Don Juan Boot Camp. Week #2

[Papi Jack]

Alright guys. Welcome to Week #2 of our boot camp. Last week was a great week, however, i think we did not get all the juice from it. Only one of us actually finished on time ... but i already bltched about it on the last thread so i'm not gonna do it here.

...I will just give you guys my word that from now on i WILL finish all the exercises on time.

It is a promise.

Now, for this week we have 8 articles to read and 1 exercise to do. Like the last week, all final reports must be posted before sunday midnight.

Guys, one thing i noticed is that last week is that nobody mentioned anything about the articles we read. I'd like for us to talk about that too. Mention whatever you think is worth it.

On a different subject.

I think "OUR" boot camp should have a name. Let's try to come up with one.

Well, week #2 has started!

Here is the exercise for this week:
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Your mission is to go out and have short conversations (2 – 10 minute each in length) with 10 strangers. You can talk to them about anything, and you can talk to any person whom you have never spoken to before. You’ll find that it might feel a little awkward in the beginning to talk to strangers for any length of time… but after the first couple of times you’ll find that it’s actually a wonderful feeling. You’ll really get a rush out of this.

Also, keep in mind that most people want to meet other people and have conversations with them, but are just too shy or insecure. So in fact, you will be doing a huge favour to those people whom you decide to hold a conversation with. Plus, I’ll bet you’ll learn new things from them, and maybe even make a couple of new friends. And in this phase of the Boot Camp, don’t let yourself feel limited to speaking to only girls… speak with anyone you want!

In fact, if you’re a bit apprehensive about talking to people, you can start out with those people who are easier for you to approach. For me, this is senior citizens, since I’ve found that most of them love talking with anyone who would give them half an ear, and I’ve found them to be very interesting conversationalists.

After each conversation, write down in your journal what you thought of the conversation, and approximately the length of the conversation (estimate if you don’t have a watch). Once you complete this lesson, post your results, plus the topic of your most interesting conversation, and anything else you wish to share.

You have until this time next week to complete this lesson. Also, make sure you keep on practicing the skills learned in the first lesson (e.g., you can practice establishing eye contact with someone, saying Hi, and going into a conversation. However, initial eye contact or a Hi is not a requirement before initiating a conversation).

Also, a tip that might help you with this lesson, and the next few lessons, is the 3-second rule (You can find it on ASF). What this means is that when you find someone you might be interested in approaching, don't give yourself more than 3 seconds from the moment you are able, to approach them. Anything longer than 3 seconds highly increases the chance that your nerves will work against you, and that you'll chicken out. Even if you have nothing planned to discuss with them, you'll find that you'll amazingly have something to say if you can only force your feet to propel you to the person.

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I put in bold some of the stuff we talked last week and som important stuff for this week.
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For more on the 3-second rule go to:
http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/01_The_Basic_Rules/3seconds.shtml

 

[Levrone]

For me week2 will be extra hard, since I have to do week 1 and 2 together (like you mentioned in the PM).

So in one week I have to learn to make eye contact (that won't be hard, since I'm doing that for a long time now, it's just a fun game to look long in someone's eye and see who first looks away ), need to say hi to 50 strangers and 10 of that strangers I have to make a conversation with

Pff you know, if i complete this in one week, i will be very proud of myself

 

[DJLegion]

I read all the articles yesterday but I kind of have a rant on a few of them. I couldn't believe that a few of the articles actually went through on how to start off with hi...where do you work....what college...etc, etc. That's never the problem for me, I think the bigger problem is getting into something interesting. Also another problem is having the balls to go up to them. I'm going to see if I can talk to some new people in some of my classes. We'll see. By the way, let's not do the same mistake and start late again, start as soon as possible.

 

[DJLegion]

Week #2 Day #2

Good news, I just went to the gym today to do cardio and this guy that worked there just passed by me and asked me how I was doing. I told him I was doing great and then he asked my brother the same thing and checked his heart rate. My brother just answered him and kept pedaling, but I was quick on my feet and said to myself I can do this for bootcamp. So I ask him how's he's doing. It turns out it's his first day on the job and I start to joke around the fact he has morning shift. I find out his schedule, so far he only has one shift every monday. I talk to him about school, etc and find out he graduated undergrad and is now working at the gym and the Boys & Girls Club (Can someone tell me what this is? I asked him this but he just gave me the location). I told him I had other friends like him who graduated and are still looking for real jobs(maybe I shouldn't have gone here? Do you think he might of taken it as an idea that I think his job is bad? Whatever). I asked him if he can workout while working (obviously no, I've asked other people ) but he tells me it's strictly buisness. I then tell him yeah, that's hard to do (implying all the girls around us). I also got his name early in the conversation and then at the end he said he had to go and I told him alright it was nice meeting you xxxx.

