"Don't ask, tell" - wtf?

[Skating Penguin]

Recently, a girl turned me down after I asked her out. She said that she doesn't men who "ask" her but rather men who "tell" her. She was saying that if a man wants her, he has to "tell" her that he wants her and let her know that he wants her and not just "ask" her and that maybe she would have gone out with me if I hadn't "asked" her.

I mean, wtf does it mean? I don't think I should just go up to a girl and boldly tell her something like "Hey, I want you." If anything, this will probably get me a restraining order or something.

What do you yinzers think?

 

[flexion_]

She means don't do this:
"Hi I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime?"

and do this:
"Hi, I'm heading out the a cool <insert fun thing here> and would like you to come along with me."

 

[Jariel]

Ignore her. It sounds like she's playing games with you.

Even if it's true, for her to turn you down over something so petty and trivial tells me she's just an attention wh0re anyway.

 

[NINJA PIMP]

Originally posted by flexion_
She means don't do this:
"Hi I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime?"

and do this:
"Hi, I'm heading out the a cool <insert fun thing here> and would like you to come along with me."

This guy has the right idea. The girl was being surprisingly honest with you. Asking is a very wimpy way of seducing. Women want to be conquered and dominated, not asked for permission. They need men to lead and we all know a leader doesn't have to ask for anything, he simply DOES.

If I were you I would never ask a girl out again. Set the date, the time and the place and tell her that she will be there and that she will love it! Be a man, take her hand and lead the way.

The above example is great, but I find my approach more effective. I wait until a high point in the interaction, usually when we are both laughing or just goofing around. Then I say...

"You are so much fun...I think I may just have to kidnap you later this week. I'm gonna check out <blablabla> and you are coming with me even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming."

You don't have to quote word for word, just as long as you show her what you want in a playful way. Think like a caveman...they love that sh!t

 

[arlanda]

Never ask, always tell

Works for getting dates, phone numbers and bunch of other stuff

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Originally posted by NINJA PIMP
Women want to be conquered and dominated, not asked for permission. They need men to lead and we all know a leader doesn't have to ask for anything, he simply DOES.

This is a gross generalization.

I'm sure there are plenty of women who get moist at the thought of a guy sweeping them away and telling them how it's going to be, but there are just as many women who would take offense at the very notion. Like all things, it's situation-specific.

You can be firm (as opposed to timid) and confident without being "Dominating" and "Conquering."

 

[NINJA PIMP]

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ
This is a gross generalization.

I'm sure there are plenty of women who get moist at the thought of a guy sweeping them away and telling them how it's going to be, but there are just as many women who would take offense at the very notion. Like all things, it's situation-specific.

You can be firm (as opposed to timid) and confident without being "Dominating" and "Conquering."

You say tomayto I say tomahto. Same sh!t...point is that someone has to be the man in the relationship. Personally, I have never encountered a woman who DIDN'T want to be dominated (yes even the politically correct feminazis melt in the presence of a real man)

 

[bbestar]

I think this is how my dad got my mom back then :woo:

 

[Sargeholic]

I had a recent experience with this. Granted, this girl was a FB I had already slept with, but she was waning in her IL for me. We hadn't seen each other in over 2 weeks.

For the night out, I simply called her and said "you are coming with me to X tonight...I will pick you up at X time. be ready and be gorgeous. i'll see you later"

Later that night, I led her around the whole night, called all the shots. When we sat down, I was like, come over here, sit next to me, I would touch where I wanted, do everything like it was my birthright.

When we got home, we went and sat on the couch for a bit, started kissing, and I picked her up without saying a word, carried her into my room, threw her on the bed, and did her without saying a word.

She later told me it was the sexiest date of her life. From the way I asked to the way I finished it, she thought it was the hottest thing ever, and no guy had ever done that before to her. From there on, she wanted me every single night...though she couldn't have it

This stuff may not be good first meeting material, but for a girl who is already semi comfortable who you want to rock her world, just do what you want. Don't ask for anything, just do it.

