Ok so shes left now, we met lastnite to sort of clear the air and thats the end of that. I figure this whole thing has been a nightmare and Im glad shes left and its all behind me now. Anyway since this forum is all about self improvement I think I should share what Ive learnt from this experience as it may help others who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise everything im saying here is already given as conventional wisdom on SS but all too often its easy to forget whats said here because your caught up with 'the one', Im sure im not the only one guilty of this.
The Good: Had a great sex
, had some good laughs and fun along the way, given me the self esteem boost and confidence that I know I can pull stunning girls (she really was a knockout this one), decent learning experience for me and taught me some invaluable lessons.
The Bad: I was too needy and caught up with her because I thought she was 'the one', I failed to remain a challenge once we became exclusive, I was too available for her and not aloof enough, I told her too much about myself too soon, too many emotional issues and problems from her side, major dramatics at a regular basis, I put up with her BS and wasnt firm enough in not taking any crap, when she backed off and called it off rather than playing it cool I essentially went along with her BS and allowed her to string me along, Far too many red flags which I stupidly ignored. I also neglected to listen to my gut when she was playin games. Didnt go out on enough action/fun dates (I think this was a big factor in the degredation of our relationship as we both ended up mostly just sitting around watching DVDs or going out drinking together towards the end of our short relationship).
Conclusion: Generally Ive learnt that no matter how much you think a girl may be 'the one' its always wise to remain a challenge and too not spill your emotions to them to soon. Also by being to available It came across as needy and desperate (I was always the one txting her and arranging times to meet up). If a chick likes you, she will make time to see you no matter how busy she is. By going temporarily crazy after a girl dumps you not only does it make you look insecure and desperate but it gives them 100% of the power and leaves you in a bad position if reconcilliation where to happen.
Red Flags should NOT be ignored, no matter how much you like a chick. Early on in this relationship I noticed a number of significant red flags (e.g. she mentioned ex on first date, was overly emotional towards me early on, her actions didnt match her words, caught her lying on more than one occassion, she showed major signs of being very unstable and having serious emotional issues). My gut was telling me things were not right yet I was ignoring it and hoping It was wrong, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Actions most definately speak louder than words and when what shes telling you doesnt match her actions (e.g. in my case she was saying how much she loved me yet she couldnt be with me) you should seriously consider walking away.
And finally pheraps the best lesson Ive learnt from this whole experience is that no matter how great a woman may seem and how much they tell you they like or love you IF they are clearly playing games and messing you around you should always back off if not walk away. Any chick who really likes you will never disrespect you in such a basic and manipulative way and if they do your better than them and they dont deserve your time and effort.
Im dissapointed in myself because Ive never behaved this way with a chick and have had a number of LTRs over the years (Its always been me thats ended it aswell). However this girl was good at what she did (manipulative AW crap) and took me for a ride. Im no DJ but I can usually hold my own in the game and have always done well with the women. This chick turned me into a complete AFC and I suspect shes done this to a string of men.
Anyway, onwards and upwards and time to get back in the game. An ex of mine once told me that 'I could have any woman I wanted'. I think this is true and will use what Ive learnt from this experience to filter out the good from the bad. In all honesty I cant believe how I ended up with such a nightmare of a woman.
Cheers for all the advice people.
The Good: Had a great sex
, had some good laughs and fun along the way, given me the self esteem boost and confidence that I know I can pull stunning girls (she really was a knockout this one), decent learning experience for me and taught me some invaluable lessons.The Bad: I was too needy and caught up with her because I thought she was 'the one', I failed to remain a challenge once we became exclusive, I was too available for her and not aloof enough, I told her too much about myself too soon, too many emotional issues and problems from her side, major dramatics at a regular basis, I put up with her BS and wasnt firm enough in not taking any crap, when she backed off and called it off rather than playing it cool I essentially went along with her BS and allowed her to string me along, Far too many red flags which I stupidly ignored. I also neglected to listen to my gut when she was playin games. Didnt go out on enough action/fun dates (I think this was a big factor in the degredation of our relationship as we both ended up mostly just sitting around watching DVDs or going out drinking together towards the end of our short relationship).
Conclusion: Generally Ive learnt that no matter how much you think a girl may be 'the one' its always wise to remain a challenge and too not spill your emotions to them to soon. Also by being to available It came across as needy and desperate (I was always the one txting her and arranging times to meet up). If a chick likes you, she will make time to see you no matter how busy she is. By going temporarily crazy after a girl dumps you not only does it make you look insecure and desperate but it gives them 100% of the power and leaves you in a bad position if reconcilliation where to happen.
Red Flags should NOT be ignored, no matter how much you like a chick. Early on in this relationship I noticed a number of significant red flags (e.g. she mentioned ex on first date, was overly emotional towards me early on, her actions didnt match her words, caught her lying on more than one occassion, she showed major signs of being very unstable and having serious emotional issues). My gut was telling me things were not right yet I was ignoring it and hoping It was wrong, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Actions most definately speak louder than words and when what shes telling you doesnt match her actions (e.g. in my case she was saying how much she loved me yet she couldnt be with me) you should seriously consider walking away.
And finally pheraps the best lesson Ive learnt from this whole experience is that no matter how great a woman may seem and how much they tell you they like or love you IF they are clearly playing games and messing you around you should always back off if not walk away. Any chick who really likes you will never disrespect you in such a basic and manipulative way and if they do your better than them and they dont deserve your time and effort.
Im dissapointed in myself because Ive never behaved this way with a chick and have had a number of LTRs over the years (Its always been me thats ended it aswell). However this girl was good at what she did (manipulative AW crap) and took me for a ride. Im no DJ but I can usually hold my own in the game and have always done well with the women. This chick turned me into a complete AFC and I suspect shes done this to a string of men.
Anyway, onwards and upwards and time to get back in the game. An ex of mine once told me that 'I could have any woman I wanted'. I think this is true and will use what Ive learnt from this experience to filter out the good from the bad. In all honesty I cant believe how I ended up with such a nightmare of a woman.
Cheers for all the advice people.