Ever taken a walk on a beautiful day and lost yourself in your thoughts? Waaaaa it feels good.
I'm walking with my dog and we go to the park. I take a seat while she picks up every scent around. How simple it must be to be a dog. Having people take care of you and feed you, having someone to play with whenever you're getting bored. And every day you discover something new, some new smell, some new squirrel to chase... How easy it must be to be happy when such little things bring great joy to your life!
Why am I not having as much fun? I mean, my dog does what she loves to do every day. Do I? Come to think of it... What DO I love to do? Well... I like to compete and try real hard and beat other people. Well, I love to try real hard atleast. I like to keep going when most others would give up. I like to push my own physical and mental limits. I like to be my own person, with my own thoughts and ideas. With my own beliefs. But these things... I can feel these things. They burn within me. I can feel the raging desire to fulfill these things 24/7. This is what I live for. This is what gets me that rush during the day. This is what I look forward to!
I don't believe in moods.
What is this word 'mood' that expresses nothing but a sad excuse for failing? I'm not in the mood to go to school... I'm not in the mood to have fun, I just broke up with HB9.... I'm not in the mood to talk... Bullsh*t, you lazy b*astard.
Imagine the outside world had no affect on your 'inner world'(Being your feelings, wants, desires... character?core?). Imagine, you were the master of yourself. Imagine that just for one day, you started doing what you loved to do.
I was never happy wondering wether I did the right thing. Wether HB9 was interrested or not. Wether her tapping my shoulder instead of just calling my name was a sign of interrest. Bo, that never pleased me. Quite the contrary. Matter of fact, I didn't even want to concentrate my life on such matters. Do I feel that burning desire to get laid? ...No. But I spend my life... thinking about it. Coming to this site to get closer to my goal and always thinking about my game. Is that really what I want to do with my life? When did I personnally decide that that was how I wanted to live my life?
Never.
Oh god... I suddenly feel like I just wasted the first 16 years of my life. No problem. Better late than never. Hell, some 36 year olds are still lost. Okay, good for me. I've found a way out. I want to be happy. Yes, that's what I want. I want to be happy. Now to be happy, I need to do the things I like to do. I love video games. Yes, I am extremly happy playing video games. I'n going to play video games. Alot of video games. But I get so pissed when people are cheap and ruin my records using guerilla tactics. No, no more getting pissed. These people have nothing on me. They can't touch me. I'm not just passively living my life anymore. I've taken charge. I know what I want and I'm going to do it. Getting emotionally affected by others negatively is no longer on the list. In fact, from now on it's going to fuel my fire to kick their asses.
What do I want to do with my life besides play video games? I want good grades. Yeah, not because they mean anything, oh no. I want to get good grades because my parents aren't giving money back to their parents. They are paying it forward. They are dedicating money to my cause so I can grow up to do the things I want and to be happy. Holy sh*t... They dedicate part of their life to me? And I've... done nothing in return. Alright, better late than never. I'm going to give them their money's worth. It's what I feel is right. I believe in honor, I stand by my principles, and I'm going to show my parents that they didn't waste their lives on me.
Okay... There's alot in my head right now. I spoke of principles... Do I have principles? What about beliefs.... do I have those? Ok. I believe in God. Why? Hmm... Well, I always have. I was brought up like that. Did I make that choice? No. This choice is not mine which means I need to think about it and make it mine. Is killing bad? Yeah you can go to jail for it and it's the worst thing to do to end a life. It's an irreversible act. I better think about that. People are born and people die... I guess it's not so bad. I mean... we'd be so many people if some didn't die. But ending a life purposefully, not just for food or self defense, is that right? The principle itself... I guess it doesn't bother me. But if they killed my mother... oh man. I'd kill them back. Yeah, that's fair.
Do I lie? Yes... quite often. However, I want to be a honorable person. I don't lie anymore. No, that's not what makes me happy. In fact, it kills a litte part of me each day. Do I want to cheat on my girlfriend? No... well, maybe if I'm really horny and the chick is there with her legs spread I might... no. No. NO! I will NOT. It's a question of principle. I do NOT want to cheat. It is a principle, it applies to EVERY scenario. I may suffer for a while, but in the end, I will be proud of myself.
Well that's already alot so far. I now know what I like, what makes me happy. I know why I didn't do it before but now I am going to. I don't want to argue things I don't believe in. I want my own ideas right? I need to figure out how I feel about everything. Come to think of it, I don't want to smoke any more. I don't feel that burning sense of purpose within me when I smoke. And I don't like it when my friends turn their backs on me for the sake of image in front of others. I'm not going to put up with that because I don't like it.
Wow! I fee like a whole new me is born. It's like... I just recreated myself according to what I felt was right, not what other people did. I feel.... powerful... In charge of my own destiny. Why I could... I could CONQUER THE WORLD! Hey, why not?
It's important to do what you want to do. To stop doing what you were taught to 'enjoy' doing. It's time for Carpe Diem. In fact no, it's time for Carpe Vida.
