Dunno what came over me today!

[Nikar]

Ok, so I've made some major improvements these couple of months in that I can actually make chicks laugh and flirt and all.

I was so happy with myself that I felt like a God, I felt that life was really great, everything is smooth and sweet. I felt like I'm a real DJ, I'm a natural-born talent etc....

Now, there's 2 chicks I know for quite some time and we were chatting about lunch stuff today etc:


The convo was like:

Girl #1: Hey, I'm meeting some friends (all female) for lunch tomorrow. Will be a busy day, though.

Girl #2 (this is the one I really like): LOL, good, and you can introduce some chicks to Nikar as well.

After hearing that sentence, I almost flew into insane rage. The good part is that I didn't show it at all, although my heart was raging like hell.

Me: But I'm not interested.

Girl #1: Ok, so what kinda chicks do you like?

Me: Nah, I'll take my time to find one.

At this point, I was very angry but I kept my cool throughout. After saying the sentence above, I left the room.


I dunno what came over me, and I'm just confused.
When I heard them said those stuff, it's as if I need a gf badly.
I feel like an insulted loser.

I know they're just teasing me cos' two of them are young and playful, but.....
It's like, as if I really need help finding a gf, even though I never had a gf before (I'm 25 yrs old by end of this year).
These 2 chicks have bfs, though.

Even my recent success at teasing and flirting all disappeared. I think I'm back to square one.

Anyone has advice? Or anyone has experienced this before?

Now that I think about it, I could have responded as below instead:

Girl #1: Hey, I'm meeting some friends (all female) for lunch tomorrow. Will be a busy day, though.

Girl #2 (I really like this chick!): LOL, good, and you can introduce some chicks to Nikar as well.

Me: LOL, with chicks like you two, why do I still need to meet more chicks?

Thinking back, I almost burst out in rage, but thank god I didn't, or it could make things worse.

 

[HandyAndy]

Why did you get mad in the first place? I dont see waht would have made you angry after she asked to introduce friends to you

 

[Nikar]

I dunno, maybe it's a moment of low-self-esteem or whatever.

I feel much better now after giving myself some positive self-talk. As at this time, I'll continue with my game.

 

[SinJester]

Sounds like you have oneitus for one of those chicks. Your probably in the friends zone. When girl friends used to try and set me up (don't even think about letting you buddies try) I just pretty p!ssed because it was like a hit to my ego. "I don't need to be set up! I don't even need a girl!". Now I realize that isn't DJ thinking at all, it was ego protection, and perhaps a lack of self-esteem. Just roll with it. If your girl friends want to introduce you to their friends let them! They are doing you a favour. You can start of with instant social proof. So it is cool if your girl friends try to set you up, just act cool with it, you know you don't need it, it's just a bonus. However it's probably wise not to ask them them to set you up.

 

[Crazy Asian]

yeah i know that feeling.
like you think you can get any girl, but others still think you're a looser that can't land a date.
i remember that feeling.
the truth is, probably they're right.
admit to yourself that you are a looser.
and start from there.
if you start by thinking you're at the top, there's nowhere for you to go but down.

at least, that's how it was for me.
dunno, u might be in a complete different situation.

 

[SinJester]

No no no Crazy Asian if you have a girl friend that tries to set you up it doesn't mean she thinks your a loser. It's all just fun, it's what girls do. I wouldn't worry what people you have known for a bit, they will have an opinion of you from way back when and it isn't likely to change.

 

[Nikar]

From SinJester:

When girl friends used to try and set me up (don't even think about letting you buddies try) I just pretty p!ssed because it was like a hit to my ego. "I don't need to be set up! I don't even need a girl!". Now I realize that isn't DJ thinking at all, it was ego protection, and perhaps a lack of self-esteem. Just roll with it.

That's it! The same exact feeling! Now I think I know what to do. And yeah, it's a super huge blow to my ego. It's like the end of the world for me, luckily that it only lasts for a while.

From Crazy:

yeah i know that feeling.
like you think you can get any girl, but others still think you're a looser that can't land a date.
i remember that feeling.
the truth is, probably they're right.
admit to yourself that you are a looser.
and start from there.
if you start by thinking you're at the top, there's nowhere for you to go but down.

And you're right.

I knew those two chicks right from my AFC days, so these few months in which I really improved etc., they might still have the mental concept that "he's still an AFC / loser" etc.

I might have to start fresh with other new chicks I never knew before. Which is why first impression is very important.
If I'm a DJ right from the start, then anything goes!
Not so in my case, as I'm only starting to "morph" into a DJ.

Sigh. Only consolation is that at least I'm getting better.
In the past, I couldn't even flirt at all. I don't even dare to laugh. I don't even dare to tease chicks. But it's different now, in that they response better than I thought and one of them totally was over me sometimes, until that little piece of **** which happened today.

 

[SinJester]

I'm posting in this thread a third time because I can REALLY relate to what your going through.

In a little while you will realize that the incident was NOTHING. Not a big deal at all. It is all completely in your head. It's just those few remaining insecurities poping up and trying to derail you. Don't listen to them

What you should have is in acceptance of yourself as someone who is attractive to women. Therefore when something like this happens you just ignore it. "Silly girls think I need help! That's funny!".

When girl friends try to set you up: "Hey I know I don't need this but this might be fun!" You can't be a DJ if you react to things like that. The coolest guy is the least reactive.

When you are talking to people you knew in your AFC does there is a double whammy working against you. One is that they have pre-formed opinions of you and have mental patterns around that. The second thing is that you are likely to revert back to old behaviours with them. That's not to say you can't change, just be the new you around them for long enough and eventually they will come to accept the new you. It might work even better if you don't have anything to do with them for a long time. But I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Here's an example. There's this ridiculously hot girl I used to have oneitus for. I was so AFC back then. She probably had all sorts of ideas about me being uncool and whatever. Now I'm really good friends with her. 'Friends' you might be thinking. Well yeah that's all I want. She is really snobby and confident and doesn't like many people. I'm not thinking "Oh I'm lucky to be her friend". She is fricekn lucky to be friends with me! I'm hoping she isn't interested in me because I have 3 others girls into me and I don't know which one to choose. You see, new girls that I meant now I am no longer AFC, she doesn't know about and I don't care, but I have changed her opinion of me drastically.

If she tried to set me up I would probably say something like "Hey you know your friends have to pay for this?"

EDIT:

This is to Jitterbug's comment below. I agree. I'm c/f naturally I don't encourage everyone else to do it.

 

[Jitterbug]

Girls in a relationship love to play matchmakers for their single friends. Keep your fragile ego in check, Nikar.

Guys, if your female friends want to set you up with their chick friends, and you're not exactly the type who could pull girls by yourself whenever you like*, then take their offer as genuine and be a little humble about it. Save your ****y funny sh!t for when you actually meet the chick you're introduced to.

*here in this thread we have Nikar who only just managed to make girls laugh & flirt with them and two 16 year old kids.

 

[DonGorgon]

Why did you get mad in the first place?

He got mad cause he os desperate and they know it and are rubbing it in his face.