Dont know what to make of this, or if I should make anything of it at all...

[bob88]

A girl I've been dating for around 2 months sent me this email on the 20th. (I had no time to check it before today)
Interestingly, the subject of the email was "Just read, don't reply."
For now, I'm not making much of it except for a few parts.
This is what she sent:

"First off, I'm a good liar but choose not to lie.
I trust you to hold me but not to take me, where I can still control myself and protect the power to break me.
I tend to feed off the emotions of others, meaning if I feel you feel nothing, I wont feel anything. It's part of my protection.
I trust only to a point where you trust me.
As you've already mentioned, I dont know you but i want to.
You might think its stupid how much i protect myself but I've never been hurt and dont want to.
I do trust you to be you and do what you want."

I trust you to hold me but not to take me
?????????
After that, she mentions self control and the only thing I can make out on the self control part is that during sex, she wont let me make her ***. Always moving me away from her vaj slightly right before she climaxes because "if she cums she wont be able to control herself with me".

Anything I should look more into in that???

 

[KontrollerX]

Congratulations you're dating a possible sociopath.

Just enjoy the ride and don't expect it to last and you'll be fine.

She has told you all about herself and is controlling and manipulating you with this email.

-She is a liar
-She feeds off of people's emotions but has none of her own
-Talks about breaking and being broken (they love to emotionally break people to see if they can do it, they don't get any satisfaction out of this other than breaking their constant boredom and winning the game but of course they don't want you to win the game which would be breaking them)
-She is manipulating and controlling you by telling you not to respond to her letter
-She is manipulating and controlling you by controlling the sex ie you are not allowed to make her cvm
-She is very paranoid about protecting herself
-She talks about trusting you as a means to make the letter appear more normal after saying all that wild manipulative and controlling crap, its a way to throw you off and evoke your sympathies

Oh trust me my brother I've known and talked to enough of these people to let you know she exhibits the signs and no she doesn't have to wear dark clothing, cut herself, get into fights, drink and drug or talk morbidly to be a sociopath. They are experts at blending in. Just watch the Showtime series Dexter to see how normal Dex appears to everyone else.

 

[bob88]

Congratulations you're dating a possible sociopath.

Just enjoy the ride and don't expect it to last and you'll be fine.

She has told you all about herself and is controlling and manipulating you with this email.

-She is a liar
The "liar" part is the result of a challenge I gave her last time I saw her. She had to convince someone as to why immigration is bad for the US, even though she's all for it. After she somewhat convinced a friend, I mentioned she was a "good liar". Maybe that clears up that part...?
-She feeds off of people's emotions but has none of her own
Does sound messed up now that you mention it that way...
-Talks about breaking and being broken (they love to emotionally break people to see if they can do it, they don't get any satisfaction out of this other than breaking their constant boredom and winning the game but of course they don't want you to win the game which would be breaking them)
-She is manipulating and controlling you by telling you not to respond to her letter
Maybe, but she knows I'm gonna respond to it anyways. A for effort? lol
-She is manipulating and controlling you by controlling the sex ie you are not allowed to make her cvm
-She is very paranoid about protecting herself
I too think she is paranoid about it.
-She talks about trusting you as a means to make the letter appear more normal after saying all that wild manipulative and controlling crap, its a way to throw you off and evoke your sympathies

Oh trust me my brother I've known and talked to enough of these people to let you know she exhibits the signs and no she doesn't have to wear dark clothing, cut herself, get into fights, drink and drug or talk morbidly to be a sociopath. They are experts at blending in. Just watch the Showtime series Dexter to see how normal Dex appears to everyone else.

Appreciate the input.

 

[aliasguy]

I'm not sure if she's ASPD or not, but I'll agree with Kontroller that you have a MESSED-UP woman on your hands.

This email is seriously weird. And the sex thing is weird, too. Button your chin strap and get your socks on straight, man.

I rarely advise pre-emptive breakups, but if you've got any stuff on the side, just cut her off NOW. No calls, no answers, no emails, no txts, no NOTHING. (Hell, even if you don't have anything else going on. QUIT HER. Really.)

 

[KontrollerX]

Glad I could be of service to ya bro.

The biggest thing towards sociopathy that stuck out to me was her telling you she feeds off the emotions of others and has to protect herself.

They don't experience fear as we do but they do have a kind of fear within themselves and those fears tend to be the loss of control (that incarceration would bring since many of them do illegal activities) and the fear of exposure for what they really are (that of course being a sociopath as exposure to this fact means they will have to move and get new friends and lovers which is a tremendous hassle as you can imagine).

So yeah don't worry about her chopping you up into little bits and pieces dude.

Most sociopaths aren't killers even though the media portrays them that way.

Most likely you are simply being used currently as her sex toy which most guys don't have a problem with lol.

