Don't Tell People Your Goals?

[Warrior74]

http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html

What do you think?

 

[backbreaker]

I don't for the most part. I have never told anyone a goal and they actually encourage it. Well I tell my fiancee everything becuase I know she will support me.

 

[DanelMadr]

It is not smart to tell people your goals, because they will sabotage it.
My goal for example is to seize a Caribbean island, build a strong Ninja army and wipe out all azzhole dictators in the world. oooops.

 

[Mike32ct]

The old self-help school of thought (that I disagree with) is tell people your goals and then you'll be held accountable.

I think it's best to keep your goals to yourself for several reasons:

1. Most people don't care anyway. They are concerned about their own lives.

2. If you have setbacks (which is normal), you give envious people the opportunity to put you down and criticize you.

3. Some goals take a LONG time to reach. In the meantime, I don't want to be perceived as the guy that is "all talk.". People only judge by results and won't appreciate how hard you are working behind the scenes to reach your goal.

4. I'd rather wait until it's completed and surprise people with the results.

 

[JT7890]

Derek's reasons for not telling your goals relate more to some pseudo "positive thinking" strategy again, a watered down law of attraction type of shyt.

You shouldn't tell people your goals mainly for what Mike said. For one, it's really nobody's business what your goals are, if they won't have ANY contribution towards assisting you in completing the goals, what business is of it of theirs to know? Number two, most people don't have goals, so ANY reasonable goals will make those people uncomfortable and they will start hating on you. Finally, alot of people are quitters and because THEY failed or quit on their goals, they will try and give you their "honest advice" on why you shouldn't pursue yours.

Will (Chris Gardener) said it best in Pursuit of Happyness and that's to never let anybody tell you what you can't do, they mainly only say what YOU can't do because THEY are the ones that can't do it.

That's why I stopped telling people about my goals along time ago. Most people are stupid, uninformed, quitters, losers, and haters and will make no contribution to helping me achieve the goals nor will really be a "cheerleader" in the process.

 

[Rogue]

Between ten/twelve years ago, I spent a couple of years devoted to screenwriting, until I realized that at the time I lacked sufficient life experiences to tell compelling stories. I've always wanted to get back into screenwriting but, now that I have a life, I just haven't had the time for it. Anyway, I had read columns on the screenwriting website Wordplayer.com, which was created by two Hollywood screenwriters who wrote Alladin, The Mask of Zorro, Shrek, and Pirates of the Caribbean, among others. Their advice?

WRITE THE DAMN THING. The sooner it's written, the sooner it can be registered and protected. And all the better to head off Michael Crichton's version of it, anyway.

DON'T TELL. No matter how tempting it is to blurt out your brilliance, the safest bet is to keep mum. To producers, directors, executives, assistants -- and especially other writers. This carries an added advantage. Some writer, I forget who, held the policy of "only tell your story on paper." He maintained that when he told the story verbally, his need to communicate it was satisfied, and he'd lose the impulse to write it. I'm inclined to agree.

I found it was most definitely true. Telling people ideas always zapped the energy out of actually writing the story. A feature-length screenplay is around 20,000 words (120 pages) and every fiber of devoted energy was needed to crank out and edit the script. Every time I kept my mouth shut, I somehow managed to pull it through.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Parasites

My personal policy is "Show. Don't tell.", but it's very hard to keep up 100% of the time. And it surrounds me with a certain mystique that attract the wrong kind of people for me.

A lot of people get into "reporter-mode" when they see me making moves that get me ahead. They WILL start asking my goals and stuff like that. Most of the time I try to brush it off, or play-down my skills and achievements. Sometimes I just tell 'em "I'm not that great", even though I think I'm second to none. Just to get rid of certain people. I could care less whether they think I'm insecure or not. Their loss. I'm the best.

People can get really annoying and constantly try to be all up in my business until they "solved" the mystery. Men and women alike. I hate that.
What I hate even more is that these are exactly the kind of people who start taking me for granted, once they think they "know" me.

Why don't people just mind their own business. Like me. I have no time to be trying to find out about people. I'm still learning how to deal with it.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Don't tell the world what you can do, show it.

 

[steve38]

The way i learned it was that you should only share achievement goals with those that have similarly lofty goals and are the people you know will totally support you. This is maybe 5% of the people you know. The rest would love to see you fail.

But you can share 'give up' goals (like booze, smoking, gambling, or other bad habits) with everyone. Because the more people that know about those goals, the more likely you are to achieve them.

