Does she just want to see if she still has me or I am interested?

[drift king]

This HB i was trying to pick up during September last year was waiting for her BF and looking a bit depressed. I started talking to her and she told me her BF was from the same country as me originally and was Asian.

About 10 mins later he swung by looking abit angry but tried not to act jealous and went off to order a drink, i took that as a sign to up and leave. I think those 2 were having problems but they were planning to go on holiday together for a wedding the following month.

anyway a couple days later i bumped into her again and number closed her as i left, she really shouldn't have given me her no. tbh, she has a bf after all so i judge her for that.

i contacted her a week later by text, no reply. i contacted her again i think some time in december asking about her holiday. no reply. so i left it. should have deleted her no. but didn't or forgot to.

fast forward to today, she wishes me a happy chinese new year. 'hey happy chinese new year, sorry i haven't replied to you before i keep forgetting. x'

is she just sending this to me to see if i'm still interested? i know why she didn't reply to me, she had a bf.

 

[Iceberg]

is she just sending this to me to see if i'm still interested? i know why she didn't reply to me, she had a bf.

Yes, she is.

Either things fizzled out with her boyfriend, or they are about to. I'd give it a shot, but I wouldn't invest a lot of myself into this project. There's a high chance of flakiness in this one.

 

[drift king]

Yes, she is.

Either things fizzled out with her boyfriend, or they are about to. I'd give it a shot, but I wouldn't invest a lot of myself into this project. There's a high chance of flakiness in this one.

I suspect that too. What do you think I should send back?

I was gona go with just a simple, happy new year to you too. and that's it. see if she follows up asking a question. but if you have a better idea i'll do that instead.

 

[drift king]

well i just sent her a happy new year to you too text the day after, and no response.

a week and a half later just before midnight she's texting me: how have you been?

i suspect she's still just wanting to my attention? i know valentines is looming so that might indicate some sort of desperation.

i either, follow up with a question or i be blunt and act that not interested. what would you guys recommend?

 

[window]

hit her straight up.."are you single now". Anything but a yes, put her on ignore.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Reply asking what service plan she has for her phone, because it seems super slow.

 

[bigneil]

In the first few months with a new girl, there will be sporadic periods of absence (and should be, especially on your part). Never get upset, but know when to have a standoff. When they come back, be ready.

"If you want it here it is come and get it,
but you'd better hurry 'cause it's going fast."
Paul McCartney 1969

 

[drift king]

hit her straight up.."are you single now". Anything but a yes, put her on ignore.

i'm considering doing this. but wouldn't that come across as desperate after she didn't reply to my first 2 texts like 4 months ago?

clearly she's trying to find out if i'm still interested, once she has that validation it'll be back to silent treatment?

i was on the original assumption i should play it cool for a couple texts make her think i'm not THAT interested anymore, then go for the kill.

 

[betheman]

i'm considering doing this. but wouldn't that come across as desperate after she didn't reply to my first 2 texts like 4 months ago?

clearly she's trying to find out if i'm still interested, once she has that validation it'll be back to silent treatment?

i was on the original assumption i should play it cool for a couple texts make her think i'm not THAT interested anymore, then go for the kill.

I agree with the line you have been given, 'are you single now' doesnt sound desperate or needy, and the response you get will indicate her level of interest, as it is, you are an orbiter, if she is monkey branching, you may have you lined up next.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

hit her straight up.."are you single now". Anything but a yes, put her on ignore.

I think this is on the right lines but comes across as too direct and too keen. It's as if you've been waiting for her to get back to you and now all you want to know is whether she's single or not? You're going to get a lot of ASD if you try and escalate with this sort of frame OP, as she knows she has you where she wants. Why give her the validation she's seeking straight away?

She also really doesn't need to be "officially" single for her to want to get it on with you. Girls line up new guys before breaking up with bfs all the time- you be that new guy. If she is in a relationship and wants to cheat, it's her relationship to spoil not yours, so you should have no moral hangups pursuing something physical with a taken girl.

The above advice is, however, on the right lines because it makes the assumption that you should try to see whether she is a: interested in you or b) getting off on your attention/ seeing if she still has some emotional sway over you.

If it were me, I'd text her 2-3 more times to make a bit of small talk, and then invite her for drinks. If she says no without counteroffering, you'll know she just wanted an ego boost out of you. If she says yes, go for it, regardless of whether she has a bf or not. Much more subtle and classy than just asking her if she is single right off the bat.

 

[drift king]

I think this is on the right lines but comes across as too direct and too keen. It's as if you've been waiting for her to get back to you and now all you want to know is whether she's single or not? You're going to get a lot of ASD if you try and escalate with this sort of frame OP, as she knows she has you where she wants. Why give her the validation she's seeking straight away?

She also really doesn't need to be "officially" single for her to want to get it on with you. Girls line up new guys before breaking up with bfs all the time- you be that new guy. If she is in a relationship and wants to cheat, it's her relationship to spoil not yours, so you should have no moral hangups pursuing something physical with a taken girl.

The above advice is, however, on the right lines because it makes the assumption that you should try to see whether she is a: interested in you or b) getting off on your attention/ seeing if she still has some emotional sway over you.

If it were me, I'd text her 2-3 more times to make a bit of small talk, and then invite her for drinks. If she says no without counteroffering, you'll know she just wanted an ego boost out of you. If she says yes, go for it, regardless of whether she has a bf or not. Much more subtle and classy than just asking her if she is single right off the bat.

this is what i thought, but what would you respond with for the next text?

i was thinking of asking 'im great, so you still going x place?' (x place is where we met)

 

[OnTheWayUp]

this is what i thought, but what would you respond with for the next text?

i was thinking of asking 'im great, so you still going x place?' (x place is where we met)

Try and ask a question and refer to an inside joke which only the two of you would understand. If you had any rapport with her in the past, now is the time to refer back to it. Eg 6 months ago I dated a girl who studies photography and with whom I had an inside joke about nude photos. If this girl were in the place of your girl, I would say: "Thanks, how's life? Still getting random guys to pose naked for you?"

