Emailing the One

[unordinaryromance]

Guys,
I need help here.

I've met a girl of my dreams..no...seriously (i'm not talking about some quicky...this is someone that i really connected with...very intelligent/pretty/sincere). went out on a couple of dates..she was totally into me. we've talked for hours on. THe converstaion just kept rolling. None of us were even nervous...kept on talking and staring into each other's eyes...she mentioned that it would be nice to go somewhere (beach etc) together to get to know each other better. She admitted to me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend 3 weeks ago and that they stayed friends. And that they still talk sometimes and he's coming back from London or something...(i thought it was nothing). On the forth date however she seems totally different, not sure if it was related to her boyfriend coming back (maybe they made up..who knows...i just sensed her being sorry...for...i have no idea...totally opposite from what i experienced previously). that date we've exchanged email addresses and since I'm going home (i live in a different state)...we've decided to keep in touch and write to each other. she kissed me goodbye on the lips and i departed.

Here is my question.
I know for a fact that she liked me A LOT!.. she kept touching me...talking sincerely and just staring into my eyes.
What could cause her to flip like this? (could i be right with my suspicion, her boyfriend making up with her. )?

Or maybe she's simply scared of being hurt, since i'm leaving the state (i'm only here for 2 weeks more).

What should I write? should i play cool and just let her know what i've been doing since?...make up some fun things etc.?

Should i mention that i miss her?. Maybe mention something playful we've done on our dates?

When we've last seen each other i did mention that I like her a lot and would like to keep in touch..she happily agreed.

Please give me some pointers as to what to write?


thanks

 

[Jitterbug]

That's how half of the oneitis stories on forums like this started. They all ended in tears.

I'm an unromantic and cynical guy, so take this with a few grains of salt, but I think she was just acting and using you as an emotional tampon to help her get over her ex-BF. Heard of the rebound guy? Btw there are two types of rebound guys: the type that gets laid, and the type that gets used.

Your heart is emotional and deceptive. Trust your gut. If you feel that her change in behaviours towards you is due to her ex-BF coming back, it's very likely the case. She's probably feeling guilty for using you, hence you sensed that she's being sorry for something.

You had a good time with her. Leave it as that, and move on.

 

[Desdinova]

On the forth date however she seems totally different

Let me get this straight... you've found "the girl of your dreams" after only four dates? You barely know her! She could be lousy in bed, she could have herpes, she could be a secret druggie, you never know. Four dates and multiple telephone calls is not enough time to find out what this woman is truly like.

Now, for your question...

I know for a fact that she liked me A LOT!.. she kept touching me...talking sincerely and just staring into my eyes.
What could cause her to flip like this? (could i be right with my suspicion, her boyfriend making up with her. )?

For a woman's IL to drop this dramatically, it's likely that you're either doing something that's causing her to lose interest, or you're not doing the right things. Have you touched her? Have you been sexual around her, as in suggestive sexual talk or touching her? Have you been talking to her too much on the phone?

Lots of phone conversation spoils the anticipation of her seeing you. Keeping phone calls short will make her more excited to see you in person and tell you everything that has happened since your last date with her.

As for being sexual, you have to remember that women enjoy sex just as much as men do. Don't believe all the bull5hit you hear and read about sex offending women. As long as you're not outright telling her "I wanna fvck you", you should be fine. Tell her you want to fvck her by your body language.

I think she was just acting and using you as an emotional tampon to help her get over her ex-BF. Heard of the rebound guy?

Jitterbug could very well be correct about you being the rebound guy. You end up filling in for her ex-bf's absence and just become a stepping stone for her getting over him. The guy after you will probably have more luck with her than you will.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't scroll down to the bottom of the page, click on the "DJ Bible" link, and read.

 

[unordinaryromance]

To answer your questions guys:
Have you touched her?..YES.
We both kissed how several times, however I did push her away playfully...(she did come back for more.)

Have you been sexual around her..YES...mostly teasing..it worked wonders.

Have you been talking to her too much on the phone?- NO. just text messaging...ex: "i need to do some shopping. I could use your help to pick something"

rebound guy - COULD BE...however she did want to keep in touch. it was her idea actually.

Like you guys said...i'm not ganna loose sleep over it. but i would like to email her..since i promised. maybe...something develops..if not...so be it.

I'm just not sure what to write...should it be casual?..or a little flirt?...completement?.....should i mention that i do think sometimes about her?...can you please post some examples?.

She did mention that she going out over the weekend with her friends to some club..should i ask how it went?..should i write what i've been doing?...maybe i should mention that i've busy going out as well??

Thank you in advance.

