Do you think my ex had BDP?

[Wasabi_Master]

Hi i wanted to know your opinions based on the symptoms i list if you think she had BPD or something else? I am very curious...

Symptoms / History Facts
Her father left the family to marry someone else, he himself went through 5 marriages.

Her mother is super strict and basically controls many aspects of my ex's life.

She had anorexia which was fixed through therapy.

She cuts herself from time to time (self harm) which i dont think she told the therapist about.

She is addicted to cigarettes and sometimes takes pain killers and or abuses alcohol.

She was kind of easy to get and we had sex early on and for a long time (1 year or so) consistently. Then for the rest of the 2 years after that the sex declined gradually like she had control over it and had it when ever she wanted to.

We broke up / made up about 5 times in the 3 years (a break up would last up to a 15 days the longest).

Her mom did the push-pull on her by breaking contact and being distant and then being nice a week later. She did the same to me but not to that extent.

We had a verbal fight every time she was drunk (EVERY ****ING TIME).

Vacations with her were horrible and i told her i would prefer to go alone.

She was very cold at times (like i killed her dog or something) and warm at others (like i was the center of her universe)

She has mostly guy friends but rarely got calls from them until last year of the relationship where her phone was going off a lot. She put nicknames on the phone numbers so i wouldnt know who it was if i would check. Her EX BF also called.

She rarely put anything into the relationship...not emotionally nor financially but she said she did and alot. ... She bought me a coffee once...

She broke up with me and suddenly (over a drunk fight) and i didnt speak to her since (NC over a month and going).

So guys what do you think? a real basket case or what? BPD or something else?

Its weird that she didnt call me yet ( many BPD do right?)...

 

[horaholic]

If she were BPD, you would be raving about how incredible she is in every other way. She's definitely got some problems, but I dont know if that qualifies as BPD.

Name somethings she did that are so incredibly fvcked up, its hard to believe a human being would stoop so low, and I will give a better opinion. Give some examples of the lies she told, that were so ridiculous, you just had to believe them, cuz they are to fvcked up to fabricate.

Honestly, if she were a hardcore BPD, I dont think there would be any doubt in your mind, after reading the stories on here. I could be wrong though.

 

[KontrollerX]

The self injury is a big indicator of it but not all self injurer's are BPD's.

What would really be telling for us is if you can confirm this question...

Did she have an intense fear of being alone or being abandoned?

A true BPD can't stand being in a home or anywhere by themselves.

This is because they get their personality by leeching off the personalities of others since they cannot form a coherent stable personality for themselves.

So to take bits and pieces of others stabilizes them and makes them feel alive and in control for a little while.

They bring out their abandonment fears in a smooth way in the beginning where you think she's just trying to keep you around because she can't get enough of you and is really into you and in love with you or desirous of you but its really just her disorder wanting you around to provide some mental stability.

 

[boomerick]

There is plenty of info on the internet, just do a BPD search. It's all out there. A big BPD clue is if somehow you think your relationship problems might be caused by stuff you're doing or you seem to have given up most of what previously defined you prior to becoming involved. Check out the internet!!!

 

[boomerick]

Any way you slice it going NC and staying that way is the best thing you can do. Question: When you fought would she act afterward mysteriously as if the fight never happened and seem to expect that everything should be back to normal almost immeadiately?

 

[AAAgent]

u gave no real specific scenarios. could be another symptom. I hear bpd is REALLY hard to diagnose.

My ex used to fight me physically and the fact that i'd laugh at her would make her go even crazier. She used to cut herself/drinks alot. Lied about ALOT of sh!t. we broke up atleast 50 times in the span of a year. She would tell me she hates me and loves me at the same time. She could never be alone and always had to make people like her and accept her even if she had to do it through lies(non hurtful). one time she said she was going to kill herself because i was trying to leave her.

