Does this Sound Needy? Why Did it Immediately Get Read Deleted?

[AbsolutBeirut]

Below is verbatim the message I sent to a girl on POF. Since she is a 9, she must be flooded with emails from other dudes but I did not think this message was that bad. I wrote something similar to a lesser hottie and was able to get the # after 2 messages. What do u guys think?



I can totally dig a girl in Sales because it is sort of what I do (I'm a consultant). Though...you might feel on the receiving end of the cold call with this

I'm a well traveled person thank God to my job. I was watching "Up In the Air" last nite and I so wanna achieve 10 M Frequent Flyer Miles like the George Clooney character in the movie.

If I am local, I am always on my bike. Even if I just want to read a book or get online on my netbook, can't do it at home has to be at a coffee shop or park with WiFi. I am pretty ambitious like you, wanna participate in the Bike Ride Charity for Multiple Sclerosis from Boston to Ptown. Though have to at least achieve doing the Cape by itself first lol

What I am looking for is just to get on a couple of dates without no expectations. I am very spontaneous and always come up with great ideas on the spot. Things like mini-golfing, strolls inside National Parks such as the Blue Hills, indoor rock climbing, karting, etc...Everything comes by surprise

So...if I made u laugh and u think I'm cute, I know you'll respond back. Otherwise I'm sure you won't remain in this site for too long

 

[SoldMySoul]

Below is verbatim the message I sent to a girl on POF. Since she is a 9, she must be flooded with emails from other dudes but I did not think this message was that bad. I wrote something similar to a lesser hottie and was able to get the # after 2 messages. What do u guys think?



I can totally dig a girl in Sales because it is sort of what I do (I'm a consultant). Though...you might feel on the receiving end of the cold call with this

I'm a well traveled person thank God to my job. I was watching "Up In the Air" last nite and I so wanna achieve 10 M Frequent Flyer Miles like the George Clooney character in the movie.

If I am local, I am always on my bike. Even if I just want to read a book or get online on my netbook, can't do it at home has to be at a coffee shop or park with WiFi. I am pretty ambitious like you, wanna participate in the Bike Ride Charity for Multiple Sclerosis from Boston to Ptown. Though have to at least achieve doing the Cape by itself first lol

What I am looking for is just to get on a couple of dates without no expectations. I am very spontaneous and always come up with great ideas on the spot. Things like mini-golfing, strolls inside National Parks such as the Blue Hills, indoor rock climbing, karting, etc...Everything comes by surprise

So...if I made u laugh and u think I'm cute, I know you'll respond back. Otherwise I'm sure you won't remain in this site for too long

You are sure she will not remain on the site for long.... You have got to be kidding yourself. She will remain on that site as long as people keep giving her attention the fix it so desperately needs!!!

I just again started trolling the POF site. I do this every so often and it always feel the same each and every time I do it. A waste of time! But It does provide entertainment of a lesser degree.

As of now, I am not even sending that many emails. I may in the future if I stay on long enough. Be careful sending similar emails to these women. They will bust you out and it happened to a friend of mine. It made him feel like an a$$. I also saw another woman telling a story of her and her friend catching a dude up and busting him.

Even the average ones get a good bit of email and if you are not careful, this site will kill your ego if you let it. I have seen some hot women in my area, but I do not take them that serious or the site either for that matter.


I was rambling and forgot about your email. Maybe you are saying a little too much. Keep it short and sweet and forget the "Over doing it" compliments. Happy fishing in the dead sea.

 

[speedwheel]

Biggest mistake is that you ended the message with an "if." Always state what you mean. For example, if I'm sending a message to a girl I'll always end with something along the lines of "looking forward to your response!" Tell her what you want her to do...which is respond!

You're on POF...she can read your profile. Your profile should state what you're looking for (couple of dates without expectations). No need to tell her in the message. And why tell her no expectations??? Ok, she reads this and thinks hmmm, he doesn't come across about seriously finding something, delete!

Also this was kind of a long message...introduce yourself, comment about something from her profile, ask a question, end with a "looking forward to your response." The funny/witty stuff should be incorporated into this.

I'm also not a fan of this: "Though...you might feel on the receiving end of the cold call with this." It's putting yourself in a negative context...even though it's a joke. Look man, you've got a short message, a couple pics, and a short description in your profile to sell yourself. Why even joke about you being a bad thing? Don't like it.

Right now, baseball is about to start...I dig chicks that are into baseball, so I say something about it. If she doesn't like it, then I don't want to go out with her so no worries about no response. Be creative! For example, ask how she likes her ice cream at a game:

Soooo beer and peanuts are a must...and don't forget about ice cream too! Haha so which is it for you...Dippin Dots or the soft serve that comes in one of those little souvenir helmets (you know what I'm talking about!)?

I guarantee she's never had a message like that and everybody likes ice cream...

 

[The Mad Ghost]

It got READ & DELETED so quick, because she looked down and saw paragraphs of paragraphs of paragraphs.

Dude you're message was way too long.

I didn't see any BAITING for her to message you back. I would have wrote a...........COLD less scriptive message FIRST from atleast 2-3 lines, THEN if she replied, I will add more of my passionate side, emotional discriptive dialog and future plans etc, then hot and cold, hot and cold there on.

Look how long you're first message is, you're getting ready to writing a book. Just keep it flirty and cheeky, you ain't taking it seriously and just remind yourself WHY you messaged her and this should reflect in something on her profile that stood out and just end messages with questions I.E (BUT can you cook, what makes you so cool etc)

 

[nismo-4]

It got READ & DELETED so quick, because she looked down and saw paragraphs of paragraphs of paragraphs.

Dude you're message was way too long.

I didn't see any BAITING for her to message you back. I would have wrote a...........COLD less scriptive message FIRST from atleast 2-3 lines, THEN if she replied, I will add more of my passionate side, emotional discriptive dialog and future plans etc, then hot and cold, hot and cold there on.

Look how long you're first message is, you're getting ready to writing a book. Just keep it flirty and cheeky, you ain't taking it seriously and just remind yourself WHY you messaged her and this should reflect in something on her profile that stood out and just end messages with questions I.E (BUT can you cook, what makes you so cool etc)

I like this response and speedwheel's first paragraph.

OP, read this message that you sent. The girl wasn't attracted, but she had reason to give you a TL;DR!

That "if", ohh, I need to slap a fine on you!

You have been found guilty of being unsure and showing lack of confidence in your humor. The fine for this is a deleted message and damage to your ego.

Remember that a DJ is smooth and straight to the point. A DJ should not hear TL;DR and he also etches things in stone, not jello.

Case closed.