 

[unordinaryromance]

bump

bump

 

[Desdinova]

I'm just not sure what to write...should it be casual?..or a little flirt?...completement?.....should i mention that i do think sometimes about her?...can you please post some examples?.

Keep your phone calls / text messages / emails simple. Flirt with her in person. You cannot portray body language, voice tone, nor facial expressions when she cannot see you. Seduction is most effective when done in person.

As for when to contact her, leave her alone for a week and then call to set up a date. If she makes an excuse to avoid going out with you, NEXT her.

 

[mtbbkr111]

You are most likely a rebound.. She was used to having someone, then was single and you came in, flirted, played it fun, and told her you liked her after a few dates.. This was filling the void in her life that she was not used to because whe is newly single...

She probably just realized that she just got out of a relationship, and does not want to get back into one.. She just wants to have fun! (and can you blame her)..

If you want any chance with her, you'll have to play it fun and cool.. Don't tell her that you really like her and miss her.. Call her (don't email/txt) later on in the week, ask her to go out on a specific night, an action date would probably keep things light and flirty.. And remember to have fun..

 

[Mavrick]

I'm not going to teach you how to get "the one". Whether it felt right or was the best. It doesn't matter.

What I see as a problem here is that you become dependent on women. You feel great when one that you feel is "the one" treats you the way you want to be treated. When she doesn't, you feel awful. It's a terrible feeling, too.

What you need to have right now is exposure. You need exposure to many opportunities with women. You need this exposure because once you have opportunities with many women, that one woman won't be as enticing as she once was. Stop romancing women and start the approaching women and making opportunities for yourself.

There is no "one". There are many that fit your standards, and you chose which "one" you want to be with (or which ones). Stop romancing women (this is vital to your success).

 

[trd323]

Your email needs to address the fact that you felt a change in her behavior, Ask her what you want to know because guessing what she is thinking is a lost cause. You also need to let her know how you felt when you guys were hanging out (i.e I had a great time hanging with you, and until now I still cant put a finger on exactly why). Ask her and tell her exactly what is on your mind.

Being a confident and attractive person is someone who is not afraid to be vulnerable. Also, you have NO TIME for games and if she went out with you as a rebound so be it, but dont waste any more time trying to be in a relationship.

Embrace the feelings that you have with people. Do NOT let other "DJs"(loosley) tell you that you cant feel Love or any other great emtions you get with women because the timing is not long enough. Those feelings is one of the reasons that I actively approach because I do want that "feeling" .

 

[Desdinova]

Your email needs to address the fact that you felt a change in her behavior, Ask her what you want to know because guessing what she is thinking is a lost cause. You also need to let her know how you felt when you guys were hanging out (i.e I had a great time hanging with you, and until now I still cant put a finger on exactly why). Ask her and tell her exactly what is on your mind.

Why does he need to address anything? He's been out with this woman FOUR times. This doesn't qualify as a LTR where time and emotions have been invested. There hasn't been any sex involved. This woman is barely part of his life. What makes her seem so important is his infatuation with her.

 

[trd323]

Why does he need to address anything? He's been out with this woman FOUR times. This doesn't qualify as a LTR where time and emotions have been invested. There hasn't been any sex involved. This woman is barely part of his life. What makes her seem so important is his infatuation with her.

Why ??? because he is wondering why her emotionsand actions changed. I know if I am hanging with a buddy of mine and all of a sudden she is a little more distant I am going to ask if everything is ok?

Is that too AFC ?? come on it is being social and normal to ask someone that looks a little "off" that day. It is recognizing the simple details that she is sending out.

You are out with a woman for 4 dates possibly at least 5 hours. And you are getting to know each other. I think 5 hours of fun and sharing stories is time invested as well as money. And why does sex have anything to do with getting to know someone. Do you have sex with all the friends that you meet?

oh what is your definition of criterias of LTR. please enlighten everyone

 

[Desdinova]

Why ???

Confronting a woman about a behavior change will not make her more attracted to him. Confronting a woman about a behavior change after 4 dates will make him appear desperate and insecure. These types of discussions belong in LTRs when there is more invested into the relationship.

I know if I am hanging with a buddy of mine and all of a sudden she is a little more distant I am going to ask if everything is ok?

How many women do you actually keep as "buddies"?

The friend dynamic is different because there is no sex and no attraction. Your friend isn't in love with you. All you need to worry about is pissing them off too much to lose their friendship. Attraction and sexual relationships involve more than just pissing people off.

It is recognizing the simple details that she is sending out.

There's nothing wrong with this per se, but how it is handled. Nobody likes confrontation. He can either blow this off as a bad day on her part, or read it as a problem in the way he's working to attract the woman. Trying to fix the woman's mood or behavior will only cause her to back away. He is not her therapist.

