Dumped, need some advice on what happened...

[Gustav Yavo]

I was with this great girl for a year. Everything i ever wanted, great tits, amazing personality, secure, self confident, sure of her wants and dislikes, and we just clicked perfectly sexually. So when she broke up with me a few weeks ago, i took it pretty badly but stayed relatively calm around her. She started seeing another guy a couple weeks later and thats when i pushed myself back into her life, convinced i could break them up. After hooking up with another girl and going to stripclubs i had this idea in my head that i could get her back, because i figured i knew something about her that no one else did.


While she was seeing the other guy, i started texting her, calling her and going out with her. She was always mentioning that she was seeing someone else trying to get me to stop flirting and stuff with her but i just ignored and continued forward. Eventually i got her out with me one saturday night, 5 weeks after we broke up. Things went great, almost back to normal. She sat at the table telling me how this guy was so wrong for her, but she needed him to see how great i was. Makeout in car at end of the night, and the next day shes asking me how to break up with him.

This is where things started getting wierd. I told her to tell him that she just wasn't ready for another relationship, which she did shortly after, however she kept on telling me how guilty she felt that she didn't give him the same "chances" that she gave to me, and that she felt he was devastated. A couple days later, with good conversations and flirting in between, we go out for breakfest, another great date, then go shopping. Im grabbing her ass in the stores, shes laughing, im kissing her, hold hands ect. The next day however, i text her in the morning just to say something short and sweet. She's acting a little cold with limited response so i ask if everythings okay? She says shes just thinking and feels sore in her stomach, so i press a little bit more to see if shes thinking bout the other guy, and she blows up so i don't talk to her for the rest of the day.

Night time arrives, i give her a call assuming shes calmed down, shes cold as ice. She tells me shes choosing him because she "likes" him but that she wants to be friends, and that shes made up her mind and there's no changing it, so i tell her that i give only 100% percent of myself to people, so friendship is not an option, after a little arguing, she starts crying and i leave.

Wtf happened here? This girl who was so sure of herself and not phased by public opinion chose this guy whose completely AFC (even if i acted a little AFC on the phone) and is friends with some of her friends.
A)Did her friends egg her on?
B)Did i make a fatal mistake, besides trying to rekindle things?
C)Is she just addicted to drama and attention?
D) Is he a rebound? (she mentioned that she needs a guy who isn't as wild as me, and who will listen to her, which apparently he does well)

It was just such a quick 180 that i'm completely surprised, it seems i had her in my grasp.

 

[COD]

LETS TAKE A CSI LOOK AT WHAT YOU SAID...........

-she broke up with me a few weeks ago, i took it pretty badly

-She started seeing another guy a couple weeks later

- pushed myself back into her life, convinced i could break them up

-I told her to tell him that she just wasn't ready for another relationship, which she did

-While she was seeing the other guy, i started texting her, calling her and going out with her. She was always mentioning that she was seeing someone else trying to get me to stop flirting and stuff with her but i just ignored and continued forward

-The next day however, i text her,..........so i press a little bit more, Night time arrives, i give her a call

-i tell her that i give only 100% percent of myself to people, so friendship is not an option, after a little arguing, she starts crying and i leave.

-i acted a little AFC on the phone

)Did her friends egg her on?
(IRRELEVANT in the long run)

B)Did i make a fatal mistake, besides trying to rekindle things?
(SEE ABOVE AFC POINTS)

C)Is she just addicted to drama and attention?
(what woman isnt)

D) Is he a rebound? (she mentioned that she needs a guy who isn't as wild as me, and who will listen to her, which apparently he does well)......

BINGO.......sounds like its ALL ABOUT YOUR NEEDS.........

It was just such a quick 180 that i'm completely surprised, it seems i had her in my grasp.

ANYONE else could of seen this from a mile away........controlling, self centered, you you you........SHEESH DUDE..........everything you want from a woman should be when u are getting married before then it should be a very short list.........sex, a BJ, and thats about it.

