Dubious "friends" asking for loans?

[MoreThanSmooth]

This is p*ssing me off at the moment - a guy I used to work with who is an on-again off-again friend has asked for money like 3 times in the last year. Every time I've said no.

It's not even small amounts he's asking for either. He wanted me to help cover his flat deposit, then he wanted me to help him pay his electricity bill and now £250 was the latest request, just cold through a messenging app. My reaction was basically: "Are you f*cking serious? That's a lot of money. No."

This behaviour goes back a long time. When we were working together we'd be on a night out and it was always "Hey Smooth, I don't have any money, can you buy me a sandwich?"

So I would. He'd never pay me back unless I stepped on his balls about it, which I had to do three or four times because on principle it makes me angry when people don't return money they borrow even when it's a small amount.

Every time he'd make out I was being a c*ck by asking him to pay me back, because "I can just buy you something next night out" - conveniently ignoring the fact I don't ever need other people to buy me stuff because I'm responsible with my money.

Maybe I'm just greedy but it annoys me when people borrow my cash and then try to act like it's some sort of barter system when it comes to paying me back. It isn't - give me my f*cking money and stop trying to weasel out of it like a b*tch.

It's even more annoying because his mental state and behaviour is so erratic. He has bad depression and always projects it onto me when he feels bad - he apologises afterwards, but honestly I'm so tired of this guy acting like a c**t. Should I just cut him?

 

[sosousage]

yeah id cut him why not. normal people dont need anything from you

 

[wifehunter]

People who ask for money are low value (for obvious reason) and will use you to try increase it.

Being poor with loads of time to think and figure things out has been amazing for me.

So, in the long run, giving your value to a friend is not really helping them long term.

Better they go to a payday loan place, or bank. My guess is your friend's credit is bad.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

People who ask for money are low value (for obvious reason) and will use you to try increase it.

Being poor with loads of time to think and figure things out has been amazing for me.

So, in the long run, giving your value to a friend is not really helping them long term.

Better they go to a payday loan place, or bank. My guess is your friend's credit is bad.

What annoys me is that at the moment is that he has a live-in GF he pools money with and he earns more than I do. So why the heck is he asking me for money?

Personally I feel ashamed if I have to ask for cash from my friends (with the exception of if it's for a joint business venture or something). I hate owing people too. On the rare occasions I borrow money from friends it's always a small amount, I always give it back quickly and usually with interest too.

By contrast he seems completely shameless about asking and instead tries to guilt me when I ask for it back. Ridiculous.

But yeah, I'd agree, I think his credit must be really poor. That's his problem though! I think I'll give him one more chance and if he hits me with unreasonable snark/money requests again, that's game over for him.

 

[wifehunter]

What annoys me is that at the moment is that he has a live-in GF he pools money with and he earns more than I do. So why the heck is he asking me for money?

Personally I feel ashamed if I have to ask for cash from my friends (with the exception of if it's for a joint business venture or something). I hate owing people too. On the rare occasions I borrow money from friends it's always a small amount, I always give it back quickly and usually with interest too.

By contrast he seems completely shameless about asking and instead tries to guilt me when I ask for it back. Ridiculous.

But yeah, I'd agree, I think his credit must be really poor. That's his problem though! I think I'll give him one more chance and if he hits me with unreasonable snark/money requests again, that's game over for him.

Leeches will bleed you dry...I remember being in the US Army and having to carry two wallets. One was empty for those who asked for money. I got asked for money almost twice daily.

 

[Billtx49]

Yes. If he can’t control his own personal finances there’s no way in hell he can manage to repay you.

 

[Reykhel]

"neither a borrower or lender be"

There's a little factor in influence called compliance. Then there's another called consistency.....

If you do a little favor for somebody, you comply with their request......later it's only natural that you should repeat the same pattern to be consistent with your behavior....

