before i came here i could have been in the AFC hall of fame. I could have gotten in the hall of fame simply by the **** i did for my oneitis. paid for computers, car repairs, clothes, fvcking school, school books, i let her stand me up on my 18th birthday which she promised to do the favor of going out with me on as we were "friends" and that's all i wanted.. one date. and couldn't even get that. the countless nights i listened to her issues in life and helped mop up her issues. picking her up from school every day when she was a senior in HS. leaving work.. **** my own fvcking company at 20 to pick her up from school beucase i did not want her walking to her car on campus at night (it is a pretty dangerous neighborhood a girl got killed the same wa last year there). i remember basically calling in a full day beuacse i was convinced this was the day she was going to leave her BF after 3 years and i took the whole got damn day and talked her "through it' which she never did of course.
and you know, i';m not mad at her one bit today. she did what women do with oribers. it would be like getting mad at a lion for trying to eat me if i were a zebra. I am not saying i am happy she did it but i don't think she is the scum of the earth or anything. my wife would have treated me the same way 10 years ago.
but more than anything, the only real regret i have through that whole thing, is how much time i wasted on her. that is something i can't ever get back. time i could have been learning new ****, time i could have been inventing something, time i coudl have been int he gym, time ic ould have been making a dent in my own life i spent putting in for a worthless cause. I can and have made the measly amount money I spent on her back and then some. I've made up for lost time in the sex department once i cut ties for good. But time.. actual time. time i could have read books, learned a new language, traveled, gone to new bars or whatever the fvck i wanted, friday / saturday nights i spent home on the fvcking phone talking to this broad, i can't get that back.
the smartest thing i ever did in that situation is somewhere in that time i had a moment of clarity, right when i started my business i told her if we weren't fvcking she doesn't need to call me and she didn't. for 2 years. if i would not have said that, there is no way i would have been able to make the sacrifices and devote the time i did beucase i was head over heels at the time for her.
I mean I'm not old but i'm older than i was 10 years ago and the older you get the more you appreciate time. you start to learn more of what patience is, and how it can pay off but at the same time you learn to value your time more. I did not value my time at that age.
there is a balance every man must walk because one day you aer going to have to look in the mirror and ask yourself some difficult questions about how you spent your time. alot of people will not like the answers they give.