Getting back with her...........way too soon, the harder you grasp the more they want to get away...........

REALITY CHECK-get this behavior changed immediately or a lifetime of repeats is your destiny.

 

[Energizer]

I live by a golden rule when it comes to relationships - "No second chances". If a girl rejects me and then several months later wants me, she isn't going to have me because I ask a girl out once, she says "No" then she is crossed off. It's the same when I get dumped or a relationship ends, no second chances, that's it. If I was meant to be with Girl X and it ended then Girl X wasn't for me and maybe Girl Y is for me. I move on, as hard as it is and this is what you need to do. Move on. Stop wasting your time over spilt milk.

 

[TizZle]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594 Do this next time..

 

[WC2]

When's the last time you've heard of the 'perfect' relationship?

Meaning, when's the last time you've seen a friend of yours LOVE his girl very much while she loved him back for an extended period of time.

And I'm talking long term here; even the worst relationships can be great in the first 6 months or so.

I ask this because you state how much you loved your woman and so on, but you fail to see that she most likely didn't see you in the same light, so she effectively held all the power in your relationship.

This is why we can't build our women up to be MORE than they really are. Enjoy women for their qualities, but don't idolize them or they will leave you.

To recap..

Your woman left you because she realized that she could probably find something better (whether it be better looks, better physical traits, better job, better sex, etc).

Of course she was not 100% over you.. she was in the process of trying to get over you.

Whether or not she was seeing this dude before she broke up with you, who knows. But it doesn't always surprise me; I've seen this many times.

This guy played right into her game and he got sucked in just as you did. She decided he wasn't a challenge, so she reverted back to you (and at the time you were a challenge because you weren't talking to her as much).

Things always seem perfect when you first get back with your ex... the male is always blind to what's actually happening.

What she's actually doing is effectively gaining control over you again.

"Oh I dumped you, but look at me win you back in just 1 night! Ha! Time to move on to a real man who I have to work at for not days, but months... peace!"

And there you have it. As soon as she knew she could control you, she decided to leave.

If the sex was good, she will come for just that.
If you're a 'nice guy' she will try to become friends with you. Don't accept this false branch of friendship.
If you politely ignore her, she will come back again.
BUT this sick cycle will continue.

Sure, if you make her work for your love for a month or two, she will probably stay longer. But believe me, she will leave again.

So what's the point?

Get over this girl while the getting is hot. It's much easier now than a year down the road of back and forth.

Trust me I've been there.

 

[Gustav Yavo]

I see. And by going after again, did i just make her more unsure about what she wanted? because she did break it off with the other guy she was seeing? eventually she saw through all the bs though right?

Thanks for the advice boys

 

[Gustav Yavo]

See i think she left me more because i was too self centered, not because i was no longer a challenge. I challenged her often. however she always said that i didn't listen to her, or didn't pay enough attention to her.

But deff when i was trying to get her back i wasn't so much of a challenge.

Im just going over the situation to make me better for the next time. I've started my transformation, i just don't want to make the same mistakes.

 

[Asteconn]

I live by a golden rule when it comes to relationships - "No second chances". If a girl rejects me and then several months later wants me, she isn't going to have me because I ask a girl out once, she says "No" then she is crossed off. It's the same when I get dumped or a relationship ends, no second chances, that's it. If I was meant to be with Girl X and it ended then Girl X wasn't for me and maybe Girl Y is for me. I move on, as hard as it is and this is what you need to do. Move on. Stop wasting your time over spilt milk.

I always give a girl a second chance on a first date arrangement. Sometimes something pops up that can't be helped. But for relationships, I see where you're coming from

 

[tmac15]

Ok, so I've read the above thread from the OP. I want to ask this ? to the members here and to the WC, since his reply post was really informative for me.

My situation i've been dating this woman for 3-4 months now. Things are going great. We hangout probably once during the work week. We typically spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday together. We talk on the phone if not daily every other day at the end of the day. Me and her have gotten into a couple of arguments when it seemed like I was about to break up with her and walk away she apologized and she even told me she thought it was over between us. I really enjoy her company, *ex is great. I get it when I want it, sometimes 3-4 times a day.

