Does anyone here go to Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings?

[SteveSDCA]

It's a 12 step program for relationships. Both your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others. I've been going for 4 years. I'm asking if anyone else here has gone. I'm not advertising it.

 

[wifehunter]

why?

I fail to see how a failed society can fix itself.

 

[Reykhel]

All 12 step "programs" are cults.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It's a 12 step program for relationships. Both your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others. I've been going for 4 years. I'm asking if anyone else here has gone. I'm not advertising it.

What have been some tangible benefits?

 

[stovepipe]

I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings. I felt so awkward and out of place I stopped going after the 2nd meeting. It was mostly filled with older men/women that also cried while telling their story. Bunch of depressing beta males telling everyone how their wives/girlfriends walk over them.

If it works for you then so be it, as its not for everyone. There was a hot chick I met at my first meeting who ended up taking me out to lunch. We talked for hours about our relationships/problems. It is a great place to meet vulnerable women.

 

[SteveSDCA]

What have been some tangible benefits?

Not blaming myself for things that were ex's faults and accepting responsibility of what was my fault.

 

[Reykhel]

Not blaming myself for things that were ex's faults and accepting responsibility of what was my fault.

Interesting.

In fact, when I think about it......there's a book called codependent no more by melody bettie or something. I remember a guy I knew
raving about the book (talking about a good 15 years ago)....got it from library and it was really good (apart from mentions of higher powers etc)

I remember something in it saying if you are codependent....you are like a leaf that gets blown in whatever direction depending on how the winds are blowing.....or something like that.

These meetings are on the same idea? What happens at the meetings?

I remember there's a lot to do with the art of detachment too no?

 

[Desdinova]

I went to a couple Al-Anon meetings. I felt so awkward and out of place I stopped going after the 2nd meeting. It was mostly filled with older men/women that also cried while telling their story.

You want some fvcking sad stories? Go to Online Gamers Anonymous and read some of the 5hit there. People (mostly guys) who are so fvcking addicted to online gaming that they abandon their families and neglect themselves, solely because they can't stop playing video games.

 

[R.U.G.]

Is there a meeting for everything these days? Did men forget their balls somewhere? Boy humanity is really heading down the crapper...

 

[Spaz]

12 step cry baby program and once you're done you'll learn to cry more efficiently or get in touch with ur feminine self (wtf?).

If you really need to cry, then do it alone in some dark conner where no one can see you. Once that's all done, man the fvck up and be the fvcking mountain of strength that those close to you depends on.

 

[R.U.G.]

12 step cry baby program and once you're done you'll learn to cry more efficiently or get in touch with ur feminine self (wtf?).

If you really need to cry, then do it alone in some dark conner where no one can see you. Once that's all done, man the fvck up and be the fvcking mountain of strength that those close to you depends on.

It's disgusting. I recall it was even in Fight Club. Shame.

 

[AJ84]

It's disgusting. I recall it was even in Fight Club. Shame.

Wow guys, way to make a new member feel welcome, by ridiculing him for wanting to improve his well-being in a way that works for him.

That's not alienating.

Not everyone wants to or should suck it up. If that works for you that's fine but it's kind of low to sh*t on someone else's strategy for self improvement just because you don't believe in it.

 

[R.U.G.]

Wow guys, way to make a new member feel welcome, by ridiculing him for wanting to improve his well-being in a way that works for him.

That's not alienating.

Not everyone wants to or should suck it up. If that works for you that's fine but it's kind of low to sh*t on someone else's strategy for self improvement just because you don't believe in it.

Truth sometimes hurts sweetie.

 

[Spaz]

Wow guys, way to make a new member feel welcome, by ridiculing him for wanting to improve his well-being in a way that works for him.

That's not alienating.

Not everyone wants to or should suck it up. If that works for you that's fine but it's kind of low to sh*t on someone else's strategy for self improvement just because you don't believe in it.

They r welcome to join the ladies club or one of those getting in touch with their feminine side club.

No one's stopping them from crying their sensitive heart there and getting all the much needed support.

Here, it's strictly for men who can take tough love from their fellow men, if a 19yr old like @ImTheDoubleGreatest! can carry his weight here then I see no reason why others can't.

 

[logicallefty]

I attended some 12 x step AA meetings back when my drinking was out of control. I got nothing out of it. Was just a bunch of people interrupting and talking over each other and trying to out do each other on who had the worst stories. I sobered up by finding strength in myself, none of these people did a damn thing to help it was all me.