Overall it was about 3-5 minutes. I now have another person I know that works at the gym (maybe social proof one day) but I'm good at talking about this fluff. I don't really get nervous (my heart rate shot up from 163 to 180, because I started pedaling faster - but it doesnt affect my voice or body language). My problem is going from a basic conversation to being friends. I do have friends, don't get me wrong, but I've met them through studying. And apparently (no offense to them) their no good for anything else (their in the same boat I am). But once I become the person I want to be I want to help my friends along this path. We'll see.

And it's only 8 AM . Let's hope I have bigger balls then I think.

 

[Levrone]

Good that you're improving your social skills

Basically I have only problems with that in a bar or at the street. Not in the gym, but that's because in the gym it is easier for me. I come they're very often (4 times a week, hey I'm a bodybuilder ), and can discuss stuff about bodybuilding with other guys there. How long they're training, what they eat. But then I have something to discuss about. To a complete stranger where I don't know anything about, that is for me much harder.


But for that 'friend' stuff, you don't have necessarily become friends with a person. It can also be an acquaintance, friends are in mine opinion persons who you know very well for several years and who you can discuss a lot of stuff with. At least, that is what I think.
I can talk pretty good and have fun with some guys, but they're not my friends!

So don't focuss on becoming friends, maybe someone will, but that is after a long while. Just focuss on making new contacts, and persons you like to hang out with. That's sometimes more important then actually seeking for a friend

 

[So Many Ways]

I was wondering when you're going to post week two. This will be a little tougher than last week but I'm ready and I hope everyone else is too. We all need to do this for ourselves, at least for me this is very important.

Good luck all.

 

[So Many Ways]

Week 2 Day 2

After the first week, I felt like I was on a high. I’ve read some of the other boot camps and I’ve seen that many seem to go through periods, or at least days, when it just doesn’t come together for them. That happened this past Saturday. After that high I felt from completing this exercise and beginning to interact with my fellow human beings, I went out Saturday night and I just didn’t have it. The night didn’t go well at all, my approaches were stilted and I just wasn’t feeling it. These things happen, I’m not going to beat myself up over it.

I didn’t do anything Sunday, but today, on Monday, I got 3 conversations with strangers in, all of them quite lengthy.

All of the conversations I did at class this evening after work. Even though this is week 3 of the class, I haven’t said more than two words to any classmates so that needed to change. The first conversation I had was with a pretty Japanese woman during break who was standing outside. I asked her what she thought of the class and the conversation went from there. I found out that she’s only been in the country for a year and that she’s married. I think I talked to her for around 10 minutes or so. She seemed to enjoy talking to me.

The next two conversations I had happened simultaneously, with two of the guys sitting next to me in class. I talked to them for maybe 10 or 15 minutes or so, about the class and telling each other our stories about why we’re taking the class and such. They seemed like they were cool peoples.

The next step for me anyway will be to walk up to someone completely cold and start a conversation. I know that will be a challenge.

 

[Papi Jack]

Today i finished my hi's (13) and had 1 conversation.

The day went by like this. Last night i left the restaurant around 1:30 am. Came here to post my final report for week one and by the time i finished was 3 am. Then i woke up at 8 because i had to by groceries and do my laundry before my training class (translating for a tax office) at 1pm . At the supermarket got 10 hi's. and went to work at 4pm.

I got my last 3 hi's at work because didn't have much to do. Later on the evening i started a conversation with a old men (like 55) who was waiting on a TO GO order. It turned out that he was from England and was here in Memphis for a Business trip. He is an Electrical Engineer. We talked for about 4 minutes until i got sat.

That was my day.

C y'all tomorrow.

 

[Levrone]

Does it count when people approach me first? Even if it are strangers?

Because I was waiting for the train and a foreign dude came to me asking me which train he had to catch. So I helped him and started a little conversation with him. So in fact I started the conversation but he aproached me first. So.. i guessed that count.

I only got about 4 hi's. But that's because I didn't went out much today. I worked whole day inside, but I work in a shop, so when customers come I can say hi to them, but I don't count that because that are customers and I say only hi to be polute. lol

I hope it will go on like this.

 

[DJLegion]

I didn't get any done today. I'm kind of sad because I had a chance at the gym. There was a girl doing crunches and she was taking the space for two. I asked if I can squeeze in and she started to make a joke out of her taking space. I left it at that...I should have continued.

