Don't rip into newbies asking for advice

[Veridin]

Typical SoSuave OP:

"Hello, I'm new to this site but have been lurking for a while, now I want some advice. There's this girl I like and yesterday we were on a date. Then I [insert AFC move]. That was bad, I know. What should I do now?"

Typical responses:

"WTF, you gave her a compliment before having sex? You idiot! You fool! I'm gonna rip your heart out! You have personally offended me!"

"Man, you're a chump. I know she's playing you. Just NEXT her."

"No woman is worth human kindness. Only YOU are the prize. You're so dumb your parents should be shot and your dog too."


Okay, I'm exaggerating, but here's my point: you shouldn't be ANGRY at a guy for going on a date and not following the handbook to the letter. He is not hurting you. He is not robbing a bank. Why would you scoff at him and give him snyde comments?

He is asking for advice. That means he knows he can improve. That is worth some respect.

Furthermore, I have a suspicion that many of those asking for advice will have more sex than many of those giving advice. They are leading normal lives, and that's always a plus.

Here's a final thought to consider: when you go on dates, you will NEVER stop making mistakes. Having done a lot of DJing myself I can tell you I still make mistakes. If you have experience - if you are truly following the DJ advice in the "community" - you know this. So be nice.


Edit: meant to post this in DJ Discussion, but no matter.

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like someone got their feelings hurt.

 

[Zarky]

I don't rip newbies asking for advice, I rip newbies who give it. In the other forum there are tons of guys who are 17 years old writing 5000-word diatribes on what to do and what not to do to "get chicks."

 

[Veridin]

Sounds like someone got their feelings hurt.

Nope. Now why would a suggestion that people not be snide to newbies asking for advice warrant a response like that? That's what I'm talking about. There is kind of a clique mentality among some that is off-putting to any normal people coming to ask simple questions. When you see someone write that he is infuriated at a guy's account of a date, because he did something AFC, then you know people need to get some perspective.

I don't rip newbies asking for advice, I rip newbies who give it. In the other forum there are tons of guys who are 17 years old writing 5000-word diatribes on what to do and what not to do to "get chicks."

Oh yes. And it seems like every week someone will post a thread about how all the advice is wrong, and all you need is self-confidence. (I know a lot of guys with self-confidence who don't get dates.)

Some of the advice seems to be more about looking like a guru than about genuinely wanting to help.

 

[Echoes]

Off topic....sorry....but what is AFC?

I'm a newb....rip into me if you want. I couldn't give two ****s.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Veridin,




Good Thread.

And I think it's very appropriate for you to post it here in the Mature Man Forum-------I don't think a post like this would get ANY real traction in the main discussion forum.

Here in the Mature Man Forum, you'll have your best chance at reaching a group of guys who not only "know their shyt", but also a group of guys who know the difference between exhibiting some true "tough love' when it's called for--------instead of just going overboard with bravado and "Makeshift Machismo" (as I like to call it).

I've found that there's a tendency for some guys to develop a form of "Selective Amnesia" in regards to where they've come from as opposed to where they are NOW. I'd say that the majority of us men who visit this site, or others like it for the first time, come busting through the doors wheeled in on an "emotional stretcher" due to some traumatic, frustrating, or just plain "fukked up" experience with some woman or another.

Though there are always some who arrive on sites like this who are already on top of their shyt-------I'd guess that most of us were NOT in that category. But in the end, you might as well just accept that how AND WHY any guy on here chooses to post, give advice, or fukk with the newbies------is always gonna be an individual choice.

Some newbies NEED their @sses kicked, some need a helping hand, while other's need a slap across the face just to wake them the hell up!

In my estimation, TWO things are always true when it comes to Old School to New School communications:

1. Guys who need a specific "brand" of advice are gonna naturally gravitate towards listening to those guys that they feel who appeal to their own sensibilities.

And...

2. The guys on So Suave who REALLY are out to help other guys are usually the same ones willing to spend at least "half a second" deciding exactly "which" kind of advice that particular guy might need BEFORE he chimes in to give it.

To me, a willingness to put into practice that kind of discernment is at least "one" of the characteristics of what makes a man a "MATURE" man anyway.


PEACE...one day.


VU

 

[Mike32ct]

I think some posters here are too quick to yell "Troll" when some newbie posts their problem.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You can easily spot the weaker man by his initial splattering of internet jizz aimed vehemently at new members.

We old timers must never cease to recall our initial registration, and subsequent first post, when we're extending our "Mature" hand to those who ask, what we deem, "idiotic" questions.

Those of us who are well-schooled to Game hit rock bottom once or twice too.

 

[speed dawg]

Nope. Now why would a suggestion that people not be snide to newbies asking for advice warrant a response like that? That's what I'm talking about. There is kind of a clique mentality among some that is off-putting to any normal people coming to ask simple questions. When you see someone write that he is infuriated at a guy's account of a date, because he did something AFC, then you know people need to get some perspective.

Clique? Yeah OKAY. I think I've disagreed with every person in this forum at one time or another.