 

[AJ84]

I'm coming from a different perspective as someone who works in mental health. I get that this site isn't the kind of site that fosters that kind of support but I guess the topic hits close to home for me.

I see what happens when men who reach out are shamed into suffering in silence and it's not pretty.

Men are less likely to seek help, even if they want to seek it, because of that ingrained attitude. This in turn means less funding for men's mental health (mens groups, men only support systems etc). There's a zillion women's only mental health programs and only a handful for men.

Suicide rates tend to be higher in men, addiction tends to be higher in men. Men are more likely to become socially isolated which is a significant risk factor for depression, addiction, and physical health decline especially in old age.

I'm not saying all men should reach out to get support. Some men prefer to deal with things on their own and nothing wrong with that do what works.

But not all men want to deal with things on their own.

My male colleague who is a former addict/ ex con started a men's only mental health group and is now starting a group for single dads.

This is the kind of stuff that helps bring men up, not beat them down and my colleague looks like an character from SOA lol but an incredible resilient guy who is trying to help other men.

I get that this isn't what would be helpful for you, but that's you, not a gender standard that should apply to all men.

Life isn't a John Wayne movie and men should be able to seek help in a way that works for them, that's all I'm saying

 

[sazc]

GREAT book by Cloud and Townsend called "Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life"

Red pencil on the cover.

After you read it you will realize that, yes, it's okay to be an a$$hole, to NOT cater to people to make them happy, that their temper tantrum is NOT your problem, it's their problem.

 

[R.U.G.]

I'm coming from a different perspective as someone who works in mental health. I get that this site isn't the kind of site that fosters that kind of support but I guess the topic hits close to home for me.

I see what happens when men who reach out are shamed into suffering in silence and it's not pretty.

Men are less likely to seek help, even if they want to seek it, because of that ingrained attitude. This in turn means less funding for men's mental health (mens groups, men only support systems etc). There's a zillion women's only mental health programs and only a handful for men.

Suicide rates tend to be higher in men, addiction tends to be higher in men. Men are more likely to become socially isolated which is a significant risk factor for depression, addiction, and physical health decline especially in old age.

I'm not saying all men should reach out to get support. Some men prefer to deal with things on their own and nothing wrong with that do what works.

But not all men want to deal with things on their own.

My male colleague who is a former addict/ ex con started a men's only mental health group and is now starting a group for single dads.

This is the kind of stuff that helps bring men up, not beat them down and my colleague looks like an character from SOA lol but an incredible resilient guy who is trying to help other men.

I get that this isn't what would be helpful for you, but that's you, not a gender standard that should apply to all men.

Life isn't a John Wayne movie and men should be able to seek help in a way that works for them, that's all I'm saying

Most men are weak nowadays. They need to toughen up a bit. B!tching and moaning to others about their "problems" is very feminine, nor does it scientifically help heal any wounds. Sorry.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

They r welcome to join the ladies club or one of those getting in touch with their feminine side club.

No one's stopping them from crying their sensitive heart there and getting all the much needed support.

Here, it's strictly for men who can take tough love from their fellow men, if a 19yr old like @ImTheDoubleGreatest! can carry his weight here then I see no reason why others can't.

It’s mentality. Life hit me differently than it did most kids, and at a way earlier age. There were no drugs or alcohol to turn to. Feel the pain, and now you have to try everything humanly possible to try and make it stop. What the **** do I have to do? It only happened once everyone in my family got sick of me and my bull**** and just gave up on me and left me to do my own thing. I can’t possibly tell you where I can from, except that most kids who dealt with the same crap I had either started to kill themselves from ages 11-13, went on drugs and destroyed their lives after, or in today’s time become a school shooter type. I had no choice BUT to get stronger/tougher. That’s the key. That is the answer to your problems. Get stronger and tougher.

I'm coming from a different perspective as someone who works in mental health. I get that this site isn't the kind of site that fosters that kind of support but I guess the topic hits close to home for me.

I see what happens when men who reach out are shamed into suffering in silence and it's not pretty.

Men are less likely to seek help, even if they want to seek it, because of that ingrained attitude. This in turn means less funding for men's mental health (mens groups, men only support systems etc). There's a zillion women's only mental health programs and only a handful for men.

