Do you like making girls feel special?

[Badmannaz]

Do you like making girls feel special?

NO..............I like having sex.....

 

[zekko]

However, where many people, myself included, go wrong, or in my case have gone wrong, is confusing making a girl feel special with just being overly "nice."

When I think about guys who make girls feel special, I think of that as just a style of game. I'm sure we all know some guy who is good with women who has a romantic style, flatters them and shows his desire for them (you might call this being sexual). But he does this from a position of strength. He has options and is not afraid of showing a woman he wants and appreciates her.

My two best relationships lasted ten years (my ex wife) and my current LTR (eight years and counting). I got both before ever coming here and hearing that I was supposed to act like an ass. They fell for me anyway. But I didn't act like a wussy either.

Most of the principles this forum is based on are pretty good. But I think you should treat them as such, principles, and not as hard and fast rules. It's just like art and music. You learn the fundamentals, and then you see the great artists that were successful by breaking the rules and expanding the boundaries.

 

[Nemic]

The Sandbox of social interactions has no real limits beyond your imagination. But in order to help teach the basic rules of the sandbox, this site and others have created some "rules" just to help learn how to interact with our sandbox. these rules serve no purpose but to help establish a context of what to work with. Once you understand the concepts via context, you can do away with the rules and just apply the concepts behind them.

I *WANT* to make a girl feel special, but my problem in the past was the never ending cycle of trying to one up my previous attempts. I did get Lucky one time where one WAY over the top first date landed me a pretty down to earth GF for a long time, but I think that was the exception more then the norm.

Every person is different in how they think and behave. We can see some patterns in people and their reactions, and guide them in a direction we want, but its still based off of experiences we learn how to do this. Experience is the greatest teacher, but I still think wisdom can help speed up the process by skipping some painful experiences. This wisdom IMO is gained from following the basic "rules" until we understand enough to know how to know when to ignore the rules.

Least thats how I see things like this site.

 

[zekko]

Every person is different in how they think and behave.

Very true. For instance, it does no good to tell me to be indifferent. This advice may be profound to someone else, but it does me no good whatsoever. I am indifferent by default. I will ignore girls all day long because I don't care. I could not be MORE indifferent. I don't need them to be happy. What I need to hear is to get up in their face and flirt.

That's the value of bootcamps to some people I guess, although I would never take one. Instructors can tailor their advice to your actual behavior.

Experience is the greatest teacher, but I still think wisdom can help speed up the process by skipping some painful experiences.

I agree that is the real value of this site.

 

[n00bPimp]

Very true. For instance, it does no good to tell me to be indifferent. This advice may be profound to someone else, but it does me no good whatsoever. I am indifferent by default. I will ignore girls all day long because I don't care. I could not be MORE indifferent. I don't need them to be happy. What I need to hear is to get up in their face and flirt.

That's the value of bootcamps to some people I guess, although I would never take one. Instructors can tailor their advice to your actual behavior.


I agree that is the real value of this site.

Being indifferent, when speaking about pick-up, is being unreactive to sh-t tests. But being indifferent in other circumstances, specially when you have no value to her, means nothing.

Its like a marketer telling you his product will be gone soon but you didnt want his product anyways so it makes no difference to you. It only works when you want it, ie. when its of value to you

 

[n00bPimp]

My natural AFC self loves it. Unfortunately, too many girls these days want their insecurities exploited.

Thats not true at all.
Look, as a dj you're basically a salesman, you're selling yourself to these girls.
There are two ways to make a lot of sales. Most pickup literature teaches you the sneaky way to sell yourself. But, theres also the natural proactive way of selling yourself which brings even mor results effortlessly.

As a salesman using sneaky tactics, you're exploiting the shopper's vulnerabilities by telling them what their values are, how much they need your product, showing a level of scarcity of the product, among other things that persuade them to buy. Doing this, you're taking value from the customer because you always end up winning and they always end up losing on the deal (otherwise there wouldnt be a need to persuade)

A salesman that gives value doesnt need to persuade, their product already brings value into people's lives. So in effect they are not salesmen, they just carry around a product that sells itself. They win because they get what they want (substinance) and the consumer does so too (valuable product). There's no convincing and no exploiting of vulnerabilities needed.

So my point is that if you treat everyone as the unique beings that they are, you will not need to convince them into liking you or sleeping with you, because you already bring value into their lifes, and this will attract them to you.

I'm not at all telling you to be nice guys. No, I'm telling you to stop listening to your ego, that little voice that feeds on others' feedback. That voice that analyses every thing she's doing or not doing and makes you act according to that. When you shut this little voice off, you will notice that not everybody is out to get you, and that it feels great to make others feel special, even if their egos are too big to act the same way to you.

>> The best thing that happens when you shut this voice off is that you start taking the correct action, like a bird that flies without knowing where it goes, yet it gets where its supposed to get without ever getting lost. This is an attractive quality, why, because it communicates complete trust in yourself. <<

 

[Nexxus]

N00bpimp is a smart guy. Any guy who thinks that being an ******* or following some contrived rules of the PU community needs to take another look at themselves. The only girls who like PUA's and jerks are ones that I would never go for personally since they're usually insecure sluts.

