"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Don't Be A Nice Guy!

nzalan

Don Juan
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"Nice guys come last." Why is that saying, so often disclaimed by women, always so true? Women say they want a nice guy, but really, they don't. They often end up being with someone who treats them like a jerk, who doesn't respect them. And then they seek out the nice guy to complain about why they can't find a nice guy to be with!

Nice guys hear it all the time, and yet they remain single, constantly wondering: if women are looking for nice guys, why are they still single?

The problem is that nice guys come last because they're... nice! They aren't funny, confident or mysterious. These qualities are what women find attractive. Nice guys are open, honest and caring. They give all of themselves in order to please women and 'be more attractive' to them. It doesn't work though. When you give everything to a woman, she has nothing to seek out for herself! There's no mystery, no attraction.

When a woman meets a man, straight away she, like men, gets a conscious idea of what 'category' that man will fit into her life. A man falls into the category of 'friend', 'romantic potential' (which includes sex partners) or 'you've got to be kidding'! Once her decision is made, it's more than likely going to remain that way. No matter what a man does, he has been categorised.

Hey, men do it, so do women.

When men realise this 'secret', they then have the power of determining which category they want to be put into. If you want to be the woman's friend, then simply be the nice guy. If you want to be of romantic potential, then being the nice guy isn't going to work.

To a woman, romantic potential doesn't just include your appearance, although that can be helpful if you're good looking. It doesn't include how well you listen to her, or how much you care about her. To a woman, how funny, confident and mysterious you are means much more than your appearance. If you can make a woman laugh and wonder about who you really are, then you become attractive to her.

This means that you can control attraction, simply by your actions. You are never a victim of circumstance, or of the whims of fickle women. It's easier than that! Their attraction to you is under your control!

So how do you control a woman's attraction to you?

Well, first of all, you have to decide if you want to be attractive to her. (Here's a little tip: if you start practicing making yourself attractive to all women, of all sizes, shapes and age, then being attractive will become second nature to you. It will become something you are, rather than something you try to be.)

Be unpredictable and uncontrollable, challenging and dominant. These are qualities which women require in romantic potentials. Women don't want a man that bores them with predictability, who allows them to control him, who isn't a challenge, and who is a weak-minded wimp (I call them 'losers', because they always lose. You might call them AFC... it's probably a term that makes you feel better about it, but you're still LOSING!). Women want a man who KNOWS he's a man, and who's proud of it. Women want to be respected for being women, and they want to be able to respect a man for being a man.

Believe that you don't need to impress the woman you're talking to. There are so many women out there, what makes you think you need to impress this one? Don't try to impress her, just be yourself. But make sure that being yourself is also being funny. Make her laugh at your jokes. And make jokes about HER! Make jokes about the colour of her shoes, or the clothes she's wearing. Pretend you're wondering if she's going to a fancy dress party or something. Ask her what crazed fool thought that carrying that handbag would suit her - "...and just what have you got in there, the kitchen sink? It's HUGE!". You get the picture, I'm sure. Always PRETEND to be serious, while laughing about it on the inside, with a smile playing at the corners of your mouth as if you can't hold it back. They'll know you're pretending, and that just makes it funnier and they'll laugh more.

Be dominant. Be the one who is decisive about what you want and where you want to go. Always have a backup plan, and be prepared. This shows that you are capable of looking after her and her needs. Women need their men to be emotionally and mentally strong, able to take care of themselves and her. Women need to trust that you will be able to look after them, keep them happy and secure. That makes for romantic potential.

Be impressive to her by NOT IMPRESSING HER. Show her that you are having fun, and that you don't particularly care if she stays or goes, or if she likes you or not. Being yourself and making FUNNY jokes at her expense are a great way of SHOWING CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF.

If you do all the above, you will be doing what most men don't, and that instantly makes you more attractive than the rest of them.

Now, this doesn't always work. But remember, IT DOESN'T MATTER. There ARE plenty of women out there, and if one of them doesn't like your sense of humour, that's their loss, not yours. If they don't like you making jokes about something they're wearing or doing, then they are the ones with the emotional problems about themselves. Anyone who can't laugh at themselves is not going to be fun to be with. (Naturally, make sure the jokes make sense and are relevant to whatever the joke is about. Only refer to something that stands out.)

Be sexual, but don't be crude. Compliment a woman sexually, and you'll show her that you're not a 'nice guy', but that you're a man who has 'romantic potential'.

Women have sex and think about their future with a man who has romantic potential. They don't have sex with the nice guys, the ones who are only their friends. They have sex with the guys who excite them, who challenge them, and who show the probability of romantic potential, even if that potential is only short-term.

So if you want to only be friends with women, then be a nice guy. But if you want to have a woman excited to be with you, and looking forward to the next time she can be with you, then DON'T be a nice guy! Don't be a jerk either, but be someone who excites her, and who she can respect and admire.

Be strong but gentle. Be funny, not insecure. Be yourself, not someone that you THINK she wants you to be. Be a challenge.

Don't be a 'nice guy', as nice guys DO come last.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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tmpgstx

Master Don Juan
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Good post. There is a hole in the 'don't be a nice guy theory' though. It's a big hole because you see it all the time. Alot of girls who have guy friends 'joke' around, tease and flirt with most of them. They do it because it is fun, but do not want anything serious. Keep in mind the guy friend is doing it too. i've seen it over and over - teasing her, kino etc. It hasn't got him any closer to doing her than one of her straight girlfriends.

However, it does add tension IF she is ATTRACTED to you IN THE FIRST PLACE. If she finds you stimulating from physical appearance alone in some sort of way, then being ****y and funny in a classy way can add fuel to that fire.

How many times have you asked a girl if she is going with guy x because you saw them flirting and heard her say 'no .. we're just good friends and we joke and give each other crap all the time like that'. I'll bet most of us have heard it.

A guy can be nice, just not a desparate schmuck. There has to be some form of attraction to begin with though and i'm saying physically in some sort of way. It can be anything from a smile that strikes her right way or having those 'dreamy' eyes - you name it.

Personality is overblown bigtime in being the primary factor in attracting women. You look at any polls and a physical feature ALWAYS comes first (i.e. nice face etc.). It is then always followed by personality. It's the physical aspect that gets the ball rolling into something more based on other attributes.

A physical attribute she is drawn too sets everything else in motion. It can even enhance your personality if you look a certain way when you say something that strikes her in the right way.

Before we could even talk, it was all physical attraction. It's still embedded in our 'reptilian' brains, hence the subconcious process that is sexual attraction.
 
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