My ex had 9 out of 9 of the stated symptoms but it's actually hard to believe. When u take a step back and look at them from ANY point except the relationship, they do so well blending in that almost nobody would believe you if you told them what the bpd is like and that they had it.

to this day, only my close friends believe me. Even though she never physically hurt me and i always found it amusing when she tried to fight me it did leave bruises that other people saw.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Did she have an intense fear of being alone or being abandoned?

That is the essence of the disorder, I agree.

A lot of the symptoms described are found with bpd. Other ones I would guess are that she is very attractive and fun to be around when you are on her good side, at those times she sees you as the best guy in the world. Then when she gets mad, you suddenly become the worst guy in the world.

Does she have a stable job and career, or just rely on men to buy her stuff? I could almost guarantee that she was with another guy every time you broke up, and is also with one right now. They are probably all different guys.

 

[Wasabi_Master]

Horaholic
She always used to lie to her mom about what she was doing / where she was, she was really good at it. She used to tell me things sometimes i though were lies , but the way she would say it would make me believe her, she even had backups to the things she would say in cause i would double check.
KontrollerX
We used to fight a lot and i would say "Fvck it" and walk out home but she would start crying and on one occation threw glass objects at me, they broke by my feet and she ran barefoot to grab me over the glass shards...ouch.
She would freak out everytime i did that (walk out). I was planning to work over seas before i met her but she drilled it into my head not to... she made me hate the idea of working over seas.
sometimes i was bored with her being around me 24/7 and i tried to get her to pick up a hobby, it never happend. I am into tech stuff so she never could comprehend it.
Boomerick
after we fought, like lets say at 7-8pm, she would keep me up until 3am to talk it over, in the end of which we never get to the bottom of it and she feels good for some reason, then this happens again and again... it sucked because i had work at 8am.
Bible Belt
She has a stable job, she relies on me to buy her fun stuff (food, entertainment, alcohol...), she relies on her mom to buy her clothing. I can guarantee she was probably seeing someone else... that b!tch!!!
it also sucked big time because my ex best friend told me he loved her and went for her... that mother ****er!!!

people close really fvck you over in the end...

 

[horaholic]

Just sounds like a regular crazy chick to me. Seriously, who DOESNT lie to their mom? Thats normal. Fighting a lot. Normal. throwing shyt. Normal.

Let me give you some examples of MY BPD experience

Lied about having two weeks to live over a brain tumor. Not to mention she had a year to live, six years ago on top of that.

Her psycho guy she was cheating on me the broke down my door and pulled a shotgun out of my hands before I could pull the trigger. Swears she never did anything with him, even though several eyewitnesses claim otherwise.

Good friends with Dennis Hof, and has her picture up on the moonlight bunnyranch website, but SWEARS she only did it for modeling money, and isnt really a prostitute. Guy that broke my door down says he met her at the *****house. Her good friends are hookers, and porn stars.

Admitted to shaving her fathers balls because he asked her to, and doesnt think anything is wrong with it.

Gets so drunk she literally cant speak english, and does this at least twice a week. Yet, when she is sober, she is very caring, intelligent, and the epitomy of the American dreamgirl.

Repeatedly drunkdialed me (long after we broke up) so many times, I picked up once and screamed "what the fvck do you want?" It was her fiance (one of her umm.... 'friends') wondering if we were messing around. He didnt seem to happy when I told him I hadnt fvcked her in a month.

This is a SMALL example of the behaviour of a true BPD.

Now... What do you got?

 

[Wasabi_Master]

Holy Sh!t, your stories are ****ing crazy!!!

My crazy ex is no where near your BPD ex but here are some experiences or horrors from my life with her.

Spent the whole morning and early afternoon heaving sex, my ex goes to the bathroom, comes out bleeding from self inflicted wounds, holding sissors.

Was typing up a paper for my final @ her place, she was pissed off that i was not focusing my attention on her, runs into the bathroom comes out bleeding from her arm...

...thats all i can think of for now, i mean for the sh!t that she pulled that tops the list.