When your in a relationship and you really care about the person when do you stop thinking so much? When do you call to talk when you want to talk. Basically, when do you stop playing games (I know , I know it's not suppose to be a game, DJ it's suppose to be part of your personality)? But seriously who has never really liked someone and fallen for someone (onenities or whatever) Can an objective viewpoint explain to me where I'm at in my situation and what I should do if I want to continue with this woman? I really like what I'm seeing with her.

BTW, reading this board sometimes make you think way too much.

 

[FutureSpartan]

See i think she left me more because i was too self centered, not because i was no longer a challenge. I challenged her often. however she always said that i didn't listen to her, or didn't pay enough attention to her.

But deff when i was trying to get her back i wasn't so much of a challenge.

Im just going over the situation to make me better for the next time. I've started my transformation, i just don't want to make the same mistakes.

Don't feel like you have to constantly challenge the girl in your relationship. Its always good to keep her on her toes every so often, but trust me, any normal girl appreciates a guy who treats her kindly and brings her up.

Thats the challenge of relationships...maintaining that balance of keeping her on her toes and being a nice decent guy to her. If you sway too much towards being too challenging, eventually she will just get sick of it and leave (in your case). OTOH, if you're constantly being too nice to her and not doing anything to maintain that sexual tension, she'll leave you out of boredom.

Just strike the right balance next time and you AND the girl will be happier for it...trust me.

 

[WhtRbt]

Never go back to an ex after you've broken up. There are no breaks. There are no times to see other people for a while and then try again. You can't go back.

One chance, per woman, per lifetime. PERIOD

Over time she lost interest in you due to you not acting like a real man. That is what happened.

Advice: Keep studying, date many women.

 

[WC2]

See i think she left me more because i was too self centered, not because i was no longer a challenge. I challenged her often. however she always said that i didn't listen to her, or didn't pay enough attention to her.

But deff when i was trying to get her back i wasn't so much of a challenge.

Im just going over the situation to make me better for the next time. I've started my transformation, i just don't want to make the same mistakes.

I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, because after all it's your girl... However most women don't leave men so quickly and move on to the next guy if they believe their man was 'self-centered'.

Usually this is just some BS she is feeding you in order to not damage your feelings.

The reality of the matter is however, is that you weren't offering her what she wanted or so thought she deserved. It could be that you're self-centered, but that doesn't make any sense seeing that you really do like this girl (maybe a little too much), so I'd just pass that off as her projecting what she really is (self-centered) on you. After all, she made this decision on her own and expected you to come back after she dumped you, so it's really she who is self-centered.

Ok, so I've read the above thread from the OP. I want to ask this ? to the members here and to the WC, since his reply post was really informative for me.

My situation i've been dating this woman for 3-4 months now. Things are going great. We hangout probably once during the work week. We typically spend Friday, Saturday and Sunday together. We talk on the phone if not daily every other day at the end of the day. Me and her have gotten into a couple of arguments when it seemed like I was about to break up with her and walk away she apologized and she even told me she thought it was over between us. I really enjoy her company, *ex is great. I get it when I want it, sometimes 3-4 times a day.

When your in a relationship and you really care about the person when do you stop thinking so much? When do you call to talk when you want to talk. Basically, when do you stop playing games (I know , I know it's not suppose to be a game, DJ it's suppose to be part of your personality)? But seriously who has never really liked someone and fallen for someone (onenities or whatever) Can an objective viewpoint explain to me where I'm at in my situation and what I should do if I want to continue with this woman? I really like what I'm seeing with her.

BTW, reading this board sometimes make you think way too much.

It doesn't sound to me like you're overbearing or that you're running an unhealthy relationship; couples can hangout Friday, Saturday, Sunday and be perfectly fine.

That is as long as you keep your priorities in line.

