"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Eharmony is advertising on SPIKE tv!

STR8UP

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And it's definitely NOT the usual "find your soulmate by answering 29 scientific questions" type commercial. It's several guys sitting around a poker table talking comparing bad dates.

Interesting......
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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I love Hyori Lee

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You know. The funny thing is that I never found the women that they show on the Eharmony commercials to be that attractive or that special. And the guys on there look like absolute losers. But I can't deny the fact that there must be something effective about the personality-matching profile service that they have. After all, I've heard of some people that are happily married and have married going through eharmony. Nevertheless, advertisements and marketing are tailored to target the dollars of fools.

Spike TV is definitely TV for men. Where else can you see hot babes, UFC Fights and James Bond movies all in one channel?
 

GtarPlayr73

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If there is something off or weird or "just not right" about the couples on eHarmony's ads, it's because eHarmony is predominantly by and for Christians. The founder...you know that uber-annoying white guy with the f*cking annoyingly fake and warm smiling tone? He's a Christian. That's why the whole service is geared toward creating that "match made in heaven". Funny how they still need a PAID service to help the big matchmaker in the sky. So that explains the loser guys and the unremarkable women in the ads. And i should know...i used to be a Christian and i used eHarmony for all of two months.
 

Rollo Tomassi

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GtarPlayr73 said:
The founder...you know that uber-annoying white guy with the f*cking annoyingly fake and warm smiling tone? He's a Christian. That's why the whole service is geared toward creating that "match made in heaven"
Very true. Dr. Neil Warren used to be James Dobson's (Focus on the Family) right hand man. IMO this guy is the single biggest advocate for the soulmate myth in modern history. I'll give him credit though; he's managed to parlay the insecurities and fears of life-long lonliness in both sexes into a multi-million dollar enterprize. P.T. Barnum would be proud.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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COD

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EHARMONEY BLOWS.......no it's not a spell check either
 

GtarPlayr73

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Ah, Rollo, you're in Florida, where there is a church in every back yard. I spent some time down there to do some flight training...

Yes, the soulmate myth. Where to begin? Well, I adhered to this myth for most of my life, right up to two years ago. Let me tell you, it's a hell of a mindf*ck. When you are told that God has one and only one woman for you, that she was predestined for you before time began, and that your bodies are only meant for each other, you might as well be a eunuch. Virgin till you're married. I spent years and years walking around waiting to bump into her. I couldn't consider approaching any woman until i knew she was a Christian. No approaches! You live in this incredible paradox where you believe you are fated to meet and marry the woman of your dreams but you also have to act in order to find her. So you never know when to wait and when to get off your ass. And, god, how you want all those heathen girls, but yet, you look down on them for their ungodly ways. It was the ultimate "out", the ultimate buffer, the ultimate excuse not to face rejection. Every hot girl i saw, i wanted, but then retreated into the safety of no, she's not a Christian, so why bother?

I wasted all of my twenties WAITING for Ms. Designed-by-God to bump into me...the very opposite of the male identity which is defined by action, initiative, aggressiveness! I had this intense tension inside that came from the doctrine of marriage and reserving sex for marriage. I was constantly having to wait on fate and yet that fate never arrived.

Why sex only in marriage? Well, Christian elders never highlighted the biology of it all. Instead, they taught that when a man and a woman have sex, their souls are literally bound together through a phenomenon called a "soul tie". Should the couple split, they carry that soul tie with them for the rest of their lives, regardless of the other partners they have. They end up giving a piece of themselves to each partner and thus, somehow suffer soul loss. All incredible nonsense, unfounded and, ironically, not explicitly taught by the Bible. When i finally lost my virginity at the age of 30 (!), it became obvious that sex was not a spiritual act, but a biological one. It CAN be spiritual, i suppose, but not in the Judeo-Christian sense.

Why the incredible awkwardness in how Christians regard sex? Well, you can thank Platonic philosophy, not Jewish theology. St. Augustine shaped modern fundamentalist Christianity and his theology and worldview were shaped by Manichean philosophy which stood on top of Platonic philosophy. Basically, Manichaeism held that everything that is physical is inherantly lesser or even evil while everything that is intangible, especially, spiritual, is inherantly superior or righteous. Thus, sex, which occurs in the physical realm, was considered lowly or even dirty. Combine this with monotheistic, paternalistic chauvenism and sex in the Christian West has been looked down on and repressed for centuries.

Religious fundamentalists are inherantly insecure and thus need absolute certainty in all aspects of life hence the Soulmate - the belief that there is a woman who is actually designed by God to be perfectly compatible with only one man: you! It's ego-boosting and provides one with that feeling of certainty. We were meant for each other! We'll never have a bad day. We'll never have a dull moment. We'll never get divorced. Together forever! Smooth sailing from beginning to end. Completeness. Bliss. Fidelity. No confusion. Certainty. But life is anything but certain and there lies the tension and relationships cannot be predicted, contained, defined, codified, etc.

eHarmony fails, and i can personally attest to this, because it can never predict that enigmatic thing called human chemistry. Values and numbers "on paper" are utterly meaningless when it comes to chemistry. And so, eHarmony cannot deliver the very thing that it promises. Chemistry is found only through experience and that requires the very thing religious fundamentalists abhor the most: life by trial and error.
 

PRMoon

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I'll never date online. I'd rather go through 1,000 face to face field rejections than jump through the email and IM hoops that makes up internet dating. It's a colossal waste of time and resources and isn't very much fun. Ofcourse if I had a 6 day a week 12 hour a day office job and it was my only chance to interact with women I might change my tune. As it stands though, my work is very social so I get more then my fill of female ineraction daily.
 

speakeasy

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I used eharmony once, I only went on one date from it. I was left wondering why his system hooked me up with her, I didn't feel like we had much in common. I wasn't too impressed with the quality of women on eharmony in general.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Obsidian

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I think the idea behind eharmoney is actually good. My only problems with it are
#1. I don't want to spend money (the prices are probably inflated due to all the advertising anyway) and
#2. when I signed up for the trial version (no pictures), all the girls it matched me with were way too far away

I think the idea of matching based on common interests and values is wise, however. It's just not always real feasible.
 

Ken785

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hahaa...did you guys know SPIKE tv used to be TNN, a country a$s cowboy channel whos flagship shows were rodeos and such??, then they tried to change their image by calling themselves the "NEW" TNN,showing wrestling and scrapping the cowboy shows, that didnt work. Then they started calling themselves spike tv...and they started showing commercials and skits that look like porn teasers!! WAY TO GO TNN CREATIVE IMAGE TEAM!!!
 

Celadus

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I went on a eHarmony date last week. Stay away from it unless you are in your 30s and 40s and desperate to get married.

She was hispanic from the Mexican border. Very nice, intelligent, educated and had her head together but a little to...stable and ready to get married. Scared me a little. And I'm shallow and she was pretty but not sexy.

Also, I'm not really attracted to women that are a lot like me which seems to be how they match. I want a girl thats a little less serious to lighten my mood when I'm done with work.
 

Obsidian

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internet dating really is a pain in the neck. I can barely ever even get a freakin' double match at hotornot.com

My looks are at least slightly above average (according to their stats, and compared with other people willing to rate themselves). It could be that looks are the predominant factor on these things and girls just aren't willing to go after anything less than perfection. Or it could be that girls just sign up for those things with little intention of actually meeting anyone.

you only get 250 characters to describe yourself...not sure if mine is perfect, but it's the best i've been able to come up with

bah, seems so much easier to meet people through social situations and networking irl. F*ck the internet.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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