I think 5 hours of fun and sharing stories is time invested as well as money.

That time is a small fraction of your life. Also, if you're spending money solely for the purpose of impressing her, you're going to see it as a waste of money. If you spend money on something that you'll enjoy regardless of her company, the money won't be wasted.

And why does sex have anything to do with getting to know someone.

Sexual tension barriers need to be broken down. If you don't make your intentions clear on making her a LOVER instead of a friend, you will ultimately become a friend. Sex is what defines a relationship as a sexual relationship.

Do you have sex with all the friends that you meet?

Of course not. But I DO have sex with women I meet to avoid becoming 'just friends'.

oh what is your definition of criterias of LTR. please enlighten everyone

A LTR (Long Term Relationship) is when a significant amount of time has passed while a couple is dating. Two months or more is a good threshold to measure whether one is in (or should be considering) a LTR. And then, there's the talk of being exclusive. I believe that defining the relationship between the two involved parties is necessary to establish a LTR. The couple must also be sexually active.

If you haven't had the exclusivity talk nor have spent a significant amount of time together, you're still just dating. If you haven't fvcked her, you're either just dating or just friends.

 

[trd323]

Thanks for the post. No offense at all in what I am about to say. I think we are all here to become better with women. HOWEVER. by the sound of the post it seems like you are too hard on specific RULES. People dont live by rules. People are dynamic and will do things out of no where. There are patterns of behavior, but again there is no specific rule.

1) I do NOT understand. IF, a person seems a little down when you guys meet, based on your rules I cannot ask her whast wrong??? wtf is that. I have to wait until I am in an LTR to ask How are you? a simple greeting that I do to people I just met???

2) I have as many "girl"buddies as guys. Is that some how makes me an AFC. Why cant I be friends with what some people would call an ugly girl or a fat girl. Every girl I have met has always had something to add to my life whether it be a someone to have lunch with or to give me advice on clothes. I DO NOT just see women as a hole to put my cawk in. If you really get to know women thay actually offer more. What a concept Huh??

3) why the hell does he have to guess as to why she is feeling different, it can be solved in one question: is everything ok? she tells him I had a bad day and my cat died. Him: Oh really, that sucks I had a pet that died on me 2 years ago.

4)You dont have to have sex with a girl to have a girl know that you are sexually interested in her. She knows by your presence and the actions you take.

5) i am with my current girlfriend after 6 dates. We had a connection that I have never had with a girl before. And we did not have sex until the 8th date. I also wanted her to be my GF after the 6th date and we have still have not had sex.


You are way to caught up with rules. What makes social dynamic so interesting are the surprises that come up.

 

[daygameguy]

I'm not going to teach you how to get "the one". Whether it felt right or was the best. It doesn't matter.

What I see as a problem here is that you become dependent on women. You feel great when one that you feel is "the one" treats you the way you want to be treated. When she doesn't, you feel awful. It's a terrible feeling, too.

What you need to have right now is exposure. You need exposure to many opportunities with women. You need this exposure because once you have opportunities with many women, that one woman won't be as enticing as she once was. Stop romancing women and start the approaching women and making opportunities for yourself.

There is no "one". There are many that fit your standards, and you chose which "one" you want to be with (or which ones). Stop romancing women (this is vital to your success).

+1 Rep. Great advice. Great insight. There is no "one". There are many that can fit your standards and make you feel like she is the one.

You don't have to be a player all your life but having options with women is crucial to find several "the one"s from whom you can select from.

 

[Desdinova]

1) I do NOT understand. IF, a person seems a little down when you guys meet, based on your rules I cannot ask her whast wrong???

There's nothing wrong with asking. In fact, you'll probably get the typical answer of "nothing". However, a behavioral change so early in the 'relationship' is a sign that she's losing interest. Add on the fact that she's rebounding, and you have a 'relationship' that is likely not going to last.

I have to wait until I am in an LTR to ask How are you? a simple greeting that I do to people I just met???

This is not about a typical greeting such as "how are you doing", but a change in a woman's overall behavior.

2) I have as many "girl"buddies as guys. Is that some how makes me an AFC. Why cant I be friends with what some people would call an ugly girl or a fat girl. Every girl I have met has always had something to add to my life whether it be a someone to have lunch with or to give me advice on clothes. I DO NOT just see women as a hole to put my cawk in. If you really get to know women thay actually offer more. What a concept Huh??

My problem is that I generally cannot remain friends with women because they (eventually) see me as a 'cawk to put in their hole.' Women start doing stupid, desperate things when they realize that they cannot have the man that they want.

