Don Carnegie: The Great Mindset (III)

[Cloud-uk]

Part 3:

By now there should be three big ideas coming through from this series: Those are: Enjoying other people, Giving people what they want, and Having great self-esteem.

Over the first two parts I believe I have given you all enough to re-kindle a love for macking and enjoyment of other people. It shouldn't be hard, it is fun. You can pretty much tick of this column that will support the new you.

The true nature of being attractive is to give people what they want. People have needs, and these needs may be convoluted and illogical, but they always make sense. Emotional needs. This is where the AFC falls astray! People are emotional things, and you should never get angry at the way they don't follow your hypotheses and logical ideas. Go with it. As previously I made a distinction between making someone like you and letting someone like you, I intend to elaborate on this part of the mindset (how you percieve other people) in due course.

For the moment though, the next five points of Carnegie's book will be used mostly to help you further understand the need to foster an unbreakable level of self esteem, and what this really means.

Part 3:
1) Never say "you're wrong"
2) When you're wrong, admit it
3) Begin in a friendly way
4) Get the person saying "yes, yes"
5) Let the other person do the talking

I will split up 1,3 & 4 and 2 & 5 into two groups for this part. Previously, I have mostly talked about theory, I will now try to set out ideas for cultivating the required mental states in your minds.
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1) Never say "you're wrong"
3) Begin in a friendly way
4) Get the person saying "yes, yes"

This part is about giving people what they want. First, why do this? Why help other people in this way?
Well, firstly the whole of the Don Juan principles are built on this secretly altruistic concept.

At this stage I would also like to point out a distinction i would like to make throughout all of this series, that of the difference between emotional and profesional life. This whole series is about your emotional side, your social side of friends and girls and family. I hope you have enthused yourself with motivation to better this side by now, by realising you can love people. I will say little about the profesional side, be this bussiness, school or emplyment, but only your sense can enthuse your perticular situation with motivation. I hope you do, as the two sides complement each other, and being good with people will help your professional side, and your success at a job will help your emotional side a huge deal. think of it as the "fourth pillar", your competence. Being good at something backs up all the right things you will feel and therefore show, and vice versa.

Let's dispel a myth here, nice guys aren't nice. Nice guys act so disgustingly door mat-ish and aquiescent to try and get *****. And they do it badly. The AFC is the most selfish of men. Next come *******s, who at least provide the girl witha bit of testosterone fueled satisfaction. Of course, we're number one because we make everyone around us feel good (if they let us, no stopping some hater folk ). So you should feel up for this, people are great and all that. Now you need to get it into your head that we're not showing of for girls, nor are we getting better to be good enough for them. We are understanding that all people want stuff, and when we give it to them we have the enjoyment of interaction. So number 3, talk to people in a friendly way because the chances are you're about to make you both happier. Act friendly, and you make people feel good, and you will enjoy each other more. Also, get them agreeing with you, saying "yes yes". Like I said in the last part, why argue? You have nothing to prove in the subjective world of emotions and people. Really go out there to get unity with other people, not grate or clash with other personalities. Even haters, it doesn't amtter if it doesn't work, but calm down and get them to open up their ideas with you, and do this by accepting what they have to say.

So get it into your head that you want this to get better, and there are loads of people in your classes that I bet you already have down as haters or ****s or losers. Get out there and talk to them, not out of soem sort of social league pity or out of "playing a game", but with the goal of fulfilling their needs. You'll be able to work out what tehse are with ease, but if you are having trouble, rememebr, a lot or people want to feel important. Do it, geting ***** on your **** isn't just about you, it's about interaction, and what you want to accomplish when you talk is what will shape your mind, not sitting in your bedroom mulling over this while you wank into a sock. Which is good advice for life actually.

The obvious opposite to this is telling people they are wrong. Why do it? Honestly, why hurt someone's pride, make them dislike you, go defensive and feel bitter? Is that what you want to be making someone feel? No, people don't have a need to be falsified, so just don't.

