Dumped by girlfriend with cancer

[Comp eliminator]

This is my 1st post on here. I've read many posts and articles in the past but today I decided to join and tell my story and what a pathetic bastard ive been. Im 52 years old so it's not just 20 year olds doing some of this ****. There's people who learn fast,people who learn slow and then there's me
I was in a 2 and a half year relationship with this 42 year old woman when she dumped my ass in January. The 1st year she was about as in to me as any woman ive ever been with. She asked me out and chased me. She was allways asking for an exclusive relationship. We lived together for about a year . She was going to school and got a housing grant so she ended up leaving. At the time i wanted to have my own place anyway and i stayed to finish her lease. She asked me to come with her . This was Oct of 14.
From that point to the following April things were still great. We got together 2 or 3 times a week. The sex was awesome. I was still hooking up with other women and having fun. I allways really liked this gal. She was very smart. We had great conversations and just really clicked together. She was cute but only 5 ft tall and had kind of a husky body type. Probably a 6 on her best day but i liked her. I'm 6 1 225 lbs . Im a bit of a health nut and I workout ,eat right etc.
About a year ago i decided I really loved this girl. My 1st big mistake. I quit seeing other women and started to concentrate more on her. She had health problems basically since I met her. 1st was a viral infection that affected her heart. She was then diagnosed with breast cancer and had subsequent surgery and chemo. Then a full hysterectomy from cancer. She had a tumor removed from her brain that was causing vision problems then back on chemo for the breast cancer. Finally early this year she had to stop the chemo because it was destroying her heart. Also ,the chemo killed her thyroid so she had to have surgery for that.
She started breaking dates with me and you could tell her interest level was going down but with her medical condition I just assumed that was most of it. As she pulled back i pushed more. I catered to her. Since she was going to school while being sick she couldn't work. I spend a large sum of money keeping her in her place, med bills etc. I thought i was being a good guy.
I was out of town alot due to work but i made a point to make time for her. Trouble is she kept flaking. Like I said i thought it was just from being sick. I kept trying harder to see her and it just got worse. Guys, even if a woman gets sick if she likes you she will make time for you. She wasn't doing that. For 6 months this went on.
Finally, on Christmas I made a point to buy her some very nice gifts. I got her 2 kids some nice stuff as well. I think i spent about 10 minutes with her when she said she had to leave to pick her kids up. She was supposed come up to where I was the next day but she didn't show. No word for 3 days after that . Finally she said she was in the hospital with heart problems but she wouldn't tell me where. I went to her house to see her after she got home and got my ass chewed for that. That's when she told me what a godsend I had been but she needed a little space.
I waited 4 days before I decided to check on her. After 4 or 5 attempts to contact her I got pissed off and told her I was going to camp out on her goddam doorstep untill she got home to find out what the hell was going on and if she was purposely ignoring me when all I wanted was to see if she was ok i was going to be one mad mfer. Well that's when she dumped me through text ,said i was acting like a scary stalker etc.
Guys, after acting like a ***** for the last 6 months I went into overdrive. I texted called wrote letters you name it I did it. After a couple of weeks I went over to her house unannounced and this supposed 60 year old friend was there. I went up to the door and she started screaming that I wasn't supposed to be there . Then the guy told me not to contact her anymore . I got mad and grabbed him by the throat ,the cops were called ,it was a big ****ing mess.
It ended up that she was seeing this guy for allmost a year lol and she still swears to this day they are just friends. She's been basically living with this guy for atleast 6 months. Hell I was giving her all this money while she was ****ing this older guy . I continued to chase beg etc untill i finally said **** this and walked away from it.

After all I had done for this women she didn't give a **** about me and you know what? It was my fault. I started acting in a way that turned her off. Being a caretaker, catering to a women,rewarding bad behavior etc etc repels women. Even sick ones. Even though I'm probably way better off im still heart broken right now as pathetic as that sounds. I have a very hot women im going out with right now and all I can think of is this *****. Let me tell you. When everyone on here tells you to go immediately no contact after getting dumped it's the best thing.
Trouble is i knew this but I just had to do it anyway and ive made the same mistake numerous times in the past. I put this girl on a pedestal , behaved in a way that turned her off and got dumped just like will happen every ****ing time you do this. I knew better.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

This was painful to read, not because of the whole Disney type sob story, but your own actions and inability to control yourself.