Guys, do you have any tips on approaching strangers? I just need to break the ice. Don't tell me to say "Hi" because I know I can do that but I need a followup...I don't want to just start asking questions off the bat. I'm good with rapport I just need to GET there.

 

[So Many Ways]

I'm still at 3 convos. I didn't do anything on Tuesday. I tried to spark a convo this morning, when I had to go to the school computer lab but was thwarted. I'll try again this evening during class.

The good thing is, I don't have to work Friday so I have all day Friday and Saturday, this evening and tomorrow evening to get this done.

 

[Fumbduck]

Hey guys...I'm not officially in your bootcamp, but i've read the week #1 exercise, and now week #2. Anyway, i've been working on approaching random people and starting conversations, saying hello, and making eye contact. From what i've observed, most people are taken by suprise, and even intimidated when you say hello right out of the blue.

Just today I was going for a haircut, there were two older people working repairing lights. I was about ten minutes early so I just walked up and said hello. The two were thrown off by me approaching, but warmed up quickly. By the time my appointment rolled around, i just finished up the convo and headed over. Painless. I know these weren't any HB10's, but when the come, (and they will) in the future, my social skills will be up there.

Just thought i'd share...keep up the good work men!

FD

 

[So Many Ways]

*edit for detail*

I got two more conversation done tonight. I had my C#.net class and I helped a couple of classmates with their homework and talked to them for a bit.

The first conversation was with this dude who was a chemical engineering major and I helped him out with some issues he was having with the homework. He looked like he was having problems with the code so I gave him a few tips and showed him some shortcuts. Later on I chatted with the same dude during break about the class. The convos easily reached the two minute mark.

The second convo was with this woman who was sitting next to me in class. I said hi to her as she walked by and sat next to me and she gave me that look, you know, the LOOK. That would be all fine and good but she's not my type, she has a mustache. Well I talked to her anyway and helped her out with her homework. I talked to her strictly about the class, I didn't do any of that getting her life story sh!t that I normally do, I didn't want her to get the wrong idea.

Early this morning, I attempted a convo with a girl who was sitting down at a table when I went to get breakfast. I asked if I could join her. The conversation lasted maybe around 30 seconds, her English wasn’t that good. Since it was too short, I can’t count it.

That makes 2 for the day, 5 total.

 

[Papi Jack]

I'm stuck with 1... my car broke down Wednesday morning. That sucked because i had wednesday off and i could have get some covos but instead I was stuck in the shop busting my nuckles. I just got it running 2 hours ago so i'm going out tonight.

I just came from Barnes and Nobles, i was trying to get some covos there but i don't know, everybody seems to be in their own world... i could not find a way to get any conversations started.

Just hi and a little comment, but nothing that counts as a conversation.

Maybe better luck later.

C y'all

PS: Hey Fumbduck... you can join any time if you want... ju just have to be in the same week.

 

[DJLegion]

Yeah...unfortunatly I'm stuck at one too....

I've been talking to a lot of people, but the problem is I know them already. We're not real friends but we're acquaintances so I can sit there and make small talk. Talk that lasts more then 2 minutes...

Anyways, I want to get through this....so I will try my best in classes tomorow to talk to strangers. I feel there are a few in my first class I can talk too. Hopefully we can get in a group and kills 3 convos at one time (I've already talked to them but only for class reasons, so I don't really know them and I'll open them up with something other then class related stuff - and I'm counting it). Theres this one chick there I'm attracted too. Argh.

Guys, I'll tell it to you straight. I feel like quitting. But I'm not. We need to pull through this. That's the good part about having a thread. We can push each other and neither of us wants to get left behind. I will sincerly try my best tomorrow.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by DJLegion
Yeah...unfortunatly I'm stuck at one too....

I've been talking to a lot of people, but the problem is I know them already. We're not real friends but we're acquaintances so I can sit there and make small talk. Talk that lasts more then 2 minutes...

Anyways, I want to get through this....so I will try my best in classes tomorow to talk to strangers. I feel there are a few in my first class I can talk too. Hopefully we can get in a group and kills 3 convos at one time (I've already talked to them but only for class reasons, so I don't really know them and I'll open them up with something other then class related stuff - and I'm counting it). Theres this one chick there I'm attracted too. Argh.

Guys, I'll tell it to you straight. I feel like quitting. But I'm not. We need to pull through this. That's the good part about having a thread. We can push each other and neither of us wants to get left behind. I will sincerly try my best tomorrow.

