Don't ask a woman to be your gf directly - why is this the case exactly?

[ilikecharlene]

A dating guru on Youtube (practical happiness - sounds like a Spanish guy, or maybe Latin American) in one of his videos said not to ask a woman to be one's gf directly. I can see the logic in it, since it may seem needy and desperate, but I don't get it fully.

If one is seeing a woman for a while, say over a few months, you develop feelings for her and she for you, then why is it bad to ask her? It simply formalises the existing bond, right?

 

[Young Stallion]

Because it causes you to look insecure about where you two are headed.

Always let the girl dictate whether she considers you her boyfriend or not...and just dont care about what she calls the both of you.

Its the girls job to worry about whether you two are exclusive....not yours.

 

[DonJuanabe]

No, because a woman values how she feels not what you say. Moreover, she wants you to be the lead in the relationship; if you are doing the asking then you are not leading.

 

[Young Stallion]

"A woman values how she feels not what you say"

You know I think you stumbled onto a great quote of truth there, if there was any stumbling at all.

 

[Iceberg]

In addition to what the other guys said, I just don't see how it benefits the relationship. You're a man. For better or worse, you live in a world of logic. And logically, you know that a title means nothing.

A woman who wants you will stay with you even if the relationship isn't clearly defined. And a woman who wants to cheat on you or leave, will do it regardless of whether or not she has the title of "girlfriend" or "relationship."

If the woman is treating me well, if we're getting along, and if we enjoy each other then what more do I need? Some superficial title? Let the woman chase those types of things. They live in the emotional world. As a man, you're supposed to value actions, not words and titles.

 

[DonJuanabe]

No stumbling, just had to learn it the hard way. Interestingly, once you realize it, it makes dealing with women much easier. I'll take it a step further: a man needs to respect how a woman feels. By respect I don't mean he has to like how she feels; I mean he has to accept it. Whatever she is feeling is fact, it is reality. Trying to convince her otherwise (e.g. she isn't feeling so strongly for you, you sense it, and want to talk about things or start lavishing attention on her) disrespects how she feels and merely agitates her. That's the reason you go ghost when her feelings are working against you. You don't make things worse by disrespecting how she feels and you don't waste your time and energy. You accept reality as it is and learn from whatever mistakes you might have made.

 

[st_99]

If a girl likes you somewhat or a lot what benefit is there to asking her
to be your gf? None.

If she wants you, then it kills the anxiety which is bad. If she doesn't want
you, asking her certainly will not change that.

So it looks to me that its lose lose, no upside, forget it.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Iceberg is dead on. Judge your girl's actions, not labels or things she says. Which would you prefer: A girl calls you her boyfriend and f*cks everyone but you; or a girl exclusively jumps your bones every night while screaming "Take this you f*cking bastard!"

 

[Bible_Belt]

It simply formalises the existing bond, right?

Words exchanged between the two of you are of little importance.

In contrast, something like a Facebook relationship status change is of massive, life-changing importance. She cares zero about what she says to you, compared to what she says about you to her friends. If she wants to be your girlfriend, then she will not go away, and will eventually start telling everyone she is your girlfriend. You will become trapped by the regular sex, and unable to escape denying that you are in a committed relationship.