 

[AAAgent]

My ex turned my whole family against me at one point. Turned all her friends that i became friends with against me. She would open the car door in the middle of driving over a bridge and threaten to jump out if i didn't stop(she did this many places). She has tried to walk from new jersey to pennsylvania because she was angry. She's admitted to being molested by her father. Told me she was almost raped when she wasn't but fell for a guy that didn't like her that got a bj then bounced. Told me her mom has cancer and a not long to live(mom called me yesterday and seemed fine...mad weird since i haven't talked to my ex in over a year). She says she had cancer but got it removed. cut herself before. Drinks me under five tables. Called me while she was with her new boyfriend telling me she loves me then gets us to fight over her. She's hit me and tried to run me over with her car. She's tried to hit my car with her car. She would call out of work at my club hours before and then show up.

The thing is i liked fighting and though it was all fun and games....it was tiring at times though. Maybe i got issues of my own but she was pretty crazy. i pinned her down once and restrained her from hitting me once i let go her hand slipped and she punched herself in the face. She went and told her brother i did it.

We would fight before every family event/special occassion and half the times we never made it out to them.

but at times she seemed like the perfect girl.

i had two 10 page papers due the same night i didn't start. She wrote one side by side along with me. She got an A i got a B. she paid for my bills, fed me, sheltered me, loved me family and they loved her. She was good in school and encouraged me to work harder as well.

If i didn't know what bpd was i'd believe she was the perfect girl and that we just had problems. My friends used to think i was crazy that i'd put up with that stuff but one of them came to the conclusion that i was a maschoist since i always got in fights outside of my relationship and i seemed to enjoy them.

 

[horaholic]

Holy Sh!t, your stories are ****ing crazy!!!

My crazy ex is no where near your BPD ex but here are some experiences or horrors from my life with her.

Spent the whole morning and early afternoon heaving sex, my ex goes to the bathroom, comes out bleeding from self inflicted wounds, holding sissors.

Was typing up a paper for my final @ her place, she was pissed off that i was not focusing my attention on her, runs into the bathroom comes out bleeding from her arm...

...thats all i can think of for now, i mean for the sh!t that she pulled that tops the list.

I dont know what to tell you about that. Im unfamiliar with 'cutters.' That could be a sign of BPD, but it could be other things as well. Maybe she just knows that cutting herself is a great way to get attention. Its an adult version of a kid holding his breath to get what he wants. Dont get me wrong, she definitely has mental problems. I dont think it really matters whether its BPD or not. She has serious issues, and she's probably unwilling to seek help. The best thing for you to do is this::woo:

 

[Wasabi_Master]

I did run... actually i was AFC dumped so i was limping around until SS showed me the light.
for future reference, dating someone with a strict mother ( where her child has to give up growing up normally to care for her mother) is good or bad?

 

[Ronin47]

Just sounds like a regular crazy chick to me. Seriously, who DOESNT lie to their mom? Thats normal. Fighting a lot. Normal. throwing shyt. Normal.

Let me give you some examples of MY BPD experience

Lied about having two weeks to live over a brain tumor. Not to mention she had a year to live, six years ago on top of that.

Her psycho guy she was cheating on me the broke down my door and pulled a shotgun out of my hands before I could pull the trigger. Swears she never did anything with him, even though several eyewitnesses claim otherwise.

Good friends with Dennis Hof, and has her picture up on the moonlight bunnyranch website, but SWEARS she only did it for modeling money, and isnt really a prostitute. Guy that broke my door down says he met her at the *****house. Her good friends are hookers, and porn stars.

Admitted to shaving her fathers balls because he asked her to, and doesnt think anything is wrong with it.

Gets so drunk she literally cant speak english, and does this at least twice a week. Yet, when she is sober, she is very caring, intelligent, and the epitomy of the American dreamgirl.

Repeatedly drunkdialed me (long after we broke up) so many times, I picked up once and screamed "what the fvck do you want?" It was her fiance (one of her umm.... 'friends') wondering if we were messing around. He didnt seem to happy when I told him I hadnt fvcked her in a month.

This is a SMALL example of the behaviour of a true BPD.

Now... What do you got?

This was one of the funniest posts I have read on this forum lol