That's how I learned it 25 years ago, but its a different world now and the crab mentality is running rampant. Nobody really wants to put out the effort anymore to accomplish anything, therefore they HATE to see anyone else acheive their own goals. So now, I only share goals with my family. They have a vested interest in me

 

[backbreaker]

I remember whenI had my first business and I told my parents about what i wanted to do, at the time i was flat broke but I was still pretty confident in where we were going, just knew it was going to take some time.. pure..hell.. Every time she emailed she would attach a job application lol, eveyr time she would call she would tel me "such and such is hiring", every time I didn't have any money i would have to have an intervention about how i am throwing my life away, then, she went into militant mode and stopped letting me borrow 5-10 dollars here to make it a few days utnil i knew i had money coming in, beucase she wanted me to hit bottom and get a "real job". Then my dad came over my house one day, mind you we talk like 3 times a year and he decided he was going to lay the smack down on me and mind you, the man doesn't know anything about me, well wel don't talk alot. I'm sitting there like dude, who the **** are you lol. if you don't get the **** out my house lol. The longer it took the worse it got, by year 2 in my business i didn't talk to my parents for about 5 months.


since then, I am very very selective if at all I let know my ****. My mom didn't know I was an addict, until I was like 8 months clean lol and I told her i had to go to a meeting, and i let that **** slip.

 

[steve38]

I remember whenI had my first business and I told my parents about what i wanted to do, at the time i was flat broke but I was still pretty confident in where we were going, just knew it was going to take some time.. pure..hell.. Every time she emailed she would attach a job application lol, eveyr time she would call she would tel me "such and such is hiring",

Yeah, I had the same thing early in my life. It took MY parents a while to realize i wasn't just going to be a normal 9-5 guy and that i had different ambitions. I got plenty of those job apps in the mail from my Mom too...lol.

They only want the best for us. Or at the very least, you know they don't wish failure upon us like most people do

 

[JYW]

My personal policy is "Show. Don't tell.", but it's very hard to keep up 100% of the time. And it surrounds me with a certain mystique that attract the wrong kind of people for me.

A lot of people get into "reporter-mode" when they see me making moves that get me ahead. They WILL start asking my goals and stuff like that. Most of the time I try to brush it off, or play-down my skills and achievements. Sometimes I just tell 'em "I'm not that great", even though I think I'm second to none. Just to get rid of certain people. I could care less whether they think I'm insecure or not. Their loss. I'm the best.

People can get really annoying and constantly try to be all up in my business until they "solved" the mystery. Men and women alike. I hate that.
What I hate even more is that these are exactly the kind of people who start taking me for granted, once they think they "know" me.

Why don't people just mind their own business. Like me. I have no time to be trying to find out about people. I'm still learning how to deal with it.

****ING HATE REPORTER MODE. Alright I`m good. They want a piece of our brilliance. So they try to take advantage of us.

Curious *****es. I`m only 20 and I have goals. Little kids asking daddy what it`s like out in the real world or something:nono:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Law 9: Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

 

[August The Singer]

I appreciate:yes : your honesty man, its some emotional
envious jealous people out here, who just want to mess things
up for you, because they can't do something you are doing,
and you wouldn't even know why they have a funky attitude,
or you would wonder why somebody didn't hire you, or help you,
its because of their rumor spreading ass, lying ass, it talks in proverbs
about how a fool just blurts out information, I didn't know I was
a fool, it talks about how a wise man holds his tongue etc,
See when you know someone is not your friend, you might
not want to think of them as a friend, because
they are really just somebody who wants to ruin something
for you, or keep track of you so they can ruin something for you.

So understand, no matter how nice you are to these people,
they just want to see you fall, ***** ass mother ****ers. :kick:

 

[August The Singer]

Don Juan I Appreciate Your Honesty

Singer
Don Juan

Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
August The Singer is on a distinguished road

Don Juan I appreciate your honesty man, its some emotional
envious jealous people out here, who just want to mess things
up for you, because they can't do something you are doing,
and you wouldn't even know why they have a funky attitude,
or you would wonder why somebody didn't hire you, or help you,
its because of their rumor spreading ass, lying ass, it talks in proverbs
about how a fool just blurts out information, I didn't know I was
a fool, it talks about how a wise man holds his tongue etc,
See when you know someone is not your friend, you might
not want to think of them as a friend, because
they are really just somebody who wants to ruin something
for you, or keep track of you so they can ruin something for you.

So understand, no matter how nice you are to these people,
they just want to see you fall, ***** ass mother ****ers.

