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Don Juan
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an old saying back in the day was if you get accused of cheating it means the other person was cheating , or if you accuse it means you're cheating... could this just be something women came up with when their man started to catch on to them?i just dont understand the logic behind this
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

The old saying is this:

“The guilty dog barks first.”

Meaning: Classic (and often subconscious) projection. The guilty party knows what they are up to and what they are being dishonest about and as a result become paranoid that you are doing to them whatever deception they are doing to you.

If you pay close attention to someone who does this often times they will tattle on themselves without realizing it.

Of course the trick is to remain non-reactive to the information or behavior you are seeing in order to continue to collect information. That requires restraint & self discipline.

The best way to handle someone who queries you in an accusatory fashion is not to react but to become curious.

As in:

Why would you wonder about something like that? Just curious....

And see what they say.

Alternatively I’ve been known to be more confrontational but diplomatic...I’ll say:

Gee that’s interesting? Why do you ask? Is there something I need to be aware of?

And you observe the response including the tone, body language as well as words used.

Does that make sense?
 

death_wish. .

Don Juan
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Advice from the old lady:

The old saying is this:

“The guilty dog barks first.”

Meaning: Classic (and often subconscious) projection. The guilty party knows what they are up to and what they are being dishonest about and as a result become paranoid that you are doing to them whatever deception they are doing to you.

If you pay close attention to someone who does this often times they will tattle on themselves without realizing it.

Of course the trick is to remain non-reactive to the information or behavior you are seeing in order to continue to collect information. That requires restraint & self discipline.

The best way to handle someone who queries you in an accusatory fashion is not to react but to become curious.

As in:

Why would you wonder about something like that? Just curious....

And see what they say.

Alternatively I’ve been known to be more confrontational but diplomatic...I’ll say:

Gee that’s interesting? Why do you ask? Is there something I need to be aware of?

And you observe the response including the tone, body language as well as words used.

Does that make sense?

maybe if you were out having dinner one day and all of a sudden she just blurts out'' hey are you cheating on me'' for the first time out of nowhere , but usually what ive witnessed and that lusty and devious women who flirt with other men while they boyfriend is there , wears revealing clothing and invites disrespect usually they will just say ... oh ''he must be cheating since he accused me''
 

BeExcellent

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maybe if you were out having dinner one day and all of a sudden she just blurts out'' hey are you cheating on me'' for the first time out of nowhere , but usually what ive witnessed and that lusty and devious women who flirt with other men while they boyfriend is there , wears revealing clothing and invites disrespect usually they will just say ... oh ''he must be cheating since he accused me''
Women, unless really insecure or uncalibrated will rarely be that direct. You are dating very young women however so I could see young women might blurt something out like this.

So you have to pay attention to the chick you are dealing with as an individual and in the context of how SHE behaves.

I for example would never say something like that and if I were to mention it I’d lay out observations of behavior that I found suspect or disrespectful. I’d approach the subject indirectly and observe closely the behavioral responses in my partner without reacting. To do that requires emotional control and restraint which many young women do not possess.

If you are a desirable man such that the way you move through a room attracts female attention that can stir insecurity in a woman. If she doesn’t know what else to do she might blurt something like this out as much to relieve her squirming brain having noticed the attention you receive.

Often men who attract female attention are DOING something to encourage the attention. Could be something as subtle as eye contact or a smile or a smirk. I tend to gravitate to the playboys and I’ve seen it all so I don’t react...but a less savvy gal might be very reactive. And if you are a particularly handsome man women are going to notice you no matter what you do or don’t do. I’ve dated men who were very attractive AND attention seeking on the down low and men who were just that attractive without additional attention seeking behaviors. The guys actively seeking attention are more annoying.

I’m sure it’s the same when women flirt overtly with other men. Not cool to you.

Handle it the same way I noted above...with curiosity (not defensiveness or denial). Ask “Why do you ask?”

Get her to explain. This will give you insight into whether you are dealing with an insecure person or something else.

You don’t default to defensiveness or denial ever. You avoid being backed into a corner that way and you see what/how she responds. Pay close attention.

