Dominance vs giving her tender loving care?

[StockTrader]

I've learned more about girls from this site and others over the past 6 months to a year than in all my previous years combined.

Girls really dig a dominant guy in the bedroom. Not over the top, "get over her you stupid b!tch" type of jerk dominance, but a guy who takes charge, who leads, who knows what he's doing, who isnt afraid to spank her or f*ck her hard and who is confident (saying, "baby, suck my d!ck for me" vs saying, "ummmm, you don't have to if you dont want to, but...uh...would you mind going down on me" or something like that which is much less confident).

The question is, how do you balance dominance vs giving her tender loving care? What percent should you give each of them when you're in the bedroom? 50-50? 75-25?They seem to be opposites, yet girls can love both. My idea of a little TLC would be something romantic, something more loving and sweet vs raw and aggressive. Any suggestions here?

 

[THA REALNESS]

Hell no . I totally dominate them and **** them extra hard i don't balance out a damn thing. I give them TLC when i feel like it or they're sad or some crap like that i play with their hair ,kiss them gently and crap like that ...but after that i don't bother making L-O-V-E.

 

[squirrels]

Why not do both? Are the two mutually exclusive?

 

[StockTrader]

Here's what I want:

To give both. It's fun dominating her and turning her on. It's fun building that gut level attraction in her. I also want to do some genuinely sweet things for her. I'm not going to turn into a jerk just to get women. More confidence yes. But never giving her some genuine affection, no way.

But I don't want to drive women away with excessive TLC and losing their interest and that gut level reaction.

Going from the sweet, genuinely nice guy with girls to someone more aggressive in the bedroom is quite a change for me. I'm trying to figure out how to balance the two so it seems perfectly natural.

 

[confus4ever]

i get em to love me..and i find out what they're needs are as far as tlc, then i give em that.

Depending on the woman that your having sex with, if they like it hard..give em that, if they like it soft....you better give them that

 

[TesuqueRed]

Squirrels had it, they are not mutually exclusive by any means. It isn't one or the other. More like it's blending both and using both at the same time--no two times ever repeat, use it to be unpredictable and spontaneous and fun.

Think of sex beginning long before you hit the bedroom (or car hood, or kitchen table, or ...) Light erotic touching and being "gentle" with romantic teasing (w/o being AFC and annoying about it)--kino, verbal play, etc.--will build the tension and anticipation in both of you.

Years ago I wondered about the right blend (25/75, 50/50, etc.) and tried to decide whether I would be dominant or otherwise.

Looking back, I think that I was turned in the wrong direction. I was focused on technique--not on her, not on myself. I don't know how I made the change or how you would, but somehow you pay attention to what she wants and what you want in the moment as it happens. You don't necessarily have to ask, she will give loads of clues in foreplay by what she responds to. And you will notice what you respond to. The result for me is that nearly every time is different than the one before, and I can't predict how it will go. Sometimes it's a flat experience (mechanical...) but that's no biggie..

Foreplanning doesn't work (technique focus), but using your imagination (fantacies) does---a fine line there, I don't know how to make the distinction clear.

Think of it this way--between gentleness and dominance is a lot of territory. It isn't one or the other. That territory means you have much more room for variance. Sometimes it's about making love to her. Other times it's her rocking your world. Other times it's an equal mix. Sometimes it's about straight up missionary-approved sex. Other times it's about getting freaky. Follow what gets a response (in you or her) and avoid using the same moves, the same ways of touching, the same progression, etc like you're checking them off a list.

I don't mean to suggest that between dominance and gentleness that you can't be doing both at the same time, either.

This gives you a greatly expanded repetoire. She wants to be surprised or kept in suspense (unpredictability) in addition to being lead. Give flashes of dominance when being gentle, etc.

You have a great deal of room to experiment! Instead of either/or, it's "yes!"

 

[jakethasnake]

I think that guys who feel they should only give it to her hard feel that they have something to prove. A classic sign of insecurity on some level.

 

[confus4ever]

it (doing it harder) has nothing to do with insecurity. It has it's waY WITH THE WAY THE SEX IS GOING!!!!