****ed Up with a kiss big time HELP

[DragonBlood]

Guys really thanks for the amount of support and advice SS has given me to keep me steady from making mistakes but there is one thing I could use help on.

I have created a written statement for HR in the case of absolute emergency, I would greatly appreciate feedback on improving this, if its over the top in places or any insights at all. Especially typos! I apologise for the length Im actually trying to make it as short and clear as possible. For those curious the age difference is DB:25 Becky:35, she is exceptionally good looking not showing her age but hardly top of my list either as Ive never dated outside 5 years before. She is also associated closely to senior staff (not any of my bosses) which introduces bias.

HR Statement PLEASE GIVE ADVICE

In regards to the harassment claims made against me I provide this document as further defense and insight into the events. My actions did not come out of the blue or with some kind of malicious intent as they have been portrayed. Becky has continued to play for my attention since I met her at the <event> in 2013. Even though I made my reluctance clear in a polite and none aggressive way (mainly due to the age difference) over time I came to suspect Becky had strong feelings for me.

I have already asked out Becky in the past (roughly a year ago) to which she considered the possibility of and said to me of "having two boyfriends" before changing her mind and declining the offer. As Becky had behaved in a suggestive way to me around the office and during soccer since joining <company> I was understandably upset to discover she had a boyfriend and I was being lead on by one of the senior staff.

I had no real intentions of pursing things any further with Becky up until recent weeks when her provocative behavior continued. Namely bringing up sexual and relationship topics during lunch hours, making a point of sitting beside me during lunch and telling me how single and depressed she was. As Becky usually discusses food and travelling acting in this friendly way in-spite of past events was a less than subtle hint.

After some serious thought on my part I eventually decided to give Becky a second chance and asked her out again in her office first thing in the morning. She accepted without hesitation but said it would have to be after her trip to <country>, in which she was getting ready to leave for on the same day. She further suggested that we might spend some time together during lunch where I would have probably asked to go for coffee or a walk or something of that nature. However I had a meeting during lunch and with my own schedule would not see Becky for another 4-5 days.

We continued to talk in the office a while longer with no sign of things wrapping up. In light of Beckys previous experience with other men and in the context of the conversation to pursue things more seriously I felt there was some kind of expectation on me to kiss this person or show some kind of affection before departing on their trip. I was in complete shock and visibly distraught that she rejected the kiss to close the conversation (yes, I was holding back the water works). Becky did not accuse me of doing anything wrong but made it clear she was annoyed at the idea that we could be caught.

Regardless the interaction ended on a sour note and I spent the weekend dealing with strong depression, my parents were pushing me to see a doctor or take a break from work as I had no hunger and was unable to eat my meals. I eventually came to the conclusion that I should not be pursing someone who feels shame around me and showed interest in a more discreet relationship from the beginning than I would have been happy with.

The entire interaction is an obvious miscommunication and a minor offence at best. I have since this event made every effort to distance myself from this person to forget about, move on and focus back on my work. I am generally disappointed by the outcome but this gives Becky no right to try and slander my reputation and continue to abuse me emotionally by presenting a jaded and one sided view of things. As Becky is associated closely to senior staff members I do not believe the accusations put against me have been handled with the level of sensitivity and professionalism I would of expected or that I have been given the emotional space I required in the course of this month.

I would also like to draw attention to what exactly Becky was planning to do to me when she was back from <country> to highlight how far out of proportion things have become.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I don't know what the law is like outside Australia, but here, once a man is the subject of an allegation of sexual harassment, he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
The way women have worked the system means she could've let you motorboat her tyts and you'd still be in the wrong for trying to kiss her.
In other words, all your counter-claims of her suggestive behaviour won't mean shyt.
Do you have suggestive emails or texts from her? They could help. But your meaningless allegations of her leading you on can be dismissed by her in a heartbeat.
In a situation of her word against yours, she'll win every time.

I recently read an article online http://www.alternet.org/gender/4-my...w-misogyny?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark
Which says sexual harassment has to be the result of continued unwelcome behaviour, not an isolated incident.

I'd back way off, not contact her in any way that has nothing to do with work and carry on as if nothing happened.
Keep things cordial and professional at all times. Keep any email or text correspondence from her and don't ask her out again.
As for going to lunch, as long as it's with a group of colleagues, you should be fine as long as you don't speak to her unless she speaks to you, and even then keep your answers brief but friendly.
Don't give her any more ammunition she could use against you.