Emailing a girl

[PDubb75]

Hi guys,

I just joined here after reading some good articles. Just a little background: I am 25 years old, and just got out of a 6 year relationship that began immediately after a 1 year relationship. So, I haven't been looking for dates/other women in roughly 7 years (since high school). Needless to say, my game is outdated!

There is one particular girl I am interested in making a move for. I've known her since high school, but we were never friends, or anything. My older sister is friends with her older sister, so I figured I would talk to my sister to see if she knew what this girl was up to (mostly, if she was single and where she was living now).

Without me asking, she contacted this girl's sister about my question, and apprently plans to tell this girl that I will be contacting her. So, there is no turning back now. The issue is, my only way to contact her is on Facebook, or an email which I would get off of Facebook. I know this is FAR from the ideal way to go about this, but I don't have much of an option now.

My question is how to go about this. I dont want to be "just another guy" and send her a message asking her out. How should I initiate this? Is this a lost cause?

I appreciate any help!

 

[f283000]

You're almost dead in the water already knowing that women got involved in setting this up. This is never good. Not only that but even a baby could see your intentions from a mile away and so will this girl. This gives her a little too much power.

My only question here is why did you need to get your sister involved? Finding people on facebook is as easy as doing a few searches on google. Then you could have just sent her a friend request yourself.

What you need to do is tell your sister politely "no thanks" and get her to stay out of this. Then just contact the girl on facebook yourself. Then get her phone number and start from there.

But whatever you do don't put too much thought into this. You ask a girl out and she either says yes or no. Just throw the question out there (ask her out) when you get the chance.

 

[Chickfight]

Write her a message, ask hows she's been doing, maybe throw in a joke. Then write "We should hang out some time, give me your number and I'll call"

 

[PDubb75]

I know that was my first mistake; getting my sister involved. But I was not asking her to contact this girl's sister. I simply wanted to know if she knew what this girl was up to lately. I guess I should have known she would, though.

I was already friends with her on Facebook, but she doesn't update it much, and it didn't say where she was living or if she was single, or anything. So I figured my sister would have my back haha.

 

[PDubb75]

Write her a message, ask hows she's been doing, maybe throw in a joke. Then write "We should hang out some time, give me your number and I'll call"

It seems that is the simple way to go about this. But what is throwing me off is the fact I met her 10 years ago, never said anything more than "Hi" or "How are you?", and haven't seen her in about 6 years.

Does anyone have any other specific things I should say/try? Just starting out learning here, and feel like I've immediately jumped into a difficult scenario.

 

[f283000]

It seems that is the simple way to go about this. But what is throwing me off is the fact I met her 10 years ago, never said anything more than "Hi" or "How are you?", and haven't seen her in about 6 years.

Does anyone have any other specific things I should say/try? Just starting out learning here, and feel like I've immediately jumped into a difficult scenario.

NOOO! What Chickfight said was perfect.

You're trying to come up with scenarios and formulas to approach this situation like if it's an engineering problem. You need to get this notion out of your mind ASAP of you will fail with women your whole life. You're thinking like a nice guy rather than a doer. Nice guy's finish last with women. It's the doers, the guys that go for it that win with women.

I know you're way of thinking cause I used to think like you. I would think it over for weeks or even longer on ways and scenarios to just approach a girl so nothing could go wrong. I was afraid of rejection and I was afraid of failure so i would come up with schemes to try to talk to them and hopefully ask them out. I used to think of every little detail to come up with "the perfect plan."

Send her a short message like the one chickfight gave you, then forget about it. It's that simple. No fancy stuff, no engineering problem stuff, she either says yes or no. Don't put too much thought into approaching or asking out any girl as there answer is always yes or no. Instead concentrate on improving your game by paying the numbers game. Send this one a message, talk to another one on the mall tomorrow, do the same the day after etc. That's how you improve yourself. Not wasting your time coming up with a plan to send a message on facebook to just 1 girl.

 

[PDubb75]

NOOO! What Chickfight said was perfect.

You're trying to come up with scenarios and formulas to approach this situation like if it's an engineering problem. You need to get this notion out of your mind ASAP of you will fail with women your whole life. You're thinking like a nice guy rather than a doer. Nice guy's finish last with women. It's the doers, the guys that go for it that win with women.

I know you're way of thinking cause I used to think like you. I would think it over for weeks or even longer on ways and scenarios to just approach a girl so nothing could go wrong. I was afraid of rejection and I was afraid of failure so i would come up with schemes to try to talk to them and hopefully ask them out. I used to think of every little detail to come up with "the perfect plan."

Send her a short message like the one chickfight gave you, then forget about it. It's that simple. No fancy stuff, no engineering problem stuff, she either says yes or no. Don't put too much thought into approaching or asking out any girl as there answer is always yes or no. Instead concentrate on improving your game by paying the numbers game. Send this one a message, talk to another one on the mall tomorrow, do the same the day after etc. That's how you improve yourself. Not wasting your time coming up with a plan to send a message on facebook to just 1 girl.

Thanks for the reality check, man. Needed that. I know I'll get this down, but until then I gotta keep drilling this stuff in my head. I will send her something quick, what happens from there happens.

 

[f283000]

Thanks for the reality check, man. Needed that. I know I'll get this down, but until then I gotta keep drilling this stuff in my head. I will send her something quick, what happens from there happens.

I know deep down inside you want to send her a message, then chat back and forth for hours and hours, days and days, only for her to either flake on you, give you the friend card or tell you she has a boyfriend when you either ask her out or she sees what you're interested.

Your situation has been played out many times before. What you fail to realize is that you are doing way too much thinking over a situation where she might not even reply to your first message! So why talk about IFS when any IF is dependent on her replying to you in the first place.

It would be a little different if you were to ask her in person but here you could find yourself doing all this planning and never get a reply back.

You can do what chickfight said or just test the waters. Just say hi to her her and a brief message and wait for a reply and take it from there. Send a few short messages back and forth and ask her out.

Whatever you do don't kill your attraction/mystery about you by getting into long conversations with her or any girl on facebook. If a female wants to get to know you she can get pretty, put on some make up and a dress and go meet with you on a face to face date, rather than you giving yourself away while she stares at her computer screen sitting on a computer chair.