Hey man, this sh!t is fuc*in hard, no doubt about it. I haven't been able to push a convo past 2 minutes outside of class. Don't get down, we all need to push each other to do this sh!t.

For those of yall in school, you should be able to knock a few out just by talking to class mates that you probably ignored. Just ask them how they think the class is going, ask them what they think of the instructor, ask what they think of the homework, ask for help or offer help. That's how I've gotten all my convos thus far.

Anyway, tomorrow I don't have to work so I'm going to school to use their computer lab. I'll try to hit up the cafeteria for breakfast and see if I can knock a couple more convos out. I'm gong to a birthday party Saturday so that should round them out.

Guys don't give up on this sh!t, you're doing this for yourselves.

 

[So Many Ways]

One mo' 'gen....

If you guys are looking for some inspiration, read Walden's boot camp thread. He actually completed the whole thing and you can see the guy's growth through the process. This is something to build on.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30105

 

[DJLegion]

Originally posted by So Many Ways
Hey man, this sh!t is fuc*in hard, no doubt about it. I haven't been able to push a convo past 2 minutes outside of class. Don't get down, we all need to push each other to do this sh!t.

For those of yall in school, you should be able to knock a few out just by talking to class mates that you probably ignored. Just ask them how they think the class is going, ask them what they think of the instructor, ask what they think of the homework, ask for help or offer help. That's how I've gotten all my convos thus far.

Anyway, tomorrow I don't have to work so I'm going to school to use their computer lab. I'll try to hit up the cafeteria for breakfast and see if I can knock a couple more convos out. I'm gong to a birthday party Saturday so that should round them out.

Guys don't give up on this sh!t, you're doing this for yourselves.

Haha, thanks for your advice dude. I read it this morning and started hitting my classes. Let me just tell you I talked to a ridiculous amount of **strangers** today. And guess what? It felt _good_. I was walking the the streets with so much confidence that I would even smirk naturally to girls as they passed. Damn, I could even feel it in my walk. Here's the recap:

I'd appreciate if you all read this. By the way, these are the types of descriptions I like to hear from you guys, not simple ones.

Alright, I went off to my discussion class first and walked in. As soon as I came in I noticed there was a girl at the desk (our TA is a male). Out of no where I ask if she's subbing. She says yes and we talk a bit. The best part of this is I'm in the front with relaxed bodylanguage talking to her (she's pretty cute) and everyone else is behind me sitting and doing nothing. So after a bit of talking the conversation stopped but she had to teach in a few minutes anyway, so it didn't matter. That conversation what about 3-4 minutes.

Class was pretty quick today because it was a review so we ended early but some people had to stay to still look at a sheet of paper. Theres only one copy and I dont want to sit in my chair and wait till it comes by. So half the class is gone around and I stand up turn around and ask aloud where the sheet is. The girl I'm attracted to has it so I'm like cool, I'll go to the bathroom. When I come back I go right behind her and start reading the paper over her shoulder. She finishes and hands me the paper and another girl joins me to look at the sheet. We talk minimally because we're both looking at the paper. I mention something stupid I had done wrong on my quiz (the paper is the answers) but she doesn't reply. If you put all our words continuous it was probably somewhere between 30 seconds to 1 minute. But we were looking at the paper for about 3. So I guess I can't count that one...

Then I'm done with the paper and start to get my stuff. I'm in the front facing the back and theres a group talking about something. The group is 1 cute girl (HBGym), 1 guy, and the girl I'm attracted too (HBAttractedTo). I offer some input on what they were talking about (something I don't remember). Then I turn to HBGym and look at her in the eyes and I ask her if she goes to the gym. The reason I do this is because I have seen her in the gym but I've been too big a pvssy to go talk to her so I fake it like it just clicked that she was in my class (this was the first time we had EC and talked to each other). She says some stuff about the gym and I mention that I've been going for a couple of weeks and have seen her a bit. Then she asks for my name (IOI?) and I give it and ask for hers. She tells me it in initial form. It sounds wierd so I repeat it with the tone of voice like are you sure. So she goes into what they stand for. I guess her name is long or something. Then I go to the guy next to her "What's your name" with relaxed bodylanguage he gives it to me (I don't remember it, but he's a guy so he'll understand). Then HBGym is starting to introduce me to HBAttractedTo but we already introduced each other earlier so I go to HBAttractedTo: "xxxx, right" while pointing to her. She acknowledges and then I turn to head out the door and HBGym says cya and I return it. During the whole time I could sense a little bit of attraction. I need to start making it grow...argh. It probably lasted 2 minutes. I'm only going to count it as one though cause I mainly talked to her. This has definitly opened up the chance of now just walking up to them and talking. So I need to get ready.

