SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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In a relationship now where we fight alot over stupid things. Anyone ever start off like this then have it get better as you get to know each other more?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Does the fighting ever stop?
- Thread starter SgtSplacker
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
I'm sure people have, but in my experience it gets worse. Early on is when things usually come a lot easier. Things are still new, so you tend to be more forgiving. As time goes on, you start seeing patterns that bother you more, causing those frustrations to come out at sometimes unrelated times.SgtSplacker said:
What kind of game are you running? Have you gotten weak and soft and comfortable? Are you still leading? What do you fight over?
Basically, make sure you are doing your part, if you are, its her issue and you should probably consider replacing her.
It only gets better if it's your problem to fix (failing **** test, not running game). If it's her problem....it gets better when you get a new one.
Read.
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/relationship-game-week-a-readers-journey/
Basically, make sure you are doing your part, if you are, its her issue and you should probably consider replacing her.
It only gets better if it's your problem to fix (failing **** test, not running game). If it's her problem....it gets better when you get a new one.
Read.
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/relationship-game-week-a-readers-journey/
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
It all depends on your frame, if the frame is that you're the leader and she accept it, she is not gonna annoy you or question your plans.
I succedeed in doing so with my gf and trust me Im not even close to the ideal dj of this board, just grab your pair and make things clear from the beginnin.
I succedeed in doing so with my gf and trust me Im not even close to the ideal dj of this board, just grab your pair and make things clear from the beginnin.
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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It can get better, but like the others said it depends on the root cause of your fighting. It may be because you just plain dont understand each other's method of communicating. It may be because you deal with disagreements poorly. It may be she pushes your buttons.
I dont know how you are personally, but something I've learned is that you cant just be a belligerent as$hole whenever she sh!t tests you or gets p!ssy and expect the relationship to go smoothly. Being an as$ on occasion may get you into her pants, but it doesnt necessarily make for a smooth LTR.
Another thing I've learned is that NOBODY wins an argument. Once you've begun, it doesnt matter how kickas$ and cogent your points are, she aint leaving happy, and any victory you might have is shallow. Now there are times when you need to put the hammer down, like when she is disrespectful or ****y, but a woman being emotional or disagreeing isnt always cause to stake your position and go to war. Again, just what I've learned. Some guys are pushovers; I tend to get defiant and mean.
Also another pearl is to avoid linear, logical arguments most of the time. They dont work on women. It is far better to state your feeling or point very calmly and clearly; and then shut up and let her blab. Let her talk her little heart out, and when she is done, re-state your position without being hot, and let it go. Withdraw your time and attention if necessary, because that is the PRIMARY currency you have in any relationship with a woman. YOU control her access to your valuable time and attention, much like she will try to control the pvssy. When she truly dissed you, then you withdraw for a time you deem appropriate, either by simply not hanging out or not engaging her any further.
Just some tips.
I dont know how you are personally, but something I've learned is that you cant just be a belligerent as$hole whenever she sh!t tests you or gets p!ssy and expect the relationship to go smoothly. Being an as$ on occasion may get you into her pants, but it doesnt necessarily make for a smooth LTR.
Another thing I've learned is that NOBODY wins an argument. Once you've begun, it doesnt matter how kickas$ and cogent your points are, she aint leaving happy, and any victory you might have is shallow. Now there are times when you need to put the hammer down, like when she is disrespectful or ****y, but a woman being emotional or disagreeing isnt always cause to stake your position and go to war. Again, just what I've learned. Some guys are pushovers; I tend to get defiant and mean.
Also another pearl is to avoid linear, logical arguments most of the time. They dont work on women. It is far better to state your feeling or point very calmly and clearly; and then shut up and let her blab. Let her talk her little heart out, and when she is done, re-state your position without being hot, and let it go. Withdraw your time and attention if necessary, because that is the PRIMARY currency you have in any relationship with a woman. YOU control her access to your valuable time and attention, much like she will try to control the pvssy. When she truly dissed you, then you withdraw for a time you deem appropriate, either by simply not hanging out or not engaging her any further.