 

[Tazman]

I can see the value in being assertive, but if a girl turns you down because you "asked" her rather then "tell" her you want to hang out, she isn't all that interested in you in the first place. If she's into a guy and he asks her out I sincerely doubt she'd hold the same belief for this guy.

 

[ianlove]

For the night out, I simply called her and said "you are coming with me to X tonight...I will pick you up at X time. be ready and be gorgeous. i'll see you later"

Later that night, I led her around the whole night, called all the shots. When we sat down, I was like, come over here, sit next to me, I would touch where I wanted, do everything like it was my birthright.

When we got home, we went and sat on the couch for a bit, started kissing, and I picked her up without saying a word, carried her into my room, threw her on the bed, and did her without saying a word.

and that Timmy is how you were born

 

[griffon65]

First off all the girl you asked sounds like she wasnt interested in you, so telling her instead of asking probably wouldve made no difference. Unless of course you asked in a REALLY wussy way (would you like to go out with me sometime?)

You have to ask without asking. What sargeaholic described is the pinnacile of that. You can even do it to girls that you havent known that long. First the convo has to be going well and at the high point you say

"oh by the way I forgot to mention something"
Her: What??
"Im taking you out on sat"

If shes free she WILL accept. If not you just find a time shes free and take her out.

Or a less aggressive approach

"Whens the next day you have some free time?"
Her: Fri
"Cool, then lets go ice skateing(or w/e) on Fri"

Heres a real life example:

I was talking to a girl today that I've seen a few times. Were talknig and she mentions that she wants to start working out again.

Me: So what are your plans for this weekend?
Her: Not sure yet
Me: Ok then we'll get together this saturday and i'll help you get a good workout.
Her: Ok

See what happened? I didnt ask, I told.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Jariel

Even if it's true, for her to turn you down over something so petty and trivial tells me she's just an attention wh0re anyway.

Originally posted by griffon65
First off all the girl you asked sounds like she wasnt interested in you

Thats a no brainer and beside the point, she was still being HONEST (extremely rare) and giving him a non ******** rejection ......kind of (even rarer) , I take my hat off to the b!tch. Respect, I bet she loves it up the arse too.

Originally posted by Cheat_LBJ

I'm sure there are plenty of women who get moist at the thought of a guy sweeping them away and telling them how it's going to be, but there are just as many women who would take offense at the very notion.

That smells like feminist brainwashing. Ugly and or fat feminist lesbians DO NOT count, actually scratch that theyre the ones who are gagging to be dominated the most but thats neither here nor there.

 

[rockstar88]

some girls are just b!tchey like that

 

[Schlep]

It's not being *****y, it's doing you a favor.

I like to bring things back to communications since it's what I do. Imagine if she had said something like, "Sorry Penguin, I just can't see the two of us together. You're such a great guy, though, and I just know you're gonna find the girl for you!"

This goes back to reward/punishment comm that shapes you as a person even as young as less than a year old. If she had told you this, she would've been 'rewarding' you, and so you would more than likely try to continue this behavior. You would think, "Wow, she thinks I'm such a great guy!" and this would make you either become a puppy following her around waiting for her to capitalize on what a great guy you are, or you would've moved on with the attitude that you don't need to change a thing, because that one lucky girl will come along and you'll live happily ever after.

Instead, she 'punished' you. She told you that your behavior isn't manly, and caused you to question your persona and post about the experience on a message board, seeking advice from others. My advice is to read through the DJ bible, field reports, and approach journals to see what you might change to make sure you don't get the comment again, and more importantly, keep practicing.

 

[Chosen1]

Don't ask tell

I remember I once asked this girl for her number she said she had a boyfriend So I said forget it. I let it bother me for a while and realized I was way too nice and a little creepy. That might've been your problem I know it was mine but remember when The Master Dj's say "Don't act desperate" it means say hey we should just chill like you do when you first become friends. After that it's time for freakin