Dump her before she dumps you

[EbbsAndFlows]

Pretty self-explanatory.

The girl I've been seeing for 6 months is getting distant and irritable for the 2nd time in this relationship. Both times I have done something a not egregiously wrong and she got really emotional and pulled hard. Last time, I simply went NC and she came back begging for my time. I upped my game(initiate 15% contact, fun dates, good sex, etc.) and got another 3 months of healthy relationship under my belt, but maybe let myself slip into complacency again.

She's distant again after my last minor mistake 7 days ago, which is unwarranted, so I decided to initiate LC and more recently NC ahead of time. Been about a week now of low-to-no contact. Basically I apologized in a non-*****y way, which was warranted, and she got super irritable, angry, emotional, etc. She was inconsolable so I've let her be.

Been like 4 days radio silence. Again, I'm NC. I'm not bothering or anything. I've occupied myself with work, music, lifting, grown man ****. She had to work 12 hour days all through the weekend. Normally in this instance, she'd still be low contact but not radio silent.

Prior to the radio silence, she was all cute with me, emoticons and all that ****. She made time to see me just 7 days ago despite being overbooked. She'd been complaining about not seeing friends lately and being stressed from work. Smells like she's unsure if she wants to be in the relationship, and as a result I'm questioning it to and feel like her radio silence is immature.

Went out last night and scored 2 phone numbers, one from a total babe, and I plan to hit her up Tuesday if my girl hasn't reached out to me by then.

I'm thinking I should just dump her/ask for space. Thing is we have a lot of common friends, so I have to handle this delicately. I want it to sound mutual to her, but feel like I'm the one intiater (which I will be, technically).

Is this advised? How do I do it? I want to save face, keep the relationship power, and maybe hit it off with one my back-burner women.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Since there is a delicate issue with mutual friends, I would give here the LJBF talk. Short & sweet, no discussion, no arguing. You will lose if you discuss it.

I always preach making a pre-emptive strike. In fact, I had to do it just two weeks ago, and now I observe it was a good thing that I did. When a woman starts going cold, the only cure is removal of attention. When your gut tells you she is truly withdrawing, your gut is NEVER wrong.

Men: NEVER be the dumpee. We need to have the strength to cut a relationship when her affection is withdrawn. Women break up with you far in advance of their telling you. They have already done their grieving months ahead of the breakup. That's why they can seem to be so cold and unaffected once they finally drop the bomb.

One reason women have become so worthless in today's society is that you can do a multitude of things right, but one mistake can cause her to tank the whole relationship.

Preemptive strike. We need to get into a mindset of abundance.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Since there is a delicate issue with mutual friends, I would give here the LJBF talk. Short & sweet, no discussion, no arguing. You will lose if you discuss it.

I always preach making a pre-emptive strike. In fact, I had to do it just two weeks ago, and now I observe it was a good thing that I did. When a woman starts going cold, the only cure is removal of attention. When your gut tells you she is truly withdrawing, your gut is NEVER wrong.

Men: NEVER be the dumpee. We need to have the strength to cut a relationship when her affection is withdrawn. Women break up with you far in advance of their telling you. They have already done their grieving months ahead of the breakup. That's why they can seem to be so cold and unaffected once they finally drop the bomb.

One reason women have become so worthless in today's society is that you can do a multitude of things right, but one mistake can cause her to tank the whole relationship.

Preemptive strike. We need to get into a mindset of abundance.

Man, I'd have a hard time saying "friend" to her, because in reality I don't ever want to be friends with her. I don't mean that in a resentful way. I just wouldn't enjoy her company as a platonic friend. I guess maybe that's not the point.

Yeah, after this started I started reviewing what happened leading up to it. Lots of red flags I overlooked: less intimacy, less contact overall, irritability over really minor things. I naturally responded by pulling back, but I guess it just wasn't enough. The statement of yours I bolded above is so correct. I've been 20x the man since our first break. Went NC, worked on myself, and when she came crawling, I was cool and held the power in the relationship. Now, I **** up one time and it's back there again.

Here's my next question: is there anything wrong with just walking away? Indifference. Just saying "**** it" and walking. I really don't want to text/call, "we need to talk". It's going to sound like I'm about to beg her. Maybe then she expects begging and I surprise her by saying "this isn't working". I really need to shake her up, one of two ways: NC for eternity before we even call things off, or straight up being the one to call things off. Which gives me more power?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sure, it's fine to just walk away. I like to deny them closure, because closure is simply her feeling justified for leaving.

