they realized im only an "ass" to girls. And especially HB8 who I've been trying to bag. By ass I think they mean teasing them and stuff.. they were saying how they find it really funny how much of an ass I am to HB8 whenever they see me around her.

I dont know.. we'll see. I have to be constantly be testing things and seeing what works and changing what doesnt

Edit - my bad if this is unclear at all. I'm very tired.. need to sleep. gnight

 

[Embrace]

Day Five
8/24/06

*****es, *****es, and more *****es...

Road crew today there was finally a chick for a change. She was ok, small tits and a fat belly but a cute face. She was veeeeeeeeeeerry arrogant and *****y. Insulted me multiple times along with some of the other dudes there so I suggested she shouldnt be talkign so much **** with her mosquito bites on her chest. She likes to walk on guys I can tell. When we were goin back to the justice center on our way up the elevator she had some guy hold her mirror so she could put some makeup on. I told her the makeup wasnt helping.

--

HB from work decides to text me out of the blue saying she wants weed. I tell her congratulations. She texts back telling me to bring her some and I responded asking if I look like her slave and saying how she isnt going to treat me ****ty than expect favors.
It pisses me off she talks to me when she needs something and thats it.

**** that noise

 

[Embrace]

Day Seven
8/26/06

I f*cked up, but I know exactly why.


In attempts to use more trial and error to find out what works and what doesnt, I went too far and found out what not to do.

I was at a party.. more of a chill fest actually, with alcohol. music, drinks, friends. It was in control and fun. Before I got hammered I was gaming smoothley with HB7. The more drunk I got the more I was just going for it and the more horny I got. I was blatently hitting on chicks so I found out how I was showing waaaaaaaay too much interest. In a sober state I would of picked up cues and I would of been in more control of my actions. I didnt care though. That night I told myself I was going to lose my kiss virginity no matter what. I was too motivated and thats where I ****ed up. Being drunk I figured I could attempt anything I wanted for trial and error and in the future my excuse would be "I was drunk, my bad" I suggested a few times with HB7 that I show something in her mothers room.. it was her house.
I knew this but I wasnt thinking.. I suggested she give me a backrub in the other room. No dice. I said I'd give her one, no dice.

I'm not dissapointed at all. It hit my drunken self like a brick wall once I saw a HB6 kiss my friend. He honestly didnt want anything to do with her, and he still got it because of acting uninterested. I was reminded that I cant be so interested.

In conclusion, I forgot the simple stuff with my game. I'm not going to get so drunk next time. I find that im better gaming sober because im a little more cautious and I wont make stupid mistakes.


It was a great learning opportunity for me and I am sooooo happy because I know exactly where I went wrong. I hate not knowing what I did wrong like sometimes.

 

[Kurt the KJ]

Nice journal.

 

[Embrace]

Nice journal.

Thanks buddy, I'm glad someone else responded to it. Stay tuned, maybe you can learn or give some advice.
I'll be updating it even if people dont respond to it. I'm getting a lot of views it seems like and no responses.


-----

Day Eight
8/27/06


Nothing outstanding today. I worked all day then I had Improv. We had a little bit of a practice show in front of family. Only like 15 people watching. Nothing special at all, just a way to get some stage time.

I realized that one of my buddies in the troupe has two good looking 17 year old sisters. I never knew this. I asked him who the chicks were in the audience with his dad and he said his sisters. I'm thinkin: "WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU HAD TWO SEXY SISTER MY AGE??"

They left when our practice show ended while we were in the back room. I was thinking I would approach and have a convo, be friendly. I had no fear of doing so. I wasnt able to unfortunetley, but now that I know about the two cuties I'll keep my eye out. They'll be around when we have shows

So really nothing special at all today besides noticing that one of my troupes player's has hot sisters my age. That excited me a little.

Still in a good mood, the month of prozack is treating me well. I've never been so happy about life then recently. Fights have stopped with my family A LOT. One of my managers shook my hand at work and told me that im doing a great job now as opposed to a bit back where I was depressed and slacked off a lot.

I think everyone is noticing a change.

LIFE'S GREAT :cheer:

Edit: Oh, and something I found intersting is that a buddy at work used some C+F on a chick. I found it interesting that it was natural for him. We were in the break room, she swallwed something wrong or somethign like that and started coughing. Not hacking up a lung or anything just kept coughing. He told her "hey listen I know you're nervous around me but you just need to chew your food and swallow it." He was smiling and I liked how it was natural for him and spontanious.

 

[Embrace]

Day Nine
8/28/06

Success today using ****y and funny. I realized that I forgot all about C&F and decided I would use it on a cute co-worker today. I accused the chick of trying to seduce me and told her how it was against store regulations and how I may have to report her. Joking of course. She always calls me over to her department in the store a lot of the time for silly reasons. I give her sh*t about it. All in a ****y and funny way. So anyway, I accused her of strying to seduce me and I told a couple co-workers that she was trying to seduce me too. That way they go up and ask her why she is trying to seduce me. Tonight I think we had good vibes going on. I'm curious what will happen since she has a boyfriend.

