Drop it or find out?

[scrapperdog]

A few weeks ago I posted about a mature woman who invited me to the movies and we were just friends. Well we have since been banging and something strange happened last night.

Normally I would not even worry about this, but this chick told me she broke off a long friendship with someone cause he did not stand up for her in some kinda bar dispute, and that makes me wonder if there is an issue here.

Anyhow this is what happened. We met 4 other people at a wing joint last night, all of them "friends" of hers. Two couples, one married and the other ones living together.

Before we even got to order she had a dispute with one of the males. IMO he provoked it. The dispute was over some petty crap that really is dumb, and what they were fighting about is not really important. Everyone there had known each other 10+ years, except for me, in fact I had only met one other person at the table before (not the man in question).

Anyhow like I said he was pretty agressive about it, called her a drunk and mentioned her recent arrest and even called her a ***** or something along those lines.

If this was some stranger or just someone she knew a little bit I would have told him to beat it on out of here. However I did not really think I should get involved in a dispute with people who have known each other 10+ years the first time I meet one of them. The man in question is the brother of her best friend. I just observed and listened and got ready in case it got physical. I certainly would not want her to get in the middle of a dispute I had with a friend without her knowing exactly what was going on. Would rather handle my business myself and not have a chick in the middle of it, obviously.

Anyhow we never ordered, she decided to storm out with me following her. We got to the car and I suggested we go somewhere else to eat, and she started crying and said she would rather take me home. I found this kinda strange, and got to wondering if she now thinks less of me cause I did not get involved.

Drop this **** or talk about it? If we talk about it all I am gonna say is that I would have fought him if it became physical and that short of that I thought she would want to handle disputes with long time friends without someone who had no clue what really was going on getting involved.

 

[wjh]

dramaaaaaa. You handled it well enough, however, interjecting with humor to diffuse the situation could have helped. Hopefully she learns not to hang out with people who disrespect her. However, I don't believe she's the saint you're portraying her as. Getting arrested? For what?

 

[scrapperdog]

I know she is not a saint, however she did not provoke this situation. The guy could be telling the truth about her, or he could just be pissed about the other situation they were arguing about and spouting off his anger. Only time will tell. Also it would not suprise me in the least if she has screwed this guy before and they have lingering issues. She was arrested for DWI, but has a graduate degree, a respectable job, and owns her own house so it is not like she is a criminal/complete wreck, however I fully realize there are possible serious issues here. Just dont know her well enough yet to know exactly what is what.

I am more concerned about how this situation might effect her image of me considering what I know about her and how she ditched a long time friend over a dispute involving a stranger in a bar.

 

[Warrior74]

lol. sounds like she's parading her new guy infront of her old guy and wants someone to fight over her

 

[Interceptor]

Actually, I dont think you handled it well at all.
I believed you should have stood up for her regardless.
Disrespectful behavior shoudln't be tolerated.

I think she took your stance of 'not getting involved' as being a pvssy.
So yeah, you lost a lot of attraction and respect from her.

Perhaps you dont want come across as her 'BF' standing up for her, so you hung back, but you did come across as a guy who tolerates disrespectful behavior in your presence, and the disrespect of a woman, whom if YOU were hanging out with, then it is assumed that she is of good character...
which would definitely have merited your intervention.
In other words, she realized that she means nothing to you, and you dont have the balls in general to be assertive for others if theres nothing in it for you...

 

[Warrior74]

Actually, I dont think you handled it well at all.
I believed you should have stood up for her regardless.
Disrespectful behavior shoudln't be tolerated.

I think she took your stance of 'not getting involved' as being a pvssy.
So yeah, you lost a lot of attraction and respect from her.

Perhaps you dont want come across as her 'BF' standing up for her, so you hung back, but you did come across as a guy who tolerates disrespectful behavior in your presence, and the disrespect of a woman, whom if YOU were hanging out with, then it is assumed that she is of good character...
which would definitely have merited your intervention.
In other words, she realized that she means nothing to you, and you dont have the balls in general to be assertive for others if theres nothing in it for you...

You know... I thought that too at first. And I understand where your coming from. But something in that story just didn't seem right. Especially the friends of 10 years going at each other in such a way. She seems to get in these sorts of things with regularity eh?

So my question is to try and repair any damage or drop and forget it?

Move forward and forget it. I think the damage is done.

 

[scrapperdog]

So my question is to try and repair any damage or drop and forget it?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Scrapper Dog,
You handled that real well,all the advice here is really good,but Warrior74 has the same niggling suspicions I have...The ultimate affirmation for some Ladies is having guys fight over them...Maybe Mum took her to see Ivanhoe when she was a kid...Mate never get involved in this scene...as a young man I saw something similar,a knight in shining armour stood up for some innocent damsels virtue knocked the black Knight down,sadly he cracked his head on the kerb at the bar...dead as mutton...verdict guilty as charged poor silly sod did two years in the slammer a promising career wrecked...think about it....

 

[Interceptor]

Being Assertive has nothing to do with 'fighting'.
You guys are missing the deeper issue at hand here.

And with all due respect to the other members, NO you did not 'handle it well' at ALL.


Scrapper, move on.
Good luck.

 

[Phyzzle]

You probably sould have been more assertive, if you have any real interest in her. But exactly how to do that depends on how stupid the argument was.

What do you mean, he provoked it? Even if you had said something simple like, "well that wasn't very nice," it could have discouraged him enough. Too late to fix that now.

Still, I've been with groups of friends who love to be at each other's throats all the time. It's just their idea of fun, but it gets old for me. She sounds like one of those people.

 

[iqqi]

I think people are being too judgemental about the woman. There really is no bigger turn off than being somewhere and getting verbally accosted by a man... in the presense of a man you are with, and the man you are with lets it happen. It is just as disrespectful to the man as the woman.

There is no need to try and label the OP's woman as anything, we should be going by the situation alone.

Having said that, I think the OP handled it well with good reason. If they have all known each other that long, they are practically family, and you don't get involved with family disputes. I DO think you should talk to her, and mention that you would have had her back if it wasn't such close friendships you'd be meddling with.

 

[mrRuckus]

There really is no bigger turn off than being somewhere and getting verbally accosted by a man... in the presense of a man you are with, and the man you are with lets it happen. .

Maybe you shouldn't do stuff that makes men verbally accost you.