E-mails to chicks, no luck

[Abbott]

I'm on this online dating site trying to meet some women for dates and hang-out buddies. Unfortunately, no E-mail I've sent has resulted in a positive outcome. I've sent out messages to nine women. Of those nine, seven didn't respond and the other two rejected me.

I'd like to know what I'm doing wrong. I figured that at least ONE of them would've responded to me in a positive manner, but no.

Here's a few common rules I've followed:

1) I send one message.
2) If I decide to send a follow-up message, I don't do it until at least a week after the first message.
3) I never sent more than one follow up message, waiting for them to respond to me before I sent them anything more.
4) I included my contact info in my messages, so they wouldn't have to subscribe to the service (phone #, E-mail, My P.O. Box).


Also, I've even occasionally compromised when it came to women I should contact (i.e. wrong religion, wrong political views, little too far away, or even being a little shorter than I'd like). The only thing I flatly refuse to compromise on is ethnicity. I'm white, and I can see myself with someone of differing political views, but I cannot see myself who isn't white. I'm not racist, that's just how I am (I hate having to be so politically correct).

I would hope it's not me. I dress fairly conservatively, and I have some conservative, traditional mannerisms. I'm somewhat old-fashioned, though the closest modern clique that I might fit into would probably be the "preps." I'm definately not goth/alternative/whatever at all. In fact I have some animosity towards them. My look is probably a combination of old-fashioned and prep. I'm the type of guy that you might think is politically conservative, even though I'm a passionate liberal (people won't know this when they meet me, because I don't usually discuss politics and avoid it, since it can create bad feeling).

So chances are, I'm probably not scary.

Also, I'm 19.5 y/o white male (though people have mistaken me for 21), and I'm seeking white women age 19-23.


So anyone have any ideas why I'm not faring so well?

Ben

 

[Julian]

I included my contact info in my messages, so they wouldn't have to subscribe to the service (phone #, E-mail, My P.O. Box).

Little much eh?

Honestly if i were you i would only contact chicks that are already subscribed to the service because then you know they are actually serious about dating online.

 

[sapphire]

What dating service are you using?

 

[Andromax]

How long have you been doing this? Because nine isn't a huge number.

Now if it were 90 women that had regected you, I would think that would be more extreme.

But nine is a very small number of regections.

Write out more emails, it wont last forever. Stay vigilant.

Don't compromise though, man. You're worth the wait when it comes to searching for women. You don't NEED to be in a relationship because you are happy with YOURSELF, or you should be! Remember that.

Keep in mind though. You arent even drinking age yet. Seems to me, atleast from my experience, that the majority of women that use online dating are a little older. That's cool, older chicks rock imo, but they generally go for guys older than them. So a factor could be your age.

Nevertheless! Stay focused on yourself, become that irresitable hotty, and the women will be wondering why you keep rejecting THEM !!

Andromax

 

[Abbott]

Julian:

Little much eh?

Honestly if i were you i would only contact chicks that are already subscribed to the service because then you know they are actually serious about dating online.

I see what you mean. I did feel a little AFC doing that, but I figured I had to because it'd be easier for them to get back to me.

I've thought about only contacting those who are already subscribed, except for two things:

A) There's two ways to subscribe. The first way shows whether or not said girl has a subscription or not (Premier), while the other one doesn't (Regular). So I can't tell whether or not a certain chick is a (Basic, or no subscription) member or a Regular member.

B) Unfortunately, it seems that women like that tend to not be very pretty, which isn't good since I like hot chicks (who doesn't?).

I also figured that women assume (and rightfully so) that men would initiate, so that's why I didn't worry about it so much. It's rare to find a woman who'll initiate contact, since that's usually the man's job. Not to say that hasn't happened to me, but the chicks who do never seem to be particularly hot, which is something I can't compromise on (without attraction, how can there be a relationship?)

Sapphire:

What dating service are you using?

I use Yahoo! (tm) Personals for the moment.

Why? Are some services better than others?

Andromax:

How long have you been doing this? Because nine isn't a huge number.

For about a month and a half.

Write out more emails, it wont last forever. Stay vigilant.

One can only hope. There's only so many hot chicks on the site though. And I'll be damned if I'm going to pursue an ugly chick when that's not what I want.

Don't compromise though, man. You're worth the wait when it comes to searching for women. You don't NEED to be in a relationship because you are happy with YOURSELF, or you should be! Remember that.

Yes, naturally.

It is getting a little old being single though, not that it doesn't have some good things about it.

Keep in mind though. You arent even drinking age yet. Seems to me, atleast from my experience, that the majority of women that use online dating are a little older. That's cool, older chicks rock imo, but they generally go for guys older than them. So a factor could be your age.

Perhaps. I think everyone I've contacted is between age 18 (a little young, but OK) and 21, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. But you got a point there.

I'd rather not have to wait another year and a half, but if I do then so be it. High school chicks definately aren't my type (not that I usually see them anyway), so I'm not going to go there.

Nevertheless! Stay focused on yourself, become that irresitable hotty, and the women will be wondering why you keep rejecting THEM !!