I recommended LJBF because you indicated there was a delicate situation with mutual friends. It would have also flipped the script on her. Girls are shocked when a man uses her own weaponry against her.

For me the preferred method is a silent withdrawal into the night.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Word. I actually have some clothes at her house I wouldn't hate to get back, but I'm not trying to come off as petty or resentful. I just legit want my stuff. Maybe I can roll these two things together and just get it over with so I can pursue this new chick,

Anyone else have input how to dump delicately, even if it's mutual?

 

[GotED?]

Create some unnecessary drama - and argument that results in a fight.

Nit-pick something about her that you can roll into an emotional rollercoaster - build it up over a short while and let it explode between you. Then you have your reason of 'incompatibility' and 'fighting too much' excuse to make a mutual decision to quit the relationship.

After the mini-battles, set up a 'We need to talk' thing at her place (your chance to take your stuff back).

Women do this sh!t all the time, cause unnecessary friction and arguments and fights (a lot of it is subconscious) because they are losing respect and attraction for you, and on their way out the door.

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[Sofomore]

Yea the ol fight-n-breakup that women use on us is perfect. Just be honest and end it. It's hard but you will feel better after. I broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago because she lost respect for me. I hit the gym and practiced my game and banged 2 different girls this weekend. Get the ball rollin cuz when it rains it pours!

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Yah it all makes sense now. I let her lose respect and I got soft.

I can't tell if she tried the fight and dump or what, but she didn't have the heart to finish it if she did. I'm only the 2nd guy she's dated this long and the first dude was 5 years. Still hard to believe she'd just stop contacting me versus ending it.

If we haven't formerly ended it, would it be weird to just say "can I snag my clothes and we can get this over with?" I mean the last thing she said to me like 5 days ago was a teary eyed "I'll call you this weekend". Who does that ****? Actually I think I'll just call her and say "we need to talk."

 

[Sofomore]

Hmm yea I'd just talk to her on the phone and see when you can meet up with her again. If she agrees to meet up, break up with her and get your things. If she's doesn't want to meet up, tell her that you need to talk to her in person. Then break up with her and get your things. Not going to be easy, but you got it man.

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Thanks dude. My heart is heavy because I keep thinkin about the good times. I need to get my head clear so I can pursue this new item. Need to be emotionless to end this too. Feels beta, man.

It's weird when you realize it's over without them sayin it. It's pointlessly looming. Does it command more respect to end it or just get over it NC?

 

[Sofomore]

Thanks dude. My heart is heavy because I keep thinkin about the good times. I need to get my head clear so I can pursue this new item. Need to be emotionless to end this too. Feels beta, man.

It's weird when you realize it's over without them sayin it. It's pointlessly looming. Does it command more respect to end it or just get over it NC?

Yea man the moment it hit me it was over I felt really sh!tty but knew what I had to do. In your case I would just make it clear that it's over.

That way if word gets out that you hooked up with a new girl, it's not cheating. Don't wanna ruin that social circle rep and look like a scumbag. If you cut it clean, it will show that you are strong enough to bring up a hard topic. Most guys wither until their girl ends it with them. Happened to me 2 gfs ago, and it was pathetic. Lowest point of my life.

How you go about it is up to you. If you go out with your head high and like a man, her friends will respect you for that.

 

[Sofomore]

Here's my thread on the topic: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=212969

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

Solid thread. Lots in common with my situation. I think I subconsciously want this to make her want me back a little. I can honestly say I'm interested in getting my **** and clearing head for this new dime on my radar.

Seems like consesus on this board is: once it's over, it's OVER.

I don't totally doubt that. It's just weird I've already been through this **** with this chick and when we got back together it was 3 more months and the flame was hotter than ever. More sex, met her parents finally, trip together etc. I prob sound hopeless. I just need to walk away. .. Preferably with my **** back

 

[Atom Smasher]

Be a man and take care of business. There's too much ruminating going on here.

You need to tell her you want to talk to her, then arrange to get your stuff with a commanding frame. Take charge of yourself and the relationship. All this discussion tends to make you wallow in it.