A liar who is projecting their misdeeds onto you is typically more accusatory in tone and fairly specific. But you can miss the signal if you react or start defending yourself.

This is nuanced. It’s kind of advanced behavior observation and calibration.

That’s why I’ve gone into such detail.

You have to corroborate what you observe with the behavioral context of the individual you are dealing with.
 

death_wish. .

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Women, unless really insecure or uncalibrated will rarely be that direct. You are dating very young women however so I could see young women might blurt something out like this.

So you have to pay attention to the chick you are dealing with as an individual and in the context of how SHE behaves.

I for example would never say something like that and if I were to mention it I’d lay out observations of behavior that I found suspect or disrespectful. I’d approach the subject indirectly and observe closely the behavioral responses in my partner without reacting. To do that requires emotional control and restraint which many young women do not possess.

If you are a desirable man such that the way you move through a room attracts female attention that can stir insecurity in a woman. If she doesn’t know what else to do she might blurt something like this out as much to relieve her squirming brain having noticed the attention you receive.

Often men who attract female attention are DOING something to encourage the attention. Could be something as subtle as eye contact or a smile or a smirk. I tend to gravitate to the playboys and I’ve seen it all so I don’t react...but a less savvy gal might be very reactive. And if you are a particularly handsome man women are going to notice you no matter what you do or don’t do. I’ve dated men who were very attractive AND attention seeking on the down low and men who were just that attractive without additional attention seeking behaviors. The guys actively seeking attention are more annoying.

I’m sure it’s the same when women flirt overtly with other men. Not cool to you.

Handle it the same way I noted above...with curiosity (not defensiveness or denial). Ask “Why do you ask?”

Get her to explain. This will give you insight into whether you are dealing with an insecure person or something else.

You don’t default to defensiveness or denial ever. You avoid being backed into a corner that way and you see what/how she responds. Pay close attention.

A liar who is projecting their misdeeds onto you is typically more accusatory in tone and fairly specific. But you can miss the signal if you react or start defending yourself.

This is nuanced. It’s kind of advanced behavior observation and calibration.

That’s why I’ve gone into such detail.

You have to corroborate what you observe with the behavioral context of the individual you are dealing with.
most women would deny the overtly flirting part , and call it harmless. you actually call it what it is.

say the attention seeking guys are annoying i feel the same way about women i date , if you're good looking you are going to get looks okay fine but if you are just actively seeking attention thats different.
 

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most women would deny the overtly flirting part , and call it harmless. you actually call it what it is.

say the attention seeking guys are annoying i feel the same way about women i date , if you're good looking you are going to get looks okay fine but if you are just actively seeking attention thats different.
Men and women can be attention "wh0res", they may not be aware of some of the things they do for it.
 

RangerMIke

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I wasn't going to post anything about this because to me it's pretty obvious, but I'm guessing there are many that do not know this so here it goes:

There isn't a woman today in Western culture that will not cheat under the right circumstances. If you are in a relationship with a woman you should always expect that it could happen. It's all about everything really.... nothing happens without MOTIVE and OPPORTUNITY. Granted there are many women that need A LOT of motive, and A LOT of opportunity before they pull that trigger, but it's always possible.

Truth is once she starts cheating, it's not the easiest thing in the world to catch unless you either she consciously or subconsciously wants to be caught. If a chick is determined to no keep this under raps she can and will do this. Her accusing you of cheating.... well, in my experience that doesn't necessarily mean she is cheating... but it is a VERY strong indicator that she is losing interest in you FAST. Why do women do this? Well, it could be she just wants to stir sh1t up... women do that... some just like to see how you will respond to it It will be one of many things she'll say and do to start fights. If she REALLY suspects you of cheating, she isn't going to say anything... she will do some undercover work... dig around... and when she has proof, she'll just spring the trap. If married, you'll find your sh1t on the lawn while you are being served divorce papers. If you are just living with her... she'll just clean you out when you are not around, and she will be gone. If she is your girlfriend, she'll just be gone.