All the stuff she has told you she can go back to if you were to get emotionally involved with her and then she suddenly ditches you when you're deeply in love.

She can then say I told you I was a liar, I told you I feed off of other people's emotions, yet you still wanted to be with me. What a loser you are.

So yeah they love to humiliate people like this and be cruel when they are done with you but as long as you don't get emotionally wrapped up or threaten her in any way you should get out of this just fine.

 

[LostAndConfused]

When I read the first part, I felt that maybe you were slightly at fault, that maybe you might have messed up and YOU had been the reason why you two couldn't get close, (ie, you don't want to get hurt so you maybe act a little TOO distant towards her)...

That may be true, it may not be true, but when I read the second part about your sex, it kinda tipped me off that you are dating a very messed up chick as alias and kontroller said.

Now did she break up with you with that message or what?


I see two pretty good choices you can make. One, is to just next her. She did seem crazy by that message, but maybe she went a little too far....In that message I see less "sociopath" and more of a past wrecked with terrible relationships. She's afraid to get hurt.

Another good option is this (i feel) :

If she did not break up with you, you should maybe approach the relationship in a different way, as in exposing yourself, even allowing yourself to be exposed, open to being hurt (by this I mean, really put yourself out to her...don't act desparate, but make sure YOU let her think she has the potential to hurt your feelings). In doing this, you hold her but don't take her. That message of "holding and not taking" kinda tells me that she's had some really POSSESSIVE boyfriends in the past.

Sexually, she knows that when a guy makes a girl cüm, there is a psychological connection between the two after that happens (its true.) She doesn't want to create that connection then get hurt.

Show that you are different. If you really like this girl, there could be some hope . Or maybe I'm just lost and confused. :woo:

 

[L B]

I have to agree with KontrollerX on this one. For some reason, the image of a girl I dated in high school came to mind when I read the email. She had trust and abandonment issues that I found out during our time together. She would write poems in the same format as that email (the I know I can be evil, but I choose not to kinda thing).

Yeah, enjoy your time with her, but don't expect anything out of it. As you get to know her better, you will know whether to maintain or end the relationship.

 

[The Juan and only]

I largely agree with Kontroller, this is one fvcked up email.

Of course I don't want you to jump to conclusions, you need to factor in other examples of her behaviour and personality in order to make any real judgments about the big picture.

Regardless, you cannot let this slide. Either you break this kind of sh!tty behaviour out of her now by showing that you won't tolerate it, or you decide she's not worth it and move on. (I doubt this relationship will last btw)

[as a side]
If she has the nerve to send you some crap like that, then you haven't been putting your foot down nearly hard enough, or assigning yourself nearly as much value as you should be. I personally don't believe it can be healthy for a relationship when the woman thinks she can get away with controlling and manipulative behaviour of the type you posted.

 

[KontrollerX]

"In that message I see less "sociopath" and more of a past wrecked with terrible relationships. She's afraid to get hurt."

If she is a sociopath you must keep in mind this would be said to evoke sympathy.

Cluster B Personality Disorders cause the people who are afflicted with them to try and bring out the rescuer persona in their victims to bring their victim closer to them.

Its all about establishing control over you and lack of threat to them.

You love them but they use you since that is all that they can do beings that their emotions and way of thinking is completely different than your average every day human.

So indeed a person with a rescuer type of mentality about them would be an easy victim for a Cluster B Personality Disordered human being.

In males they are commonly known as captain save a ho's.

In females they are commonly known as the mothering type.

Another thing that should be noted about sociopaths difference from a borderline personality disordered woman is you would see a whole lot more strategic use of crying.

BPD and HPD are naturally emotional as part of their condition but ASPD otherwise known as sociopaths will only turn on the crocodile tears if they sense you can be manipulated and brought to do their bidding with the tears.

So in a sense the crying you see from HPD's and BPD's is more genuine but the tears have less to do with the happenings in your relationship with them and more to do with their early childhood trauma at the hands of their mothers through neglect at the age of 2.

Edit: LB the woman you dated was probably a Borderline.

Of Cluster B they are the most like the sociopath except they have a wide range of emotions even though they are a broken form of emotions compared to ours.

BPD's often say they are evil and write just as poetically as the ASPD's.

 

[bob88]

Just a note before I respond to everyone's comments...I thought I had already put it in here, but when scrolling down I noticed I had not put it in.
This is what I responded to her email a while ago:

"You know that if you don't want me to comment something, don't bring it up.

So...you feed off of other people's emotions but have none of your own?


You worry too much about protecting yourself. In most of the message you made it sound like you were outlining the rules to one big game.
I don't play games."


KontrollerX
Really appreciate it man.
And to be honest...I was not looking for anything too serious with this girl either way. She's much too liberal for my more conservative tastes...
But most of the stuff you said DOES make sense.