She got off at 8:00pm, I got off at 9:00pm. At about 9:15pm I texted her saying "You have 2 choices, wednesday or thursday." She texted back at some point but I was away from my phone so I didnt catch it. She ended up calling my and my mom handed me my cell telling me she was calling. I ignored the call to bug the sh*t out of her. She left a voice mail with what sounded like a little bit of an attitude so I am going to bust her balls on that next time she brings it up. The attitude wasn't intended as far as I can tell. She said "Hey, I just got your text and I have no idea what youre talking about. You should probably tell me before I... uhh... have a cow, or something"

I'm not going to respond to her at all tonight or say anythign about it untill she brings it because I know she will. And when she brings it up I'll say ice cream and a stimulating conversation in a funny way and hopefully get a date set up.

So anyway, I know im forgetting something from tonight, I'm tired. I'll add if it comes to mind

 

[Embrace]

Day Ten
8/29/06

The only thing that is outstanding with my day today is I messed with a chick who has a boyfriends head some more and Im interested to see how it turns out.

Like I said before I gave her the choices.. she was confused as to what I ment. I didnt see her at work today because she was off or got on after I was off, not sure. Tonight I texted her saying. "Thats not cool dude!" just to get her to ask questions. That comment could be about her voicemail she left or the text. Anyway she calls me up and I didnt answer because I didnt catch it. She leaves a message saying how she really wants me to tell her what I'm talking about. At this point its driving her crazy. She said I better call her tonight before 8:30. I called her at like 8:55 and got her voicemail. I didnt leave a message but later I deiceded to give her a text to wake up to. (She's probably in bed this early.. I tease her for that) My text said: "What's with the attidude?! (*in response to the voicemails) Tommorow or the next = an opportunity for bagels, and a stimulating conversation with me. This way if I decide youre weird, I can say I left the stove on and leave "

I'm really experimenting and I'm am excited to see if I can get her interested in me and get her away from her boyfriend. I really wont do anything with her, I dont want to date her. I just have to put skills into test


How was that handled?

 

[DonJuanForever]

To the original poster, Embrace, you said this:

"Dreams

- One day I hope to be a successful actor after becoming successful in Improv. I hope to have a beautiful girlfriend/wife before becoming successful so I know she ain't a gold digger."


I think you should pm me, I can direct you to a guy who could really assist you.

- John

 

[Embrace]

To the original poster, Embrace, you said this:

"Dreams

- One day I hope to be a successful actor after becoming successful in Improv. I hope to have a beautiful girlfriend/wife before becoming successful so I know she ain't a gold digger."


I think you should pm me, I can direct you to a guy who could really assist you.

- John

People are reading this! Yaaaaay!

Pm sent.

 

[Embrace]

Day Eleven
8/30/06


I just have a question today:

Why is it that I can treat multiple girls one way and only some of them I get positive responses from? Does it depend the rapport I have with them or what?

 

[Microphone Fiend]

people respond differently to things based on their experiences. Rapport does help as does value. Keep up the journal man

 

[Embrace]

Day Eleven - Part 2

I think what I've noticed is that why I am failing every once in a while is because I am jumping straight to things I have had success with other chicks before getting enough rapport.

For example: Playfully hitting a chick that I dont have enough rapport with would just be annoying. Where as another chick that playfully hits me and i playfully hit her too its fine.

I guess I've realized that I need to slowly advance otherwise I piss people off.

Question:

I view everything someone does to me as a green light to do the same back to them. For example a co-worker at work in a different department calls me "little b*itch boy" in a joking way. (I'm a courtesy clerk doing all the b*tch work) So I figure that gives me the green light to jokingly insult him back, so I responded with "How's the old folk's home treatin ya, old man?"

With chicks though I believe that them initating kino is the green light for me to up the anti slowly.

Is this true? Obviously I have to start somewhere, Im not goign to wait for a girl to up the anti. But I wont do it too quickly

Input, go.

----

Aside from that, I found this hilarious.

I was at Circuit City today to update my cellphone. We were waiting and looking at the phones and a girl and her boyfriend walk up arms linked and close together. I turn around after I hear some snotty b*tch say "I want a pink one!" I kept staring at them.. they werre standing right next to me, but I couldnt take my eyes away. The poor guy with this b*tch as a girlfriend told her "this one's the best one." and she responded with a snotty attitude, "Well does it come in pink?"

"N-..." she cut him off "Well then I dont want it."

Just picture the most spoiled little b*tch youve seen. My jaw was hanging open and I was just staring at the couple. When they walked away I turned to my mom and I was like wow did that just happen? She had the same look on her face as I did. We were shocked that he was taking that sh*t from her. I was litterally 2 seconds away from saying "Wow, you're going to take that from her?" I really regret not saying anything. I feel so bad for the guy. I guarentee he biyght her as a girlfriend with gifts. Here he is telling her which phone is the best so that he can buy it for her and she's a B*tch about it because it isnt pink.

it hurts me to see such an AFC

Oh well, atleast I'm better off than him I guess