Down about my x's new relationship

[Abcd]

So towards the end of college I got in a relationship with a very cool, smart girl that lasted just over a year. She wasn't perfect (could have been a bit more well read outside her field) but she was hot, super smart, great in bed, and 100% sane and easy personality, so about as perfect as they get. 18 months ago this girl headed off to get her PhD. I left school to start a company, spending most of my time overseas, with no real hope of spending much time in her new Uni town (not a major city) where she would be for the next six years. So even though the relationship was pretty perfect, and she wanted to do long distance, get married eventually, I let it go. I figured hey I'm young, there are a million fish in the sea, why do this to myself - might as well trade a more relaxed future for short-term pain. We shed some tears and parted ways.

Due to human nature, since neither one of us really wanted to be apart, we stayed in close phone contact for awhile, and kept seeing each other occasionally for conjugal visits for 6 months or so. But we successfully toned it down over a while and got to the point where we were just talking on the phone a friendly chat once every six weeks or so.

Well, it turns out there may be a million fish, but I have a pretty antisocial life now compared to college. My business is brand new and I travel from back and forth from various countries every few months. Eventually I will likely be based overseas pretty much full time. My good friends from school are scattered around the USA. I have pretty good friends all over the place in different countries as I am a social animal when I touch down, but I am only spending a couple months at a time, so I feel fairly isolated always. I've dated one hottie for a month or two since then, but she wasn't a keeper from an intelligence/interesting person side. Make out with a few girls here and there. But really the whole time I'm just missing my old way of life in school, and by extension my ex GF. I successfully fight the urge to talk to her constantly - haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in 6-9 months.

So the holidays roll around, and we're both in my home city. I give her a call yesterday to say hi, yes I'm weak what can I say, it's the holidays. We chat for a while, talk about maybe getting coffee one of these days while we're both in town. Tonight on Christmas Eve she im's me and says she won't be able to make it for coffee, and actually she felt a little weird bringing this up on the phone but she is dating someone back in her new Uni town now and is going back to see him sooner than planned. I guess she thought that I wouldn't even care - she's a very nice person, wouldn't have brought this up on Christmas Eve if she'd thought it would be a big deal for me. I can understand why she'd think that - I never call her anymore with the intent of getting over her.

But frankly this has me pretty destroyed, right before Christmas. I'm up ath 3:45Am and can't stop thinking about it. Even though I've dated people since, I just can't come to grips with the fact that she's really, definitely, no longer mine. And god, the thought of her in bed with somebody else... it drives me crazy.

I don't know why I'm posting exactly - basically for catharsis. I wonder if this is normal to be this hung up on someone after so long - it's been at least a year... and I was the one that ended it! I should have been over this ages ago. But I'm just totally wiped out over it.

Any advice? Usually mine would be "f more women and move on" but that's what I've been doing for the last 12 months, and apparently it's not working very f**ing fast.

 

[Igetit!]

But frankly this has me pretty destroyed, right before Christmas. I'm up ath 3:45Am and can't stop thinking about it. Even though I've dated people since, I just can't come to grips with the fact that she's really, definitely, no longer mine. And god, the thought of her in bed with somebody else... it drives me crazy.

Yeah,man. I know how this feels. It just plain sucks. I doubt that there is anything that anyone can say to make you feel better,but hey,look on the bright side. It's Christmas!!!
Just enjoy hanging out and spending time with your family and friends today,man. There'll be plenty of time to be sulk and feel down after the holidays.

I wonder if this is normal to be this hung up on someone after so long - it's been at least a year... and I was the one that ended it! I should have been over this ages ago. But I'm just totally wiped out over it.

There's no set time limit on grieving over a relationship. It takes as long as it takes. Now if you've been just sitting around the house moping about this girl over the past few months,then that will lengthen the time of getting over her. So make sure not to do that. If you fill your life with hobbies and family time,and hanging out with friends,these things will occupy more of your thoughts,therefore pushing what's-her-name out of you mind.

