Alright so I've been kind of down these couple of weeks. School and everything just sucks out the energy in me. When I have any free time (which I have plenty enough) I just do nothing but sit here and surf the web. There is so much that I could be doing but I'm just not doing any of that.
The biggest of my concern is my schoolwork. I don't know why I stress out so much about it. I'm not having as much difficulty as my other classmates, yet I'm still always stressed and can't relax. But not only that, every day I get this perceived feeling of negativity from other people. My classmates and my teachers. I don't feel like they give a damn. To be honest, I never talk to anyone at school. I could, but I don't bother. I don't have anyone to have a good time with.
From my past experiences, being around people never satisfies me. It doesn't do a thing to solve my existential crises. I'm either under anxiety around people, with every moment trying to get them to approve of me, or if I'm not, I'm completely bored with them and would rather be at home alone. Why is that? Do being around with people satisfy you guys? I don't know if it does for me. I don't see myself hanging around a bunch of friends and being okay with everything anytime in the future.
But anyway, two things that have been bothering me in the past. I'm not purposely being weak or anything, but two times I have broken down in the middle of class. I won't explain much detail, but sometimes it just gets too much for me and I can't contain all this crap. It just happens when I find that someone is giving me ****. Whenever someone does something as a sign "I don't ****ing approve of you" or something. It just bothers me so f**king much.
Today, for example, I was walking in the hallway (after the late bell rang) and I was thinking of some crap that happened briefly ago. At that moment, everything just sucked and I just kicked the ****ing wall as hard as I could. At that moment, a black group was walking and saw me. One of the girls made out a loud as hell burst of surprised laughter that actually hurt my ears. Then they made a bunch of comments like "Haha did chu see that stupid ******* kid? he wuz so stopid!" and all that ****. I looked back and one of them mockingly said "WHA CHU SAY?"
God, ****ing ******s. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to put up with their bull****. So yeah, screw my day.
Basically, I'm just asking for a reason to go on. I don't really know if anything I think of will change anything, so I need someone with more experience to come up with something. Right now I don't feel like doing anything because of all this **** in my life and I don't feel like I could ever be okay with anything. I don't see anything for me in the future to look forward to. I don't see the point of any of these goals that I have. I don't want any friends, I don't want any more work. I'm just sick of life. How do I get out of this?
The biggest of my concern is my schoolwork. I don't know why I stress out so much about it. I'm not having as much difficulty as my other classmates, yet I'm still always stressed and can't relax. But not only that, every day I get this perceived feeling of negativity from other people. My classmates and my teachers. I don't feel like they give a damn. To be honest, I never talk to anyone at school. I could, but I don't bother. I don't have anyone to have a good time with.
From my past experiences, being around people never satisfies me. It doesn't do a thing to solve my existential crises. I'm either under anxiety around people, with every moment trying to get them to approve of me, or if I'm not, I'm completely bored with them and would rather be at home alone. Why is that? Do being around with people satisfy you guys? I don't know if it does for me. I don't see myself hanging around a bunch of friends and being okay with everything anytime in the future.
But anyway, two things that have been bothering me in the past. I'm not purposely being weak or anything, but two times I have broken down in the middle of class. I won't explain much detail, but sometimes it just gets too much for me and I can't contain all this crap. It just happens when I find that someone is giving me ****. Whenever someone does something as a sign "I don't ****ing approve of you" or something. It just bothers me so f**king much.
Today, for example, I was walking in the hallway (after the late bell rang) and I was thinking of some crap that happened briefly ago. At that moment, everything just sucked and I just kicked the ****ing wall as hard as I could. At that moment, a black group was walking and saw me. One of the girls made out a loud as hell burst of surprised laughter that actually hurt my ears. Then they made a bunch of comments like "Haha did chu see that stupid ******* kid? he wuz so stopid!" and all that ****. I looked back and one of them mockingly said "WHA CHU SAY?"
God, ****ing ******s. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to put up with their bull****. So yeah, screw my day.
Basically, I'm just asking for a reason to go on. I don't really know if anything I think of will change anything, so I need someone with more experience to come up with something. Right now I don't feel like doing anything because of all this **** in my life and I don't feel like I could ever be okay with anything. I don't see anything for me in the future to look forward to. I don't see the point of any of these goals that I have. I don't want any friends, I don't want any more work. I'm just sick of life. How do I get out of this?