Do you Pay for First Dates?

[RSDCharlie]

Maybe it depends on where the woman's mindset is at. If she just wants sex, maybe netflix and chill is more appealing than a formal date. Whether it's coffee or drinks or dinner. If she's looking for a relationship, then maybe the latter is more appealing.

Why does she get to decide what shes looking for? And why do you even care what she thinks? Your principles should remain the same, irrespective of what she wants. If its coffee on the 1st date, then that rule applies to everyone. If shes looking for a dinner and relationship, let her prove that she's worth it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

then don’t go to Perry’s Steakhouse for a first date. Do coffee date or go to a bar. If spending 20-40 bucks is such a big deal then you need to work on your money dude. Her make up and shvt is like 100, so don’t complain. When you have properly vouched this girl, then you can go to Perry’s Steakhouse.

You are obviously not reading the posts you are responding to. Money is not the problem.

 

[RSDCharlie]

Who says I do? If a chick is DTF, and is good with meeting at her place, why even bother with a formal date? Maybe the chick that is DTF would be turned off at the prospect of a formal date, when she just wanted some quick djck.

That's a different concept then. If she's DTF without the date, obviously go for it. But if a girl is only DTF after a really expensive dinner, then honestly not worth it.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Amen brother! Re bolded, while I admit that women are often taught to not worry about HIS interest in us but rather worry about if WE are interested in him, the fact is women DO worry about a man's interest. About capturing his attention (and heart) and whether or not he likes us enough to ask for a second date.

Anyway, I really like the attitude quoted above. That frame is such a turn on. It has nothing to do with money, or wanting to be catered to or some sort of female entitlement.

Simply put it conveys leadership, confidence and purpose, and those qualities in a man are very appealing to a woman.

Gold digger spotted

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

You are obviously not reading the posts you are responding to. Money is not the problem.

Then why are you complaining about 20 bucks? Is ten dollars that big of a deal?

 

[Dash Riprock]

Any guy who asks a woman out and then expects her to pay 100% or even 50% is a boy. The subtext and tacit message it sends is" "I'm broke, I'm not assertive or a leader, I have no clue regarding masculinity or a man's role in a relationship, I have no clue of the man-woman dating dynamic."

Look, men and women are still operating under caveman-cavewoman DNA. Evolution is a long process. This means women at their core still want strong, well-bred, assertive men as they have the best chance for survival and dominance when competing for resources. Yes, times have changed since the days of the sabre-toothed tiger, but not really. Rather than competing for red meat and food, we now compete for market share and $ and strong genetics (looks and body) are still big drawing cards for women. So by asking a woman to pay, you're immediately positioning yourself as the weakest member of the tribe.

You can argue with SS members but you can't argue with biology. I mean, you can, but you'll lose 100% of the time.

I get that the whole I'm having a women pay for a first date is a very Gen Z and in some respects Gen Y "thing" but then when you look at 80-90% of those guys, you can see why it's commonplace as they appear and act very feminine to me. Just saying.

 

[Velasco]

If he accepted the offer, how would that have made you feel? Honestly...

it wouldn't have mattered

 

[Bokanovsky]

Strawman, lol. I don't need a man's money, and you're just gonna have to trust me on that!!!

It's not about money, it's about power, I get it. Women love being "courted", "taken out on dates", and otherwise being put on a pedestal.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Look, men and women are still operating under caveman-cavewoman DNA. Evolution is a long process. This means women at their core still want strong, well-bred, assertive men as they have the best chance for survival and dominance when competing for resources.

I'm sorry but this is not a very good analogy. Modern day courtship customs evolved in the 20th century and have nothing to do with "caveman-cavewoman DNA". Your caveman ancestors' reproduction stretegies would be classified as sexual assault in contemporary society. That's what being strong and "assertive" meant in those days.

