Do you think a man has to be quite wealthy to pull off marrying a tradwife?

[BaronOfHair]

The theoretical woman you describe seems unlikely. Most White, Western women are not going to learn Mandarin

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[jhonny9546]

But they aren't at bars very often

You hear this kind of thing way too often.
Then you realize you're 30.
These women were hanging around cliché spots at 9 or 10 years old, just like you described.


And they didn’t go through trauma from other guys or from life in general.


What you're describing is a fairy tale, a rare exception.
I wouldn't call it a "blue pill," but maybe it's a blue-pilled version of a red pill?


That said, I’m glad people like that still exist.
Can you spot any red flags in your daughter-in-law?

Trad wives can be found at churches and strict Christian/Catholic colleges

You say that as if they are very common. Unfortunately they are not. As if I went to a church and could find a window that said "Here we sell traditional women".

Maybe you could find one or two, but hard to find one at 30 years old?

Also:
@Manure Spherian

@RangerMIke

The days when the man was the sole breadwinner, the woman was at home with the kids, are long gone.
Yes, it can be a long period of 1 or 2 years after the baby is born, that can happen.
But I would never consider a "housewife" woman.

A woman needs to have her life in order, a job, a career she respects, her hobbies and pastimes.

 

[CornbreadFed]

The theoretical woman you describe seems unlikely. Most White, Western women are not going to learn Mandarin. A White woman with foreign language skills who traveled to exotic locales was likely fuccked by high tier guys in exotic locales. She's going to have a lot of issues associated with a high body count female.

The tradwife at home will seem good compared a mid-tier, educated woman who traveled internationally and was pumped and dumped by international top tier guys.

there's a great possibility the tradwife has been pumped in dumped by the small town bros & bad boys. Also, what if the small-town girl has an enlightenment mid life crisis period later in life and throws everything out the door?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Define ‘tradwife’ for me?

 

[SW15]

there's a great possibility the tradwife has been pumped in dumped by the small town bros & bad boys.

That would not make her a tradwife then. A tradwife is a woman who has had minimal if not any sexual experience prior to marriage and desires a Biblically oriented marriage where she is more oriented towards raising children and the man leads the relationship financially and in many other matters.

Modern females (not tradwife types) do expect masculinity and male leadership to a point but do see themselves as financial contributors and can see themselves as standalone women. Many modern females were supporting themselves for years after reaching adulthood and prior to a marriage.

what if the small-town girl has an enlightenment mid life crisis period later in life and throws everything out the door?

That's a real consideration and worth a discussion.

 

[jhonny9546]

also let himself go physically..
my respect was eroding as he abdicated and avoided his role as a man in our marriage

The first line is perfectly understandable.
What about telling us more about the second one?

 

[CornbreadFed]

That would not make her a tradwife then. A tradwife is a woman who has had minimal if not any sexual experience prior to marriage and desires a Biblically oriented marriage where she is more oriented towards raising children and the man leads the relationship financially and in many other matters.

Modern females (not tradwife types) do expect masculinity and male leadership to a point but do see themselves as financial contributors and can see themselves as standalone women. Many modern females were supporting themselves for years after reaching adulthood and prior to a marriage.

How do you know they are not lying to you? Like I stated in the other topic, women act like cats and do everything hidden in plain sight. If a Trad wife is getting plowed in some Camaro behind a Sonic by Brad then she is not going to tell anyone about it most likely.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Define ‘tradwife’ for me?

A near-fantasy, that was mostly non-existent outside of 1950s sitcoms. Same way Christian Grey doesn't really exist anywhere outside a sh-tty potboiler and it's cinematic adaptations

 

[Divorced w 3]

A near-fantasy, that was mostly non-existent outside of 1950s sitcoms. Same way Christian Grey doesn't really exist anywhere outside a sh-tty potboiler and it's cinematic adaptations

Is a woman that cooks, cleans, takes care of children, good socially which includes total public deference/respect/visible affection, and constantly open for sex/deliver nearly daily blow jobs…. A tradwife?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Is a woman that cooks, cleans, takes care of children, good socially which includes total public deference/respect/visible affection, and constantly open for sex/deliver nearly daily blow jobs…. A tradwife?