If you went to Cuba and a girl (or man) came up to you in the street and said "hey mate, my grandmother is sick and her roof is leaking........could you give me the money for her doctor and pay for her medicine and then there's the roof to be repaired. Oh and we could pop to the store and buy enough groceries to fill her fridge and my mother's fridge....and some rum and tobaco"

What would you say? you'd say fvck off cretin right?

But it never happens like that .....that Cuban girl or man will engage you in conversation and after a little while will say....."hey, you're cool, let's continue this conversation at this bar and sit down. But I don't drink alcohol (later they will) just a soft drink. is that ok you get me a soft drink?" and you think hell a soft drink is like nothing......(you comply and the favors increase a little....and you want to be consistent with your past decisions...)

this is when you are seen as a MARK and basically they are pimping you (or trying to)

You bought your friend a sandwich (at his request remember)

now he sees you as a mark who should continue complying

Many people have money and they don't like to spend their own money

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

You bought your friend a sandwich (at his request remember)

now he sees you as a mark who should continue complying

Many people have money and they don't like to spend their own money

Yeah, this is spot-on and it's exactly why this angers me. He's trying to treat me like a mug he can hit up like an ATM and it's fundamentally disrespectful.

It's the same reason that repayment is always deferred by these people to some sort of "I'll do you a favour one day" vague bulls**t rather than just repaying the money. Because they think you're a fool that can be milked in the long term with no payback.

What I find annoying is unless I'm straight up rude to people, they seem to interpret any sort of kindness from me as weakness. It was happening at work too - I help someone out once and they start taking the p*ss immediately afterwards and being lazy, expecting me to do their work for them. Not happening.

Humans are annoying creatures...

I think in future I'm going to work on being respected before I work on being "loved". I think Machiavelli was right...sometimes it is better to be feared than loved. Or at least respected rather than adored.

 

[milen4ik]

Leeches will bleed you dry...I

 

[Billtx49]

The main trouble once you have money is keeping it…

 

[Spaz]

When i do borrow a friend/relative some money, it's with the foreknowledge that I'd never get it back. Of course they promise to pay back. And I never asked nor reminded them.

They usually dont and that's okay for me, I usually only borrow what I can afford to lose, say $50-$300, it's nothing to me but might be a moment of great importance to someone else when they are down, some will remember my kindness down the road.

Imo, nobody likes borrowing money as it devalues themselves. It's shameful and degrading when they get rejected.

Over the years I've probably lend some money to almost all my close friends/relatives.

Surprisingly, when people notice I'm low in cash, there's always offers of cash advance into the thousands, one even offered $100k interest free and no time limitations to pay back.

I guess my free handouts to people in need worked to my advantage and reputation.

And all it took was $50....

So you see, in every situation, there's always profit to be made.

 

[Billtx49]

Surprisingly, when people notice I'm low in cash, there's always offers of cash advance into the thousands, one even offered $100k interest free and no time limitations to pay back.

And all it took was $50....

Give my mind, life experience, and common sense a break here… You may not have any, but I do.
LMAO

 

[Spaz]

Give my mind, life experience, and common sense a break here… You may not have any, but I do.
LMAO

If u were 2 drop ur wallet in a train, in ur city, there's a 99% chance you'll never get it back. Common sense, life experiences and ur mind would point in that direction, rightly so.

But if u were 2 lose it in Tokyo, there's a 70-80% chance of you getting it back.

Is that hard to believe?

 

[Billtx49]

If u were 2 drop ur wallet in a train, in ur city, there's a 99% chance you'll never get it back. Common sense, life experiences and ur mind would point in that direction, rightly so.

But if u were 2 lose it in Tokyo, there's a 70-80% chance of you getting it back.

Is that hard to believe?

No, what’s hard to believe is that a $500 loan could put $1M in my bank if your statement is expanded on. Don’t change the subject when you can’t defend your previous statement. It’s troll behavior.