Suicide rates tend to be higher in men, addiction tends to be higher in men. Men are more likely to become socially isolated which is a significant risk factor for depression, addiction, and physical health decline especially in old age.

I'm not saying all men should reach out to get support. Some men prefer to deal with things on their own and nothing wrong with that do what works.

But not all men want to deal with things on their own.

My male colleague who is a former addict/ ex con started a men's only mental health group and is now starting a group for single dads.

This is the kind of stuff that helps bring men up, not beat them down and my colleague looks like an character from SOA lol but an incredible resilient guy who is trying to help other men.

I get that this isn't what would be helpful for you, but that's you, not a gender standard that should apply to all men.

Life isn't a John Wayne movie and men should be able to seek help in a way that works for them, that's all I'm saying

It didn’t work for me. I fully understand why men would want to seek out help, and I get why they would want to talk to someone. I was exactly like that. I still catch myself wanting to talk about things sometimes too. But you have to realize that people who’ve been through the absolute worst, so NOT talk about heir stories ever. You always learn about it second hand, from someone else who was close to them, and they always tell you how sad or messed up it was. But if you bring it up to the actual person themselves, they tell it to you without emotion. They just say what happened and that’s it. Read some books on the holocaust. You’ll find that the ones written by the kids or grandkids are super touchy-feely but the ones written by the holocaust survivors themselves are the exact opposite. Here’s one that talked about the crap that went on Sierra Leone in the 60s. It’s called A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier. No emotions, just facts.

I realized that the best way to get over your problems and handle them are to just get stronger and tougher, like how the ingrained rule is. Why? Because a strong and tough person wouldn’t even NEED any ‘help’. He would handle his situation and it would not bother him. There are NO downsides to being stronger and tougher (so long as you know when to soften up in certain occasions). Yes, bottling up emotions isn’t good. But thats different from not letting it affect you. Why is it that some men no longer know how to be stronger or tougher? I can tell you why, as was the case for me: we never had guidance on how to be stronger or tougher. No one ever taught us what it meant to be a man or how to talk to women, how to be masculine. You think strong, tough, masculine men have depression or issues with crying and ‘not knowing what to do’? Ridiculous. I got out of that mindset because I taught myself how to (because I HAD to), and I would have fallen back into weakness had I not found this place.

Weakness is inhibitory. Strength is the way. Teach your friend that. Strong men don’t go to those classes for a shoulder to cry on or to talk about their problems. They would much rather work on a solution TO those problems or do something else productive. Those classes don’t teach men how to be stronger either. It only reaffirms what their ego wants to believe. No. Shatter their reality. Have them completely question everything they know. When you work from the ground up, you can rebuild yourself into anything you want, and you no longer have anything to lose. Those men need to learn how to be stronger and tougher. That is all. Then their problems will seem minuscule in comparison to a bigger problem they’ve had throughout most of their life, which was ‘why in the ****ing hell was I so weak before? There is so much work to do to fix it that I don’t even know where to start’.

I fully empathize with those men. And because of that, I don’t have sympathy for them. Because that is how you learn to fix yourself and harden up. You choose whether or not you want to sink or swim.

If you want to lower suicide rates for men, you don’t put emotional safety nets for men like this because that only cover some up the symptoms. If you want to REALLY stop it, you gotta fix the ducking culture we live in, which is why so many guys here complain about how crappy society is today. You gotta start lobbying or protesting at Hollywood and/or DC en-masse to shift the culture to something else where men would be appreciated more for being men, and to fix the lopsided system we have too.

 

[AJ84]

This is the typical mainstream narrative that people come to places like this to get away from: that men can be fixed, if only we took on more feminine characteristics and shunned our toxic masculinity. It's boring, trite, counterproductive, and defeats the entire object.

But seriously, how bloody arrogant do some of the women here have to be to think that they know better how to be a man in absolutely every facet of existence?

If people want nagging, they'll get married.

How many suicide interventions have you done? How many times did you have to jab someone with Naloxone when you found then unresponsive on the floor? How many times did you take a person to a social program because they spend fours months in their apt with the curtian drawn and a pile of suicide draft notes and a drafted will? How many times did you walk into to someone's home and find them dead?

Will all due respect Dee, you don't do what I do and you don't know what you're talking about. I don't do whatever your job is so I don't profess to know better than you about the facts of your job.

If that's being arrogant then yep I'm f**king arrogant deal with it.