Dunno, but I'd definitely label such a broad near-ideal

 

[CornbreadFed]

Is a woman that cooks, cleans, takes care of children, good socially which includes total public deference/respect/visible affection, and constantly open for sex/deliver nearly daily blow jobs…. A tradwife?

It's a double-edged sword. You can have the perfect virgin Trad wife, but you run the risk of her having a mid-life crisis later on and burning the house or you just take a woman that displays these qualities, but her past/views might not portray the perfect Trad wife. In a western country, good luck finding this woman and one that commits for a lifetime. You can go to a poorer country, but there's also great risk there too.

 

[BaronOfHair]

In a western country, good luck finding this woman and one that commits for a lifetime

Even outside of western nations, "trad women"(at least in the way that meme exists today) are something one largely encounters among peasants in rural areas. The further one goes up the socioecomic ladder, the more sophisticated EVERYONE(women included)becomes

Such a union is fine, IF a man wants to himself remain at the bottom of the totem pole, or close to it. Once we REALLY move up in the world though(I'm talking beyond middle management), our 8th grade dream girl(who now serves as a hostess at IHOP. And is content to stay there)is almost always a poor fit for the mileu we now inhabit

 

[BeExcellent]

Do your son and DIL intend to live in a rural/rural-esque area, or a major metropolitan corner of the globe? If the latter, once he starts to move up the socioeconomic ladder, he's going to find himself inhabiting a very different mileu than the one he did when his marriage began. The small town gal with strong Catholic values he married when himself barely out of his teens... Will she be compatible with where he's at a decade later? I'm not even talking about sex here: I'm talking about culturally. He's going to be surrounded by women who are Barnard grads fluent in Mandarin, who spent their gap year traipsing around Bali, and it'll be almost impossible for the standard Trad Wife to not seem like a complete yokel by comparison

Not out to be a killjoy. It just seems like we often don't read the fine print in some of these situations we get ourselves into

You are making things silly here. He is a military officer. Therefore he will go where his orders say he goes. She will go with him. My first husband's father was a career military officer who also married a virgin and they were together til death. Same with both his great uncles. So in the family are the men he has aspired to be like since childhood, examples of how to conduct a successful life & family that way.

My son dated other girls before he started dating his wife. He is handsome & popular. He was loyal to his now wife through all the temptations of young coeds through a 4 year college experience, I seriously believe he will be fine. She is a trad wife, dresses modestly (he prefers this) and is not a country bumpkin. Her mother had taken her to LA to explore modeling contracts (more mom trying to live vicariously through my DIL), but really my DIL was not interested. She's also only 5'2" and not tall enough for fashion modeling and found the whole endeavor somewhat fake.

Her family is quite insular and run by a domineering matriarch grandmother who rules her husband and essentially most of her family. She started off as my middle daughter's best friend before she and my son started dating. We know this girl well, and we are familiar with her family dynamics. She has had a therapist to deal with family BS for a couple years, and there remains some conflict with the mom....but she is a good girl and well matched for my son.

I myself had a mother who was a narcissist and completely unreasonable. I turned out ok in spite of that; she appears to be doing fine. She and I have a great relationship and she also knew and deeply respected my son's grandmother (the virgin happily married to a career military officer)....and they each aspire to that example.

They have been together more than 5 years and I truly think they are well positioned to make it. The military community tends still to be very supportive of family and family values. So that will further reinforce their values; as will their faith.

 

[BeExcellent]

The first line is perfectly understandable.
What about telling us more about the second one?

Go read How To Spot a Unicorn. My story is there. Do not derail this thread.

 

[BaronOfHair]

You are making things silly here. He is a military officer. Therefore he will go where his orders say he goes. She will go with him. My first husband's father was a career military officer who also married a virgin and they were together til death. Same with both his great uncles. So in the family are the men he has aspired to be like since childhood, examples of how to conduct a successful life & family that way.

My son dated other girls before he started dating his wife. He is handsome & popular. He was loyal to his now wife through all the temptations of young coeds through a 4 year college experience, I seriously believe he will be fine. She is a trad wife, dresses modestly (he prefers this) and is not a country bumpkin. Her mother had taken her to LA to explore modeling contracts (more mom trying to live vicariously through my DIL), but really my DIL was not interested. She's also only 5'2" and not tall enough for fashion modeling and found the whole endeavor somewhat fake.

