"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Don't Hide A Dildo From Your Wife

taiyuu_otoko

Master Don Juan
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If she finds it she'll beat the crap out of you.

Wife Battered Husband After She Found Dildo Among His Belongings, Cops Charge
Meet Chao Gao.

After discovering a dildo among her husband’s belongings during a move Wednesday night, the Florida woman attacked her spouse, leaving him with bruises and scratches on
his face, according to cops who arrested Chao for domestic battery.

As detailed in court records, the 48-year-old Chao and Joshua Sinclair, who have been married for just over a year, were driving to a new residence in Sarasota when Gao confronted Sinclair about the sex toy she discovered.

In a police statement, Sinclair wrote that Gao became furious upon learning from him that “a dildo she found was actually for me to use.”

An argument between the couple then allegedly turned physical. Sinclaircharged that Gao--who was driving at the time--began to “beat and slap and pinch my face with her hand repeatedly” for about 30 minutes. The attack ended, Sinclair said, when the duo arrived at their new home (from which he dialed police).

When a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy arrived in response to the 911 call, he found Sinclair with “injuries of bruising and scratching” to “the victim’s
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Atom Smasher

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He should have told her he was going to make a donation to "Toys for Tw_ts".
 
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