 

[August The Singer]

I Totally Understand

I totally understand what you're saying, nosy mother ****as man,
hate em, you got to literally lie to these ****s.

My personal policy is "Show. Don't tell.", but it's very hard to keep up 100% of the time. And it surrounds me with a certain mystique that attract the wrong kind of people for me.

A lot of people get into "reporter-mode" when they see me making moves that get me ahead. They WILL start asking my goals and stuff like that. Most of the time I try to brush it off, or play-down my skills and achievements. Sometimes I just tell 'em "I'm not that great", even though I think I'm second to none. Just to get rid of certain people. I could care less whether they think I'm insecure or not. Their loss. I'm the best.

People can get really annoying and constantly try to be all up in my business until they "solved" the mystery. Men and women alike. I hate that.
What I hate even more is that these are exactly the kind of people who start taking me for granted, once they think they "know" me.

Why don't people just mind their own business. Like me. I have no time to be trying to find out about people. I'm still learning how to deal with it.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Yeah its best to STFU about your ideas, plans and goals. People will steal them, sabotage you, discourage you or compete with you. Even after you succeed people will come after you to destroy your success.

Human nature is pretty sick. People hate to see others do better than them or rise above them. The ambition and success of others is only a strong reminder of their own laziness, inadequacy and failure. No one likes feeling like a loser.

I've saved myself a lot of headaches by just shutting my mouth and taking action. Assuming people will be supportive or happy for you is an amateur move. People want to be superior to others and anyone who threatens that feeling of superiority will get quiet resentment.

This is why people idolize celebs and sports stars when they're at the top and laugh at them when they fall to the bottom. They were jealous of their success all along. This is the toxic nature of humans.

 

[The_flying_dutchman]

It's never wise to tell people your goals. They'll constantly ask you for updates, when they perceive that you haven't accomplished the goal soon enough, they start talking trash.

What people don't realize or understand is that the path towards achieving goals is often filled with setbacks and frustrations and that any worthwhile goal takes a lot of time.

I would encourage young men to quietly go about achieving their goals. No need to invite spectators who secretly cheer for you to fail.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

beucase she wanted me to hit bottom and get a "real job". Then my dad came over my house one day, mind you we talk like 3 times a year and he decided he was going to lay the smack down on me

This reminds me of the time I was around 14 and one day I decided I was going to save up to buy a boat. I'm sure it was due to somewhere seeing a guy driving a boat with a bunch of girls in back. It was a stupid idea at the time and by no means realistic....I would have eventually figured that out on my own, but I made the mistake of telling some family members. Sure as $hit one of them laid into me and made sure they broke it down to me, and let me know how stupid I was for even thinking of it.

The pains of youth.

Yeah, I had the same thing early in my life. It took MY parents a while to realize i wasn't just going to be a normal 9-5 guy and that i had different ambitions. I got plenty of those job apps in the mail from my Mom too...lol.

They only want the best for us. Or at the very least, you know they don't wish failure upon us like most people do

This happens a lot. When we're young we have a lot of ambition....and we're not as jaded to the real world as are parents are. They don't want to see us fall on our face but, that's part of life, and when we're young we're allowed to take risks. They don't always see that, and just want us to have a normal, mediocre life. I had to break away early in life, make my own path. A few successes but many failures. They've finally stopped saying "I told you so." I think they've finally figured out that that doesn't work.



A buddy of mine is trying to lose weight for an event he has coming up, he tells me his progress, I'm happy for him and every time he drops a few pounds I enjoy hearing it. If he gains back a few pounds I think I actually feel worse about it that he does lol. Besides his girlfriend though, I think I'm the only one he's told. I'm in pretty good shape myself , so that may one reason why I can enjoy his success as much as I do.

I agree with most of this thread.

Other than strong passions, or life goals or big time accomplishments that you're working on i.e. climbing Mt. Everest. I think telling women the little short term goals is beta. If you tell a girl you're trying to quit smoking and how difficult it is she sees you as weak. VS. one day just telling her I quit smoking.....no big deal.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Yep, I concur... when I told other guys I was moving out to a country club which was almost the same price as the place I'm staying in... guys who had no money, guys who had sh1ttier apartments and guys who had no stake in it whatsoever and had never been to the club were telling me all sorts of reasons why that was a bad idea.

Glad I didn't listen to any of those a$$holes. We can get a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom house with a garden for only 100 bucks more next year because we didn't listen to them... so yeah, keep your goals secret.