Well, I honestly would have never seen myself in such a surreal situation. Particularly, this whole month, since the 13th, I've been numb to almost everything. I can't think clearly, carry around a diminished appetite, and a general loss of will to pursue the riches of life any longer have become my suffering. Trembling occasionally occurs, but my mentality has, to much surprise, maintained it's sense of sanity.
To waste not another minute, let me begin.
I am 19 years old. About two months ago, I encountered a woman at my workplace. She was cute; green eyes, long brown hair, pointed, thin nose. Not thin, but rightly thick. Upon interaction, I found myself immediately drawn to her. We enjoyed one another's company, and the chemistry developed into a smooth, stream-lined experience for the both of us. For the sake of an undisclosed identity, we'll call her Jamie.
Jamie worked where I was for a year. I was running on my third month when we'd finally met. Now, I'd seen her before around the workplace. But before Late November, we hadn't really worked with another for an extended period. We began talking toward the holiday season of Thanksgiving, and held a social relationship since. I liked her, and, as it appeared, she was enjoying me the same. The drastic turn comes with the next realization. As spoken, I developed lightweight feelings for Jamie, but I never thought for a second we could realistically make anything out of it... Why?
Jamie was 31 years old.
With this knowledge, I suppressed my feelings, and kept them at base level. I rationalized her interest in me as a means of escaping the stresses of work; I had seen myself as a simple play buddy to her. Someone to take the edge off a fast-paced working environment. I accepted this role, without actual admittance from her that this was, infact, how she had seen me. But if for nothing else, I didn't think I could actually get a 31 year old woman to fall for me. Surely, she was involved with more established, sophisticated men. To her, clearly I was a boy. It was by this logic that I would cancel any wandering thoughts of a potential romantic relationship with Jamie.
The turn comes when she had located me on the social network Facebook. She had messaged me. Oddly enough that she found me without knowledge of my last name, but she had watched videos of me, been through my photos, scrutinized my information and detailed it back to me. It all came in weird doses, but, vaguely, I found her interest in me wildly appealing. We were twelve years apart. When I was eight, she was twenty years old. For someone, much less a 31 year old woman, to be at a piqued interest so early in a social relationship was intriguing, if not a tad bit alarming.
Let's fast forward. It turns out, I was wrong. She was insiatably into me. Much more than I was into her. She desired every inch of me, and I could only stand, bewildered, that she developed such an attachment so rapidly, so strongly. Eventually, I disclosed my age to her. I thought once she was aware of my age, she'd call off everything. But I mean, we were both adults, so no illegal circumstances were to worry about. Still, a 19, 31 relationship was unusual. To my surprise, it didn't phase her, and by the third month of talking, she confessed she loved me--- But we only started dating just three days earlier the night she told me this news.
Obviously, I knew this was simply a run of emotions on her end, but fast forwarding even further, we eventually rented a motel. She wanted me to go with her, and said she'd pay for everything. The room, the food, the expenses for me to get there. I simply had to agree to go. This was two Fridays ago. By this time, we had gotten to know each other more intimately, more personally. Granted, she had way more heavier feelings than me, but I loved the thrill of dating a mature woman.
Well, that night had possibly changed my life forever. Various things had occurred. I lost my virginity to her; learned that the trojan brand could no longer be purchased by a man like me; received my first blow job. She exposed me to everything, really.
During sex, I was utilizing the pull out method, all to her disapproval however. One particlar position, she had gotten on top. I felt myself coming, and I remove her from me. She laid on the bed, and I fell on top of her. She's visibly upset. I ask her what the problem was. Apparently, she was mad I wasn't coming. She hated protection, particularly with me, and wanted to go raw. I was vehemently against it, but the situation was fast, and I knew time wasn't on my side. Still, I needed assurance; I sought assurance. I question her. Jamie looks directly into my eyes, and I fell into hers. I needed to know everything would be fine. I sought that in her, which, probably, will go down as the worst mistake in my life.
As we stared directly at each other, I make her promise; make her promise that if she got pregnant, an abortion would follow. She hadn't let me even finish my sentence when she repeatedly sworn she would. She swears, swears again, and swears a third time that she would lose the umbreyo, had she gotten pregnant. And a forth swear followed. I was satisfied, and needless to say, I came inside her.... Five times that night..
That night, as we slept, I seek re-assurance; assurance she would follow up on her swear... Upon receiving the question, she laughs in my face, and asks,
"Why the hell would I get an abortion?? I have nothing going in my life. You're 19, you're going to leave me. This is my only piece of you when you're gone; your baby is my only happiness in my pointless life."
My heart dropped, and my penis went soft... My whole life flashed before my eyes. I reminisced on all the times I was told to use protection, or to not trust women. I felt like dying, disappearing, or reversing time... She trapped me.... She tricked me. Now, my days are filled with her promising to get an abortion, then, a while later, telling me she'd keep it. Then, once again, swearing she'll get rid of it. And, say if she had gotten mad, she says she's keeping it... back and forth, she goes. Daily. With no real garauntee on what she'll do. Now, two days later after sex, she had her period. It lasted five days... But she took a pregnancy test sunday, and a dark line appeared, and a light one did, all according to her. This was only Nine days after friday. So it wasn't a sufficient amount of time for her hormones to gather. Jamie is unpredictable, and undoubtedly crazy. Some times, I get so filled with anger, I want to destroy everything around me... Like, how could I be so stupid to believe she would actually hold up on a stupid promise, like it means anything to a grown woman with nothing to lose..
I'm scared, and wondering how the hell did any of this happen; everything occurred so fast... I honestly don't know what to do. I'm not ready for a child, and I only went without protection because I thought she meant what she said. Yeah, she assures me she'll have an abortion, but her mind is never permanently made up. She smiles; she laughs; she studies my misery, and only smiles more... But promises everything will be alright.
