Does "settling down" imply settling?

[darkstarrr]

I've got this one plate whom even after I made it perfectly clear that I am not ready for a relationship (I don't like her) she is still turning up the heat at every opportunity and flirting with me. She's the 28 year old with the kid whose husband ran out with a younger woman a year ago and she went ballistic and had a nervous breakdown kinda like I did.

Now there is no way that I would ever consider getting into a LTR with her and its not just about the kid. I got to mention it though that I am getting this vibe from her that if I said "hey why don't you move out of your parents house and in with me at my mansion/hotel apartment" that she would hop like a flea.

It got me to thinking (no that doesn't mean I am considering doing that).

I'm kinda broken. I am usually a tough guy but the way my last relationship ended when I was going through a tough time really tweaked me out in the head. I sort of lost touch with reality for a wee bit there fellas.

This spinning plates thing. If I am spinning a plate that I don't really like but she jumps through my hoops, walks on my glass ceiling, and has as much values as it would take for me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that.....

Do ya setlle down then? Does settling down in America these days mean:

- becomming aware that your biological clock is ticking
- experiencing shell shock to the point where you will settle for what you normally would not envision yourself as settling for
- being afraid of "going through that" again
- settling for what you woldn't normally otherwise settle for

I've tried all the dating websites. The girls on there are wack so far. My fantasy is dead, isn't it? There is no princess for me, is there.. The beautiful one whom is also trustworthy who won't lie and cheat and hurt me. Who will smile at me and like me. Who will support me and do nice things for me once in a while to make me feel extra special and unique. Not just someone who can fuck anyone and everyone just as easily as she will me.

I want to be alive when my kids finish college. At what point if ever should I be concerned with settling down and/or settling if at all? [begin ramble -->] This shit is really starting to make me question what life is all about. Just fucking work and come home and work and come home. I've replaced the void my ex left with this forum and you guys. I think about you sometimes when I used to think about her (oh stop it you jokers that's not what I meant! I meant like the other day driving home, thinking who will write what and what I wana reply with and on what thread).

I spend enough time in front of the computer all day at work and then allll evening and night at home doing the same thing. One of my nuts is getting sore and I think its because of the heat from the laptop being constantly on my lap. :nono: And I elaborately put on this facade that I am doing soo supercalafraja just in case my ex gets curious and checks up on me! Instant i-dler on A-IM and intricately drawn out away messages (like I'm out sledding for example with snowflakes drawn out with keyboard symbols and letters ((and who goes sledding alone right.. good one huh?)) There I said it!

But thats not the point. Let me digress... What I'm really interested in is this whole idea of settling.

Thank you.

 

[Jitterbug]

Man, you're 4 years older than me and you sound like you're a retiree.

I spend enough time in front of the computer all day at work and then allll evening and night at home doing the same thing.

You need some new hobbies. Play some sports, do group fitness, something to get off the computer.

 

[Farmboy]

To your main point: yes, I think everyone "settles" at some point. Now for us aspiring DJs this does NOT mean marrying the first girl that meets your f*cukable/unf*uckable cuttoff point. You should try to do the best you can and get the best girl you can, but if you keep waiting for

The beautiful one whom is also trustworthy who won't lie and cheat and hurt me. Who will smile at me and like me. Who will support me and do nice things for me once in a while to make me feel extra special and unique.

you're in for disappointment. If you haven't read it already, go read this: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136150&highlight=myth+quality+woman

In reference to your ramble/rant: do you have any hobbies you really love? Are you a member of any clubs or teams? Have you ever done volunteer work?

I'm of the view that life has no intrinsic meaning much in the same way that a blob of clay isn't art. To find meaning in your life you must work to create it. What do you enjoy doing? What is important to you? Do you hate your job? Do you work to live (just a paycheck), or do you live to work (folowing your passion)?

I spend enough time in front of the computer all day at work and then allll evening and night at home doing the same thing. One of my nuts is getting sore and I think its because of the heat from the laptop being constantly on my lap. And I elaborately put on this facade that I am doing soo supercalafraja just in case my ex gets curious and checks up on me! Instant i-dler on A-IM and intricately drawn out away messages (like I'm out sledding for example with snowflakes drawn out with keyboard symbols and letters ((and who goes sledding alone right.. good one huh?)) There I said it!