My question is, with this long post, what is it you're wanting to get out of posting this here? It just reads as a rant of sorts. I think you even know what actions you should/should not take from a red pill point of view, but you don't want to.

 

[Comp eliminator]

I guess I'm hoping you guys will chime in and tell me what a dumbass ive been . I tried not to make it to long. I hope it wasn't painful to read because the way it was written but more because of what happened

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I guess I'm hoping you guys will chime in and tell me what a dumbass ive been . I tried not to make it to long. I hope it wasn't painful to read because the way it was written but more because of what happened

You already know you've been a dumbass. Now what?

 

[Comp eliminator]

Seeing as I'm not the smartest guy out here or i would have learned by now I guess I'm hoping for a little insight advice abuse or whatever comment anyone wants to leave. I want to be able to go back and read this in the future if i ever find myself on the verge of being a complete dumbass again and stop myself

 

[BetterCallSaul]

You've posted too much to zero in on any one specific area of focus. You recognize that your actions are wrong. My take is that you personally don't want to correct your actions. All too often we get newcomers who post stuff just like you did expecting that the regulars here will post some combination of sentences that will suddenly open up the heavens and angelic choruses will sing down upon them in this new epiphany of understanding that will turn their entire world around.

It won't happen.

You have to actually WORK on yourself. But your issue is that you have to want to do this and I'm not convinced, based on your post, that you're even there yet. Even at your age, if you've taken care of yourself and your game is tight, you could be pulling 30 year olds. Your mentality and how you think is not going to let you accomplish this. You have to want to change how you interact with women.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Well im not saying you're wrong but ive been doing alot of research in the last few months and im definitely trying to work to correct some things. I allready stay in shape but I could use help with everything else. I spend a lot of time working in my shop away from my regular job and prep work for racing. Unfortunately I've let all that lag because I've been so miserable over that women. All I can say is im trying. If the moderators want to remove this thread it's ok with me

 

[Comp eliminator]

Anyway guys if you have any suggestions on articles or whatever I would appreciate it

 

[LiveFreeX]

her kids

Single mom alert.

regulars here will post some combination of sentences that will suddenly open up the heavens and angelic choruses

Dont. Date. American. Women.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

Opportunists (of the worst kind) target people with high levels of empathy. When they find one, they tell an emotional story that creates a great sense of pity and then they play off of that. A highly empathetic person, who is also incredibly caring, will feel incredibly inclined to help, when they hear such a story. Opportunists know this and usually walk away with lots of money (or whatever else they are targeting) because of it. These opportunists will essentially say or do anything, to get what they want from you. They are profound storytellers (AKA: liars).

Maybe this woman actually had all the conditions you described and none of this applies here. For you, I hope that is true. It may not be. I offer the consideration, as she knowingly took your money while she was living with another man, undisclosed to you. You already know, without a doubt, that she lied and strung you along, to a huge degree. You clearly were an ongoing and profitable source of financial supply for her.

Maybe she had actually had breast cancer and you were an amazing emotional and financial support to her through that experience. I understand it's horrible to consider, maybe the other conditions and surgeries were just stories to keep you emotionally invested and your finances coming her way?

TL;DR
While being intimate or otherwise, at some point did you actually see each of these:
Her breast surgery scars? Her hysterectomy scars? Her brain surgery scars? Her thyroid surgery scars? Actual proof of her hospital stay/treatment for her 'heart issues'?

If not, it's quite possible, dare I say likely, that you were played more than you ever imagined.

Yep good point! Brain cancer and breast cancer all at the same time...sounds like metastasis, which means she is dying, has she even mentioned anything like that? Sounds like you got played. That's why you should: Sho no luv.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Yes I know for a fact she had all these conditions I took her to the doctor numerous times for breast examinations surgery excetera. She has visible scars from all of the surgery. I was with her the night before she went in to get the small tumor removed from the back of her brain I seen what she look like after all the chemotherapy. I'm not saying she didn't lie about where she was at times and possibly a lot of times but I know she sick. She mentioned that she's probably going to die within the next year or so she has posts on her Facebook about all of the different procedures and she went through and her prognosis. I really feel sorry for and there's a chance that the chemotherapy affected her behavior but I was really good to her when she needed it and she just s*** on me

 

[Yewki]

She was cute but only 5 ft tall and had kind of a husky body type. Probably a 6 on her best day but i liked her...