 

[Spaz]

No, what’s hard to believe is that a $500 loan could put $1M in my bank if your statement is expanded on. Don’t change the subject when you can’t defend your previous statement. It’s troll behavior.

In the not too distant past, I'm sure ur ancestors were like me and I'm sure they had helped others in need, and got way more help in returned.

Then somewhere down the years as can be seen here, that sense of honor, value, shame, camaraderie amongst men has eroded in much of your society.

Perhaps in Asia the value system has been affected by time dilation.

If you say that sort of values is trollish by ur standards then I gladly admit so.

 

[Spaz]

This could be an interesting discussion.

On one hand we hv @billtx49 who is sceptical whilst using his rational thought processes based on his life experiences. But brings no rewards whatsoever if pursued.

On the other you hv mine which is hard to stomach for most of you here. But the probability of being treated in kind and more is higher.

Let's experiment, hypothetically;

@MoreThanSmooth always approaches Spaz, in the exact same fashion as his friend does. Perhaps he amuses me or perhaps I pity him or perhaps I had extra cash on me that I end up lending him money and as usual he'll end up promising payment etc. I'll ignore it all and smile with sincerity say; pay me whenever you feel comfortable, I don't have any problems with late payment. I trust you.

By saying it I get him to save face and perhaps smile.

And he keeps doing it for a couple of years until he grows up, learns to control his finances or he feels ashamed to even ask me again.

As years roll by, perhaps @MoreThanSmooth is no longer poor but perhaps even highly successful with lots of extra cash and to him I'm one of the few who helped him out when he was down and begging.

Would @MoreThanSmooth more likely to offer me help when I'm down without even asking him ?

Would he not offer me $100k interest free when he has millions? Maybe he is so grateful that even without millions he'd just offer the 100k.

What would happened when I do the same to all of you here?

Would it be hard to stomach it when perhaps 70%-80% of you here offer back the same kindness? And perhaps even offered more, much more ?

I know so bcuz I've received kindness in the past, when I had no money, no future, no proper place to stay and I'd do anything even lending that person 80% of my savings simply bcoz I'm grateful.

And I know so bcoz like I said in my above post, I've been offered help by a man who is currently successful in business and others. All simply bcoz I help them with a mere $50-$300 every now and then.

So, to end this hypothetically question, @MoreThanSmooth , when you come across Spaz down and knowing he is always ready to assist a friend in need, would you not offer him the same as he has done for you?

Perhaps even going so far to offer more then just $$ but true help to get Spaz up on his feet?

Let's see what he says to this hypothetical questions.

I am interested to see his reply.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Imo, nobody likes borrowing money as it devalues themselves. It's shameful and degrading when they get rejected.

When it comes to decent people this is true. I hate borrowing money from friends and I've never borrowed more than a measly £10 off of anyone for that reason.

But there are a substantial number of d*ckheads out there that have no moral qualms or shame about it at all. These are the people who will just take you for a mug if you loan them cash and then try to get more out of you over time (and not neccessarily just cash either).

Were I substantially richer perhaps it wouldn't bother me so much; at the moment I'm not enormously wealthy, and so when people who have more money than I do are asking me for money, it gets on my t*ts.

 

[Spaz]

Only lend what you could afford to lose and hv that mindset to not ever expect it back.

I apply standards to those who wishes to be my friend and i place people in groups; close friends, friends, acquaintances and randoms. That's how I manage people around me. I suggest you do the same. If someone from the random group approaches me for some cash, with an attitude like your friend, I'll just use deliberate silence to unnerved him.

Close friends would of course get the best assistance i could offer and I'll stagger the level of assistance according to their group. It gives me a peace of mind and more importantly i will acquire a loyal following of friends/acquaintances. My reputation of being a man worthy of friendship will inadvertently pull people to want me as their friend and pushes them to pass my standards.

Never allow someone to choose you as their friend, it's you that makes the choice, base on your standards.

 

[IKO69]

Tell the dubious friends to **** off