If you are in a relationship with a chick, and you are interested in keeping it going... her active desire and willingness to cheat is just as bad as her actually doing this... because if either of these things happen you are already finished. So what are the signs that she is leaning in this direction?

(1) She becomes distant... she is emotionally distancing herself from you. Don't confuse settling into a long relationship as being emotionally distant. Relationships are not always hot and heavy all the time like the very beginning. But she begins to lose empathy for you, she starts to not give a fvck about your day... she might even get a little mad at you if you start to complain about something... she doesn't want to hear it, because she definitely does not want to start feeling any sympathy for you.

(2) She becomes increasing b1tchy and nagging, which doesn't let up. Everyone has their moments, but when this behavior is chronic, that is when it's a problem.

(3) Observe how her friends treat you... women tell their friends EVERYTHING. If she is cheating, or is thinking of cheating, you can be sure her friends know this. Notice any change in how they behave when they are with you. If her friend actually likes you... you will start to notice this "Oh, you poor thing." demeanor... and if you are really good at reading body language and mannerisms you will get a sense that she REALLY wants to tell you something that will never come out. If her friend doesn't like you, she will avoid you like you have Covid-19.

It's been a long time since I tried to actually make a relationship work, so I do not have any advice for you if this happens, other than to say at some point it's going to be too late to do anything about it. Women and relationships are like water... You start off as HOT steam... eventually this steam cools and turns to water... WATER is where the relationships reside. Relationships condensing into a liquid is normal. But you have once the water cools below 100 C, you have water (Relationship), the 'relationship' is over when it turns to ice 0 C... so you have 100 degrees Celsius where you are with your chick. The closer you get to 0 C, the harder it is to get the temperature back up. So you really have to become a relationship Ninja to gauge what direction you are headed . Now this is where many men fvck up because it is NOT where you are in this continuum, but what direction you are moving and how fast it is going. A chick that is... oh let's say at 50 C, and a dude she thinks is better comes along and shows her some interest... she can go from 50 C to 0 C so fast your head will spin. So you have to notice the little things.
 

Serenity

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It's basic projection. Accusing the other of what oneself does wrong is extremely common. It's like people saying everyone else are a-holes, most likely they're the biggest a-hole of them all.

I don't know the logic behind it, but feeling superior about ones own righteousness and being in denial of their own wrongdoing is definitely part of it.

It's fairly pointless to look for logic in irrational behavior. It's a phenomenon that arises from uncontrolled emotions, not logic.
 

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An easy cheating sign is if you attempt to intimate affections or intimacy verbal or physical that it rouses her into immediate anger. You see, another man is likely interfacing on her "romantic channel", so that conversation has been had, the deed and needs met. When you attempt to do it as her husband or boyfriend, it will cause immediate anger as her mind goes to protect itself.

So you tell her or show her "I love you", and she immediately gets angry, as she feels "PRESSURED" to say the same in turn when she doesn't feel it.

Most women will not be able to "put out" for two men for very long, and if she chooses to, where you are the "boyfriend" or "husband", you will be on the losing end to the "new guy". The sexual attention you get will be of a much lesser quality, it can get so bad that you are disrespecting yourself for taking it...

I'm even of the mindset that "withholding" sex in a relationship is a bad thing. After all the years of fvcking for validation, getting pump and dumped, having sex to get improved resources and connections, it's not much more valuable to them than a intimate HUG!

So when she has a headache tonight, when she doesn't feel like it tomorrow, when "maybe" tomorrow the next night, it means she probably really doesn't like you that much right now and doesn't see a need for it. However you are meeting her need for being a solid "anchor" and being there for her, thru thick and thin, and some of the financial and physical services you provide. A woman actually gains DISDAIN for you as you put up with her excuses, but she knows it's very little you can do about it. You respect yourself as a man when you meet the need after being starved out, with her being willing, or not or just someone else.

Many wives rediscover that they do have a sex drive and they can see their husband or boyfriend in a sexual light when she knows he's been fvcking another.
 