It ended up that she was seeing this guy for allmost a year lol...

She mentioned that she's probably going to die within the next year

So let me get this straight...

You have oneitis for a mildy attractive husky woman with numerous health issues, who deceived you, took advantage of you for an entire year, and who is probably going to be dead soon anyways?

Do you realize how retarded that is now that I typed it out?

 

[Comp eliminator]

Well I seen what her breasts look like before and after surgery and we were together living together for a year. It was my idea to get a breast exam since cancer runs in her family. And yes I realize how retarded it sounds. Ive said to myself how ****ed am i getting dumped by a girl with terminal cancer for a 60 year old man?

 

[Comp eliminator]

I think I was played to some extent but I know she was sick . I've seen the doctor bills I seen the scars from the hysterectomy I seen her breasts before and after the surgery like I said I seen her hair thinning out from the chemotherapy and the port they put in her arm for the chemo. Like I said I know she was sick. That being said I'm not saying she didn't lie about where she was on numerous occasions. As far as having one ideas for her , we just got along really well and for whatever reason I really liked her. Plus it was the best sex I've ever had in my life and that's probably some of it. My ex-wife was a professional all natural female bodybuilder and one of the most beautiful women you will ever see but I like this Goofy chick more than her or anyone else I don't know why

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

And really who cares if this slore has cancer? She's not a very nice person now is she? She used and deceived you for at least six months, all the time while you were playing Capt' save a H.O.E, she was fuc.king an old senior citizen, not to mention that she may have been giving him some of the money that your were giving her. For her to fall into his arms so fast shows you her true moral compass and it highlights a chink in your armor. Have more self respect and decent about yourself. Fat dumpy chicks with health issues like her make for poor companions' and women are NOT loyal.

You should have cut off all emotions, feelings and SIMPathy the moment she displayed any ungratefulness and ingratitude. Sho No Luv!

 

[Comp eliminator]

You are absolutely right. Here I thought I was being a good guy and loyal by sticking with her when she had all these medical problems and helping her out and she does that. Un****ingbelieveable

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Eliminator,
I am a person who when sick likes to lie up like an old dog and lick my wounds...when both my Hips were done,my daughter used to bring food and when I was hungry, I would raise myself up on a Bosuns chair I had previously built onto an old Kids swing set,then used elaborate stands to get on my crutches,I had a supply of 24 books from Amazon and lots of DVD's I didn't want anyone near me...may be that is your Lady?...Hard Bartvard or not,some years ago,I had a lovely LTR with an eminent Psycologist...I suspected that something wasn't right,sure enough she spilled the beans,told me she had a rare form of Phlebitis...it was terminal and she had nearly dropped off her perch two years previously...After long deliberation,I deliberately asked her best friend out,the friend refused and told my Girlfriend,she went raving mad giving me an excuse to bail out...She had previously ditched a crippled husband for me,leaving him to fend on a 200 Acre Farm,so I felt it was Karma...Judge not lest ye also be judged!

 

[ubercat]

We don't know if she was legit or not. You do know that you need to work on yourself a bit

For multiple counts of self neglect I sentence you to six months of Monk mode. There's two kinds of reboot guys who come here. Whinging trolls who a complete waste of skin.

That's the first path. The good path is to create a dating journal thread and a fitness thread. Look for a good body weight workout there is one on the DJ discussion forum. Join meetup.com and start working on your interests and social circle. Read up here and start asking the occasional girl out. Post in your journal Threads, get feedback and adjust accordingly.

 

[bmp2cpm]

My initial impression after reading this is that while you may turned a little bit AFC in the relationship, her cancer changed the type of resources she needed. To rephrase, her resource needs did a complete 360 once she realized she had cancer and the disease was becoming more of a progressing issue for her.

The older guy had a better resource package to offer her with regard to her illness. Had there been no illness, it could be that your resource package would have trumped the older guys resource package.

Women go for the man who can offer the best resources to her. But a woman's resource needs are never static, they are ever changing.

Also, she probably has daddy issues.

Read Evolution of Desire by David Buss for more info.

 

[Dingo]

You had a good heart and got f'd for it.

Now go read the "Book of Pook" and learn how to be a better man.