You shouldn't put your laptop on your lap. The heat is bad for your nuts and can lower your sperm count. And spending too much time on a forum is bad for you too. And I'm not familiar with the saga of this girl you were dating, but if you are over her, why the hell do you care what she thinks of you? The opposite of love is indifference, remember that.

P.S.: seriously, dude, you need to turn off the computer at home unless you are doing something important with it (taxes, banking, checking e-mail, etc.). If you play an instrument, spend your evenings learning new songs (or even better, write your own). If you don't, find one you like and take some lessons. There have been scientific studies done that show that doing mentally taxing things like learning a new instrument can improve your brain function (and make you happier) no matter what your age or background. If music isn't your bag, try painting or sculpting...anything creative will do! You don't have to be a master at it either...the only person you should aim to please with your creativity is you. Something tells me that in the long run you will find these kinds of activity far more enriching than some internet forum.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DarkStarr,
You only consider settling down when you want family...This Bird you are seeing nice as she may be,is not the Quality Woman you deserve....
When you talk about how claustrophobic life seems at the moment you make me laugh.....You are a very Independent man with time for self improvement,you spin plates....Why in the name of Pete do you want to slap handcuffs on yourself,and involve the State in further controls over your happiness....Don't do It!!!....Have you considered a Mainland Chinese Girl?

 

[Demodulate]

just start taking resveratrol if your so worried about being around for your kids.. and stop worrying about it.. you could get hit by a bus tomorrow..

just be happy, and don't settle for anything.. live a rich life, work hard, and the rest will come..

 

[STR8UP]

I know we have spoken at length about this stuff, but I am beginning to get a clearer picture of where you are at. And I have been there so i know how it is.

The problem is that you will NEVER find what you are looking for until you no longer NEED it.

You are "broken". There is a "hole". Until you mend the break and fill the hole (by becoming comfortable and happy with yourself regardless of your relationship status) you will never, ever, EVER find a decent woman.

Crazy seeks crazy. I have spent the better part of the last two years CRAZY and guess what landed on my lap? CRAZY women. Flakes. Losers. That's the kind of women who were attracted to me at that time.

In the past when I managed to find decent women it was at times in my life when women were the last thing on my mind and I felt like the king of the world because I was out there being a Man, accomplishing sh!t, building my empire.

I'm not quite back to that point yet. I still have some riffs that need to be tended to before I'm back on top of my game. But when I get there again it will be with a VENGEANCE. I will look good, and once again feel like the king of the world, and it will be much more difficult for anyone (including a woman) to change that.

You need to stick with keeping busy and working out and eating right. that's exactly what I have been doing and I am once again getting pots of positive feedback from women, much moreso than a year ago.

You are only 30 dude! you haven't even hit your stride, trust me. Spend the next six months or six years or whatever working on yourself, FORGET about women or at least relegate them to the back burner, and build yourself into a Man that a good woman would be proud to call her own.

Maybe we need the Man Challenge? A thread where we list the things we are doing to make our lives better for US, because women are a benefit to being a happy and successful man. You really don't need to be concentrating on anything else, as it is couterproductive.

Okay motherfukker.....get your mind off of pu$$y and puppy dogs and picket fences!

That was your virtual beatdown :box:

 

[Warrior74]

STR8UP nailed it. Focus on your life. What are you goals for you life? Your career and your hobbies and your family (real family...kids, parents, siblings). I've been dating a really great girl lately, and I wasn't looking for her. I've been working on my business and my career and my health. I come to sites like this and zenmack to keep my mind focused on what I need to do and to learn about women so when i get one I know what to do. I also go to sites on business and exercise to learn what to do there. Just stay focused on you and your life for a while. When I got divorced I attracted a lot of loser chics as well. I undervalued myself and it showed. Remember this...low class women will be attracted to you because they know your weak but they also know your better than them, so it will never work out. Change your hunting grounds and shoot for women you think are out of your league. They really aren't, you just don't know it. Good Luck! You can do it bro.

btw. I hate the term 'settling down' It's exactly what it says on the tin "settling" and "down". Nobody ever settles up. It sounds like a feminine term to me. I know more than a few women who have settled down and they aren't happy. He was good enough but not what they really wanted. Is that what you want for your life? Of course not. So ditch that term.

There is an african proverb that I am living by. The man builds the hut, then gets the wife. Build your hut (the life you really want) and the woman who fits that life will come into it and stay.
.

