Embarrassing bad habit....

[sstype]

Trying to get back in the game after a year hiatus being in an LTR.

A bad habit I picked back up has been talking too much. I naturally want to dominate the conversation and maybe in a group setting or with guys its ok but I forget to tone it down when I'm in a date setting.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those guys that rambles on all night and doesn't let her get a word in, but I would say that I don't allow her to "figure me out" and withhold information. I like talking, laughing, joking, telling stories and goofing off...but at the same time I realize it may be too much for a first date/meetup.

Classic rookie mistake and I figure I publicly embarrass myself on SoSuave to hammer it in my head to let women do most of the talking/probing on dates.

Any additional advice or comments?

 

[youngmack]

Me too

 

[TonyBaloney]

Yeah, my advice to you would be to shut the f uck up

 

[sstype]

Yeah, my advice to you would be to shut the f uck up

Haha....words of wisdom my friend

 

[perseverance]

I don't think it's a problem, some people are naturally big talkers and some people are small talkers and some people are either one depending on whom they're with.

If you find yourself talking a lot, that's not necessarily a bad thing and on a first date when the girl is probably more nervous than you are, that's a good thing. What I'd do if I was you is make her the focal point of your big talk. Ask her questions, get to her know her a bit better while being vague about yourself.

 

[sstype]

I'm the same way, but it isnt so much the volume as the content. I am WAYYYY too open with women.

I'm the same way buddy. Putting everything on the table makes it too easy for her to pigeonhole you in a negative way. It's better to not disclose much to keep her guessing about you. You have to make her invest the effort to get to know you if you want her to stick around.

 

[HBK]

Haha Dude nothing wrong, just learn the art of conversation goes both ways. Try to pick on things they tell you, and build on them. If your date likes music, then build on it, and try and relate on that etc. Try to relax, and let the conversation flow. You wont have awkward silences if your cool and relaxed.

 

[self-respect]

Count me in the over-talkative group. Not nervous, just like to laugh and goof off and tease. I'd say part of that is who you are and it's good to hold onto some stuff that makes you happy, and improving on the mystery and challenge factor will come with practice.

 

[Upside]

Weird, I hate leading conversations. Typically if no one is actively talking to me so that I can respond then 90% of the time a lull in conversation would ensue. I have a way of sometimes getting girls to lead the conversation after the first couple of minutes after an initial meet-up. Negative side is that I make a terrible story teller and I'll really never be the life of the party.

Stick to your strengths. If you prefer to lead convos, make it about her. Take the focus off yourself.

 

[Jariel]

I've been working on overcoming some bad habits of my own lately and discovered a great method for doing so.

First of all, you have to make yourself aware of it. We tend to slip into these bad habits when we're not thinking about them, and it's only afterwards when we have a moment of reflection that we pick up on it.

What you need to do is before meeting up in a social environment (friends or a date), tell yourself to pay attention to what you are saying and how much you are talking. And instead of trying to force yourself to stop, just be aware and observe yourself. Every time you catch yourself doing it, remind yourself that this is a habit you want to overcome.

In NLP terms, what you're doing is anchoring this self-awareness to the habit itself, so it will act as a reminder and bring your focus back to the present. Now you will find it's easier to stop yourself before getting carried away.

I've caught myself talking too much on a date many times, but I usually just say something like "Ok, I've talked way too much about myself, it's your turn now" and follow up with a question about her.

Talking too much is a very offputting habit. People like to feel a rapport with someone, which is impossible to do with someone who keeps talking. This goes for men and women. Just recently I was chatting to a woman on the phone intending to arrange a date. She just wouldn't shut up and started telling me these long stories about herself. This woman is very hot, but by the time we'd finished chatting I decided to cancel the date and have had no interest in seeing her again.

Good luck mate. Just take your time and work on becoming more self aware.

 

[sstype]

Thanks everyone for your feedback!

F*CK I just did it again, I talked about game with a chick I was sort of interested in(not a big loss). I mentioned the "hamster wheel" after she brought it up in this comedy thing, then that "there are ways of taking advantage of that". Wtf, why would I say that!? Hopefully just lack of sleep.

I get baited by chicks into getting too comfortable and then letting loose. I do the exact same things to chicks on first dates, make them feel very comfortable so they admit all sorts of crazy sh!t to me that helps be identify them as sex-only.

Don't worry man....it happens. I know how it feels, you get caught up in the moment of being with a cute girl and lulled into a false sense of security.

Talking too much and being too open in the beginning stages can only hurt you. Most women are looking for a reason to blow you off and all it can take is one weird comment, bad topic, or anything that she perceives as offensive/rude/inappropriate. Always keep your game face on and let HER talk herself into a hole....this way SHE will be the one wondering after the date if she said anything stupid or weird.

It sucks that we can't just be ourselves but when you're competing with 10 other guys for her....these small slip-ups can be costly to your chances.