 

[Alphamale1821]

Dude honestly instead of feeling like shiit and bating yourself up you should reflect on your past relationship and smile on the good times you had with this great girl. You are one of the few guys who actually had the opportunity to experience, love and a great relationship with a great girl. This is an experience and a part of your journey but now it's over. So instead of moping and letting it "destroy" you reflect on you good times, smile and laugh and allow yourself to move on. Now it's your time to get back in the field or more less just focus on your business. You realize that the more you think about her have a new date, the more weaker you will become. Do not allow something that you "cannot" control to affect you. Just move on dude seriously. Be grateful that you had the opportunity to experience what you did. Nothing is forever and it's just a part of life. Move past this and prepeare yourself for the next great experience in your journey. Good luck and MERRY CHRISTMAS.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Dude, face it. He has a bigger pecker, get over it!

All kidding aside, you must constantly remind yourself you are "on your path", and nothing can get in the way of that. You don't mention how old both of you are, but chances are she won't be settiling with this one permanently, in the long run. You, in turn, must continue your pathway and not get stuck on the idea of this one. All the best in the '09.

 

[KontrollerX]

If you want to speed up the grieving process of getting over your ex this thread might help...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127902

Er then again maybe it will make things worse.

Though the only way you will know which effect it will have is to read it.

 

[L B]

That's why I cut contact with all my ex. Less drama in life.

I don't like to admit it, but I am emotionally attached to the ones that once meant something to me. But I understand that if they are no longer mine, they should not waste my time.

 

[Faded Image]

I'm going to keep this simple.

You broke up with her.

You moved miles apart.

You both talk to each other every now and then.

You're both home for the holidays.

She tells you that she's seeing someone else and she's leaving early to see him.

You act like it doesn't bother you but deep down inside it eats at your heart.

Now, the thought of her sleeping with someone else messes with your emotions.

Now ask yourself this question. Do you think, your sleeping with someone else bothers her the same way?

It's hard to let go of the fact that someone you enjoyed having intimate relationships with is having intimate relationships with someone else.

Although I totally disagree with some of the messages recording artist Usher uses in his songs. I can say that your situation fits the description in his song "let it burn" and that's what you have to do.

The only way to get over it is to let it hurt.

 

[Abcd]

Thanks all.

 

[CP3WOO]

Mind if I jump a board this train? My ex just got in a new relationship too. It sucks, yeah I know. I want her happy as can be, but not with some tool though. I wish she would stay single forever, but that's just me being selfish.

I broke up with her TWICE! She gave me a second chance and I blew it. It hurts so bad seeing her on myspace with that used tampon boyfriend of hers. I just want to beat him within an inch of his life, let him recooperate, and repeat the process. I can't though! It won't solve anything! I got a new girl now, but I can't be happy knowing my other ex's find life without me.

This is how I see it...
I'm Brett Favre. I break up with the Packers. I see the Packers got a new starting QB named Aaron Rogers. I want to come out of retirement, but the Packers won't let me back. I then go to the Jets.

Does that make sense? Idk. I'm just depressed and talking out the rear.

 

[Abcd]

Yeah I hear ya. I don't really feel any animosity towards them, just sadness that it's over. This comment made me feel better, sad as it is:

Dude honestly instead of feeling like **** and bating yourself up you should reflect on your past relationship and smile on the good times you had with this great girl. ... Be grateful that you had the opportunity to experience what you did. Nothing is forever and it's just a part of life. Move past this and prepeare yourself for the next great experience in your journey.

"Nothing is forever" it's a cliche but it's true. Some people probably marry the first girl they meet, grow old and die and never experience this particular type of loss. I am a big fan of diverse experiences - that's not for me. I've learned a lot about life and people from the folks I've dated... I wouldn't want to have only dated one. So this is just part of the process.

Yesterday I went from feeling very depressed about it, to feeling slightly sad but actually much better. One benefit I realized is that for the first time in over 2 years, I actually feel totally SINGLE. The new guy actually brought some closure to that last relationship - there had been a number of "closure" events but this one takes the cake. So in a small way I feel more able to go out and take advantage of the rest of the world - something I've been trying to do for the last year.