 

[darkstarrr]

You all are right. I need to start spending more time away from the computer. Similarly to how I am a romantic at heart (one time when I was poor and my ex invited me to her college prom I didn't have enough money for flowers so I went around town and picked some to give her) I am also a computer geek in disguise. I suppose I need to calibrate my innate qualities to better suit my needs. Like keep the computer shit more-so for during work hours and maybe an hour or so in the evening if I have time.

Man, you're 4 years older than me and you sound like you're a retiree.

Nah man I am just on the tail end of PTSD recovery. I know my banter can sound ridiculous or out of place at times, but I will be alright.

I'm of the view that life has no intrinsic meaning much in the same way that a blob of clay isn't art. To find meaning in your life you must work to create it. What do you enjoy doing? What is important to you? Do you hate your job? Do you work to live (just a paycheck), or do you live to work (folowing your passion)?

One of my forte's is philosophy and I'm of the same view that one day, when a meteor hits or the sun burns out none of what each and every one of us thought the world and life is about is going to mean jack shit. I love my job. My career and my life are intertwined in that I live to work and work to live. I am lucky to have my job and to be getting paid what I do. I suppose I need to focus more on enjoying life for what it is, being happy, and surrounding myself with good people that make me happy and vice versa.

You shouldn't put your laptop on your lap. The heat is bad for your nuts and can lower your sperm count. And spending too much time on a forum is bad for you too. And I'm not familiar with the saga of this girl you were dating, but if you are over her, why the hell do you care what she thinks of you? The opposite of love is indifference, remember that.

I guess I have to face the reality that I am not completely over her, I mean it. I am doing so much better these days though so I'm happy about that. Its an ego and validation thing now I suppose.

Why in the name of Pete do you want to slap handcuffs on yourself,and involve the State in further controls over your happiness....Don't do It!!!....Have you considered a Mainland Chinese Girl?

The Chinese girls you refer to can get expensive around these parts (from what I hear lol). My back is doing great though. As far as slapping the hand cuffs on myself: I'm a workaholic and a powerhouse at what I do. I currently work as a software engineer for a publicly traded company and I have 2 businesses on the side; one being contractual and the other I am a CEO for a very small startup. That said, from an observational standpoint based on what I have seen people 5-10 years ahead of me doing - having a wife who stays home seems to be an option that would work for me if I found the right lady. I know I can't settle though because the person I'm looking for, regardless of whether she works or not, has to be someone I can count on as part of Team Darkstar. And those types are apparently far and few between.

just start taking resveratrol if your so worried about being around for your kids.. and stop worrying about it.. you could get hit by a bus tomorrow..

Resveratrol? Thanks for sharing that pearl of wisdom. I googled it and might end up incorporating it into my daily vitamin regimine.
b-complex, liver support, flax oil, mens dietary supp (w/zinc etc)

You need to stick with keeping busy and working out and eating right. that's exactly what I have been doing and I am once again getting pots of positive feedback from women, much moreso than a year ago.

Yea the biggest thing with me was when I stopped eating in October. That really tweaked me out. Like a train driving out of control after the tracks buckle out from underneath. Keeping busy as you explained is what helped me to feel normal again. Time flies by since I went back to work on Jan 5. Keeps my mind of the BS.

When I got divorced I attracted a lot of loser chics as well. I undervalued myself and it showed. Remember this...low class women will be attracted to you because they know your weak but they also know your better than them, so it will never work out. Change your hunting grounds and shoot for women you think are out of your league. They really aren't, you just don't know it. Good Luck! You can do it bro..

Interesting point. Each and every LTR I have been in the lady chased me. During those times I had always just pulled myself out of some kind of life struggle. I can see how they could tell I was better than them in a way while at the same time seeing me as vulnerable. I learned that each of them was "low class" though. I think I have a certain shyness to my personality that has contributed to troubled women liking me at first, beause they think I am good looking and vulnerable, but in the end when they feel they have me they fuck around and leave. The mystery of whether or not they can get me is gone because the relationship has progressed to that point and without that mystery they're off to their next drug.

btw. I hate the term 'settling down' It's exactly what it says on the tin "settling" and "down". Nobody ever settles up. It sounds like a feminine term to me. I know more than a few women who have settled down and they aren't happy. He was good enough but not what they really wanted. Is that what you want for your life? Of course not. So ditch that term.

Point taken.

 

[RedPill]

does it mean settling down?

Only if you premise it that way.