You should research where the concept of taking women on dates came from. It's only about 100 years old. From the dawn of civilization until the 20th century, people mostly met through arrangements made by their parents. Dating is a very modern concept and is essentially a side effect of urbanization and the breakdown of traditional small communities. "Dating" is just as unnatural to humans as living in megacities.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Speaking for only myself of course, I actually DO NOT want to be put on a pedestal. Why? Because the only place to go from there is DOWN. Or backwards. It also reflects a fantasy mindset on his part, we just met and I have not yet earned being on the pedestal (nor has HE), so I don't trust it.

100% truth. For me.

What women say they want and what they actually want are two completely different things. 100% truth. For all of you.

 

[Velasco]

From the dawn of civilization until the 20th century, people mostly met through arrangements made by their parents.

 

[Velasco]

solution as I've noticed is to a lot of problems, is to make more money. if you have money, then you don't worry about who pays or if she insists. Ego thing not allowing her to pay if she wants to pay. showing her you are not comfortable with your own masculinity. or you following these fake alpha male rules.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Strawman, lol. I don't need a man's money, and you're just gonna have to trust me on that!!!

I just wanted to bring some redditt energy to this forum. Nothing personal

 

[Stuffnu]

First off, a coffee date is a horrible Idea, How do you escalate an opportunity in a Starbucks? No first date deserves a dinner! The one thing I’ve noticed in this forum is dating is starting to be considered a chore - not a fun activity (good or bad).

If you mutually don’t drink, then find something fun to do. Mini-putt is inexpensive and you can do a little side bet (wink wink).

If you drink and she doesn’t. Be warned - you‘re not compatible. Ideally get them in a venue where a refreshment can be enjoyed. It will dissolve those nervous butterflies for both parties. Pay the first round - perhaps two in cash or debit. If the vibe is going good, tell her to grab the next round or order some munchies. Lead and Don’t ask!!! Her response will give you all the feedback you need. She’ll be running to the bar or server if she’s interested in you. if not - you’ll get some BS excuse. It’s getting late, I didn’t bring my purse, blah blah.
if you’re budget conscious, vet better, lower the number of dates. or to be frank get a better paying job.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Thanks for being honest. I figured you would say this. You are now the second female on this site to admit to offering to pay, but if the man accepts, it would bother you. Which proves it is a shjt test @SargeMaximus

No it doesn’t because I am still having regular sex with my fwb who pays for stuff all the time

The test is a beta/provider test. More than likely if a woman is looking for a provider she will be more attracted when he offers to pay despite her offering to pay. And vice versa

 

[SargeMaximus]

they are never going to get it. You are pissing against the wind.

True. I try but you’re right.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Classic example of seeing what you want to see and forcing the evidence to fit your internal narrative. I’m out, GLTA

 

[SargeMaximus]

Then how do you explain this behavior? A beta/provider test is still a shjt test.

No it isn’t. It’s a test to see if you’re a beta provider. If the woman is looking for a beta provider (some are depending on what stage they are at in their life, doesn’t have anything to do with age but usually it’s linked. Doesn’t have to be. Read Rollo Tomasi for the general trajectory) anyhow if she’s looking for a provider and you show her you are one, she will become attracted. If she is not looking for one then she will lose attraction. Same test but it depends on the girl what result you’ll get.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Okay that's fair. Same with men dumping women for not offering to pay (as per the OP). Goes both ways, however this is a men's site so y'all continue patting each other on the back and I will politely leave.

That’s not a sh!t test though. It’s more like oh, she seems selfish and entitled, I’m not interested. A sh!t test would be a man grabbing the bill as soon as it arrives and then dumping the woman unless she wrestles it back from him. I doubt you would ever see a man doing that.

 

[KirthWGersen]

More like to alot of us $10 to $20 isnt even worth the mental energy of thinking about it. I would only demand the girl pays if she is either rude or obviously not into me and we ran up a big drinks tab.

A coffee date is lame asf anyways. If im going out its going to be to have drinks and have fun.

You guys are seriously emitting some strong poverty energy in here. Most of my first dates always end in lays probably because i dont emit poor person energy like you guys lmao.

It is not about the money, which is irrelevant. It is about setting the right tone: valuing yourself, expecting reciprocity, not pandering, not putting women on a pedestal. I set the rules for my interactions, not wider society or entitled women.