Don't fall into the downward spiral.

[cant think of a user name]

This site has helped me become a different person. It has motivated me to improve myself, and I am most likely better off now having found this forum.

However (you saw this coming didnt you), I have found myself on some rare occasions falling into the trap of getting down on myself as a direct result of exposure to this site (I don't blame the site, I blame myself).

Why? Because of the standards set by the many "DJs" (for lack of a better term) on this forum. They set the standard so high that personally, I feel that anything less is unworthy.

And I fall into that category of "anything less".

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty normal guy with good friends, good social life etc., but from being on this forum I always feel like I have to be something more, you know, especially since I have been on this forum (on and off) since 2002.

Even if I have improved myself 50%, even if I have gotten numbers or dates from girls, even if I am having better conversations now, etc., I still feel like I am trailing behind some of the other people here.

Feel free to comment, or rant.

 

[Visceral]

I find myself in this situation a lot, and it confuses the hell out of me too. You see someone who's far ahead of you in whatever endeavor, but instead of causing you to push for what they have, it depresses and discourages you.

The only advice that I can think of is to stop caring. So what if someone's better than you at this - there will ALWAYS be someone better than you at something.

Yes, it's a crappy feeling (I know as well as anyone) that you're not and never will be the best there ever was, and it sucks that you have to lower your standards to be better in line with your present abilities, but it's part of life.

The sooner you stop comparing yourself to others, the sooner you stop calculating your own worth based on others, and the sooner you stop relying on external forces for your motivation, the sooner you'll start to actually enjoy who you've become and who you will become in the future.

 

[King of You]

Do YOU. Who gives a sh1t what the next guy is doing. If hes got something noteworthy to say, then take from it what you can and apply it to your own life.

 

[Jariel]

Assuming we're talking about improving yourself rather than wasting time sarging and chasing women, I value the pressure!

This pressure is what makes me workout, read, learn, eat healthily, improve my social skills etc etc. Without it, I'd just sit in front of the TV or go out boozing and eating junk with mates every night.

I know what you mean about falling short of your goals (or other people), but you say you have improved 50%. This is because you aimed for the top! So it seems like more of an upward spiral to me.

No one ever achieved anything by trying to be average.

 

[diceman]

This kinda thing has happened to me in the past aswell.

It's usually after something bad has happened, like, some 'friend' starts joking around which escalates into them pointing out all my bad points, or if i screwed up talking to a girl by either talking about dull things or saying something stupid, or if i have a date with someone which ends terribly, ect..

These things happen sometimes, though VERY rarely, but i do get down afterwards & question the meaning of my existance & other depressing thoughts (like "I've been reading sosuave for years, & i still screw up! I'm nothing like a DJ. I'm nowhere near the Alpha male. I should be the most popular guy in town, I've got the knowledge, but i guess i'm beyond help. I'm just a loser").

er... i know i sound like a sever depressive. But i prmise you i'm not. I think everone gets down sometimes, but after I've composed myself from this 'dip' i'm a much better & stronger person because of it. I recognise some of my faults, some mistakes I've made, & i improve on them (both conciously & unconscienly).

So, I don't think this 'inadicate' feeling that enters my life (RARELY) is limited to the fact that i visit this site. It happens to EVERYONE.
But i do think that this site does give you high standards to live up to so maybe sometimes i'm a little too hard on myself.

Thats my perspective anyway.

 

[cant think of a user name]

Thanks to all for replying, I reckon I just had a bad day yesterday, felt much better after I got some sleep...

Visceral said:
...the sooner you stop relying on external forces for your motivation, the sooner you'll start to actually enjoy who you've become and who you will become in the future.

King of You said:
Do YOU. Who gives a sh1t what the next guy is doing.

Duly noted... something for me to look at.

Jariel said:
...it seems like more of an upward spiral to me.

Good point - I didn't look at things that way when I wrote the post.

diceman said:
It's usually after something has happened, like... if i screwed up by either talking about dull things or saying something stupid, or if i have a date with someone which ends terribly, ect..

So true, happened to me too... but we get over it!

 

[spider_007]

geee, thenx for remainding me of that crapy feeling , it can be really frustrating, but i have a very "special" way of looking at life, so I do kinda get over it.