Echo1212, plz read (my "friend who sees a lot of me")

[Santos]

Hey man.

I posted here last night about seeing Chantal today. I thought a lot about what you guys said, thanks a lot. I respect what you have to say. This is a short summary of what happend today:

When we get to her house she gets me something to drink, so I end up saying to her "You know I'm not really going to help you pick out an outfit do you? I don't want you to think of me as one of your gay friends." (or words to that effect)

She started laughing, and needless to say. I didn't help her pick out an outfit. Got out of that one. Ok, so I'm thinking about what you guys said, and I'm feeling very tense, the words "user", "friendzone" running through my mind.

Anyway, you said I should stop posting about this here. But today she tells me she likes me more than she should, and she doesn't know what to do. I just said "Well, I'm not going to do anything with you because you have a boyfriend." She's saying things like, "I've never been able to talk till one in the morning with anyone before"; "A guy who can hold a conversation is a turn on." Anyway, I had to take a friend to the doctor and left early (not that long with her today ).

Like clockwork, she phones me at 8:00 tonight. Just to talk. "What you been doing", "what turns you on?", etc. And she says to me, after talking for a while "Honestly, I really wanted you to kiss me today." I said, "Yes I wanted to, but you have a boyfriend and I'm not going to do anything while he is in the picture."

This girl is NOT using me, trust me on this. I am in the situation and I can see from how she looks at me, and touches me, and calls me everyday, things she says. She looked like she was going to cry when I left today (this situation is confusing for her). She did say to me, on the phone thsi evening, "I hope this isn't going to change anything between us."

She also said she wasn't going to stay with her BF much longer. She's talking about us bathing together. We talked about how sex together would be, mostly C&F, I'm like "No man would ever compare after you've had me."

She also TOLD me to call her or text her tomorrow. I don't want to follow orders, it gets boring talking EVER DAY on the phone. So i'll just text her?

I get the impression that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's torn between going out with me and her BF. She's told me that she's only known me a week, and she's not sure what to do. Looks like she wants me to sit and WAIT for her to break up with her BF. That's just AFC. She says she wants to see me again soon.

This whole situation is upsetting her. She is going with her BF to his prom on Friday, and she said she'll see what happens.

I don't think I should see her for a while. I think she'll get too comfortable seeing me while still going out with her BF. I'm also aware of the fact that she could run back to him at any moment.

She isn't breaking up with him because of ME, I'm just her motivation. She was complaning about him when I met her once 3 months ago. (we only started going out a week ago)

When I got to her house, she was dropping hints all over the place about being fed up with her BF. This is the first time I've seen her since I told her friend, "I can't do anything with her because she has a BF".

Thanks for any input
Santos

 

[One on One]

I think you should stop seeing her for a while. Be up front with her and tell her that she needs to make a decision about her bf. It would be AFC to keep hanging around her.

 

[echo1212]

Well considering everything I'd say you did alright. At least you didnt have to sit there picking out outfits like some idiot. As far as what else you said, i agree. Withdraw somewhat. No need to see or speak to this girl everyday, shes not your gf, shes somebody elses for right now. Also, dont call her when she tells you to, dont text either. You owe her nothing but your friendship and that doesn't mean you have to see or talk to one another every day. Let things play out with her bf and if/when they break up, make your move. Otherwise keep it cool and in control. Well done.

 

[Santos]

If I don't phone or text her tomorrow, is that gonna look bad? Maybe I should call her and just say, "I don't really want to put you on the spot. But I've been thinking about it, and I don't think we should see each other again until you have sorted out your problems with your BF."

You see she's pissed off with her BF because he said she can't have me as a friend. And basically said if I am her friend then he'll break up with her. And he's TELLING her what to do. So I'm basically going to tell her to choose between me and him. I.e. what her BF is doing.

Well I suppose, I'm saying "Break up with him now, or I'm gone."

I suppose I have the advantage over the BF. She's going to see him more, but think about me and wish she could be with me. Her IL is high and I think I need to scare her into action, but will I lose her?

I suppose we have at LEAST a friendship. But the attraction is there. And if I'm gone she'll miss me, and come running?

 

[echo1212]

Dont say or do anything-dont PRESSURE!!! IF you dont hear from her in a day or so give her a call just to see whats up and keep in contact-but dont appear needy or whiny-just be cool my friend.

 

[Lone_raider]

These guys have it right. You need to back off for a few days with no contact. You are doing nothing wrong by doing this and shouldn't feel bad about it. If anything she is wrong for leading you on and still having a boyfriend. Don't comply with her demands, when she says call me at 8:00 or whatever don't do it! You'll only raise your stock higher by becoming more scarce.

And certainly don't give her an ultimatum, only she can leave that boyfriend, you can't make her. I've had girls showing high IL in me and complaining about there boyfriends, even got an "I wish he were more like you" once. But guess what if she is still going out with him, kissing him and screwing him, then you are just a friend no matter what she says. Someone else made a good point a few days ago when they said "Watch to see if her words match her actions". Women will say anything to you and I mean anything, just watch and see if she actually does it.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by Lone_raider
"Watch to see if her words match her actions". Women will say anything to you and I mean anything, just watch and see if she actually does it.

Well, we were holding each other yesterday. She was also caressing my legs, arms, hair etc. But I get your point.

So even though she asked me to call her sometime today, I must just NOT do it? If you guys are sure, then I bow to your superior knowledge.

Thanks
Santos

 

[iqqi]

santos, you got her right where you want her. now it is time to pull out all of your dj tactics, and DISCIPLINE. don't blow it!

now is the time to back off and disappear, make her MISS you!

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Either meet up and bang her that time (boyfriend bedamned), or pull back and start dating other chicks. If she asks about your social life, tell her the truth, and don't apologise about the fact that you're not sitting there like a muppet waiting to see if she might possibly, in the next 5 years, dump her bf.

Be a man damnit.

Osc.