To waste not another minute, let me begin.
I am 19 years old. About two months ago, I encountered a woman at my workplace. She was cute; green eyes, long brown hair, pointed, thin nose. Not thin, but rightly thick. Upon interaction, I found myself immediately drawn to her. We enjoyed one another's company, and the chemistry developed into a smooth, stream-lined experience for the both of us. For the sake of an undisclosed identity, we'll call her Jamie.
Jamie worked where I was for a year. I was running on my third month when we'd finally met. Now, I'd seen her before around the workplace. But before Late November, we hadn't really worked with another for an extended period. We began talking toward the holiday season of Thanksgiving, and held a social relationship since. I liked her, and, as it appeared, she was enjoying me the same. The drastic turn comes with the next realization. As spoken, I developed lightweight feelings for Jamie, but I never thought for a second we could realistically make anything out of it... Why?
Jamie was 31 years old.
With this knowledge, I suppressed my feelings, and kept them at base level. I rationalized her interest in me as a means of escaping the stresses of work; I had seen myself as a simple play buddy to her. Someone to take the edge off a fast-paced working environment. I accepted this role, without actual admittance from her that this was, infact, how she had seen me. But if for nothing else, I didn't think I could actually get a 31 year old woman to fall for me. Surely, she was involved with more established, sophisticated men. To her, clearly I was a boy. It was by this logic that I would cancel any wandering thoughts of a potential romantic relationship with Jamie.
The turn comes when she had located me on the social network Facebook. She had messaged me. Oddly enough that she found me without knowledge of my last name, but she had watched videos of me, been through my photos, scrutinized my information and detailed it back to me. It all came in weird doses, but, vaguely, I found her interest in me wildly appealing. We were twelve years apart. When I was eight, she was twenty years old. For someone, much less a 31 year old woman, to be at a piqued interest so early in a social relationship was intriguing, if not a tad bit alarming.
Let's fast forward. It turns out, I was wrong. She was insiatably into me. Much more than I was into her. She desired every inch of me, and I could only stand, bewildered, that she developed such an attachment so rapidly, so strongly. Eventually, I disclosed my age to her. I thought once she was aware of my age, she'd call off everything. But I mean, we were both adults, so no illegal circumstances were to worry about. Still, a 19, 31 relationship was unusual. To my surprise, it didn't phase her, and by the third month of talking, she confessed she loved me--- But we only started dating just three days earlier the night she told me this news.
Obviously, I knew this was simply a run of emotions on her end, but fast forwarding even further, we eventually rented a motel. She wanted me to go with her, and said she'd pay for everything. The room, the food, the expenses for me to get there. I simply had to agree to go. This was two Fridays ago. By this time, we had gotten to know each other more intimately, more personally. Granted, she had way more heavier feelings than me, but I loved the thrill of dating a mature woman.
Well, that night had possibly changed my life forever. Various things had occurred. I lost my virginity to her; learned that the trojan brand could no longer be purchased by a man like me; received my first blow job. She exposed me to everything, really.
During sex, I was utilizing the pull out method, all to her disapproval however. One particlar position, she had gotten on top. I felt myself coming, and I remove her from me. She laid on the bed, and I fell on top of her. She's visibly upset. I ask her what the problem was. Apparently, she was mad I wasn't coming. She hated protection, particularly with me, and wanted to go raw. I was vehemently against it, but the situation was fast, and I knew time wasn't on my side. Still, I needed assurance; I sought assurance. I question her. Jamie looks directly into my eyes, and I fell into hers. I needed to know everything would be fine. I sought that in her, which, probably, will go down as the worst mistake in my life.
As we stared directly at each other, I make her promise; make her promise that if she got pregnant, an abortion would follow. She hadn't let me even finish my sentence when she repeatedly sworn she would. She swears, swears again, and swears a third time that she would lose the umbreyo, had she gotten pregnant. And a forth swear followed. I was satisfied, and needless to say, I came inside her.... Five times that night..
That night, as we slept, I seek re-assurance; assurance she would follow up on her swear... Upon receiving the question, she laughs in my face, and asks,
"Why the hell would I get an abortion?? I have nothing going in my life. You're 19, you're going to leave me. This is my only piece of you when you're gone; your baby is my only happiness in my pointless life."
My heart dropped, and my penis went soft... My whole life flashed before my eyes. I reminisced on all the times I was told to use protection, or to not trust women. I felt like dying, disappearing, or reversing time... She trapped me.... She tricked me. Now, my days are filled with her promising to get an abortion, then, a while later, telling me she'd keep it. Then, once again, swearing she'll get rid of it. And, say if she had gotten mad, she says she's keeping it... back and forth, she goes. Daily. With no real garauntee on what she'll do. Now, two days later after sex, she had her period. It lasted five days... But she took a pregnancy test sunday, and a dark line appeared, and a light one did, all according to her. This was only Nine days after friday. So it wasn't a sufficient amount of time for her hormones to gather. Jamie is unpredictable, and undoubtedly crazy. Some times, I get so filled with anger, I want to destroy everything around me... Like, how could I be so stupid to believe she would actually hold up on a stupid promise, like it means anything to a grown woman with nothing to lose..
I'm scared, and wondering how the hell did any of this happen; everything occurred so fast... I honestly don't know what to do. I'm not ready for a child, and I only went without protection because I thought she meant what she said. Yeah, she assures me she'll have an abortion, but her mind is never permanently made up. She smiles; she laughs; she studies my misery, and only smiles more... But promises everything will be alright.