Just some tips.
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear Sargeant,
I have a different take on this....some couples use one the other,as necessary outlets for the day to day frustration they experience at work and in their Social lives....My own Mum and Dad were a case in point,constantly bickering but at the bitter end touchingly devoted...Think on it.
I have a different take on this....some couples use one the other,as necessary outlets for the day to day frustration they experience at work and in their Social lives....My own Mum and Dad were a case in point,constantly bickering but at the bitter end touchingly devoted...Think on it.
Buddha_Mind
Master Don Juan
Scaramouche I understand what you are saying -- I have seen couples who bicker and argue but whom are incredibly devoted to one another. This could stem from some degree of attachment (and unhealthy attachment) -- but sure just because someone argues doesn't mean beneath it all they don't love each other and want to stick with each other.
BUT -- on the same token I was in a relationship where we argued all of the time and it just drained me -- it makes it that much harder to get things done each day, take care of business, when carrying such mental or emotional burdens. If your arguing with the person you are with is ruining your day on a consecutive basis, you probably do deserve something better. Or both people might ultimately deserve a relationship without such arguing.
But it's not as easy as I'm making it seem -- there can be many things that can attract us to a person, and even if there are arguments or serious differences in world-view/life-view; it can be very hard to dismiss all of those same things that might still attract us to that person.
But from my experience, and from even the advice of my father, if there is constant bickering it does usually get worse.
BUT -- on the same token I was in a relationship where we argued all of the time and it just drained me -- it makes it that much harder to get things done each day, take care of business, when carrying such mental or emotional burdens. If your arguing with the person you are with is ruining your day on a consecutive basis, you probably do deserve something better. Or both people might ultimately deserve a relationship without such arguing.
But it's not as easy as I'm making it seem -- there can be many things that can attract us to a person, and even if there are arguments or serious differences in world-view/life-view; it can be very hard to dismiss all of those same things that might still attract us to that person.
But from my experience, and from even the advice of my father, if there is constant bickering it does usually get worse.
Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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I've only been with one girl where we were scrapping on a somewhat regular basis. She had this attitude of "I'm always right even when I judge you" and constantly had a snotty tone in her speech. Not only that, we REALLY clashed when we were both pissed off at each other. She would start off being angry and nagging about the issue, and then she'd completely shut down and anything I'd say wouldn't get through to her, fueling my anger even more. After being with her for three months, I'd finally had enough and dumped her ass. It was difficult because she was a hot piece of ass, but her looks weren't worth the aggravation.
Constant fighting is NOT emotionally healthy. I've been in a few relationships where there was very little fighting, and those were the most enjoyable relationships I've been in.
Constant fighting is NOT emotionally healthy. I've been in a few relationships where there was very little fighting, and those were the most enjoyable relationships I've been in.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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Yeah I just got out of a 7 year relationship and can count the fights we had on one hand. With this girl we can't go a week without fighting. She just has a totally skewed sense of reality. This last falling out happened because she found a band from a strip club in one of my shirts. Its probably about a year old but she thought it was from the other day so that set her off this time. Calling me a liar, saying i'm not man enough to admit I went there recently, saying she cant trust me, told me she wasnt going to stay sexually exclusive (lasted 2 days, whatever), says shes gonna get even with me, if I tell her i'm getting tired of this and I don't deserve this treatment then i'm making myself out to be a victim and I honestly didnt go! I'm just seriously running out of patience here i've been NC for a day now and I might stay that way. I grow weary of this...
Fuglydude
Master Don Juan
Wtf man??? I'd dump that hoe in a heart beat... Relationships are supposed to increase happiness, not stress you about over something like this! If this biitch is pulling this shiit on you, dump her ass, and move on, definitely not worth your time. My wife would drive me to stagettes so I could take my clothing off for other women and get felt up by them... you think she would care if I went to a strip club??? Dump the dumb biitch. I swear some chics freak out over the dumbest shiit... if she was worth anything she'd be secure enough to not care where you went, whether it be a strip club or a star trek convention.SgtSplacker said: