Docs - A Theory? - Past Relationships and Keepsakes - Opinions?

[Docs]

Alright, I'm just going to run this off, and you can just offer your viewpoint. Awesome.
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So, I have this ex-gf. She says she's been over me and all that jazz, but there's a ring and a silver necklace (don't ask, AFC moments *haha*). Anyways, everytime she goes over to her friends house (where the ring is), she always takes it, puts it on, admires it and puts it away again. As for the necklace, she still occasionally wears it.

My theory at the moment is that even though you may be "over" someone, those keepsakes, when you look at them time to time and remember the times, it doesn't necessally mean you aren't over them.

It's kind of like resisting to call them after 2 months, you know you shouldn't, but something inside wants to call her? So, translate this to that keepsake, (both guys and girls are affected BTW) and when you hold it/wear it/etc, the theory running is are you ever truly over someone, and/or will you always have some feelings for them?

I feel that you can be over the less important ones, but for most people, there always is one (or sometimes more) person that you never really fully get over.

Post your opinions, stories and counter-theories!
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Oh, and welcome me back from my slumber.

 

[Docs]

*bump* 12 Views... *looks sadly -_-*

 

[prosemont]

Maybe, maybe not. More likely, it's simply the mind playing tricks on itself. Ever think back to times fondly and sentimentally that really weren't even that good at the time?? I do this with chicks all the time -- can't wait to get rid of them and don't really even like the time I spend with them but then look back wistfully after I get rid of them and think, wow, things were pretty good. Then, I sometimes even make the mistake of getting together with the girl again only to realize that, yep, the time I spend with them does suck and I realize (again) why I got rid of them in the first place. hahah. It's just human nature. Don't put any stock in it. It's like that Sugar Ray song "when it's over, that's the time I fall in love againnnnn....." haha.

Part of it, too, is missing the fact that *someone* really liked you and would do anything for you even if you didn't care that much about that person. It's an emotional feel-good. It doesn't necessarily mean that she's "not over" that person -- she may have never been truly into that person to begin with.

 

[Docs]

I didn't think anyone listened to Sugar Ray, good going!

Yes, but my ex is dating someone, supposedly likes this guy a lot, yet still does the previously mentioned, so it invalidates is missing the fact that *someone* really liked you I think?

I however like this part, but we need more posts to agree
It's an emotional feel-good. It doesn't necessarily mean that she's "not over" that person -- she may have never been truly into that person to begin with.

But also, if she was never into the person, why would she be so...attached? (proper word?) to the items?

 

[JonJack]

Here's a consideration.
Those items probably bring back good memories. Otherwise she wouldn't be so attached to them. However, the memories are most likely just past moments that were nice. The overall feeling about the past relationship could be lousy but the moments could have been really good. Thus, it isn't exactly a question of being over a person but a question of being over a moment. It could've been a romantic dinner. A quirky behaviour or habit. A funny incident. Practically anything could have been so memorable for her to like remembering it. Overall though, she could very well be done with the whole thing. She may be just wishing that her current relationship could have that sort of moment worth remembering.

 

[Docs]

Thus, it isn't exactly a question of being over a person but a question of being over a moment.
I like this too!

She may be just wishing that her current relationship could have that sort of moment worth remembering.
Interesting point, definitely a thinker.

 

[TheCzar]

Well, I guess there's two ways to look at this. I can relate to the moment thing, but I have things of my Dads that I have because they contain instrinsic value that I remember him by -- sometimes 'things' can make memories, moments clearer, and some have sentimental value associated with an attachement. Oddly, I've never kept anything given to me by an ex-girlfriend, I tend to just purge it all as part of the NEXT process.

On the other hand, I think women maybe slightly different then men in this regard. And here's a literal example that has happened twice to me now. Once very recently, but it goes back 20 years. I dated a woman while I was in my first years of college, at the time I was a total AFC, my ego was in bad shape. Anyhow, I wrote this woman a poem in a card that I gave her, and I just gave her attention continually, phone, dates, etc... and found myself out on the lurch...ack...live and learn.

Anyhow, about 4 months ago, I get an e-mail, it's from her wanting to connect and chat. So we've chatted it up a few times, no biggy, but oddly the conversation quickly turned to the poem that she had kept in a box. So we discussed good times, and she got pretty emotional about it all, which totally blew me away, especially after 20 years. I thought the stranger part was knowing someone was actually thinking about me on and off for the last 20 years.

So, my take is that it's somewhere down the middle. People leave relationships all the time, some are significant, some are insiginificant. I think the level of significance is based on the amount of initimacy and good-feelings, and the memories that are kept are entangled in the inability to completely resolve why things didn't work out.

My .02

TC