"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Ego Death?

driveon

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I've read about this online a bit and I'm wondering if any of you guys here have a good concept of what its about.

My understanding is that ego death is the destruction of your self-image. Basically, you interact with the world as your true self instead of as your self-image. From what I imagine, you no longer make decisions based on what you think you are but instead on what you actually feel.

The opposite philosphy is to nurture your ego, or alter it (which is what PUA/DJ material suggests). I guess this is where inner game comes from... changing your self-image to the person you want to be... so that you'll make decisions based on what this image of yourself would do.

I can't seem to find any online forums or anything where someone has said "I killed my ego today and here's what happened." So I'm relunctant to try it cause i don't know if its a reversible process.


I bring this up because my self-image is so fractured. I've gone through so much change and NLP... and it seems that my self-image is one thing one day and then an entirely different thing the next and this is all happening on a mostly subconscious (hidden) level.

I guess at the moment it seems like it would be easier to kill my ego than to somehow steady it.

This might sound absurd or crazy but I'm not... I'm getting good grades and learning and blah blah but I do feel an identity issue is holding me back.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Jay Jay

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There are as many definitions of ego as there are books about it.

I know where you asre coming from. When you get serious about delving iside sometimes you become completely ungrounded.

The best book I have ever read about identity is Ouspensky's "the Fourth Way" based on Gurdjeif's principals (which are based on everything from buddism to sufism, qabala to yoga). Its good **** but complex.

Basically it postulates that you have a thousand "I's". There is the "I" your mum knows, the "I" your friends know, the "I" that posts online at DJ, the "I" that sarges chicks. A thousand different "I's". That is your fractured ego that has no power coz it has no real substance. What you gotta do is decide which "I" is the one you want to be. Then that I has to hunt down all the other Is and ruthlessly eat them.

If you really wanna get grounded and get some perspective (which happened to me when I got really into **** like self hypnosis and OBEs) I would suggest the I'Ching (Bryan Browne Walk translation ONLY!) This I found facilitated the process mention above and brought me back to earth.

Anyway, anyone who has said they killed their ego "today" is either full of it or is in for a surprise... the ego comes back to life worse than Jason in Friday 13th... It takes some killing.

Good luck.

JJ
 

driveon

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I ordered those books, thanks.


Jay Jay said:
What you gotta do is decide which "I" is the one you want to be. Then that I has to hunt down all the other Is and ruthlessly eat them.
JJ
There are NLP techniques I've read about that are similar to that. The question I have is how the flying fck do I decide which "I" is the one I want?

There are aspects of different "I"s that I like... obviously otherwise they wouldn't exist... so if I am to go with one of these, do I lose any behaviors or concepts or knowledge that I would otherwise want? (oh man and would I be making that decision from the perspective of one of my "I"s?!? how biased is that ****)

I guess I'd be willing to deal with that if it meant having some foundation on which I can build an identity...

Jay Jay said:
Anyway, anyone who has said they killed their ego "today" is either full of it or is in for a surprise... the ego comes back to life worse than Jason in Friday 13th... It takes some killing.

JJ
so its really challenging to kill off the ego... but is it something I should be striving to do? Is it truly beneficial to live without a self-image?

I appreciate the advice, no one knows sht about this stuff.
 

Fender

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Hey Jay Jay, I always thought the i-ching was a chinese fortune telling book. How the hell does that relate to ego death? Or am I getting it mixed up with something else....

Anyways, driveon, after trying to alter my self image for a year and a bit, I've given up on it. The benefits I've gained are too few compared to its disadvantages and I feel it limits my potential. Instead, I opted for the Taoist/Buddhist approach to killing my self image.

Granted, I can't say to you now "I have no ego," and I don't actually think it is possible to ENTIRELY rid ourselves of our self image, I have gradually peeled away all those layers of superficiality and "fakeness" to reveal my true self.

I did it through meditation and constant introspection, but I'm sure there are other ways out there.

Luck!
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Jay Jay

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Fender said:
Hey Jay Jay, I always thought the i-ching was a chinese fortune telling book. How the hell does that relate to ego death? Or am I getting it mixed up with something else....

Anyways, driveon, after trying to alter my self image for a year and a bit, I've given up on it. The benefits I've gained are too few compared to its disadvantages and I feel it limits my potential. Instead, I opted for the Taoist/Buddhist approach to killing my self image.

Granted, I can't say to you now "I have no ego," and I don't actually think it is possible to ENTIRELY rid ourselves of our self image, I have gradually peeled away all those layers of superficiality and "fakeness" to reveal my true self.

I did it through meditation and constant introspection, but I'm sure there are other ways out there.

Luck!
Yep, it is a chinese fortune telling book. But it is way more than that. Its also way older than buddhism and Taoism. Its actually the mother of all taoism and huge influence of confusionism and zen. It is suggested that it might be the oldest book in the world. Dudes like Leibniz and Newton were blown away by it. The 64 hexagrams is the basis of binary Mathematics which is the basis of all computer technology... funnily enough science has figured out to use binary mathematics but they haven't figured out how it works. The principals in it are refected in qabala and yoga...

When you do a reading it does not tell you the future. Instead it gives advice on being a better person. When you have an issue you are trying to resolve it gives you framework in which to analyse a situation.

Psycholgy suggests the by going through the ritual of rattling the coins, thinking on it and drawing out the hexagrams involves both left and right brain.

I said a particular translation ONLY is because most translations completely miss the entire point and turn it into mystical fortune telling ****.

By doing a reading everyday I was able to facilitate the process you yourself describe above in pealing off the fake levels of ego and led to a spiritual awakening for me which was grounded in real world practicality.

More importantly it saved me when I started to loose my **** when I delved to deeply into self hypnosis and NLP as Diveon has described.

Finally, it is by far the BEST CHICK CRACK you will ever find.

No, I don't have shares in an I'ching publishing company. I only uggested it because I experienced what Diveon has described and that how I dealt with it.

DIVENON: Read those two books. I spent years researching everything from Christianity to Islam, Buddhim to Hinduism, NLP to Shamanism, all types of philosophy, tantra, qabalah, theosophy... you name it I looked into it trying to find the answers. Those two books seemed the best.

Make sure you get the right I'Ching translation or you'll be wasting your money.

And yeah, not many people know about this stuff. Keep your mind open, you'll meet someone, who is most likely the last person in the world who you would imagine, who will help you with this **** when you are ready... I know that sounds like crazy hippy **** but its true.

Cheers

JJ
 

Fender

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"can you confidently say that you are better off?"- Driveon

Yes. Since I've started to meditate, contemplate and implement taosit/buddhist philosophy and "killing my ego," I've been much more at peace and I feel my interactions with others have improved. I have gained more emotional awareness and control, which I believe is one of the single most important qualities to develop (EQ basically).

However, I've only started this recently, so I don't know where this will take me. Killing the ego isn't as scary as it sounds, and its nothing esoteric or mythical. And yes, I do believe it wouldn't be that hard to "regain your ego" if you were so inclined.

And thx Jay Jay for the clarification. You've motivated me to check the i-ching out.
 
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