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HyenaPrince

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An easy cheating sign is if you attempt to intimate affections or intimacy verbal or physical that it rouses her into immediate anger. You see, another man is likely interfacing on her "romantic channel", so that conversation has been had, the deed and needs met. When you attempt to do it as her husband or boyfriend, it will cause immediate anger as her mind goes to protect itself.

So you tell her or show her "I love you", and she immediately gets angry, as she feels "PRESSURED" to say the same in turn when she doesn't feel it.

Most women will not be able to "put out" for two men for very long, and if she chooses to, where you are the "boyfriend" or "husband", you will be on the losing end to the "new guy". The sexual attention you get will be of a much lesser quality, it can get so bad that you are disrespecting yourself for taking it...

I'm even of the mindset that "withholding" sex in a relationship is a bad thing. After all the years of fvcking for validation, getting pump and dumped, having sex to get improved resources and connections, it's not much more valuable to them than a intimate HUG!

So when she has a headache tonight, when she doesn't feel like it tomorrow, when "maybe" tomorrow the next night, it means she probably really doesn't like you that much right now and doesn't see a need for it. However you are meeting her need for being a solid "anchor" and being there for her, thru thick and thin, and some of the financial and physical services you provide. A woman actually gains DISDAIN for you as you put up with her excuses, but she knows it's very little you can do about it. You respect yourself as a man when you meet the need after being starved out, with her being willing, or not or just someone else.

Many wives rediscover that they do have a sex drive and they can see their husband or boyfriend in a sexual light when she knows he's been fvcking another.
Yes. If you know she's cheating, immediately start f*cking new women and let the relationship rot away by being cold as ice. She will go absolutely crazy. She will ask herself "He must know I'm cheating on him. How in the world is he so carefree and cold about it?!"

Pure satisfaction. Watch her go crazy and crumble like an old cookie under the couch.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Yes. If you know she's cheating, immediately start f*cking new women and let the relationship rot away by being cold as ice. She will go absolutely crazy. She will ask herself "He must know I'm cheating on him. How in the world is he so carefree and cold about it?!"

Pure satisfaction. Watch her go crazy and crumble like an old cookie under the couch.
I just watched a video of a woman cheating on her boyfriend with his roommate. I'm pretty sure the boyfriend and roommate planned it too. So the roommate hits it earlier in the video, does some really good work, around 35 minutes. Then the boyfriend comes home and the roommate plays it off, and sneaks out the back window. 5 minutes later the boyfriend is in the room. She's sitting on the bed, naked with a top she had started to put on. He's unzipping his trousers, and she yawns reflexively. He's like "what's wrong". She's like "I'm tired". He's like, "your not tired!", and he pulls himself out and gets some head. She gets right into it. He pounds her out for 10 minutes or so talking some shyt to her like he knew she was fvcking his roommate earlier, but she didn't know. This is how some guys benefit off of some of these ladies inbred nature. They are going to do it anyway, why not both benefit and give her the thrill of thining she's cheating... Crazy...
 

HyenaPrince

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I just watched a video of a woman cheating on her boyfriend with his roommate. I'm pretty sure the boyfriend and roommate planned it too. So the roommate hits it earlier in the video, does some really good work, around 35 minutes. Then the boyfriend comes home and the roommate plays it off, and sneaks out the back window. 5 minutes later the boyfriend is in the room. She's sitting on the bed, naked with a top she had started to put on. He's unzipping his trousers, and she yawns reflexively. He's like "what's wrong". She's like "I'm tired". He's like, "your not tired!", and he pulls himself out and gets some head. She gets right into it. He pounds her out for 10 minutes or so talking some shyt to her like he knew she was fvcking his roommate earlier, but she didn't know. This is how some guys benefit off of some of these ladies inbred nature. They are going to do it anyway, why not both benefit and give her the thrill of thining she's cheating... Crazy...
Disgusting. They truly are never in a relationship, even after being "monogamous" for years.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Disgusting. They truly are never in a relationship, even after being "monogamous" for years.
A lot of them were coached for many years to have "backups" at all times and those backups end up having maintenance performed to keep them online and ready.