Get it into your head now that as far as the emotional, shagging side of your life goes, you'll get places by letting people feel good around you. That doesn't mean selling yourself, and that doesn't mean correcting other people so that they so how clever you are. It means making people feel good. Being good looking can make people feel good, but personality will work a whole lot better. So if you are thinking that perhaps you're looking at attracting girls from the entirely wrong perspective right now, have a think- do you correct people unnecessarily? Do you aim to make people like you as opposed to get people feeling good? Do you see a good looking girl and think- "Right, I'm going to show her how great I am and then i'm going to close and blam!" or do your think- "Right, she's attractive, I'm going to make her feel attractive"? Basic example, but i hope it gets the point across.

("But what about those stuck up girls who know they are good looking?" I hear you cry. The same still applies, except that these girls aren't looking to feel attractive, they're looking to feel excited. Why? Because legions of AFC admirers get boring. Give it to them."

 

[Cloud-uk]

cont.

2) When you're wrong, admit it
5) Let the other person do the talking

Now, to the second point, the all powerful point of self-esteem. It matters so hugely because people who are unsure about themselves crave validation and praise from others. Giving praise and validation is frequently boring. Therefore people that lack confidence aren't as much fun to talk to.

Now let's just see what having self-esteem means to us. We don't want to go overbaord and become arrogant fools, and we don't initially care about the ******d dispays of self-esteem that Carnegie talks about. No, we want a clear definintion so that we can go out and get this elusive characteristic, then come back home and get some ass.

All it is is Accepting yourself and securing this acceptance.

Simple. Sit down and write hard and long about who you are. I mean this, this is not a very labour intensive series but this you should do! Don't be modest or shy, everything. Get out all your fears and dislikes to, whether is it hate of old enemies, anger at people calling you camp, embarrising habits, everything you can possibly commit to paper, and keep going. The more honest you are here the more ***** you will end up getting, so go all out.

Now, look at the paper. First cross out all the stuff you accept and are happy with. Being good at work for example. Now, if you have any hates or enemies look back at part one. Get rid of them, ask them out for a drink or something, just break the cycle. Cross them off. Now The rest should be stuff that makes you unhappy, or that you are not able to accept. In the case of what other's say, think that perhaps they are just hitting a nerve. If you don't like people saying you're think for example, you're probably not thick. Find the one's where the fault is at you believing lies. Cross them out, people can be ****s. Finally you should be left with areas of your person that you have not come to accept. You may concider yourself to be weak in body. You may concider yourself to be too shy, or you may hate being a virgin, or you may be disgusted by some of the pornography you watch (hey- be honest). Now really think these one's over, as most of it won't matter, for example the virgin one shouldn't even be here, you only think that because of what other people say, and so it should be scribbled out. Try to bring out into the open and accept all the little things that make you you. Realise that you may be unwilling to put down virgin as a part of "who you are", but it is (at the moment). Get it out there!
Now, you will be left with some points that you find unacceptable. These will be unacceptable because they are changeable, and you have done nothing about them. No one would ever put down something like "disabled" or "gay" in this select list (my god was that a poor juxtaposition of words!). These could well be how you are crap at school work, how you have no muscles, how you eat snot which is disgusting or how you procrastinate all the time.

You will only have a few of these, but provided you can accept all the other facets of your person, thee are the bastards that are holding you back form being happy in yourself.

Now you have to sort them out. Now, I'm writing thsi mostly for people who have had a set back or regression, and you guys have the advantage of having sorted most of this out already- you will have made yourselves look good and sorted out your school work. Still do this, I'm sure you may be able to dispell unfounded uncertainties you've had or accpet something you had been denying. You may find one or two real things you are unhappy about, so go and solve them with the determination the task deserves.

And so, what is that whole exercise about? Admitting you're wrong. Admitting there are things about yourself you're not happy with, and then correcting it. Same idea with people.

Finally, let other people talk. Why? Because people want to do this all the time, so they mock do it with other people. If you are happy with yourself, you wont need to talk about yourself. So you can sit back and let the other person chat, because a good talker listens more. I've basicly gone over this point in part one, but I hope now you can see where it all stems from. Be the man you are happy with, and you will find you can make people feel as good as you feel too.

 

[WesCottII]

Nvm. Enjoying this.

 

[Keasbey Nights]

Keep 'em coming my man.