I'm walking with my dog and we go to the park. I take a seat while she picks up every scent around. How simple it must be to be a dog. Having people take care of you and feed you, having someone to play with whenever you're getting bored. And every day you discover something new, some new smell, some new squirrel to chase... How easy it must be to be happy when such little things bring great joy to your life!
Why am I not having as much fun? I mean, my dog does what she loves to do every day. Do I? Come to think of it... What DO I love to do? Well... I like to compete and try real hard and beat other people. Well, I love to try real hard atleast. I like to keep going when most others would give up. I like to push my own physical and mental limits. I like to be my own person, with my own thoughts and ideas. With my own beliefs. But these things... I can feel these things. They burn within me. I can feel the raging desire to fulfill these things 24/7. This is what I live for. This is what gets me that rush during the day. This is what I look forward to!
What a crazy idea. I mean, all this time we've been living our life wondering wether the day ahead was going to be a good day or a bad day. All this time we were hoping that guy wouldn't piss us off and get us in a bad mood. Or that we did well on that test. And that's how the day would go. Day after day. Some days were great. Some days were okay. Some were horrible. Well, I have a revelation:
I don't believe in moods.
What is this word 'mood' that expresses nothing but a sad excuse for failing? I'm not in the mood to go to school... I'm not in the mood to have fun, I just broke up with HB9.... I'm not in the mood to talk... Bullsh*t, you lazy b*astard.
Imagine the outside world had no affect on your 'inner world'(Being your feelings, wants, desires... character?core?). Imagine, you were the master of yourself. Imagine that just for one day, you started doing what you loved to do.
I was never happy wondering wether I did the right thing. Wether HB9 was interrested or not. Wether her tapping my shoulder instead of just calling my name was a sign of interrest. Bo, that never pleased me. Quite the contrary. Matter of fact, I didn't even want to concentrate my life on such matters. Do I feel that burning desire to get laid? ...No. But I spend my life... thinking about it. Coming to this site to get closer to my goal and always thinking about my game. Is that really what I want to do with my life? When did I personnally decide that that was how I wanted to live my life?
Never.
Oh god... I suddenly feel like I just wasted the first 16 years of my life. No problem. Better late than never. Hell, some 36 year olds are still lost. Okay, good for me. I've found a way out. I want to be happy. Yes, that's what I want. I want to be happy. Now to be happy, I need to do the things I like to do. I love video games. Yes, I am extremly happy playing video games. I'n going to play video games. Alot of video games. But I get so pissed when people are cheap and ruin my records using guerilla tactics. No, no more getting pissed. These people have nothing on me. They can't touch me. I'm not just passively living my life anymore. I've taken charge. I know what I want and I'm going to do it. Getting emotionally affected by others negatively is no longer on the list. In fact, from now on it's going to fuel my fire to kick their asses.
What do I want to do with my life besides play video games? I want good grades. Yeah, not because they mean anything, oh no. I want to get good grades because my parents aren't giving money back to their parents. They are paying it forward. They are dedicating money to my cause so I can grow up to do the things I want and to be happy. Holy sh*t... They dedicate part of their life to me? And I've... done nothing in return. Alright, better late than never. I'm going to give them their money's worth. It's what I feel is right. I believe in honor, I stand by my principles, and I'm going to show my parents that they didn't waste their lives on me.
Okay... There's alot in my head right now. I spoke of principles... Do I have principles? What about beliefs.... do I have those? Ok. I believe in God. Why? Hmm... Well, I always have. I was brought up like that. Did I make that choice? No. This choice is not mine which means I need to think about it and make it mine. Is killing bad? Yeah you can go to jail for it and it's the worst thing to do to end a life. It's an irreversible act. I better think about that. People are born and people die... I guess it's not so bad. I mean... we'd be so many people if some didn't die. But ending a life purposefully, not just for food or self defense, is that right? The principle itself... I guess it doesn't bother me. But if they killed my mother... oh man. I'd kill them back. Yeah, that's fair.
Do I lie? Yes... quite often. However, I want to be a honorable person. I don't lie anymore. No, that's not what makes me happy. In fact, it kills a litte part of me each day. Do I want to cheat on my girlfriend? No... well, maybe if I'm really horny and the chick is there with her legs spread I might... no. No. NO! I will NOT. It's a question of principle. I do NOT want to cheat. It is a principle, it applies to EVERY scenario. I may suffer for a while, but in the end, I will be proud of myself.
Well that's already alot so far. I now know what I like, what makes me happy. I know why I didn't do it before but now I am going to. I don't want to argue things I don't believe in. I want my own ideas right? I need to figure out how I feel about everything. Come to think of it, I don't want to smoke any more. I don't feel that burning sense of purpose within me when I smoke. And I don't like it when my friends turn their backs on me for the sake of image in front of others. I'm not going to put up with that because I don't like it.
Wow! I fee like a whole new me is born. It's like... I just recreated myself according to what I felt was right, not what other people did. I feel.... powerful... In charge of my own destiny. Why I could... I could CONQUER THE WORLD! Hey, why not?
It's important to do what you want to do. To stop doing what you were taught to 'enjoy' doing. It's time for Carpe Diem. In fact no, it's time for Carpe Vida.