LostAndConfused
I dont think it's a problem with me...I act the same way in the beginning with every girl, and none of them have complained in the least. And I dont think she's trying to "break up" because she called to make plans a couple days after she sent the email.

L B
Well, she too writes poetry...but none of the ones I've seen are evil in any way...they're more "hippie" like. Hahahaha.
I think that's what I'm gonna do man, just ride it out and see what happens from there. (although I'm not expecting anything ATM)

 

[bob88]

I largely agree with Kontroller, this is one fvcked up email.

Of course I don't want you to jump to conclusions, you need to factor in other examples of her behaviour and personality in order to make any real judgments about the big picture.

Regardless, you cannot let this slide. Either you break this kind of sh!tty behaviour out of her now by showing that you won't tolerate it, or you decide she's not worth it and move on. (I doubt this relationship will last btw)

[as a side]
If she has the nerve to send you some crap like that, then you haven't been putting your foot down nearly hard enough, or assigning yourself nearly as much value as you should be. I personally don't believe it can be healthy for a relationship when the woman thinks she can get away with controlling and manipulative behaviour of the type you posted.
I'm sure she knew telling me not to do something wasnt gonna work, as it's never worked any other time she's told me...the only thing I see that she could be "controlling" is me stopping her from cvmming...anything here I'm missing??

As for the first bold...How would I go about doing that?
(not that I want to "save" what we have, because like mentioned before I dont expect anything out of it other than just some fun every now and then, but just curious about how you'd go about doing such a thing)

 

[KontrollerX]

"KontrollerX
Really appreciate it man."

Hey no problem man.

"And to be honest...I was not looking for anything too serious with this girl either way."

Good to know.

"She's much too liberal for my more conservative tastes..."

Heh well if she really is a sociopath then the liberal stuff could be true but more likely its all part of the facade. A lot of her group of friends and family may be liberals so she just embraces it to fit in.

The majority of genuine sociopath political belief involves idolization of Nietchze, Hitler and the 3rd Reich.

If you see the book Thus Spake Zarathustra lying around her house/apartment then that is pretty much proof positive I'm probably right about her lol.

"But most of the stuff you said DOES make sense."

Yep, and thats what makes this so scary.

But its good to know you seem to be a well grounded guy without any rescuer type of personality flaw that I and some other brothers suffered from and had to work on to defeat or you could've been in real trouble.

Anyway glad you are informed about what she could possibly be.

Good luck to you brother.

 

[bob88]

Heh well if she really is a sociopath then the liberal stuff could be true but more likely its all part of the facade. A lot of her group of friends and family may be liberals so she just embraces it to fit in.
I dont think that's it. I met her through another girl I was gaming for a while...until I realized she was not my type at all, although she is pretty conservative. I see them at local shows every once in a while, and I've met her circle of friends and most if not all are pretty conservative too.



The majority of genuine sociopath political belief involves idolization of Nietchze, Hitler and the 3rd Reich.

If you see the book Thus Spake Zarathustra lying around her house/apartment then that is pretty much proof positive I'm probably right about her lol.

She hates Hitler. I tried convincing her how Hitler was so smart and awesome for manipulating an entire country to do what he wanted...but she wouldn't budge. lol


But its good to know you seem to be a well grounded guy without any rescuer type of personality flaw that I and some other brothers suffered from and had to work on to defeat or you could've been in real trouble.

I learned my lesson when I was 16.
lol

 

[The Juan and only]

As for the first bold...How would I go about doing that?
(not that I want to "save" what we have, because like mentioned before I dont expect anything out of it other than just some fun every now and then, but just curious about how you'd go about doing such a thing)

The best way to get people to believe in your value is to believe in it yourself.

Ok. We are largely responsible for teaching others how they should treat us; Someone who'd openly disrespect one person wouldn't dream of doing the same thing to another. In this case the problem is simple, she thinks (maybe correctly) that she can send you this email, define her own sociopathic boundaries in your face, and essentially mess with your mind without any severe consequences. You're at an early stage in the relationship, don't let her frame override yours.

I never endorse being rude, but assertive is a must. When she asks you to do anything that makes you feel disempowered, you say "no". When she sends you a cryptic email detailing what you can and can't do, with emphasis on how important she is, you say "Alright, strike one. Please don't disrespect me, and don't send me this kind of crap again" or something to the effect.

If she goes further, maybe hangs up on you or any such rudeness, just imply calmly that if she ever does that again, it'll be the last time she speaks to you. Assert your value, always. Don't be rude or disrepectful to her, just don't tolerate sh!t and you won't get any (or at least as much).

You mention that you don't respond to nonsense like this, sometimes that's good. Depends what it is. If you don't respond to flagrant disrespect then you're teaching her that she can get away with it.


"she wont let me make her ***" - after 2 months of dating (not much), I'd personally have the attitude of "cut that sh!t or it's goodbye, b!tch". Either you need people or they need you.