Alright, so once I leave I'm feeling confident and I meet my friends and walk out of the building. Theres these two gives who need money to support something and it's a raffle too. So their trying to get $1 from me so I'm like whatever, lets do it. So I go and I mention how small there list is so far. They have 5 sheets of paper for names and they have barely started. I also mention that I'm doing this cause I understand how hard it is to make people do something. This lasts less then a minute, so I can't count it :-X.

So I go hang out with my friends for about an hour and hit my next class. Theres this guy next to me(Guy#1) whose in another one of my classes that I want to talk too because I know I can count it. So at the end of class I ask him if he's in my other class. He tells me he is but hasn't gone in a few days. I ask him how he did on the last test. We make small talk of how good he did and how I wish I did that good. Then I have a friend sees me talking to him and decides to talk to him too because he's in another of his classes. I know the teacher their talking about and everyone hates him so we start making talk about what he does and how hard he is. One of Guy#1's friend (Guy#2) joins and takes the conversation over with him but I start talking to one of his friends that is female (HB5.5) who notices something from me and opens. So I talk with her for a bit but I notice the convo will die soon so I start back in Guy#1 and Guy#2's convo. Then HB5.5 has to leave so I ask for her name and we exchange a few words and depart. This costs me from talking to Guy#2 more for another convo. So over all I'm counting two conversations here.

Then I go to my next to classes. At the end of the last one theres a quiz. I get it right and some guy asks a friend of mine what he got (to check his work). My friend gives him the answer (the right one) and that makes the guy and the guys next to him to double check there work. So we turn in our paper and leave. One of them is in my next class. So at the end of my next class I ask him how he did. We talked for a bit about it and about other stuff. It lasts about 3 minutes before he has to go a different direction. Thats another conversation.

Then I came home and now I'm typing this. It's only 5 pm... In total I had 5 conversations. Now that I write this I notice some chances where I could have taken the convo longer so I could count it. I probably would have been done. But I'm not going to worry, because I did _good_. I felt _good_ and I enjoyed myself. My all week total is 6. This worries me now...I have tommorrow and thats it. I don't have classes tommorow so if I want to finish I'm going to have to grow some balls and cold approach. That's going to be hard for me. But if I waited till Monday I could finish it then (cause i have classes). But still I feel that I HAVE TO LEARN how to cold approach. So I WANT to finish. I need to finish. I'm going to hit the gym tomorow and usually I notice a few people doing stuff that's wrong. So I'll go up to them and talk to them and show them the right way. I'm a skinny guy right now so it's going to be intimidating to go to a guy and thats massive and tell him it's wrong. I won't be harsh, I'll just tell him to look it up. Alright guys, I'd appreaciate some words of wisdom on how to cold approach (guys and girls) and feel relaxed doing it.

 

[So Many Ways]

OK, I'll add more detail to my posts from now on and I'll edit my previous posts. DJ Legion, it looks like you're kicking ass, great!

I'm still stuck on 5. I can't seem to keep the convo going for the required 2 minutes. This morning, I went to school to use the computer lab but it turned out the school was closed (president's day). I saw some dude walking and I asked him if the computer lab was closed. We talked for about a minute but that was it.

I went to the supermarket and I tried to chat with the cashier and got nothing. I guess now that I'm thinking about getting convos, I'm psyching myself out or something. Last week this seemed easier, probably because I wasn't thinking about it, I was just acting naturally.

I tried a few more times later on in the day, I had to make a few stops since I'm furniture and laptop shopping but again nothing.

I'm a little disappointed in myself, I need to find some way to take the pressure off. I don't do well in social situations when I feel like there's pressure. When I'm carefree and not thinking about it, then it comes naturally. If any of you guys have any tips on how to overcome that pressure, I would appreciate it.

Well there's still tomorrow. My buddy is celebrating his birthday so there will be tons of opportunity to chat with folks and socialize. I'll let yall know how it goes.

Anyway, I hope the rest of you guys are kicking ass, let us know.

 

[DJLegion]

Alright guys, I didn't get any done today. Probably because all I did was hit the gym and stay at home. I'll definitly be done tomorrow because theres a big event I'm going too. So I'm going to start reading on week 3.

You guys can do this, don't quit. Let's finish this together. Even if you're having problems you can stay on this week a few more days. Come on, let's get our act together.