3) why the hell does he have to guess as to why she is feeling different, it can be solved in one question: is everything ok? she tells him I had a bad day and my cat died.

I'm really starting to wonder if you've ever been remotely serious with a woman. This is not generally how women work with a man they're fvcking. This is how women work with a person they're 'friends' with.

Let's say the woman has lost interest in him. How would you expect her to respond? "Well, I liked you on the first date, but now I see that you're too fvcking boring for my taste." It would be wonderful if women could flat out tell a man exactly what's going on in their female brains, but they generally don't.

4)You dont have to have sex with a girl to have a girl know that you are sexually interested in her. She knows by your presence and the actions you take.

Agreed, but you need to have sex with her to be in a sexual relationship with her. Women will usually give up on you if you don't fvck them within the first two months.

You are way to caught up with rules.

This has nothing to do with rules. It has to do with success. You need an idea of how things work in the real world if you want success. I'm not sure how many women you've been with, but your recipe for success has been tried and tested by many men who were here long before you signed up, and by men who are here currently.

It would be nice if women were as easy to work with as you make them out to be, but unfortunately they are not. The vast majority of women will NOT tell you what's wrong, and even when you prod them to tell you, they usually lie or dance around the REAL problem.

Women are also generally not the "I'll wait for the right guy" kind of lovers. While a man is waiting until a woman is 'ready', some a55hole like me will come along and fvck her. What happened to her morals? Oh, just blame me (the a55hole) instead of blaming her for ignoring her own morals.

The patient, caring, understanding, afraid-to-offend-by-touching guys do not get the girl in the end. It's the guys who do not wait, make a move, get her attracted, and have sex with her who succeed in the end.

You may be the exception (for now) just like I used to be. But unless you genuinely understand how and why women do the things they do, you won't be able to maintain the relationship.

 

[trd323]

There's nothing wrong with asking. In fact, you'll probably get the typical answer of "nothing". However, a behavioral change so early in the 'relationship' is a sign that she's losing interest. Add on the fact that she's rebounding, and you have a 'relationship' that is likely not going to last.



This is not about a typical greeting such as "how are you doing", but a change in a woman's overall behavior.



My problem is that I generally cannot remain friends with women because they (eventually) see me as a 'cawk to put in their hole.' Women start doing stupid, desperate things when they realize that they cannot have the man that they want.



I'm really starting to wonder if you've ever been remotely serious with a woman. This is not generally how women work with a man they're fvcking. This is how women work with a person they're 'friends' with.

Let's say the woman has lost interest in him. How would you expect her to respond? "Well, I liked you on the first date, but now I see that you're too fvcking boring for my taste." It would be wonderful if women could flat out tell a man exactly what's going on in their female brains, but they generally don't.



Agreed, but you need to have sex with her to be in a sexual relationship with her. Women will usually give up on you if you don't fvck them within the first two months.



This has nothing to do with rules. It has to do with success. You need an idea of how things work in the real world if you want success. I'm not sure how many women you've been with, but your recipe for success has been tried and tested by many men who were here long before you signed up, and by men who are here currently.

It would be nice if women were as easy to work with as you make them out to be, but unfortunately they are not. The vast majority of women will NOT tell you what's wrong, and even when you prod them to tell you, they usually lie or dance around the REAL problem.

Women are also generally not the "I'll wait for the right guy" kind of lovers. While a man is waiting until a woman is 'ready', some a55hole like me will come along and fvck her. What happened to her morals? Oh, just blame me (the a55hole) instead of blaming her for ignoring her own morals.

The patient, caring, understanding, afraid-to-offend-by-touching guys do not get the girl in the end. It's the guys who do not wait, make a move, get her attracted, and have sex with her who succeed in the end.

You may be the exception (for now) just like I used to be. But unless you genuinely understand how and why women do the things they do, you won't be able to maintain the relationship.

Done.

In my endeavors, I have done everything and tried everything. I was the biggest loser in the world(not true, but felt that way). Then I changed, I wanted something that was easier, where I did not have to think about the next step. So, Sean messenger came along and I embraced it fully. And after learning(unlearning) pick up. Within the first month I met and am currently dating a beauty queen that is holding the crown for another 2 years. my relationships with new and old "girl" friends have done a 180.

I am here to let people know that there is more to pick up than routines and theory. I am the other side of the spectrum and I hope I reach some people because it is so much nicer on this side.

I get all what your saying and I respect that. I just found, in my opinion a better way and you are completely yourself.

The first time in my pick-up career that girls I have been dating said with the dog bowl in their eyes that they have never been with a guy as caring and sweet. And to answer your question, yes I did end up banging all my dates when I switched to sean messenger theory.