Don't want to be a *friend*...

[PeterPar]

Ahoy!

I have this girl who writes to me, like a thousand words in Facebook meesage every day,and we talk on the phone once every two days or so, though not for very long. We've gone out thrice, and pay for the outings alternately, and the who pays decides the place to go. It's been, like a month since I have known her, and I was out of town for the last two weeks. The problem is, she believes she is in love with her childhood friend whom she has not met in 8 years, but talks to regularly. Also, he is in Portland, while we are in--wait for it-- India. Long distance relationships should'nt work out, right? She probably thinks of me as a *friend*, and tells me *EVERYTHING* there is to tell... I dont wanna be a *friend*...

To put it more into context, both of us are 18 yr-old Indians living in one of the biggest cities in India. I have been into three relationships before: the first one from 11 to 14(I know, I know, but we kissed, so it counts, right?), the second one for, like two months, when after feeling each other twice, we sorta fell apart, and the third ended a year ago when *she* left for Boston(some light kisses, lots of laughing and pulling hairs, and fooling around)... Am I ready for her? How can she still be in *love* when she's not even met him for soo many years... PS: He is verry intelligent(she always says, and that I am too) and two years older, but heyy, I am intelligent too, even though I dont study nuclear Chemistry... We wear the same kind of glasses, if it helps...

Whaddu I do???

 

[colombiandude]

I believe this would be helpful to you.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16631

 

[Veridin]

Also, he is in Portland, while we are in--wait for it-- India.

Emailing her childhood sweetheart who is now living in Portland? She should get over that!

I don't know how long that could take, though. Maybe you can still make a move on her. Maybe she is the kind who will think of this other guy for months and years. I don't know. But it is perfectly all right for you to make your intentions clear now. You should.

One thing you could try is to have her over at your place, and insist that you get to try some massage you learned. (Look it up on YouTube or somewhere else.) You massage her back while she is sitting up. Then you say you want to try face massage also. (Again, look it up.) Have her lean back against you. After you have massaged her face lightly for a while, you go on to carressing it, and stroke her lips with one finger. Then you carress her shoulders and arms, then hold your arms around her. When she comments on it, you just smile and say this is nice.

I am telling you, I have done this several times!


As for more general advice, there is the DJ Bible, which will teach you a lot:

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

This thread is in the DJ Bible, with an opening post about what to do when you are just friends. Basically you should make your intentions clear - but in a romantic way, not in a factual way. (Don't say "we should be a couple" and list the reasons why.) And if it doesn't work, you should see other girls. You can't spend your time hoping for that one girl. Most of the time when guys do this, they never get her. Meanwhile you lose months and years. So make your intentions clear, and if she doesn't want to be in a relationship, then accept that and move on. Don't be stuck in a place where you don't want to be.