First and far most, you're #1 priority should be yourself and your aspirations and dreams. Every man has a gift to give to the world whether it's in business, art, leadership, etc.

If you're not living this gift fully, your woman will sense it.

If you start making her your gift instead, she will sense it.

She tells you she wants to be what's #1 to you, but subconsciously our women want us to be all we can be as men. They want us to always be ahead of our competition (other men), battling for the top, using our gift.

You'll hear a lot of guys come on here with rules (Only 2 days a week! Only 1 phone call a day!), which is complete and utter bullsh!t. Yeah, don't smother but you don't have to censor your behavior just for the sake of it.

This is because if you really have your sh!t together and you have other things going in your life, you simply won't have a lot of time to hang out with your girl.

When I used to have a girl, I'd be so busy with school and my business that I'd only have time to see her 2 nights a week. Sure, it pissed her off, but guess how good those 2 nights were? Subconsciously our women also love us more when they realize they are just a compartment in our life; not our driving force. Sound strange? Believe it or not, women don't want to be the driving force in our life. They want US to be their driving force as they follow our lead and show them what life really is.

So to close, no, you don't have to limit yourself when it comes to your girl. That's working negatively.

Instead work positively and make more time for yourself and giving what you ultimately want to to this world. It's a double edged sword (in a good way). It will help you become more successful and also make the times with your significant other more satisfying.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Man, you were too needy trying to get her back. She doesnt like you anymore. Just accept it and move on. Find someone else who will like you more.

 

[eaglez1177]

I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, because after all it's your girl... However most women don't leave men so quickly and move on to the next guy if they believe their man was 'self-centered'.

Usually this is just some BS she is feeding you in order to not damage your feelings.

The reality of the matter is however, is that you weren't offering her what she wanted or so thought she deserved. It could be that you're self-centered, but that doesn't make any sense seeing that you really do like this girl (maybe a little too much), so I'd just pass that off as her projecting what she really is (self-centered) on you. After all, she made this decision on her own and expected you to come back after she dumped you, so it's really she who is self-centered.



It doesn't sound to me like you're overbearing or that you're running an unhealthy relationship; couples can hangout Friday, Saturday, Sunday and be perfectly fine.

That is as long as you keep your priorities in line.

First and far most, you're #1 priority should be yourself and your aspirations and dreams. Every man has a gift to give to the world whether it's in business, art, leadership, etc.

If you're not living this gift fully, your woman will sense it.

If you start making her your gift instead, she will sense it.

She tells you she wants to be what's #1 to you, but subconsciously our women want us to be all we can be as men. They want us to always be ahead of our competition (other men), battling for the top, using our gift.

You'll hear a lot of guys come on here with rules (Only 2 days a week! Only 1 phone call a day!), which is complete and utter bullsh!t. Yeah, don't smother but you don't have to censor your behavior just for the sake of it.

This is because if you really have your sh!t together and you have other things going in your life, you simply won't have a lot of time to hang out with your girl.

When I used to have a girl, I'd be so busy with school and my business that I'd only have time to see her 2 nights a week. Sure, it pissed her off, but guess how good those 2 nights were? Subconsciously our women also love us more when they realize they are just a compartment in our life; not our driving force. Sound strange? Believe it or not, women don't want to be the driving force in our life. They want US to be their driving force as they follow our lead and show them what life really is.

So to close, no, you don't have to limit yourself when it comes to your girl. That's working negatively.

Instead work positively and make more time for yourself and giving what you ultimately want to to this world. It's a double edged sword (in a good way). It will help you become more successful and also make the times with your significant other more satisfying.

Wow. This was an EXCELLENT post. Nice job WC2.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have been dumped (and divorced) in similar fashion. Let them go, do some other girls, and sometimes they come back. They usually do if you go on with your life, which means seeing other women. That is what I did, and I honestly think every ex of mine would take me back. Forget about pursuing her, let her be the emotional one who still thinks about an ex, and show her that you can replace her just as easily as she did you.