Of course!


Everyone:

Here's a little exercise that I hope you can do. I'd like it if you could review my description and tell me if I can do better. I probably can, but I'm not sure in what ways I can make it better.

My headline: Cool Cat looking for a Kitty

My description:
What's the best way to describe me, in just a few words? I'm probably best described as being somewhat preppy, yet slightly traditional. I tend to favor dance music and rock music, though other kinds can be alright. I also like to go to parties, so you would have to too. I'm also slightly eccentric, but not weird.

I did choose "self-employed" up there, but I also take some classes right now. However I can't put in two things up there, so.....

Without further ado, allow me to begin with:

Hi, my name is Ben. What's yours?

Talk to you soon.

Ben

 

[Interpol]

The obvious answer here is they don't like your pic.

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by Interpol
The obvious answer here is they don't like your pic.

You shouldn't be so quick to judge, especially when you probably haven't seen the picture.

Here's a couple links to the same pictures I use on my profile:

Primary
Secondary

You might be right, I don't know.

I do know that those pictures probably aren't the greatest, but they're the best I've got for now.

This weekend I'll probably be going out with some friends. I'll try to remember my camera. Hopefully I'll use up all the film so I can develop it and scan all the pictures.

Look at them, and then tell me what you think.

Ben

 

[Interpol]

I'm no expert on online dating (never tried it, haven't needed to) but common sense tells me that 95% of whether or not a girl talks to you is based on your pic. You can only convey so much of your personality through a written paragraph, and with thousands of people to browse through, common interests alone won't get you much.

I think you can do better with your pics. They're both blurry as hell for one. The glasses and smile also look a little dorky, IMO.

 

[Andromax]

Yeah dude, little dorky.

Im a great lookin guy but my pics NEVER turn out well. So I cant say much!


My advice, get a kick ass trendy hair cut. Go down and get some professional photos taken. (unless you know a journalism/photography major!!)

First impression is your pic.

When I am browsing the personals, which I do on occasion, I only write the chicks which I am initially attracted to based on their pic. Which is different then when I am out in public. I will talk to chicks that I am not attracted to, will even be flirty with them!

And lose the glasses for the photo!

Ever seen LA Confidential? The captain made Lt Exley lose his glasses to be a detective cause he thought they were dorky.

Kinda funny...

Anyways Detectives are bad ass, and chicks arent forgiving about your glasses untill they get to know you.

Sorry to be so blunt but its the ...cold...hard...truth...

and since you are into personal ads, this is the best way to succeed. A hot photo!

Go get a hot pic...


OH Yeah... dont get a glamour photo, get something that looks natural, where you are in a social environment.

Well..

Thats all i've got for ya hope some of it helps!

Andromax

 

[saki]

I dont have a pic and I have had hundreds of replies over the last few months. Its all how you talk to them. The same rules do not apply as they do in the real life dating scenario. If a girl doesnt write you back, you write her and tell here something to the effect of, "so your just gonna delete me huh?" then say " I guess you are just one of those superficial girls or something to that nature. They will always write you back, ALWAYS because this redirects the guilt on them and then they have to prove to you they are not like that.
All-in-all though email tag is a total waste of tine imo. it never leads to anything unless you actively pursue a real time meeting

 

[00Kevin]

When I tried dating online, the best intro emails that I've used always start with one phrase.

"Sorry for any intrusion, etc..."

Girls always respond well to a man who has manners. Most guys on the net are rude and disturbing. You have to basically tell her right from the start that you are different.

Then I suggest you just describe the way you look.

"I have brown hair, brown eyes, 44" chest. 32 waist etc...."

and leave it at that. Girls are just as superficial as you are.

 

[Full circle]

Online dating is little different!

When you do online dating, your writing style and picture(s) are vital. You must come across as a decent person with alluring personality.

For example, check out my friend's profile on Match.com. He has got many winks in a span of few days he has been on the site. A classmate of mine, he never had problem getting chicks but being new in the city Match.com is his window. So far, he is flying in it!

Here is the L I N K.

 

[Andromax]

Full Circle...


HAhaha..

Yourfriend looks, based on pic,

A)

RICH

B)

RICH

uhm...

Im not gay, and I can realize that.


Yeah he had an enaging profile;

"Harvard-educated Swiss business executive who loves to live life with immense admiration and passion enjoying the mosaic of contemporary diversity. My attributes include honesty, sincerity, spontaneity and a great sense of humor.

The woman I am seeking will exude confidence, professional success, honesty and sincerity. She is bold to express herself while reverberating the delicacy of feminine poise."


...

Please dont tell me you are so far up your own ass you are gonna compare us to your harvard graduate friend that rakes in the poonany???


"'

This is a 19 yo you are giving adive to.... KEEP THAT IN MIND!!!

 

[Full circle]

Admittedly, he is well-educated and affluent but he does possess a very charming personality. Also, he is very articulate.

Even before he became professionally successful, I could see how women would gravitate to him just because he was "suave" and highly seductive. Could be European thing.

