So towards the end of college I got in a relationship with a very cool, smart girl that lasted just over a year. She wasn't perfect (could have been a bit more well read outside her field) but she was hot, super smart, great in bed, and 100% sane and easy personality, so about as perfect as they get. 18 months ago this girl headed off to get her PhD. I left school to start a company, spending most of my time overseas, with no real hope of spending much time in her new Uni town (not a major city) where she would be for the next six years. So even though the relationship was pretty perfect, and she wanted to do long distance, get married eventually, I let it go. I figured hey I'm young, there are a million fish in the sea, why do this to myself - might as well trade a more relaxed future for short-term pain. We shed some tears and parted ways.
Due to human nature, since neither one of us really wanted to be apart, we stayed in close phone contact for awhile, and kept seeing each other occasionally for conjugal visits for 6 months or so. But we successfully toned it down over a while and got to the point where we were just talking on the phone a friendly chat once every six weeks or so.
Well, it turns out there may be a million fish, but I have a pretty antisocial life now compared to college. My business is brand new and I travel from back and forth from various countries every few months. Eventually I will likely be based overseas pretty much full time. My good friends from school are scattered around the USA. I have pretty good friends all over the place in different countries as I am a social animal when I touch down, but I am only spending a couple months at a time, so I feel fairly isolated always. I've dated one hottie for a month or two since then, but she wasn't a keeper from an intelligence/interesting person side. Make out with a few girls here and there. But really the whole time I'm just missing my old way of life in school, and by extension my ex GF. I successfully fight the urge to talk to her constantly - haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in 6-9 months.
So the holidays roll around, and we're both in my home city. I give her a call yesterday to say hi, yes I'm weak what can I say, it's the holidays. We chat for a while, talk about maybe getting coffee one of these days while we're both in town. Tonight on Christmas Eve she im's me and says she won't be able to make it for coffee, and actually she felt a little weird bringing this up on the phone but she is dating someone back in her new Uni town now and is going back to see him sooner than planned. I guess she thought that I wouldn't even care - she's a very nice person, wouldn't have brought this up on Christmas Eve if she'd thought it would be a big deal for me. I can understand why she'd think that - I never call her anymore with the intent of getting over her.
But frankly this has me pretty destroyed, right before Christmas. I'm up ath 3:45Am and can't stop thinking about it. Even though I've dated people since, I just can't come to grips with the fact that she's really, definitely, no longer mine. And god, the thought of her in bed with somebody else... it drives me crazy.
I don't know why I'm posting exactly - basically for catharsis. I wonder if this is normal to be this hung up on someone after so long - it's been at least a year... and I was the one that ended it! I should have been over this ages ago. But I'm just totally wiped out over it.
Any advice? Usually mine would be "f more women and move on" but that's what I've been doing for the last 12 months, and apparently it's not working very f**ing fast.
Due to human nature, since neither one of us really wanted to be apart, we stayed in close phone contact for awhile, and kept seeing each other occasionally for conjugal visits for 6 months or so. But we successfully toned it down over a while and got to the point where we were just talking on the phone a friendly chat once every six weeks or so.
Well, it turns out there may be a million fish, but I have a pretty antisocial life now compared to college. My business is brand new and I travel from back and forth from various countries every few months. Eventually I will likely be based overseas pretty much full time. My good friends from school are scattered around the USA. I have pretty good friends all over the place in different countries as I am a social animal when I touch down, but I am only spending a couple months at a time, so I feel fairly isolated always. I've dated one hottie for a month or two since then, but she wasn't a keeper from an intelligence/interesting person side. Make out with a few girls here and there. But really the whole time I'm just missing my old way of life in school, and by extension my ex GF. I successfully fight the urge to talk to her constantly - haven't had a meaningful conversation with her in 6-9 months.
So the holidays roll around, and we're both in my home city. I give her a call yesterday to say hi, yes I'm weak what can I say, it's the holidays. We chat for a while, talk about maybe getting coffee one of these days while we're both in town. Tonight on Christmas Eve she im's me and says she won't be able to make it for coffee, and actually she felt a little weird bringing this up on the phone but she is dating someone back in her new Uni town now and is going back to see him sooner than planned. I guess she thought that I wouldn't even care - she's a very nice person, wouldn't have brought this up on Christmas Eve if she'd thought it would be a big deal for me. I can understand why she'd think that - I never call her anymore with the intent of getting over her.
But frankly this has me pretty destroyed, right before Christmas. I'm up ath 3:45Am and can't stop thinking about it. Even though I've dated people since, I just can't come to grips with the fact that she's really, definitely, no longer mine. And god, the thought of her in bed with somebody else... it drives me crazy.
I don't know why I'm posting exactly - basically for catharsis. I wonder if this is normal to be this hung up on someone after so long - it's been at least a year... and I was the one that ended it! I should have been over this ages ago. But I'm just totally wiped out over it.
Any advice? Usually mine would be "f more women and move on" but that's what I've been doing for the last 12 months, and apparently it's not working very f**ing fast.