I just watched a Moesha episode from around 2003 where some things were discussed that are the norm today. There was the talk on leadership in the household, and the mother told the men to go "lead themselves". She was pushing for Moesha to be leadership. And she said that a man can no longer expect or think a woman is going to "cook AND clean when she has a job. This was back when, by natural role, they kinda still did these things unless they were REALLY bad... And to today, you have many young 20's which some men would call "stunners", which literally have no skills other than their looks. They can't do a damn thing for you even if they really wanted to.

But we are supposed to be done complaining here, it's not helping anyone. I'm going to study some of those old broadcasted shows to better understand the programming that was laid down to create what we deal with today. It's obvious that it was there, and it's obvious that it took hold.
 

death_wish. .

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Yes. If you know she's cheating, immediately start f*cking new women and let the relationship rot away by being cold as ice. She will go absolutely crazy. She will ask herself "He must know I'm cheating on him. How in the world is he so carefree and cold about it?!"

Pure satisfaction. Watch her go crazy and crumble like an old cookie under the couch.
i think it would be better to just walk away entirely , unless you REALLY like her but even then i would still walk away because it sends a message to her that you're clueless or dont care , plus what happens if she gets pregnant from another guy?

they say love is like a ''drug'' so the way i see it if you get signs like ranger mike suggested , its likely that you're high on this drug and the world you're living in is not real anyway , i wouldn't be able to stay in a ''ltr '' if i got cheated on it just too big a hit for my pride .im not into cuckoldry
 

HyenaPrince

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i think it would be better to just walk away entirely , unless you REALLY like her but even then i would still walk away because it sends a message to her that you're clueless or dont care , plus what happens if she gets pregnant from another guy?

they say love is like a ''drug'' so the way i see it if you get signs like ranger mike suggested , its likely that you're high on this drug and the world you're living in is not real anyway , i wouldn't be able to stay in a ''ltr '' if i got cheated on it just too big a hit for my pride .im not into cuckoldry
LTRs are masochistic. There is a silver lining every now and then, but it's mainly a big compromise. If you get freaky with your oxytocin and somehow end up with a "soulmate" who, in turn, cheats on you, then you should walk away. You're right. I'm not talking about being lovey-dovey with her after finding out about her cheating. Don't announce the breakup, make her feel it.

Sometimes a man needs revenge to feel good though. It depends on your state of mind. Usually revenge is never a solution. Unless a loved one gets hurt. And you are a loved one yourself, to yourself. It's not cuckoldry, it's liberation.
 

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HyenaPrince

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A lot of them were coached for many years to have "backups" at all times and those backups end up having maintenance performed to keep them online and ready.

I just watched a Moesha episode from around 2003 where some things were discussed that are the norm today. There was the talk on leadership in the household, and the mother told the men to go "lead themselves". She was pushing for Moesha to be leadership. And she said that a man can no longer expect or think a woman is going to "cook AND clean when she has a job. This was back when, by natural role, they kinda still did these things unless they were REALLY bad... And to today, you have many young 20's which some men would call "stunners", which literally have no skills other than their looks. They can't do a damn thing for you even if they really wanted to.

But we are supposed to be done complaining here, it's not helping anyone. I'm going to study some of those old broadcasted shows to better understand the programming that was laid down to create what we deal with today. It's obvious that it was there, and it's obvious that it took hold.
That's very interesting. Society is accepting these "stunners" more and more. Hollywood is doing a big disservice to our society. On top of that comes the layer of all the magazines and social media. They feel empowered when they don't cook for their men and finally learn how to make soap at home.

Add to this the wave of boys who are being raised by single mothers who jump from man to man. You can't make this sh*t up. It's rotten to the core.
 

mrgoodstuff

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That's very interesting. Society is accepting these "stunners" more and more. Hollywood is doing a big disservice to our society. On top of that comes the layer of all the magazines and social media. They feel empowered when they don't cook for their men and finally learn how to make soap at home.

Add to this the wave of boys who are being raised by single mothers who jump from man to man. You can't make this sh*t up. It's rotten to the core.
"Boys" who jump from man to man?
 
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