The point is: If you present yourself well -- be it by words and/or physcial profile -- it sends a very positive signal to others. Women don't always gravitate to money but they invariably seek someone seductive i.e., someone who gives them the pulse of moment (namely making them feel special/attractive etc.)

 

[Abbott]

Andromax:

It's OK to be blunt, because I'm a tough guy. Once I was called a conceited assho!e, and I laughed. This was after a girl said she loved me (I doubt she was serious but I wasn't interested in her in either case), and then I said "I love me too."

About my picture being my first impression, good point.

I take it then that I should seriously consider getting contacts?

I've sometimes thought about doing that, but not seriously (until recently). However, almost every time I've asked people which is better (glasses or contacts), most of them thought contacts would be slightly better. Only one person said that it'd be about the same.

I hope that I'll be able to convince my parents to buy them for me now, instead of waiting until July when I usually go to the optometrist.

Also, any point in getting a professional picture before I get contacts?

00Kevin:

Doesn't starting an E-mail with a line like that backfire?

It's like you're apologizing for your presence, like you don't really belong there. Any time I've seen someone say that it has always made them appear weak. I'm not saying you're weak, but I've yet to see anyone say something like that without appearing weak.

At least that's what I think of.



Well, gotta go,

Ben

 

[Andromax]

Ben,

No you don't have to wait to get contacts to get some photos done.

You dont even gotta get em done professionally.

My best pics have been taken from my friends.

Any of your friends, or you, got a 3.0 mega pixel or better digi cam?

If so, thats all you need.

Just have your buddies take a sh!t load of pics of yourselves having fun (all hot lookin) and pick your favorite ones.

It's not something that you really need to stress about, bro

were you born with your glasses or contacts? You can get a pic without em
You arent ugly with them on, you could even pull off a sexy pic wearing them, believe me.
As far as resorting to getting contacts?

HELL NO!!

Not unless it is something that you decide to do!

Lt. Exley wore his glasses after being inaugruated as a detective.

And you know what?

As a Bad ass Detective, he PULLED THEM OFF.

Sure get a sexy photo taken without em, but that dont mean you gotta live without em!

Contacts are cool, but dont morph your entire life around my input.



just invest time in yourself to be sexy.

You don't need us to tell you that !

Not to undermine 00Kevin, but I really gotta agree with you Ben, that his strategy of apologizing to women for his sexual desire, and his loads of cash, is not exactly the dillema that you are facing =)

Give me a PM any time man I am here to give an recieve guidance.

Andromax

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Abbott
I'm on this online dating site trying to meet some women for dates and hang-out buddies. Unfortunately, no E-mail I've sent has resulted in a positive outcome.

Those things are a numbers game. If the girl is even slightly attractive, she's getting leg-humped by every nerd on that site. It is very, VERY difficult to even get an audition, and she's starting you out with two strikes. Don't sweat it. Just keep shotgunning.

Eventually one or two will respond favorably. But don't expect the first date to go well, either. These women are on these sites for a reason.

Either way, go meet chicks in real-life and use the dating site as a side-method. Don't rely on it exclusively.

 

[Life-Trainee]

You've got to do something about your profile pictures. They're horrid in my opinion. In my experience online dating brings out extreme shallow and picky characteristics in people.

 

[Abbott]

Andromax:

Contacts are cool, but dont morph your entire life around my input.

Why would I do that? You're hardly an omniscient guru who knows everything.

Haha I'm just kidding.

Anyway I thought I mentioned that it's actually something that I've considered for awhile now. I've even asked different people which is better.

Squirrels:

I know this is a numbers game. Unfortunately I don't like the numbers I get whenever I look at the data and figure stuff. So I figure there's something that I must be doing wrong, and of course I aim to find out what it is.

I know eventually one or two will respond favorably. However, the way things are going I'll be retired before anything like that happens, and I know that I don't care to wait that long. That's why I was (I suppose still am) trying to figure out what I can do better.

As far as meeting women in real life, I do try but that's not working out for me. So I figure that I have to resort to other methods.

I realize that I'm probably taking a bit of a chance trying to meet women through these online personals, especially when you think about what kinds of people would want to use them. However it's a chance that I'm willing to take, since right now it seems as good a way as any to meet women.

Life-Trainee:

Thank you for being candid about my pictures. This goes for everyone else who has commented about them.

About your experience, yes it does seem that way.

All:

It seems that the general consensus that most people here have reached is that my picture is no good, and I need to make it better.

Right?

Ben

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by Abbott
Andromax:


00Kevin:

Doesn't starting an E-mail with a line like that backfire?

It's like you're apologizing for your presence, like you don't really belong there. Any time I've seen someone say that it has always made them appear weak. I'm not saying you're weak, but I've yet to see anyone say something like that without appearing weak.

At least that's what I think of.



Well, gotta go,

Ben

I totally agree with you, but it works all the time. I had one girl tell me that the reason she replied to me was because I said that. This girl was very hot and very picky.

What you have to understand is that most women on those sites encounter a very large number of disturbing men. I know girl who received pictures of a guys penis.

It is high chivalry to be polite to a lady. You shouldn't do it all the time, but do demonstrate manners.