Egoistic..and maybe the wrong priorites.

[Visceral]

IMO ...

Putting on an act is ego too. Truly egoless behavior is spontaneous, neither forced nor planned.

I've been told by my psychologist that people really don't give a damn about others. It's only you giving too much of a damn about yourself that you project onto others. Because you're so aware of everything you do and are, you automatically assume that everyone else is as well. When you stop obsessing about yourself, everyone else will seem to you to do the same.

Stop watching, analyzing, and criticizing yourself all the time. It's hard, I know, I've got a overbearing micromanager of an inner monologue myself. Remember that the images and words inside your head aren't real; banish them. Live in the real world, the world of substance and action, not appearance and thought.

The next time you find yourself without anything running through your brain, remember that. Keep it going as long as you can. Try to get back to it if you let it slide. And try to trigger it at will. If there's a way to turn from an introvert to an extrovert, that's it.

 

[kk2004]

The advice you guys are giving me is great because believe it or not, Im starting to see it for myself.

Its just hard to not feel bad when your talking to a friend, and he mentions a party thats he's going to and getting hammered at and doesnt invite you, and then having another friend walk up and ask my friend and not me to a club. ITs hard to not think of negative thoughts about yourself, even thought how much you hang out or do doesnt make you a better person or not, you feel bad more so left out.

But its okay, cuz that doesnt mean hes better than me. I shouldnt be unhappy but its hard.

 

[Vibe]

Originally posted by kk2004
The advice you guys are giving me is great because believe it or not, Im starting to see it for myself.

Right on, brother! Just keep reminding yourself that nothing anybody else does effects who you are.

F*ckin awesome, man.

~Vibe~

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by kk2004


Its just hard to not feel bad when your talking to a friend, and he mentions a party thats he's going to and getting hammered at and doesnt invite you, and then having another friend walk up and ask my friend and not me to a club. ITs hard to not think of negative thoughts about yourself, even thought how much you hang out or do doesnt make you a better person or not, you feel bad more so left out.

But its okay, cuz that doesnt mean hes better than me. I shouldnt be unhappy but its hard.

I know what you mean, its jealousy/ and validation seeking that makes you feel bad. The need to feel important.

I used to be a lot like you. Even for close friends that i've known from h.s. they usually dont call me up if theyre going to do something. The only way is if i come out that day or call him/them and suggest something to do. we all do that to each other anyway.
It doesnt bother me as much anymore, we end up doing the same thing all the time anyway. they dont want to change, then so be it.

If i ever want to do something new or different, ill find others to go with me or ill go by myself, nothing wrong with soloing.

You should learn to be more independent. Once you get that you're just about set. independence/confidence goes hadn in hand and ppl will flock to you to be friends or whatever.

 

[Desdinova]

Its just hard to not feel bad when your talking to a friend, and he mentions a party thats he's going to and getting hammered at and doesnt invite you, and then having another friend walk up and ask my friend and not me to a club.

That's when you speak the hell up. Say, "Hey, I should join you! When and were are you going?"

Being assertive will get you places you don't get invited to.

 

[kk2004]

def

Now that I know how I should be thinking, Im on a path to try and make it a part of me and just not forget it about it in a day or two. So im going to try and apply it to myself, by making sure that I try to be as happy as I can be and live a life as happy as I can even if I am alone becasue thats the real test of a man, not how many friends he has or how many other people give you validation its how well can you give YOURSELF validation. THat doesnt mean lying to yourself, im not telling myself im the sh*t or what not, Im telling myself that i dont suck and I have every right to be happy just as the popular guy does becuase i am a human being too and what he has doesnt mean anything in the end and its best to enjoy life as you have it in your hands.

On being assertive..most people dont like when you invite yourself over or force yourself on them. THats what i think.

 

[ScrewIt]

Re: def

Originally posted by kk2004
[B
On being assertive..most people dont like when you invite yourself over or force yourself on them. THats what i think. [/B]

nope you cant. if someone doesnt invite you to do something you cant force yourself into the situation. big whoop, you got better things to do. Unless you ask them beforehand what their plans are and they invite you. if they're your friends they wont mind you tag along.

two words: social worth (social proof)

if they dont see that in you, or have a bad impression of you from teh start. such as being needy, stay-at-home, gamer/nerd type...usually they wont give you the time of the day.
you dont have to have an exhilirating social life, just let them know indirectly that you're a go-getter and have your own priorities or goals.

Either you make a good impression of yourself from the start or else it will be hard to change ppl's impression of you onwards.

 

[Desdinova]

ScrewIt has made a good point, but...

On being assertive..most people dont like when you invite yourself over or force yourself on them. THats what i think.

To hell with what they think. If they don't really want you there, they'll most likely be polite and say, "well, I guess you can come" just so they don't hurt your feelings. Most people have trouble saying no.

It's a nasty way to exploit peoples' weaknesses, but if you honestly don't give two 5hits about the person (because they don't invite you anywhere), who cares?

 

[ScrewIt]

I just got back from hanging out with my friend. Another friend who randomly comes out, came out today...sat in front of friend's comp playing games.

Anyway if you want all the good reasons why ppl do this, i can tell you why. cause we're doing this to him also.

What do we know that he normally does?
we know he plays games, and stays home a lot. Other than his part time community college he has nothing else going for him. When he comes out and hangs with us, he often *****es about a lot of ****. **** we dont want to hear. A lot of times he doesnt show initiative that he doesnt want to do anything. He doesnt ask us if we want to do X. When he does come out to my friends place he doesnt ask if we're doing anything, he expects us to invite him (ask if he's coming). He's pretty self concscious we know too and not too confidenct about himself. The way me and my other friends see it, he doesnt get out enough, always at home. Lack of socialization or environmental surroundings can often cripple the mind's thought/action process. you can consider yourself normal, but others may not feel that way. Every society has it's norm, there are exceptions.

Me and my friend went to hangout. The other guy sat in a trance playing comp games...cause that appeared to be his reason to come out. Then a few hrs later he calls and ask what we did and indirectly implied "why didnt you invite me/ask me to go"
He's probably looking for acceptance from us and friendship, which is why he didnt want to force himself to be invited...and afraid that we would dislike him more.

It's not that we dont want to accept him, but it's the way he is that makes it hard for us to respect him. Under different circumstances i'd say we would accept/respect him.

But anyway, you shouldnt change yourself for others to like/accept you. Seek others that will accept you for who you are.
Change is always a good thing, learning to accept ideals is always a potential for individual growth.

In addition i used to be in a very similar situation like this guy, but i broke out of it because i wanted to grow and i didnt like the way i was.

Just my 2c
hope this helps