Her family is quite insular and run by a domineering matriarch grandmother who rules her husband and essentially most of her family. She started off as my middle daughter's best friend before she and my son started dating. We know this girl well, and we are familiar with her family dynamics. She has had a therapist to deal with family BS for a couple years, and there remains some conflict with the mom....but she is a good girl and well matched for my son.

I myself had a mother who was a narcissist and completely unreasonable. I turned out ok in spite of that; she appears to be doing fine. She and I have a great relationship and she also knew and deeply respected my son's grandmother (the virgin happily married to a career military officer)....and they each aspire to that example.

They have been together more than 5 years and I truly think they are well positioned to make it. The military community tends still to be very supportive of family and family values. So that will further reinforce their values; as will their faith.

I wasn't aware that he's planning to remain in the military for life. If that's the case, I can kinda sorta see this sort of union being viable for the small sliver of our society who goes this route... I.E. Everything one imagines, when we hear the words: "Military officer and his immediate family"

 

[CornbreadFed]

I wasn't aware that he's planning to remain in the military for life. If that's the case, I can kinda sorta see this sort of union being viable for the small sliver of our society who goes this route... I.E. Everything one imagines, when we hear the words: "Military officer and his immediate family"

The military tends to have a high divorce rate. I could imagine that bored housewife in Fort Polk, Louisiana losing her mind later down the road.

 

[BaronOfHair]

The military tends to have a high divorce rate

I'm aware of that, and it's also true that the armed forces are perhaps one of the only organizational culture's left in The US that takes the notion of "being an organization of values" semi-seriously. Ergo, it's not hard to envision folks who married at 18(before the husband was even a lieutenant)receiving peer pressure to stay together when that dude's a captain, and one or both of them is being pestered by the proverbial 7 year itch

This isn't remotely true at all in most of corporate America, where the rule of thumb is: "If thy current spouse ain't a hit the first time you bring her along to The Hamptons, cut her out of your life, and replace her with some Ivanka Trump clone who is"

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'm aware of that, and it's also true that the armed forces are perhaps one of the only organizational culture's left in The US that takes the notion of "being an organization of values" semi-seriously. Ergo, it's not hard to envision folks who married at 18(before the husband was even a lieutenant)receiving peer pressure to stay together when that dude's a captain, and one or both of them is being pestered by the proverbial 7 year itch

This isn't remotely true at all in most of corporate America, where the rule of thumb is: "If thy current spouse ain't a hit the first time you bring her along to The Hamptons, cut her out of your life, and replace her with some Ivanka Trump clone who is"

US Army - Emma, The Calling #GOARMY (2021)

You sure?

 

[BaronOfHair]

US Army - Emma, The Calling #GOARMY (2021)

You sure?

Matter of degree... The Armed Forces are perhaps the only sector of US society where the concept of honor at least receives lip service on a regular basis. That's the exact opposite of what one finds in corporate America or even academia, where night classes in back stabbing are pretty much mandatory


Goes without saying, this mode of operation is frequently carried outside of the office and into the domestic sphere, INCLUDING marriage

 

[BeExcellent]

Matter of degree... The Armed Forces are perhaps the only sector of UA society where the concept of honor at least receives lip service on a regular basis. That's the exact opposite of what one finds in corporate America or even academia, where night classes in back stabbing are pretty much mandatory


Goes without saying, this mode of operation is frequently carried outside of the office and into the domestic sphere, INCLUDING marriage

Correct. In my family and in the way my son was raised the concepts of character and honor are taken seriously with living examples he knows embodying these values. So it is not some abstraction.

Notice that my son did not aspire to be like his father and I in his marriage; rather he emulates his paternal grandparents with a healthy dose of my father and the great uncles thrown in. This is intentional and I am 100% behind his attitudes & beliefs.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I am not a trad wife. I was raised to get an education and be self sufficient, which I have done. My son counsels with me about business and success mindset and many things but he emulates his grandparents in his marriage. I deeply respect that. They are having a daughter and will name her after his paternal grandmother out of their respect for her. They are also planning, during his FMLA to take the baby to meet his great aunt (grandmother's sister) who is in her mid 80s. His grandmother died 6 months before he was married, and taking the baby to visit his great aunt is important to him.

They are a throwback couple to be sure. For all our flaws and screw ups his father and I managed to get some things right.