 

[nismo-4]

AFAIC, you don't have this girl and she's just not that into you.

If a woman wants you, she won't have a boyfriend. If she doesn't want you, she's got a boyfriend who plays football. :trouble:

Regardless, this girl has control of the frame since you're asking this question.

Put this girl on the backburner and spin more plates FTW! That's my ruling.

Case closed.

 

[drift king]

well this is how the jist of the convo went by text:

me: great, you still going to x place starbucks/mcd's?

10mins later her: that's good to hear! no not anymore

i took this to assume she was single (the place i met her the 2 times she was waiting for her bf, he lives nearby) i made the wrong assumption maybe.

10mins later me: that's great news. me and you should get together for a drink soon then. im busy tomorrow night and sunday, but hows tonight in y place?

5mins later her: haha! great news? u mean for you of some sort? lol

this is when i should have stopped replying, she completely avoided answering my question.

8 mins later me: that depends, i'll enlighten you later tonight.. so we on then? 8.30 or 9pm by the station. x

10mins later her: lol sorry i cant tonight i have plans already for the weekend maybe some other time soon? u on fb?


as originally pointed out she was just checking to see if i was still interested, she didn't counter offer with another time so im not gona reply to her. she wants my fb probably for attention wh0ring or maybe cos im some random stranger she met twice. she didnt seem like an attention wh0r when i met her.

no contact is the best policy? she's not interested. if she is, she'll have to offer me a time.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

well this is how the jist of the convo went by text:

me: great, you still going to x place starbucks/mcd's?

10mins later her: that's good to hear! no not anymore

i took this to assume she was single (the place i met her the 2 times she was waiting for her bf, he lives nearby) i made the wrong assumption maybe.

10mins later me: that's great news. me and you should get together for a drink soon then. im busy tomorrow night and sunday, but hows tonight in y place?

5mins later her: haha! great news? u mean for you of some sort? lol

this is when i should have stopped replying, she completely avoided answering my question.

8 mins later me: that depends, i'll enlighten you later tonight.. so we on then? 8.30 or 9pm by the station. x

10mins later her: lol sorry i cant tonight i have plans already for the weekend maybe some other time soon? u on fb?


as originally pointed out she was just checking to see if i was still interested, she didn't counter offer with another time so im not gona reply to her. she wants my fb probably for attention wh0ring or maybe cos im some random stranger she met twice. she didnt seem like an attention wh0r when i met her.

no contact is the best policy? she's not interested. if she is, she'll have to offer me a time.

Good for you for giving this a go. I think you made a mistake by inviting her to your place immediately- as far as I'm concerned that's just as excessively direct (and therefore just as wrong) as asking her outright whether she is single or not. By asking her to meet at a bar/ pub, you maintain plausible deniability for her. In other words, she is able to say to herself "oh, this guy isn't just interested in sex." The way you played it made your intentions clear too quickly in my opinion. In particular, "I'll enlighten you later tonight" comes across as sleazy and very obviously sexual rather than indirect/ cool.

I wouldn't write her off completely, because her bad reaction could just as easily be due to your lack of smootheness in inviting her out as to a low interest level, but at the same time I wouldn't invest too much in this one. As nismo has said, put her on the back burner and see other girls. Invite her for drinks AT A BAR in 4-5 days, and if she doesn't comply, next her.

 

[drift king]

Good for you for giving this a go. I think you made a mistake by inviting her to your place immediately- as far as I'm concerned that's just as excessively direct (and therefore just as wrong) as asking her outright whether she is single or not. By asking her to meet at a bar/ pub, you maintain plausible deniability for her. In other words, she is able to say to herself "oh, this guy isn't just interested in sex." The way you played it made your intentions clear too quickly in my opinion.

I wouldn't write her off completely, because her bad reaction could just as easily be due to your lack of smootheness in inviting her out as to a low interest level, but at the same time I wouldn't invest too much in this one. As nismo has said, put her on the back burner and see other girls. Invite her for drinks AT A BAR in 4-5 days, and if she doesn't comply, next her.

i think you misread what i said, when i wrote x place or y place.. i didn't mean MY place, it was just a location for a drink nearby a bar.

does what you say still remain valid?

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Sounds like she's stringing you along. This one has AW written all over it.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

i think you misread what i said, when i wrote x place or y place.. i didn't mean MY place, it was just a location for a drink nearby a bar.

does what you say still remain valid?

Oops, my mistake, misunderstood you there. I'd still give her one more shot in a few days/ a week like I said. Some of the other guys here may be less lenient than me, but I like to give a girl 2 strikes before I write her off. Don't get your hopes up though, my gut feeling (like the others') is that she's an AW as well.

 

[drift king]

she texts me today to say: sorry if i upset you, had to attend my parents party

all because i didnt reply. should i respond?

cos i ignored her she thinks im angry with her when really it's just that i wasn't gona reply unless she counter offered a time.

should i send something back?

 

[Johnnyventana]

You: "Upset me?"
Her: "Yeah, because bla bla bla."
You: "Huh?"

She is testing how much on the hook you are. i.e. She would LOVE to know she upset you. Don't take the bait! She didn't upset you because you don't care! She is stringing you along. This means you can play this totally different and just F with her, not having to worry that you'll "Blow it." There's nothing to blow. F with her. Have fun. And then go and find a less fd in the head chick!