I think I know what OrioleMagic's getting at. I've had friends accuse me of "dripping with testosterone" and "oozing manhood". They've pointed out that people are "scared" of me because they don't know how to interact with/react to such "Hyper-masculinity".
Very recently, I've been introduced to several new people. Those people initially hated me and discounted me as an a$$hole. Then, upon further interaction, did complete 180's and liked me a lot. Why? Because my honesty and straight-forward demeanor put them off at first, but after more exposure, they realized that my confidence was not ****iness. They commented things like "Wow, you're really honest!" and "I've never had anyone say that to me before." My confidence empowers me to not tollerate bullsh!t treatment. When you couple confidence with honesty, the result isn't necessarily "diplomacy". In fact, I'm pretty coarse at times; blunt, if you please. And, since people are normally non-confrontational (women especially), they quickly give you a label because they do not want to "deal" with you (or, more accurately, don't know HOW to deal with you).
Yes, I can be diplomatic, I HAVE to be for my professional conversations. But, I don't need to suck someone's a$$ just to have a recreational conversation. Hey, if you don't want to talk to me, don't. I'm not going supplicate and grovel at your feet just to exchange some words. Pay attention to how neutral conversations are. Noone seems to want to offend or disagree with someone else's viewpoint. B.S. If someone is full of sh!t, I tell them so, and, tell them why. If someone is wrong, I tell them so, and, tell them why. Since I don't ask if it's ok to disagree or apologize for being right... I guess that makes me an a$$hole? One can sit back and say: "Vulpine, you don't have any converational skills." The truth is, I don't care to have wishy-washy conversations. What's more, I don't feel like using 800 words to say what should only take 40. Call me lazy? The point is, people are used to having bland, blah blah blah conversations. When someone speaks colorfully and strongly, it's like spicy food: some people just don't have a taste for it. People's feelings get hurt when you are confidently outspoken. Furthermore, people are shocked or offended by honesty and straightforward interaction in such a politically correct world.
I'm dwelling on the conversational, I want to touch on being an Alpha in general. People don't like to feel inferior. Consider at a pack of wolves for example. The Alpha is routinely getting nipped at and challenged for the position. With modern humans, people constantly belittle and slight alpha males in attempts to "dethrone" them and ascend in status. So, when you are smiling, confident, and eminating a strong presence, other alphas or alpha wannabes will try to take you down a notch. Betas, on the other hand, will sit back quietly and observe - scared of such a righteous being... maybe utter some cracks under their breath.
So, OrioleMagic, I think that what we are calling "hyper-masculinity" is just plain being a man. In this day and age of the feminized man, "real men" are few and far between. Given that "real men" are such oddities now, yes, people are freaked out when they meet one. "Real men" are so rare, it's easy to see that we are not the social norm. People don't know what it is about you that makes you so "odd", so they slush you into the "a$$hole" category with the other unknowns.
Ultimately, I think resilient is on the right track. If you are a bone-crusher, don't fux with me alpha male with the "I'm a man - with several cans of whoop-azz to prove it face" on, surely people are going to be intimidated. However, if you are the smiling, jovial, I-don't-give-a-fux alpha, people aren't nearly as threatened by you. So, something as trivial as a smile can completely change someone's whole perception of you.
I've been working on taking this "fear" as a compliment and trying convey a more approachable and amicable persona. The perma-smile is something that I've been really striving for. To achieve it, I've been cutting loose the negativity in my life and accepting who/what I am.
Maybe you're in a similar place OrioleMagic?
