Email Message to Trainer ....

[WestCoaster]

I think action dates are stupid, too. Pook has 35-year old guys going out playing putt-putt golf at a teenage hangout; or option two, parachuting over the Grand Canyon, or bungee jumping off the Eifel Tower. That just screams activity, not interest. ALL women I know who get out on "action" dates looked at it as a "chummy" thing, not a REAL date, no matter how much those stupid TV reality shows display.

A real date has at least a touch of formality to it, dinner, some drinks, a play, movie, a walk in the park afterwards.

Coffee date screams chummy as do "action" dates. I agree with most of the material on the board here, but after reading about 30- and 40-something men going to putt-putt golf outings -- never been to one that wasn't 99 percent teens and grade schoolers -- I had to differ. Action dates are for those trying to impress others or doing something "low key."

Get a real date and if a woman doesn't like a least a touch of class and formality, she's not for you. Just say no to stupid action dates, coffee dates, "it's just lunch" dates, and "speed dating." God, everything is done today to be so informal ... everyone is afraid of something.

 

[squirrels]

2nd, WTF is it with all of the coffee date crap? Again this is a 'safety' date, no alcohol, no intensity. God forbid a woman actually think you might want to bang her when you ask her out. No coffee dates - action dates, default toward action.

The venue isn't necessarily the deciding factor in the level of intensity. But I do see your point. Just with someone at work, you may WANT to make them feel "safe" with the choice of venue and let your actions decide the intensity level.

 

[Sinistar]

This is stated all the time, yet very applicable here - spin thy plates mr movie.

My guess here, if you had 1 or 2 ongoing prospects, the magnitude to which you receive her IOI's would be properly metered. And, ironically, you probably would have responded already in a covert, non-threatening, C&F manner (due to confidence in current prospects) which in-turn may have sparked her interest even more.

My advice, you might want to skip the ask her out via email thing (and the co-worker thing in general). There's about 10 ways for it to go wrong and only one for it to go right - she will have to have a high level of interest & feel secure in saying yes. Not the easiest state to reach with a sparse co-worker with very little (or no) rapport.

However, there is another approach. Let's say you're a busy, popular, confident guy. If your reply was quick and along these lines:

<Her Name>,

Thanks for the training docs. I was looking for something exciting to read on my <insert trip to an exciting place, lengthy sport/hobby/activity>

Nath

...then just let it go. Maybe the fish will take the bait. By writing, you've been polite in ack'ing her sending you the docs, yet you have not supplicated. You're throwing a tad of C&F with the wink implying the training docs are a bit boring/dry in comparison to your real life. You've hinted that you have life outside work, which might stir up a bit of mystery/interest. Finally, you didn't ask her for anything because you're confident and busy therefore there can be no akward work sh!t later. If she bites, proceed at your own risk. If not, accept that what you perceived to be IOI's were merely her being business polite.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I still like action dates but I've stopped using them for the first meeting. Too much focus on the event and not the person. I'll still do simple coffee dates for the first meeting so that I can qualify her without distractions. Yep, it's very chummy but I use that to my advantage. Coffee dates are very disarming which helps you identify the nature of the woman you're with.

If there's chemistry between us we then move on to subsequent action dates. At that time we're comfortable with one another and the event actually fosters a type of emotional intimacy. Usually the excitement of an action date makes women a bit nervous when they first meet a guy however once they already know you, it's a very powerful method of gaining intimacy.

Now on the other hand, a woman who's more into the event will readily jump on the opportunity to be entertained. If that's the case it's a bit more difficult to determine if she sees you as an intimate buddy or an action buddy.

 

[Latinoman]

OK 2 things here, first, there is no substitute for a real approach and talking to a woman face to face. This directly implies confidence. Email, IM, Texting, long ass phone calls, are all buffers for rejection and you will never learn a goddam thing unless you are rejected and often. You will never read body language, subcommunications, vocal intonations, facial expression and a whole host of other subconscious interpersonal indicators if you communicate 'safely' behind your monitor or cell phone. Sack up and don't "half-way" ask a woman out. By going the safe route you automatically give her an easy OUT.

2nd, WTF is it with all of the coffee date crap? Again this is a 'safety' date, no alcohol, no intensity. God forbid a woman actually think you might want to bang her when you ask her out. No coffee dates - action dates, default toward action.

EXACTLY!

He had a chance to talk to her FACE to FACE. And instead, he wants to send her an email.

 

[Latinoman]

The venue isn't necessarily the deciding factor in the level of intensity. But I do see your point. Just with someone at work, you may WANT to make them feel "safe" with the choice of venue and let your actions decide the intensity level.

With somebody at work he has to make 100% sure that he is NOT misreading the signs.

And this guy is NOT 100% sure he read the correct ones. If he was...he would not be asking questions in here on how to send an email. He would have already talked with her.

 

[Latinoman]

Esh! Enough with the negitivity !

There where nine of us in the class. It was an organisational training course and she works in the training section. It was only for the morning and she wond be training me again.

She is Asian, 5ft 5, curvey, very professional.

You know her section...and you now her name. Call her. But make sure you did not misunderstand the signs.

I talked to he before the class and asked her what she was training us in and what it was, as soon as the class started she asked if anyone know what the system was and I gave a little smile and she immiediatly said "and you can keep quiet" in a flirty way.

Flirty? I have seen that PLENTY of times during training, meetings, etc. It is a way to relax when you are in front of people teaching (becoming the focus point). You either say something funny or momentary focus on somebody.

A "professional" woman would never flirt in front of several people that she is training. She might flirt with you alone or in front of somebody...but never with 8 other people present. People she has to gain the respect as a trainer.

That's why I asked all the questions...because I wanted to make sure you were reading the correct signs. Now, that doesn't mean she has not attraction for you.

I have seen her around the building one time getting out of the lifts and a second when I was getting coffee, she locked eye contact in both occassions. I know when a girl is giving IOI's.

Maybe she did back then. And maybe she didn't. Or maybe she did UNTIL she finally had a chance to talk with you. Or maybe she didn't.

FACT is...if you were 100% sure...YOU would have being charming with her when you talked with her at the begining.

FINALLY,

ask yourself this question: If she was 300-lbs and ugly...would you have seen her smile/jokes as a sign of "attraction" toward you? I bet you won't.

 

[warpy]

they all said it. do it in person.