Doing Things Alone

[Equilibrium]

Hey guys -

I was wondering what is your take was on doing things alone, like dance classes, going to nightclubs, etc, to meet women? I joined one dance class already, but I want to join one more but I won't have anyone to go with me. I was wondering if it's smart to go someplace when you have absolutely no "social proof" and you're just there alone? I don't want to come off as the lonely weirdo, you know? I feel awkward showing up by myself. Is it better to really search for someone to drag along, or is it better to just suck it up, go, and be social? Have any of you guys sarged alone, and is it a good idea? I really don't have anyone to do things with on the nights where I can go out. Additionally, most of my friends are under 21, and in my city all clubs are 21+.

 

[J Roc]

born alone, die alone

real players dont need social proof.

 

[Equilibrium]

born alone, die alone

real players dont need social proof.

Word bro. I'm going out myself this weekend and signing up for that class tomorrow. Thanks!

 

[runner83]

Nothing wrong with it.

85% (approx.) of my night time pick ups have happened when I've been alone (either went out alone, or misplaced mates somewhere during the night).

Go out with friends and you tend to get stuck in the same circle. Go out on your own and you are forced to interact with...gasp...other people.

Reality is, if you don't act awkward about it, you could just be waiting for mates to show up or whatever.

Occasionally a chick may ask, just say 'yeah, they're around somewhere, lost 'em'. If it's busy, they'll buy it.

 

[Mike32ct]

born alone, die alone

real players dont need social proof.

^This. Signature-quote worthy.

I've only had success alone. The wingman thing is tough to pull off unless you have a really loyal, competent wing roughly your equal in looks/game. Really good wings are hard to find. Plus I prefer the flexibility of doing what I want when I want. You can only get that when you go alone.

Like anything else, you are only creepy if she isn't attracted to you. If she finds you attractive, she won't care that you're alone. Some women are actually impressed that you have the b@lls to go out alone. But that rare chick that calls you creepy is one that probably would have rejected you anyway, with or without a wingman. The most you could have hoped for is you and your wing entertaining her for ten minutes before she ejects.

 

[oneboy21]

born alone, die alone

real players dont need social proof.

Excellent!

 

[betheman]

one thing I have a problem with is unless someone is genuinely funny, they lose my interest pretty quickly, I have to say, going out alone I dont mind, but there are some boring people out there, men and women, I actually prefer talking to women, still its awkward for a single guy to walk into a bar and unles there is something to indicate he has a reason for being there and is not a loner, one of the tricks imo is to not stay too lang, one drink, look for oportunites, if none, out !

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree that you shouldn't stay long if you are not hitting it off with anyone.

Another thing I do to give me an excuse to be alone is go to a bar and grill place. I sit at the bar and order food. It keeps me occupied until some more women arrive. I stay for maybe an hour or two MAX after my meal. If I haven't met anyone by then, I leave.

I usually grab a seat near the end of the bar so I have women coming up to my side to order drinks. I can just turn my head to open them. I'm
not doing lots of approaches in a small bar.

The only thing that is weird is just standing by the bar alone with a drink in my hand. I prefer to have a seat whenever possible.

 

[Equilibrium]

Thanks guys. I'm naturally an introvert so it feels kind of nerve wracking to go out alone, but I'm definitely going to do it. First with the dance class. I'm going to both classes alone actually, I didn't want my friend coming because he's a definitive alpha and on the selfish side even though he has a GF, so he would essentially ****block the hell out of me and steal my prospects. I don't need to bring my own bane along with me. At least going to dance class alone isn't all that weird - there are bound to be others doing it. After that I am going to go to a local bar and grill on ladies night just to practice (although if things go good maybe I'll get something out of it!). I've never sarged before so I don't want to overwhelm myself out of the gate. Thanks again guys - now I don't feel that weird at all, since it looks like you all have gone out alone.

 

[Mike32ct]

While not the healthiest thing, some bars that serve chicken wings along with other food are quite popular (here in the US anyway). Order something and you can also chat with the bartender or watch the tv screens to kill time until you get your food. If you still feel the need for an "excuse"
to be alone, just say "I wanted to grab something to eat" or "I wanted to get some (chicken) wings."

I'm very strict about not drinking and driving, so the bar and grill works great for me. By ordering food, it's totally acceptable to get a soft drink (soda/pop) with it. However if you only order a Coke, while they won't balk at it per se, some bartenders will be a short with you because it's only like a $2.00 sale.

If you do a busy night like Friday or Saturday, try to get there by say 8pm so you can get a seat. Don't be the guy who arrived at 11pm where it's packed and standing room only.

 

[FairShake]

If you are an introvert I highly recommend you don't go out alone. Instead of tearing yourself down and building yourself up it's highly likely you will frustrate yourself further. Most people going out alone will fail to click anywhere most of the time. For an introvert determined not to be one this will break you down even more. I do not think people should go out while depressed or in situations that may cause bad feelings. It's hard to comeback from that, especially if you are most comfortable alone.

 

[Mike32ct]

Your point is well taken. The bar or club is no place for someone depressed. Even for someone who is not depressed, it can be hard on the ego and self-esteem sometimes.

However, as an introvert, I try to avoid going out with (considerably) more outgoing people because they "steal my thunder" or "drown me out." I mean sometimes it can work. You can be the silent mysterious one in a group of "try hards." I've had that happen ONCE.

But generally, unless the introvert is VERY good looking relative to the rest of his "crew," or the "crew" really is a group of annoying try hards, their better social skills will dominate and the introverted guy will be nearly invisible to the ladies. In fact, while the friends are chatting away, sometimes women will judge the introverted guy harshly and talk about him, "What's up with your (quiet) friend?"

I got so sick of hearing that and trying to COMPETE with more talkative guys that I started going out on my own.

So if you must wing, try to get one with nearly similar personalities. A super outgoing guy winging with a very quiet guy is not a good idea IME.

 

[Desdinova]

When you sarge alone, you'll only look like a loser if you're drowning in your misery instead of having fun.

real players dont need social proof.

Real players create social proof whenever they want to have it.

 

[J Roc]

When you sarge alone, you'll only look like a loser if you're drowning in your misery instead of having fun.



Real players create social proof whenever they want to have it.

true but they dont NEED it.

 

[The_411]

The benefits of being alone are that being alone allows you to make independent decisions/judgements without the influence of friends. You can act without being teased, judged, ridiculed etc. As much we'd all like to posture that other people's impressions do not affect us and our behaviors, they do, especially when you are with a group of friends.

The downside is that being alone can lead to much greater outcome dependency. You also have no safety net which means if you don't feel good/positive or feel like you're not having a good time it will show on your face and tends to scare people away and give off the creepy loner vibe.

The key is mix it up and understand that you need both types of experiences.