This really isn't a problem in the Mature Man forum, the moderators do a good job here.

What is worse than newbies is the so called veterans whining about everything. We all take our own time to come here and post. It's the wide spread view points that make this forum great. I mean, we have ignore functions and reputation meters. Use them.

 

[PDubb75]

I'm with you here.

I never really got ripped into myself, but I know it's because I have a good understanding of the ideas on this forum. I've only been here a couple of months, but I do a lot of reading and as much field practice as I can. So, I feel that I am in a good position to also give advice.

There are some specific threads that come to mind where the guy got laid into over such a small issue. I had read one right before I saw this post here. I have commented specifically about a couple instances in the particular thread. It definitely is a common problem on here.

My biggest criticism on these boards is the retaliatory response so many people have. Many threads go completely off-topic because a couple guys start arguing with each other over ridiculous things (Universal Dress Code thread that is circling around is a perfect example of that).

 

[samspade]

I don't think newbies get ripped too much here. But sometimes guys who simply never learn and keep posting the same problems (with the same women) really get roasted, and probably rightfully so. They aren't listening and they deserve a kick in the arse. I can never remember which is which, so I usually offer advice on the presumption that the person wants it and will use it...so I try to refrain from harsh flaming.

But yeah I do remember having the same questions and having to work through many a failure, so I try to be fair to anyone looking for advice.

Heck, nobody, no matter how experienced, should ever stop asking for advice. There are no "authorities," only experts. What's that old proverb - Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions.

 

[Mr. White]

I'm new here, and a kid called me a "rapist" cuz I used the word "choke" in the context of a BJ. Then again, he's a kid, so I said something to make him feel as stupid as he sounded to me.

 

[L B]

Agreed with samspade there.

I can't speak for the other subforums, but on mm, the only time I see ridicule is when someone repeat the same thread every couple of days or months and not learn his lesson. It does take time and effort to reply to a thread.

 

[( . )( . )]

Typical SoSuave OP:

Does the tough love approach hurt your tender sensibilities?
Sorry but male environments tend to have a hard-line approach toward problems and I find it hard to believe this is even an issue for a 30 year old man in all honesty.

And besides, why shouldnt AFC behaviour be scolded? It's a disgusting and cancerous blight that has destroyed the majority of Western men.

 

[Strelok]

I don't think either the harsh treat is that bad,not because annoying someone is good but because in order to do some change and individual must feel at least once struck.

Imagine a fat girl telling her friends that she ate an entire cake watching tv,do you think it would be more helpful for her to hear her friends saying:

1)"it's ok honey anyone does it sometime don't beat yourself"
or
2)"Listen that's a problem,you're weight is beyong any reasonable limit and the more you eat that crap the more fat you're going to get,you just can't afford it right now".

In the first case she wouldnt be hurt but there will be no shock to push her to do what it needs to be done.

The harsh treating is right as long as the target is the behaviour and not the person.

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^ Number 2 is a respectful, reasonable response. The OP is talking about disrespectful, "rip him a new one" aggression, which I agree, is uncalled for.

Direct and real, but respectful goes a lot farther than a diatribe ever will.

 

[Die Hard]

Sometimes, I feel it's warranted to speak in harsh words when handing out advice. Delivering your message in a kind way is not always enough, certain guys need kind of a rude wake-up call. Context is very important, though. It makes a lot of difference when you add in a little "I don't mean to be harsh, but..." before giving him that rude wake-up call...

Another thing to keep in mind: sometimes it's simply very frustrating to see guys fvck things up for themselves and dismissing all the good advice they get. You honestly want the best form him and it's painful to see him mess things up for himself...you get angry with him because you want the best for him, not because you like to bring him down or anything.

Even so, we should try to think before we speak. When a guy is very emotionally invested in his situation and insecure about himself, ripping him up really makes things worse for him.

 

[Colossus]

Verdin-

Very valid post, and I'll give you my thoughts:

-MOST newbie posts around here are very repetitive. If you've been coming around the forums for a few years you see a lot of the same mistakes, and I think some people just get impatient and forget they were once there too.

-There are a number of solid dudes who post here (the MM forum), but there is always a contingency of bitter cynics who see nothing but doom and gloom in relationships and women. Likewise, there is always the "armchair DJ" who has the perfect answer for any situation and any challenges to his mighty viewpoint are met with flames. Avoid them.

-What makes most guys here (myself included) mad is when someone is given solid, objective advice time and time again, and comes back here with his tail between his legs every couple of months to cry about the same mistakes with the same girl. At that point all bets are off. If you arent going to at least try and follow the advice given to you, you deserve to get ripped or ignored.

-This is still a forum for male ADVICE. That's why 95% of us found it in the first place. Being an open, public forum---opinions and experiences are going to run the gamut. Just because someone has 3,000 posts, 8 rep blocks, or "mod" under his name does not make his words gospel. Conversely, 10 posts and no rep blocks does not necessarily mean the guy is a scrub. Consider all opinions, but at the end of the day you have to decide what's best for you.