This forum is retarded and I can't believe that I used to come here back in the day. I feel like I've learnt so much more and become such a better person since leaving. The only thing this forum really helped me with was getting my own life and not being such a *****.

Girls want a guy to make them feel special, they don't want wusses, but a nice and confident guy is definitely a dream come true for most girls out there. The ''girls like bad boys'' thing is such an urban myth.

Anyway, I'm gonna go get me this hottie who loves me right now.
Peace out internet losers.

 

[zekko]

Being indifferent, when speaking about pick-up, is being unreactive to sh-t tests.

And being unattached to outcome, I know. And give her space to make her miss you, that sort of thing. I have no problem with this.

But being indifferent in other circumstances, specially when you have no value to her, means nothing

Ah! There's the crux. How do you get a woman to realize you have value to her? THAT seems to be what people come here to learn. But aside from, kino, pretty much all they get here is "Step away from her, step away. Distance yourself".

You have "indifference makes all the difference" as a sig. Obviously this was some sort of revelation to you. But the last thing I need to hear is to be indifferent, because I have that down cold. What I need is to be warmer. More pull, less push.

 

[badboyjmm]

Here's my problem with this whole "feel good within yourself, you don't need anyone else's approval, love yourself and that's all you need" philosophy.
This is just my personal struggle:

When I get too deeply into this frame of mind, I take it too literally. I will tend to not seek out interactions, because hey I'm happy within myself, I don't need anybody else. I don't need to talk to that hot chick to feel good about myself. Because the truth is I don't. I'll just get wrapped up in whatever current project or interest I have and forget about her.

So if you don't need to take anything from the girl, if you really don't need the girl, where's the motivation to talk to her?

I understand the concept that you want to give value instead of take it, but I think the truth is that when you interact with people (inclluding girls), you are actually giving AND receiving value. That sounds healthy to me.
The whole "give value only" idea sounds a bit half thought out.
It's not like you only talk to people as if it were a charitable act on your part.

This is so true !!! I was out at a bar with a bunch of friends on Tuesday night. I was feeling SO good that I didn't wanna go talk to people to ruin my night. +1 !!

 

[john_trenor]

I always say, “NEVER chase after women.” Especially when first chatting up a beautiful girl at a bar, party or dance club, you want to keep the question of whether you like her or not open ended.

Think about it… she, being a good looking woman, gets hit on all the time. She’s probably already brushed off three or four guys before you got to her. At this point, her ego has grown huge, and you don’t want to be yet another guy that only feeds her self-esteem. More importantly, you don’t want to be boring – you want to differentiate yourself from the chumps that already approached her that night – by turning the tables on her. You want her to feel like she needs to chase after you.

 

[PapiChulo]

This is so true !!! I was out at a bar with a bunch of friends on Tuesday night. I was feeling SO good that I didn't wanna go talk to people to ruin my night. +1 !!

I have that as well. I end up giving value so to others until it runs out and I am drained.
The problem here is that I want others to give me value, I have not really had that happen too often.

Apart from physical closeness and pusssy, I dont feel like I even need women at all.

 

[Jeffst1980]

The OP is correct.

The whole point of a NEG is to buy yourself some time- if you're a guy that would've normally been filtered out due to some disqualifier. The idea that you can meet an HB and insult her all night to build attraction is hyperbole at best; attraction is built by alternating between pursuing her and pushing her away. Thing is, that's just ATTRACTION; it won't seal the deal for you.

Most of your interaction will be spend in comfort, i.e. getting her comfortable with your touch, building rapport, vibing, etc. - and for this, you absolutely MUST make her feel special. This is how you qualify girls. If you don't qualify her, she will think that you are not really into her and be labeled as just another desperate, horny bastard.

Want to maintain her attraction? Notice things about her. Do cold readings about her personality. Imagine what she was like in high school. Be interested in what makes her tick--everyone loves to talk about themselves, and the more genuine interest you show in her, the more comfortable she will become. Attraction plus comfort equals seduction.

This goes for number closes, too--don't say, "maybe we'll hang out sometime"-- say, "you are just too adorable- I have a feeling you're going to be trouble, but I'm taking you out on Wednesday blah blah blah." That's a close that is loaded with value. In addition to signaling your intent (whih protects you from friendzone), it also demonstrates that you are assertive, while making her feel feminine and sexy (girls love to be told they are "trouble!").

 

[zekko]

This is so true !!! I was out at a bar with a bunch of friends on Tuesday night. I was feeling SO good that I didn't wanna go talk to people to ruin my night

I'm thankful that there are some people here who understand what I'm saying. There are a lot of personality types and it seems like most of the advice here is "one size fits all", which isn't exactly accurate.

Most of your interaction will be spend in comfort, i.e. getting her comfortable with your touch, building rapport, vibing, etc. - and for this, you absolutely MUST make her feel special. This is how you qualify girls. If you don't qualify her, she will think that you are not really into her and be labeled as just another desperate, horny bastard.

See, now this makes sense. It seems like a lot of posters here read the first few pages of Mystery Method and then stopped.

I've read this same basic story from multiple pickup gurus:
There was a hot girl in the club, all the guys were hitting on her.
The PUA walks up and negs her and she instantly melts and follows him home.
Sounds like BS to me.